How Green Becomes Wood

Zeinab took the flower from him, smiling brightly at it, "Thank you, Xander. I'll keep it on my purse and when people ask about it, I'll tell them my nephew made it for me." She held it up to him and then happily returned to the house, where Daizi, Ivy, and Saladin were all on the floor together playing with her new toys and looking very much, for once, like a normal, functional family.

~~

"I think I may let him push me around, but it feels better than the alternative. I want Daizi to have her father in her life if it is what she wants." Dark told Alec, getting into the driver's side, "But I do not like the stress it puts us all under. We can only do so much."
 
Alec looked at Dark as he got in and buckled up. He considered saying something, but then changed his mind and chose not to. "It is a lot of strain, but I guess that's what you do for people you love." He looked out the window and heaved a theatrical sigh. "You know, Ba, you and Mama have completely ruined my love life or hopes thereof."
 
Although he did his best, Dark couldn't stop from exhaling sharply out his nostrils, "It was not instant romance. When we met," He waved one hand for a few moments, thinking about it, "That, I suppose, was dramatic. Your mother calls it fated. But I was not immediately in love with her. I just... really hoped I would get to see her again. I did not think I would, but I hoped. And it was the first time I remember feeling hope." He looked over at Alec, "But it was not instantly romantic, we were two awkward teenagers. And I was too afraid to do anything."
 
"You were totally in love with her and just in denial," Alec smirked at him. "Totally! But I will allow that it was not romantic immediately. Still! You have set the bar unobtainably high."
 
"I honestly do not know if I was," Dark replied, "I know I was frightened. When we walked away my heart was going," He drummed his hand against his chest rapidly, "but I did not understand what had happened. I had never loved anyone, to that point. At least--I think, in a way, I did love my parents, but was not... It was not the sort of pure, open feeling, like the love I have known later. It was, out of obligation, and to survive, you understand. It was what I thought things were like. And it is difficult to say if anyone had loved me, before then. I wonder if Cooger might have, not romantically, of course, but I do not know if he loved me or if he was merely fond of me by the time I met your mother. I do not think I was capable of being in love with anyone, at that first meeting. But I certainly, and undeniably, walked away with the largest 'crush' I have ever felt for anyone. And, like I said, hope, for the very first time. But love, that is something I believe needs to unfurl. It needs to deepen and grow roots, dig deep down into you. And for those roots to grow, you need to put yourself at risk of being hurt, because you need to know and be known. They need to see the parts of you you keep private and watch them not turn and run." He drummed his fingers against the wheel, "Or so it goes romantically and with my friends. It is different when it is parental. But I apologize for giving you unrealistic expectations," he smiled the pale ghost of a smile, "Daizi says we have loved each other since the beginning of time, in every life, in every universe. I suppose you need to set your own bar."
 
"Ba!" Alec groaned in exasperated frustration, flopping against the seat. "You are so ridiculously romantic and serious! Seriously romantic! And possibly romantically serious, I don't know. You're probably right, but for heavens sake!"
 
Dark looked quickly from the road, at Alec, and then back at the road again, "What? I do not understand, I do not mean to upset you. I am just trying to affirm it is okay if you only had a lovely day out and are not immediately and irrevocably in love like Daizi and I are, we have been together for much, much longer." He turned his head quickly and looked at Alec again one more time, not knowing what he had done wrong.
 
Alec sighed and rolled his eyes. "I know that. I didn't need the whole- never mind. I'm very glad that you and Mama overcame your teenage awkward years and are now utterly and irrevocably in love with each other to the level of... I don't know. Addams family, I guess? I've only seen the memes."
 
Dark looked at him again and then looked back at the road in silence for a while, thinking deeply. After awhile, he inhaled softly, he said, "I am sorry. I do not want to upset you, Alec. I only want to talk with you, and I know I can get away with myself. It is difficult for me to be open, I overcorrect when I am with you and your brother."
 
Alec took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I know, Ba. I'm sorry. I just... I guess it's my own fault. I do the same thing and expect a different result. It's not fair to either of us."
 
"I do not know..." He sighed, "I love you very much. I want to be able to help guide you, when you need or want it. But I have never learned to be casual. I want to adjust how I behave so I help you, rather than upset you, but I can only guess, Albuma."
 
"I don't know, Ba. I know casual isn't you. I know it, but sometimes I wish you could be just a hair casual, but you don't change. Not for anybody. Well, Ivy and Mama. You change for them, but that's different." Alec pulled lightly on his seatbelt, wishing they could get there faster. He felt uncomfortable after his outburst and didn't want to talk about it, but of couse, they would.
 
"You stopped being professory, sure, but that's more of just being yourself and not just being our teacher, isn't it?" Alec countered. "You're fine the way you are. Really. I'm just selfish."
 
"I think I have become more relaxed since knowing you. I work hard to be more playful. I am not good at being fun, but I make an effort. And like I said, I try to make myself be more open and vulnerable for the two of you, even though it is not natural to me, because I do not want to teach you to be like the worst parts of me. And now I truly enjoy sharing my heart with you. I have changed, I feel it within myself." Dark replied, at risk of going on too long again, "You are not selfish."
 
Alec considered this carefully, still twisting his seatbelt. "I suppose you are more relaxed than you used to be when you aren't stressed out of you mind about something that's happened recently," he relented. "I guess I just thought it was because we could see more than just your teacher side."
 
"Given... my proclivity... for long speeches, I would say my teacher side and my non-teacher side are not as different from each other as you believe." Dark replied, keeping his eyes on the road now, "And I just--my heart is full to the seams for how deeply I care for you. I fear an aortic dissection from my love for you. I would say it keeps me up at night but lately I actually have been sleeping fairly regularly. I get to be your father, every single day, Alec, I get to wake up and be your dad. I get carried away because it is exciting for me."

He pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine, "I want to know what all of your thoughts are. Happy or otherwise."
 
Alec actually blushed at Dark's statement. He didn't know how to respond. Everything he thought of felt cheesy or cheap. He knew without one shadow of a doubt, without one iota of hesitation, that Dark loved him and loved being his father, but being put blatantly like that in such poetic terms was shocking. Wonderful and amazing but shocking.

"I'm sorry I don't always take you as seriously as I should sometimes. I'm sorry I don't always make you feel appreciated," he said at last. "Being your son is... I don't know what it is because I don't have the words to describe it, but it's amazing to the nth degree."
 
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