How Green Becomes Wood

"Average to Americans!" Daizi pointed out with a disproving finger wave and a bright
grin, "Dark and I aren't Americans by any metric except for legally! Even Ivy is qualified as an Iraqi national! So by telling us what is normal, you are being culturally insensitive!"

"But she also can have Egyptian citizenship," Dark commented, looking over at his baby's smiling face, "I think technically Daizi could become an Iraqi citizen."

"I'm playing weak passport bingo." Daizi remarked, "but if I get an Iraqi citizenship I'll lose Egyptian citizenship, because Egypt only allows dual-citizenship in a weird loophole which expires if I take my 'foreign husband's' citizenship. And it's all very confusing and all exactly why, Xander, you don't get to decide what's normal!"

For her part, Ivy didn't seem bothered at all by all the talk of citizenship, she was happy to just be spoken to by her big brother. She did her absolute best to coo back at him and watched him intently.
 
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Xander just stared at them. "Yep, I give up," he said, standing up. I have no idea what you are on about, but I get the fact that it's important. Somehow. Me, I'm getting a drink!" He turned and sauntered off to the kitchen to find said drink, probably water.

Alec smiled and cooed back, imitating Ivy. "That's right," he told her. "You can do whatever you want, though some things will be a lot harder to do than others. That doesn't mean you can't do them, you'll just have to work harder. Are you ready to do that?"
 
"Oh, see," Daizi gestured, laughing, "He's just jealous that if he wanted a weak passport of his very own, he'd have to live ten years in Iraq and meet many other qualifications."

"I do not remember if those ten years are for Arabs or non-Arabs," Dark commented, settling back. He also wasn't sure if, should the twins ever want it, he and Daizi adopted them if they'd qualify for Iraqi citizenship, not that it really did much for them to possess it. It really only seemed to complicate matters for them. It was all really just a thought explained, and not a particularly fun one when Alec was being so cute with Ivy right next to him. "Of course she is ready, she came into the world six weeks early, everything she does has been a little more difficult. Yes, Hummingbird?"

Again, she cooed, and now Daizi turned in to join the happier conversation, "And, she is learning from good examples, all her family is full of people who had to work a little harder but still did great things."
 
"No, my daughter?" Dark frowned, letting go of Daizi with one arm so he could reach out and touch Ivy's hair, "No, she will grow up knowing the importance of hard work. Because that is where she comes from, it is in both her blood and her water, and she is unable to be allowed to forget it."
 
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"I do not mean for it to sound threatening... I wish more to recall to mind the power she possesses. Even now, when she is so small. My darling, perfect girl..." He sighed, lingering with his fingers brushed against her cheek, "It is just important for her to know who she is."

Daizi pressed against him and said, "I don't think we have to worry about her not being a hard worker. Babies begin to smile between six and eight weeks old, and she's only just now six weeks adjusted, so she's ahead of the curve already."
 
"She's Ivy," Alec said with a faint frown. "Who else would she be?"

"He means he intends to instill upon her the heritage of her parents," Xander said dryly as he returned to the living room.

"Oh," Alec said, nodding in understanding. "That's probably something she'll get easily enough."
 
"Not only her parents," Dark responded, moving his hand away from Ivy's face and instead resting it on the back of the couch, "her grandparents, her ancestors. She will be, inshallah, the first blood-descendant of my family line in generations who will not grow up in war, she will not have to fall asleep to the sound of bombs and gunfire, or grow up under a dictator like we both did. Unless something goes terribly wrong. She will never have to watch a tank roll down her street or sift through rubble." He watched her again, then ran his hand through his hair, "Her heritage is full of delicious food and music and history stretching all the way back to ancient times, but it is also that. It is her context. It is for those reasons she exists, because were it not for them, I never would have met her mother. They are part of who she is, and that is why she must know who she is and know how, and be willing, to work hard. I love her how she is, exactly as she is, regardless of how she is, and nothing can ever change that, but there are some facts and values she must learn." He paused for a moment, frowning, "Gently. And so far she has proved her strength a thousand times over. Yes you have, my sweet girl."
 
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Dark and Daizi also sat quietly. Daizi, because she knew that although she had not lived through active war, she had still lived through immense unrest, diseases America no longer had, Mubarak, and, when she returned, Arab Spring. But she also knew because she grew up with wealth, she was shielded from more of it than she knew to cope with, because so much still hit her. She rested her head on Dark's shoulder and traced circles on his chest with one finger.

Meanwhile, Dark was silent because although he could sense the new awkwardness in the room but was never someone to apologize for causing it. These thoughts had been in his mind for months, even before Ivy was born. When he would stare at the ceiling at 2am, often, this is what he would think of while listening to Daizi shift in her sleep or, now, Ivy breathe. It ate him up, because every night he wondered if she'd be able to comprehend it. If she would be able to understand who he was and what he lived through, and if it would put distance between them because of the wonderful fact she would never have to experience any of it. Inshallah. God willing.

"She will also never know how hard it was," He added quietly, but as he did, Ivy began to stir and cry for her next meal. So, of course, Daizi broke away from her husband and walked over to Alec to take Ivy from him, brightly saying, "Oh hush, Hummingbird! Silly baby girl named Ivy, you can't make such a fuss each time! Here, I've got her... You're so spoiled, little star, did you know that? Everyone immediately jumps up for you when you cry, don't they? Aw, but you're a hungry girl."
 
Alec willingly gave Ivy over and smiled as he watched Daizi fuss over her. Then he turned to Dark. "Of course, she won't understand," he said bluntly. "She won't understand anything of what you went through because she can't. I can't really, and I'm much older than her, but one day, she'll be doing something, maybe watching a war movie, and then it'll click for her. She won't understand what you went through, but she'll understand you."

"Frankly," Xander added, "she won't care what you went through. Not for a long time. She will care that you're her dad and you give her the attention she wants and deserves."

"That's true," Alec nodded. "She'll know you are her father, that you are there for her no matter what, and that you love her. That's what she is going to understand and care about. She already knows that."
 
Dark shifted, hearing what they were saying but not really knowing if it helped. Shutting his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment and then exhaled, taking a quiet moment, "It is all strange." He dropped his hands and looked up at his beloved vaulted ceiling, "I will also have to find a way relate to her. Now she is a baby, now she only seeks love and nourishment and comfort and warmth. But she is going to grow, and need more." He pushed his hair back and looked squarely at both boys, "You both have also known hardship, so it is not as difficult as it could be. But we are all working hard to make sure she does not. It can be difficult even with other adults who cannot fathom it to know how to respond to them." He closed his eyes again, and this time, with his eyes closed, he did apologize, "I am sorry, I do not mean to burden you with these worries. They are for long in the future, not for now, and not for you."
 
Alec patted Dark's shoulder gently. "You will handle them in the future," he told Dark. "Remember how you treat your panic attacks? Well, this is just a little version of that, right? Of course, you're going to worry. You'd be a horrible parent if you didn't and possibly not even human, but you're right. They are for the future. You will continue to heal, and as she grows, you will learn to relate to each other. At the end of the day, no matter how little or much you relate to each other, it will be enough to know that you care. It will be enough." He glanced at his brother. "Right?"

Xander shrugged. "True enough. As long as the effort's there, we see it. Even as teens. Can I get out of this emotional conversation now?"

"Nope, you're stuck here until released," Alec told him. He turned back to Dark. "I know you want Ivy to remember the past and to have ties to her heritage, but you really don't have to. Between her parents, even if they didn't actually make a concerted effort to teach her, there is no way she'd avoid learning." Carefully, he said in Arabic, "Al-ʾusraẗu hiya waāḥidah min raūāʾiʿi al-ṭṭabīʿah." The family is one of nature's masterpieces.
 
He kept his eyes shut, but nodded while they spoke, forcing himself to take a deep breath. Everything was rattling around inside of him now that he had spoken about it. There were so many tiny pieces, he was trying to put them all back up onto the shelf. And he was attempting to think of something to say. Then he heard Alec speak Arabic, a full sentence, and he inhaled shakily. All at once it was comforting, and warm, and beautiful, and it cut him to the core. Placing his hand over Alec's and squeezing it lightly, he murmured in a voice that was too controlled to tremble, "Shukran." Thank you.

Forcing another deep breath, and still holding Alec's hand, he asked, "Do you think she will feel like an outsider? Not here, not at home, but out in the world?"
 
Alec let Dark hold his hand, startled, but strangely pleased. He didn't hold too tightly, keeping his hand loose so Dark would feel like he could take his hand back at any time. "Maybe, probably," he answered truthfully, "but that can happen even to people who are native to an area. It's a pretty common feeling. She might be a bit more prone to it, but I think she'll be alright because she'll always know she'll have a safe space with her family. And if she's as friendly when she gets older as she is now, she'll have no trouble making friends. She might sometimes feel like an outsider, but only sometimes."

"Not to mention most people think Arabic girls are pretty, and pretty girls get treated better," Xander said. When Alec glared at him, he held out a hand in a half-shrug. "What? It's true. And with her genes, I would put money on her being real cute when she's little and gorgeous when she gets full-grown."
 
"I keep imagining her being treated as too Arab and foreign here and too American when we visit Egypt." He murmured, and knew it was so far in the future he shouldn't be so stressed about it already, but everytime he tried to settle himself a second voice reminded him of how quickly time went by.

He might have stayed in that line of thought until he heard Xander's comment, then he opened his eyes. For all the time he had spent worrying about Ivy's future, and for how often he expressed how beautiful she was, it had never crossed his mind to imagine her as, well, someone grown, and especially not a full-grown person others found pretty. And definitely not in the way Xander was hinting at, anyway. He stared openly at Xander as if the teen had just suggested the earth was flat, but at least it was enough of a shock to put him into a different mood. "Do not let Daizi hear you say that," he advised, although he and his wife both knew, probably better than anyone, how true that statement was.
 
Xander snorted and then snickered. "Not a chance."

Alec waved his hand as if to brush away all previous thoughts. "Never mind all of that. That is so far away! All of it! Wee little Ivy only just learned to smile today, and you both have her going to prom or something already. Let's focus on how absolutely adorable she is today! Or at least something closer."

"Fine. First word guesses?" Xander suggested.
 
"I did not realize you thought me handsome," Dark commented, then sat back, sighing heavily. "She is cute. Very cute..." He released Alec's hand and put his over his heart, briefly, "and sweeter than any baby I have met before."

He glanced up at the stairs, and when he saw Daizi wasn't coming back, he said, "We made a bet, Daizi and myself, late, late at night some time ago, that if Ivy says 'Baba' first, she will cut her hair, and if she says 'Mama' first, I will shave my beard, and I am hoping she has forgotten about it, because in the cold light of morning, I do not want to commit to those terms."
 
Both Xander and Alec fell into a fit of snorting laughter as they thought about Dark beardless or Daizi with short hair.

"Well, that won't do at all!" Alec said stoutly. "What are we going to do about that?"

"Teacher to say Xander," smirked Xander.

Alec gave him a look. "I doubt she could handle that, but you're on the right track. How about if we get her to say something completely innocent instead? Like... lamp."

"Lamp?" Xander repeated.

Alec just rolled his eyes. "It's the first thing I thought of. Maybe bird. Like hummingbird! Or mouse."
 
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