How Green Becomes Wood

"I do like it, thank you," Daizi replied, eating just a few pieces of fruit, "but I hope you didn't spend too much time on it for me."

"Not too long. If I'd spent longer, maybe it would have come out better," Xander shrugged. "It was fun to try." He waited a minute before asking, "How you doing?"

Daizi thought about this question for a few moments, curling the ends of her hair around her fingers, "I'm okay. I'm tired. It's been a long week."

"Yeah. It has been," Xander agreed bluntly. He glanced around the room briefly. "Do you need anything, or do you want me to leave so you can sleep or whatever?"

Daizi shrugged, "The problem I seem to face, it's been pointed out, is not knowing what I need. It's like I'm too tired to fall asleep, and I don't really want to be sleeping anyway. I guess I just want to lick my wounds for awhile."

"I don't usually know what I need, either, or even what's wrong, but you've helped me figure that out a lot," Xander said with a little shrug. "Licking wounds is a good thing to do sometimes." He reached down and lightly tugged on her sleeve, leaving his hand there a moment. "Do you want company? I can stay or go."

"I don't really mind either way," Daizi said, not quite leaning against his hand, but not pulling away, "I don't want to just... lock myself in my tower and be away from everyone. But I also don't want to be around everyone. Not all at once, I guess. I'm not upset at any of you, I don't want to avoid you."

"I think that's the most I've understood you in ages. Possibly ever," Xander admitted. He kept his hand where it was and shifted to sit on the edge of the bed. He didn't say anything, just sat. Occasionally, he moved his hand enough to let Daizi know he was awake and attentive.

"I have never claimed not to be esoteric," Daizi replied with a little smile masking how those words hit right where she was raw, eating a bit more fruit and pulling one of the pillows into her lap to hold it. She was dressed in one of Dark's sweatshirts, and although his t-shirts were all too big on her, she was practically swimming in his sweatshirt.

"I'm not very good at understanding people. Probably because I never tried when I was younger," Xander said.

~~

Alec finished his first job of the day, which was to carefully dust each and every surface in the shop. It took quite a while considering the number of surfaces and the number of things on them. Delicate things like vases and plants. The shop was surprisingly not very dusty - Tristan said it had something to do with the plants and humidity - but it still needed dusting on a regular basis. He finished up that task and turned to the chore that needed to be done multiple times a day - Sweeping!

There was no one in the shop at the moment, and Tristan sat at the register checking numbers and writing things down on a pad. Alec watched curiously, wondering what he was doing and how it related to the business. He always seemed so sure of himself, even when he was peering though his reading spectacles at the numbers.

"Uncle Tristan," Alec said at last.

"Hmm?" Tristan responded.

"Did you always know what you wanted to do when you grew up?" he asked.

Tristan paused and turned from his computer, lowering his glasses on the bridge of his nose so he could look at Alec. "Are you asking about when I was approximately your age?" he asked mildly. When Alec nodded, he took off his glasses and said, "I knew exactly what I wanted to be and what I was going to do. I was going to be an athlete, go to college on a scholarship, make it to at least the minors, and then get into farming with my family or something similar. I had no question in my mind."

"Oh, why didn't you?" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Alec went bright red. He wanted to apologize, but his own horror at himself stopped him.

"When I was a couple of years older than you, maybe less, I lost use of my legs and had a massive falling out with my family," Tristan said bluntly, but he wasn't upset.

"Sorry," Alec nearly whispered.

"It is alright," Tristan chuckled. "I understand. The accident really did reroute my life quite a bit and taught me a lot of humility. I had to reimagine what my life was going to look like from the ground up, and I still get surprised sometimes. I did not expect to own a flower shop, but here I am! As they say, man plans and life laughs."

"Do you... Do you think it's a bad thing? To try to plan your life?" Alec asked uncertainly.

"No, not necessarily," Tristan replied. "I think I was wrong in my single-minded approach to planning my life and my arrogance in believing there was no chance of it not working out. That kind of thinking can get you into a lot of trouble, or it can blind you to considering possibilities that might be better for you in the long run. Now and then it can work out in a person's favor, but that depends on their reasoning. The first example I can think of would be someone bound and determined to make a positive difference for other people, animals, or the planet. Sometimes you need single-minded stubbornness to get through the tough times, but, in general, it's not such a good idea."

"So you think it's a bad thing to plan?" Alec repeated, wilting a little.

Tristan shook his head. "No, I think it's a bad thing to over-plan and to depend on that plan. There is nothing wrong with having goals. In fact, it's a good thing! As long as not achieving those goals would not destroy you. Disappoint you, of course, maybe set you back a bit, but not destroy you. For me, I relied so heavily on my plans and expectations that the fact that I would never achieve them crushed my spirit to the point where it took me a couple of years to fully get past it. I spent an embarrassing amount of time sulking in my bed and determined that my life was completely and one-hundred percent over and worthless. That was not a good mindset."

"Oh," Alec nodded, brightening a little as he understood. "I think I understand. That makes sense. Then... how do you find goals?"

"That is a little harder to say since it is more personal, but for me, my first goal was to find a way to support myself and find independence. I needed to find a job that could give me both the monetary means and the schedule flexibility that would work for me and my needs. I also needed to work with my body to maintain the physical capabilities I needed to remain as independent as possible. Those goals I had to set for myself for and work toward knowing that was what would bring me happiness and stability, and mortgage lending was more of something that just worked for me and my mental abilities. There were other options, but that was one I chose. This, owning a store, that goal... well, it kind of found me, and I had to decide if I wanted to persue it or not. Obviously, I chose to do so, and it was a lot of work, but it was worth it."

"Goals can find you?" Alec asked, surprised.

"Sometimes, yes," Tristan nodded. "You should speak more to your father and mother about that. Your mother, especially, is very goal-oriented, but I don't think to the detrimental state. You can learn a lot from both of them."

Alec murmured something vague, and their conversation was interrupted by a customer. He turned back to sweeping, his mind full of new thoughts.

"I don't know if we ever really understand other people," Daizi answered quietly, somehow sounding not at all and utterly like herself, "Not completely."

"I dunno. You and Ba seem to practically have linked brains," Xander remarked. "It's really weird. And kind of cool. Mostly weird. I'm not supposed to find my parents cool at all, so you can only be kind of cool."

Smiling just a little bit, the tugged slightly at the collar of her husband's sweater, liking how much it smelled like him, "We've had more than one life time to get to know each other, so it's a bit unfair. But it's still... We don't know all things about each other. We can't fully understand ourselves, so, what hope do we have on really fully understanding someone else? As close as some of us may get, there's still some mystery there."

"Yeah, makes sense," Xander agreed. "I guess mysteries kind of make life stay interesting. Can't ever just know it all. That'd be dull." He stretched out a bit but remained sitting on the edge.

"It's good to be surprised, once in awhile. When it's a good surprise, anyway." She shrugged, thinking again about how he went behind her back to get Sally to talk to her, but couldn't bring herself to be angry about it anymore. It hurt to know she had scared him so badly he resorted to something like that and was comforting to know he'd risk an argument if it meant even a chance at helping her. "It's good to have that almost perfect closeness with someone, though."

Xander considered that for a moment but quickly shrugged it off. "I guess so for some. It works well for a lot of people, I suppose. Hard to see sometimes, but I guess it works out."

"There are different kinds of closeness," She said but lacked the heart for any real life lessons and she slumped back in bed, not fully lying down but losing the energy needed to sit upright.

"Yeah, I guess I kind of jumped to conclusions on that one," Xander agreed. He sat with her for a bit before slowly standing up. "I should get back downstairs and get my chores done. Do you want any more fruit? I can leave it if you want or take it with me."

"You can take it, I don't mind. Your father might like some, or Ivy... The pieces are all too big for Ivy, actually. Never mind." Daizi answered and then after a few moments said, "Thank you for sitting with me."

"You're welcome." He tugged lightly on her sleeve and then picked up the plate. "When Alec gets home, do you mind if he comes up? He's going to be in a tizzy about whether of not he should bug you, so I figure I should give him a straight answer."