CoR From the Inside

[illirica]

Location

Railyard, Infirmary

The infirmary was starting to feel like a cage. Ethan had been feeling like that for a while, but he didn't feel stable enough to do anything about it. That, and he had the feeling that if he tried, someone would just find a better cage. A real one, this time.

Still, it was a steady stream of Tylenol and boredom, and he wasn't even sure how long he had been here at this point. The days had blurred together, and the nights-

No, he wasn't going to think about the nights.

He'd talked to Alison for a while, a couple nights ago. It'd been nice. She'd been supportive, but she always was. It'd been good to hear her voice again.

Then he'd remembered she was dead. He wondered if she'd come back again. Just to talk to. He was trying not to mind that she looked different, with her guts all scattered around her, because it was her body and her appearance and her choice and-

He wasn't going to think about the nights.

He made himself breathe, in and out a few times, just like the professionals said. Focus on the breathing, because then you don't have to focus on anything else. There was a sound - a door opening or closing, footsteps. Probably Jesse, the Bearer of Tylenol. Ethan was considering upgrading him from good cop to saint at times, but that was probably the fever.

He glanced up, squinting. Not Jesse. There was some girl there, instead.

She wasn't Alison.

 

[Sune]

Desmond had suggested Chloe come to see Jesse to run tests on the regular, and she'd done so quite repeatedly after the infirmary calmed down. It was a weekly tradition now, she'd come in and see him long enough to pull a different amount of vials each time and he'd give her results and recommendations within a couple of days. Rinse repeat.

It also became some place she'd help around at just to make herself a bit busy. With Desmond as busy, and with her more recent bought of amnesia, she wanted to stick around places she knew she was safe. Around the pack was safe enough for her now she if she did lose her memory, one of them would watch over her until she snapped back to.

She had been sweeping the floor when she walked past the room with someone in it. It was a new face, and he looked.. Well, not good.

She knocked before going in. "Hey.. You okay? Do you need me to get you something?" She asked. Like a doctor, she thought.

 

[illirica]

The woman was holding a broom. Ethan was not entirely sure why that was so hard to process, but it was. He'd expected... a gun, or a knife, or someone's severed head or something - any of those would have made sense, right? Werewolf den and all that.

Maybe he knew a little better, somewhere. He'd been talking to Jesse, for a while, when he hadn't been talking to Ali-

Best not to think about that.

But he had a better picture of werewolves than he had before - or, at least, he had a different picture. He still wasn't sure which one was better. Maybe Jesse's picture was nicer, like the fairy tales that got tidied up for little kids, and then at some point you read the old version and had to cope with that for a while - except he'd started with the old version, and now he was sitting around wondering why they were trying to sanitize everything like he was four years old or something.

Aidan's age.

God knew Ethan had softened a story or two for his sake. Yes, of course they lived happily ever after. All the werewolves, in their little house, with their Tylenol and their medical center and their little brooms, sweeping away all the bad things.

He'd been staring for a while, he realized. "Sorry."

He didn't say what for, because he wasn't really sure. It was just that if you ended up staring at someone for too long, you should probably apologize to her, even if he'd mostly been looking at the broom, and he wasn't even really sure if he'd been seeing it. Maybe she wasn't real, either. He'd certainly seen plenty of things that weren't, the last few days. He supposed if she turned into an octopus lady and broke out in some sort of villainous monologue-song, he'd know where he stood on this.

No, she wasn't doing that. She was just standing there, with the broom, probably looking at him like he might be crazy. Not that she'd be wrong in that, but he still wasn't sure he wanted to be on the receiving end of it.

"Ah... I don't need anything." Therapy. He needed therapy. And about eighteen more Tylenol, and for nothing of the past two weeks to have happened, and therapy, and Alison, and Aidan, and, yeah, therapy.

"Are you-?" New around here? No, that was a stupid question. Ethan was the one who was new around here, she'd probably been here since the opening scene, or at least the second act where the plucky heroine meets the evil space octopus witch thing and sings a sad song about the travails of teenagerdom or something.

"Um. We haven't met before, I don't think? I'm... Ethan." At least he still knew that much.

 

[Sune]

Chloe bit her lip slightly, then looked around outside the room for a moment. When she was human, and was fresh on the force, she had seen someone with the sickness. The one you get after being bitten or scratched by a werewolf. Theirs was much further along than this poor soul, though. It had been the thing that set her up to be terrified of her own transformation. Not everyone survived being turned. And even if you did survive, some was never the same again.

She had never been the same since.

She also knew the worst thing about the sickness in her experience was the absolute loneliness of it all. She leaned the broom on the wall and moved closer slowly until she stood by his bed.

"No, we haven't met. I'm Chloe. It's nice to meet you, Ethan." She gave a soft smile, trying to be as gentle as she could be. "How long ago were you bit? O-or scratched, I suppose." She looked for a chair. "Also, would you like some company for a while? I've got nothing else to do for now and I know being inside a hospital bed makes me stir crazy if I'm there for too long."

 

[illirica]

Chloe. He didn't know a Chloe. Ethan wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad sign.

"It's been-" he found himself answering her question automatically, and then found he wasn't entirely sure what the answer was, which made him wonder why he'd been about to give it to her - but he supposed it didn't matter, did it? It wasn't like she couldn't find out somewhere else. Maybe she could tell him, when she did. "...About a week, maybe. Sorry. I'm not really sure. It's kind of... hard to keep track."

Things kept going in and out. Things. People. People-things. Were werewolves things or were they people? He didn't have an answer for that one either.

Chloe offered to sit down, and he supposed he didn't mind. She was right about going stir-crazy. Or maybe he was just going crazy. Shaken, not stirred. He almost smiled at that, which probably just certified the opinions on his sanity, regardless of how it had come to pass.

"If you... don't mind." It wasn't that he really wanted to be with her. It was just that he didn't want to be alone. "Are you... real?" Would she tell him if she weren't? He supposed he could ask Jesse later. 'Hey I met someone - Chloe?' 'I have no idea who you're talking about, there's no one by that name here.' "Sorry. It's been... very strange. And if I'm hallucinating again it might be nice to know it from the start."

He kept apologizing for things, which was strange, since it was their fault. Maybe he should stop. Then again, his mother had always said that an apology said more about the person giving it than the person receiving it. Maybe he should call her some time.

No. He should not call her some time. That would not go well.

 

[Sune]

A week in roughly. She winced thinking on how much time he had left to wait. Still, it didn't deter her, pulling up the one stool she found on the other side of the bed. She settled down on the stool. "No need to apologize, I understand." She explained. "I'm not a hallucination, but I'm also guessing you might question if a hallucination would tell you that. Do you have a phone here with a camera?"

She pulled out her phone, and then opened the camera app on it. "You see some of the time, people can use their camera to tell if it is a hallucination or not. If it is, the hallucination won't show on the camera app on your phone." She turned the screen towards him, the camera towards her in an example.

"I've been through the change too, so I know its a bit uh.. well. Terrible I guess, for lack of better words." She gave an apologetic smile. "If you don't have a phone, I can see if I can clear it with Jesse and find a unused one for you to use if it would help." She offered.

 

[illirica]

"My phone's... not charged." It was in his backpack. He'd turned it off, let the battery run out on purpose. He knew what would happen if he took it out - that picture from Aidan's birthday was on the lock screen. He couldn't possibly look at it again, and he couldn't imagine ever changing it to anything else, not even for a moment. Better to let it die, leave it buried in the bottom of the backpack, pretend that maybe someone would have been calling him if they could. His mother, Ali's sisters, someone, anyone.

They weren't going to call. He knew that. Or... worse, they would call, because he knew how that would go.

No, he was leaving it off.

Chloe was in her phone's camera, but he supposed that could also be part of the hallucination, if his mind was supplying reasons for all of it now. He didn't mind if he was. His hallucinations hadn't been trying to kill him. That had... not been a hallucination.

Her too, it seemed.

"Who were you?"

Before you turned into a monster.

 

[Sune]

"Oh no worries. If you need a charge cord, I can bring one. Or, I can just still bring a new phone. It can be.. Difficult. To face the life you lived before." She said.

She put her phone away for now, then sat on her hands. "I was.. Well, I was a cop. In another country, that is." She shrugged. "Was on the force for some time, and I was good at my job. But there's always that time you make a rookie mistake and well.." She pulled her shirt to show her neck better. Long scars ran down her neck and down the back of her shoulder.

"Was a werewolf with lunentia, they said. Or a freshly turned werewolf, they never proved one way or another. I was 'unfortunate', and 'in the wrong place at the wrong time'. Truth is, I went into a situation blind. I thought I was bullet proof, and there were lives to be saved." She shrugged again.

"What about you?"

 

[illirica]

Ethan looked away quickly, when she'd started tugging on her shirt, because if this was going to be that sort of hallucination, he was not here for it. She wasn't Alison, and that was all that mattered. That was all that mattered even if she wasn't a hallucination.

Except, no, she was just... scarred. Ethan glanced at her, then looked away again, more somberly this time. He didn't know what he'd look like, if he'd have scars like that. His shoulder was still bandaged, and underneath the bandages it was still pretty gross. Too early to tell, but... maybe he'd look something like that, some day.

"I'm in security. Private - corporate. Not a cop or anything. I was thinking about trying out for it for a while. Then we found out we were expecting." He was surprised how quickly that had tumbled out. Coherently, even - at least, it had seemed that way to him. He kept getting lost in the middle of sentences and then having to find his way back to them. It'd gotten a little easier, though, since Jesse had figured out what dose of Tylenol was apparently best for him, after the first few days. At least, it was easier until it started wearing off again and he started getting chills again. It didn't last.

Jesse had said it would get worse before it got better again.

 

[Sune]

She gave a wry smile. She hoped that he had better control over his change than she had. Hell, she hoped no one ever had her issue. She dropped that memory as soon as it started to resurface.

Nope. Not today. This isn't about me, its about him.

She felt her wolf give an indignant snort. "Security is pretty tough, though. Don't think I could have dealt with the type of stuff some of my old buddies did. Yeah, I got shot at or occasionally had to go get a tetanus booster, but I couldn't handle having to escort unruly people out. Or even if it is night security, deal with long nights." She said.

"I know Jesse's probably gone over a lot of information with you, but do you have any questions?"

 

[illirica]

"It wasn't bad. Mostly just so they could tell the board the building had security." There'd been a few pissed off ex-employees, sure, but Ethan hadn't minded. He'd liked that better than the monotony of checking everyone's bags while they tried to pretend they were okay with it, or pretend they weren't embarrassed by the perfectly normal stuff that they had in there. Saying anything never helped, though, it was better to just get it over and done with.

He kind of wished this would just be over and done with.

"I just want it to be over with." It wasn't a question, but Chloe had asked, and he'd apparently decided to voice the thought. Ethan hadn't realized it would all take this long. It didn't seem fair, somehow. If you were going to turn into a monster, you shouldn't have time to think about it. If he'd known, maybe he'd have just gone to a gun store instead of back to the park.

No, he wouldn't have. God was pretty strict about that sort of thing, and he wanted to see Alison again. The real her, not the nightmare her.

Jesse had said there was a pretty good chance he wouldn't make it through. It was a twisted sort of hope, but it was what he had to grasp at. Maybe God would have mercy then. He certainly hadn't before.

 

[Sune]

She nodded with a soft sigh. "I know the feeling. It feels as though time is moving as slow as if it's nearly stopped. Everything second feels like a decade, a minute a life time. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn't really. Not until the end, anyway." She said as gently as she could. "But if you'd like, I can try to come visit every day or so until then. If it will help pass the time." She offered.

"Once you're past the transformation, you'll feel both strong and weak for a bit. It's an odd sensation." The redhead couldn't account for how it felt on a normal transformation, so she avoided the topic. "Someone from the pack will probably help guide you while you're transformed, though. Make sure you can stretch your legs and keep safe."

She shifted slightly before continuing. "I'm sure it will be someone like Jesse, or even Desmond."

 

[illirica]

She didn't sugar-coat it. Jesse hadn't, either. Ethan appreciated that, in some weird way. People were telling him it was going to be horrible, but he'd prefer that to them telling him it was all going to be fine. Of course, that meant he'd been contending with the idea that they were telling him the truth. Maybe he would have preferred the lie. At least he would have expected it.

"If - when-" No, he didn't want to finish that sentence. Speaking it aloud was a step too far. She'd know, though. "I just... don't want to hurt anyone. Especially kids. Whatever that takes. Jesse knows." A pause, the silence both slightly grudging and uncomfortable with the fact that it was so, as if it should have been better. "...Jesse's all right."

Ethan didn't like admitting it, didn't like admitting that any of them could be all right, but Jesse was... not a bad person. He'd been a human once. Chloe too, it sounded like. Maybe that was the difference, because that Ragenard guy had been a jerk.

"Who's Desmond? I don't know him."

 

[Sune]

She nodded. "I understand. I'm sure they will do their best to have you take your run outside the city. Away from everything and everyone. That's what they did for another girl recently.." Never mind the fact she got kidnapped by a horrid man with Jesse and it started a war... She thought.

"Desmond is.." She had to think about it for a moment. "Well, he's the pack's second. He's a bit more laid back, and sometimes a bit lazy. But he's really trustworthy." She felt the heat rise in her cheeks slightly. "He's helped me come to terms with a few things in my life to this point." She added. "If he's the one who helps, you're in good hands."

 

[illirica]

Oh.

So, Desmond was Chloe's crush.

In addition to the rest of the stuff she'd said, Ethan supposed. Second was easy enough to interpret as second in command, which probably meant the guy who was a jerk at people when Ragenard wasn't available. Or maybe he was just working up to it. Jerk-in-training? That wasn't how Chloe had described him, though, but with that little blush, she might not be the most reliable narrator.

Along with the fact that it was possible that all wolves were lying about everything, of course.

"I don't want to be in anyone's hands." The frustration was leaking through, and Chloe... hadn't really done anything to deserve it, except maybe having an ill-advised crush, which could have been true of anyone. "Sorry. It's... not your fault."

Unless it was.

He didn't know. The wolf who'd attacked the park had been someone, and it wasn't like Ethan knew who. For all he knew, it could have been Chloe. Maybe she only murdered families after work hours. Or maybe she acted normal when she was looking human and turned into a monster in more ways than one. That wouldn't surprise him.

No. It really wouldn't. It was the kindness that had surprised him. Jesse...

...Maybe even her.

It would have been easier if they hadn't been kind. He was going to have to kill them some day, wasn't he? If he was going to kill all the werewolves, then that was just logic. How was he going to kill Jesse, though? It'd be like kicking a puppy. It just felt wrong.

He'd just have to let the monster he was about to become handle that. No doubt it wouldn't have any problems.

 

[Sune]

The redhead had expected the potential for frustration. She remembered hers as well. It had been her fault she got careless. It had been _her fault her partner was killed trying to save her careless ass.

It was her fault those people died.

"Perhaps. But there is the chance you do live through it. And if you want to do this properly, with the least likely chance of hurting anyone, then it is better to have someone who can make sure of that." She said.

"I don't know what happened to you, and I know I didn't want to talk about it when I was attacked. So I won't push for your story.." She said standing up and brushing out the wrinkles in her shirt. "But if you do want to talk about it, I'll be here for you."

She pulled out her cellphone to check the time. "Did you want the spare phone? To check to see if things are hallucinations or not, that is. It won't have service, but the camera app still should work."

 

[illirica]

Ethan nodded a little bit, kind of relieved both that she didn't know the story and that she didn't want to. Bastien had already known, and it seemed like a lot of them knew without his saying anything. He didn't necessarily like that, but having to say it would have been harder.

She offered him a phone, which would undoubtedly have a tracker on it - not that Ethan was really up for going anywhere just yet, but... he knew that one. He shook his head slightly at the offer. "No thanks."

It wasn't like the wolves weren't already watching his every moment anyway, but he didn't want to make it any easier on them. Besides...

"I'd miss her. I know she's not real. But..."

He shifted a little bit, not sure how to finish that sentence.

I'd rather have her as a hallucination than all the rest of you, no matter how real you are.

 

[Sune]

She gave him a concerned look for a moment. "Wh-" She stopped. "No, never mind. It's alright, but if you decide to change your mind, then let me know. I'll try to be back tomorrow, if that's okay? Just to drop in and check up on you."

She pushed the stool back into its place. "It was nice to meet you, Ethan. Try to rest as much as you can. Sleep, despite how it seems, helps the time move faster. Well, for me it did anyway." She suggested, waiting to see if he wanted to speak more. When he doesn't, she gives him one last sympathetic smile before heading out. She sent a text to Desmond before starting for home.