How Green Becomes Wood

"Isn't happiness all about avoiding pain?" Milo asked, looking sideways about Xander, "How do you go about settling in permanently when you know it's just going to hurt more when it's over? I'm living on top of a Jack-in-the-Box. Or that game that's on a timer where you have to put all the weirdly shaped pieces into a hole, and if you don't do it quickly enough, the board shoots them all back out. How do you enjoy today when all you hear is that stupid song about the weasel?"
 
"That's what I thought - the avoiding pain bit, not the weasel - but, nah, that's not it at all," Xander said, shaking his head. "A lot of life is pain, yeah, and a lot of it's unfair, but a lot of it is beauty and happiness, too. It's like... the roses in Mama's flower garden. Thorns and sweet smell and a pretty thing to look at all in one. I'm learning that it's more about what you focus on. There's still a lot of sh** that happens. No avoiding that, not glamourizing it or making it pretty. It happens. But when all you look at is the pain and what comes next, you miss out on all the good things happening right in front of you. Life's about one day at a time, dealing with the bad and taking advantage of the good."
 
"I don't want to be this way," Milo admitted, hesitantly, "But I don't have the manual, I don't know the steps to take. I want to just wake up and be different but I'm too self-aware to delude myself into thinking that's a possibility. I know that's now how it works, but I don't know how to do it. It's like--I feel too many things to feel anything, you know? I annoy myself."
 
Xander heaved a sigh. "I get you," he said quietly. "I'd give anything to wake up and be a different person. But it doesn't work like that." He stared out at the city. "You don't annoy me. Except when you insist that you're an annoying person or don't think I'm for real, but other than that, you're cooler than you give yourself credit for. If no one else is going to give you credit, you should at least give it to yourself."
 
"Thanks." Milo replied, "You don't annoy me, either. I'm just tired and frustrated, I guess. You ran away from home and now live in a gothic manor so I know you understand, but. It's really hard when you spend so much time preparing for one thing, and then suddenly you're having to deal with something else altogether. I wish I could skip ahead."
 
Xander nodded soberly. "Almost ran away from the gothic manor when I found out about the mini. We'd just started getting settled, and we thought that... well, you know. Interloping teens versus bio baby that's been wished for and wanted for years. It's not the same thing by half, but there's that." He glanced at Milo. "I'm... sorry. That things didn't go the way you were hoping, but... I'm kind of, you know..." He fiddled with the bottle in his hands. "Glad that you're around. For what it's worth. I'll be glad when you get to go, but sad. So, for now, it's good to sit and count cars." He dug out another package of Twizzlers and used one to point to a car in the distance. "That's a corvette, and I don't think the person driving it can handle it."
 
"What made you decide to stay?" Milo asked quietly, shifting so he was cross-legged rather than holding his knees to his chest. There was a lot more he might have wanted to say to Xander, but instead he just said, "I'm glad that if I have to stay, I have a friend here." Then he followed the twizzler to the car, "How can you tell from so far away? I don't know anything about cars."
 
Xander shrugged, watching the car. "Our new parents worked hard to prove we were wrong. Didn't make it easy on them, but I eventually figured out they were for real." He waved the red treat. "He - or she, but most girls are too practical for corvettes or at least figure out how to drive them first - is reving the engine and keeps doing tiny swerves like they aren't used to the tightness of the wheel."
 
"I wonder what it was like for them when they realized your mom was pregnant. I can't imagine they didn't know how tough it was going to be." Milo commented, turning his head slightly to the side was he watched the road, "No, I meant... How did you know it was a corvette from this far away? I wouldn't know it until I was right there. I didn't even know cars drive differently from each other."
 
Xander started to tell Milo that they'd had others that didn't live, but he caught himself. He didn't think it was his place to say. Daizi was pretty open about it, but that didn't mean he got a pass to blabbing to his friends. So, he focused on the car. "Oh. It's the shape. Corvettes are really fancy, sporty, expensive cars that are incredibly impractical in a city, so they kind of stick out. They are really low-set and just short bodied cars, and if you look at the hood, the headlights kind of stick up along the length of the hood, and then the hood bit sits down low. Then from the windshield back to what's supposed to be a trunk is a wedge shape. There's a few other cars that look similar, so I might be wrong, but a corvette's my guess."
 
"I don't even know what kind of car my grandparents drive. I know my granddad's is grey and my grandma's is white, and my grandma has a duck on the antenna. That's about the extent of it. Sometimes my granddad will point out a car and say how beautiful it is, he'll talk about the lines and stuff, but to me it just looks like a car." Milo replied, trying to pick out the features Xander told him about. "You've got pretty good eyes. It must be awesome to not need glasses."
 
"I know a few cars, like the extra fancy ones. Most of the rest are just cars, like you said. I keep forgetting what kind of car this van is," Xander admitted, patting the top of the van. "I don't know if I have great eyes. Just average, I think. At least, they're not bad enough to catch anyone's attention because I've never had an actual official eye exam. If I did have them, they'd have been broken so many times by now." He snapped his fingers. "Forgot, I had something for you." He turned and dug something out of one of the smaller pockets of his backpack. There were three puzzles. One was made of thin pieces of metal, one was plastic, and one was wood. He held them out to Milo. "I solved them too many times. The wood one's my favorite for how it feels. I thought maybe you might like them."
 
"If I took off my glasses and if I looked at you from the middle row of seats, and you were in the front seat, your face would be blurry to me. I can't even type at the computer without my glasses. With how much my mom moved us around, you'd think I'd have had worn an old prescription, but she'd try hard to get jobs with health insurance, when we could, even if it was bad insurance, so I could still go to the eye doctor. We couldn't always make it once a year, but every other year we could." Milo said, taking off his current pair and turning them over in his hands for a few moments before putting them back on and taking the puzzles from Xander. He thanked him, but then said, "Some day you gotta stop giving me stuff. I can't afford to give you anything back."
 
"Cool," Xander said, looking at Milo's glasses. "Maybe someday I should get checked, but I'd probably know by now if I needed them. Just don't ever give Alec the idea that he can wear them for fashion. And don't worry about it. I don't need anything back, especially not with these. They're too easy for me now, so what am I going to do? Chuck 'em? Figured I'd see if you'd like them, first."
 
"Cool," Milo replied, sliding the pieces over a few times before putting them in his pocket. If he tried to solve them now, he'd be there all night not saying a word to another soul. "Thank you. You should get your eyes checked, even if you don't need glasses. It's good to assess if there's something wrong that somewhere inside your eye that will hurt you later."
 
"Fair point," Xander agreed. He leaned back and watched the cars zoom along below them. He didn't say anything, letting the evening silence linger. He'd said what he needed to say, and now he wanted to try to give Milo a little peace. If Milo wanted to talk, he'd listen. If he didn't want to, Xander was content to sit in silence for as long as Milo wanted.
 
Milo didn't know what else there was to say, so for a good fifteen minutes or so he sat in perfect silence looking at the road below them, his camera untouched, although he still had it with him. He always had it with him. Finally, he spoke again, "Thank you for bringing me here."
 
Milo let out a breath of air, and sat with his best friend until the time came where they both knew it was time for them to go home, because they couldn't stay out all night. And although he was still afraid of it, Milo vowed to himself that, in the morning, he was going to ask his grandparents to let him have the room just to himself. He didn't have much faith in how it would go, but he was going to ask. He deserved enough to try. And, he thought, it'd make Xander happy if he tried.

That night, though, Dark was still waiting for Xander to come home, because just like the year before, he had a cake waiting for them, with frosted letters reading Congratulations on Surviving Sophomore Year. Unlike the year before, the cake was more tailored to the twins. Half utilized bright colours and edible glitter and half was a muted navy blue colour with nary a sprinkle upon it, although it did have decorations he knew Xander liked, and each half corresponded to either twin's favourite cake flavour. He had demanded nobody have any of it until Xander get home.
 
Xander drove Milo home, stopping in front of his house and letting him out with a few short goodbyes. He didn't know if he'd ever see Milo again, but he hoped so. If not, he trusted Milo would find a way to talk to him, if he wanted to. He drove home in silence, hoping he'd said the right things. At least Milo had liked just sitting like Xander had expected. He just hoped life was going to turn around. For his sake.

Alec sat staring so intently at the cake it was a wonder it didn't burst into flames. Cake. Caaaake. Pretty cake! He wanted some! He snapped upright when he heard the door open. He dashed to the entryway calling out to Xander.

"I'm here, I'm here, hold your horses," Xander grumbled as he got out of his shoes and touched salt.

"Finally! Missed you. And there's cake!" Alec told him, hugging his brother tight. "Did you have a good time?"

Xander considered this. "Yes. I think so."
 
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