How Green Becomes Wood

"Oh he's meticulously trained, I've spent the better half of my life training him," Daizi laughed, "I used to take more work trips on my own, but it'll be awhile before I do so again. I was supposed to be in Canada giving a talk at a conference the day Ivy was born, actually."
 
"That would have been a highly interesting trip if you had gone," Ciara remarked. She took a few moments to eat her sandwich meticulously. "Do you intend to return to the office at some date?"
 
"If my flight was scheduled for a day earlier, she would've been born in Nova Scotia," Daizi chuckled, more than a little relieved the situation wasn't that complicated, "I do want to go back, I miss it. But at the same time, the thought of being away from Ivy all day hurts my heart. My boss and I are discussing a gradual return, where I start only going one or two days a week so we both have time to adjust to the change instead of just one day it being different." And she was still waiting until Ivy only nursed in the morning and the evenings, not during the daytime, but that didn't seem like something Ciara would be comfortable hearing.
 
"I see," Ciara said, even though she did not see. She could not imagine being away from work for a full year. She could not imagine a job where they would allow her to be gone for a full year, even though she knew Daizi did aslt least some work from home.
 
"It's complicated because sometimes I feel like I am going crazy. I still spend a good portion of the day at work in my study--honestly, as awful as the pandemic was, the infrastructure it put in place to facilitate remote work has been a blessing--but it's in between this strict routine of meals and naps and I schedule my breaks around when she's up so I can play with her, and it... sort of feels like I'm balancing two full-time jobs, and it also feels like every day for the past year has been identical, but at the same time I have this sense of devotion to Ivy." She considered where things stood for a few moments as she ate a few spoonfuls of her soup, "It's awful and isolating and wonderful and deeply fulfilling all at once. And I know I'll miss it one day."
 
Ciara listened, truly listened, but did not understand. Not entirely. She did understand the idea of balancing two full-time jobs, but were babies really that difficult? She could not recall her siblings at that age well enough to form an opinion. Following a strict routine sounded lovely to her. When Daizi finished, she cautiously said, "I am glad that you are able to find fulfillment in your position, even if it can be complicated at times. Perhaps you can... find ways to diffrientiate between days somehow."
 
"Yeah," She sighed with a tiny smile, "I have to. That's one thing that's been lovely about my family being here, it's really broken up the days for us. Later this week, we're going to my museum so I get to show it off to them. And once a week, Dark and I have been going to a private dance class to get ready for the renewal. The twins don't know, we go while they're in school. So that's been a nice change for us. What about you?" She raised her head, "What do you do when you're not at work? I believe you once said you were trying your hand at knitting, but it wasn't going flawlessly?"
 
"I have learned the granny square, and I am experimenting with variations within that small project. When i have enough squares, I shall join them together into a blanket," Ciara confirmed. "I mostly read in my spare time. Perhaps listen to music. I prefer to keep my time very quiet when I am home and have no work I must do, whether housework or otherwise. Alec has been attempting to convince me to get a fish."
 
"I'm glad it's going well," Daizi smiled, "I love textiles, I think anthropologically they tell so much about people. Did you know, in Austria, up until I believe the fifties, when daughters were born, their family would start filling a chest full of flax for them? Then, once they married, they would take that chest as their dowry, and spin all of the textiles their family needed from it. Flax softens with age, so clothing would need to be spun from really old flax but sacks could be spun from newer ones. It's quite labor intensive, but it's an absolutely beautiful tradition, I think. And fish are..." She tried to say something positive but then shrugged, "There, I guess. I don't really have a close relationship with things which I cannot touch and that do not make noise. I'm told Mittz and Spencer have a beautiful saltwater aquarium, though."
 
"That is a lovely tradition. I did not know that," Ciara said with a nod. "I cannot say I am particularly fond of fish. I recognize they can be beautiful, but..." She hesitated a moment before admitting almost shamefully, "The way they constantly stare is creepy and makes me feel highly uneasy. Alec seems to think I need some form of companionship, though, and as I work too much for a cat or a dog and refuse to allow admitance to a reptile, he latched onto fish."
 
Daizi laughed at Ciara's response, "Have you considered a frog? They're an amphibian, not a reptile." As she recovered herself she said, "Or a hamster. They're nocturnal, I think, so they'd sleep while you're at work. But honestly, if you don't feel lonely, there's no need to look for something new. And if you do feel lonely, just come and visit us and we'll disavow you of the feeling."
 
Ciara allowed herself a quiet sniff. "I think I would much rather not take in a frog, thank you. I am quite satisfied with how things are." She allowed a slight smile. "I do appreciate how concerned he is for my well-being, but I am quite alright. Truly. I do not feel at a loss, and I am aware I can come to visit you at any time."
 
"Alec is very caring, but he gets ahead of himself. I think sometimes he forgets that what he needs isn't necessarily what everyone else needs." Daizi said, rubbing her thumb along the rim of her glass, "He's sweet. Anyway, I guessed you were comfortable as you are. I can't say I never understand the desire for a much, much quieter life. We have moments where we notice the house is quiet and then we wonder what is going wrong."
 
"Ah. He projects. That is something I understand," she said with a little nod. "I do not think I could bear living in a busy household. It sounds like a nightmare to me. Do you ever miss the quiet days before three children? I imagine there is much you cannot do."
 
At Ciara's question, Daizi hesitated for long while with her eyebrows furrowed. Despite her aunt assuring her it was normal, she still felt a lot of guilt for missing the time before she became a mother. Especially after how many years she spent yearning for motherhood. Eventually, in a careful tone with meticulously chosen words, she answered, "I love my children and there's something I find really beautiful about how full our home is. Before them, it was really only myself, Dark, and our dog. We used to keep rats, too, and I have a tarantula, but they were regulated to one room, so mostly it was the three of us. There are moments, now, where I think back to those times, and appreciate how much time we could spend together."
 
Ciara sipped lightly on her drink. "I can understand a certain longing. It is a bit like the idea of moving to a new place. The new place may be better, may be the answer to dreams and prayers, but you always leave something behind. Sometimes, it is surprising what you miss even when surrounded by perfection."
 
"I think... for me..." Daizi said, still choosing her words with the utmost caution and doing her best to control her expression, "It is an adjustment to not really have days off, anymore. Before, Dark and I would have quiet afternoons together. Not really talking, necessarily, but he would be reading a book and I would have my head in his lap listening to the sound of birds. Now there is a tiny person trying to learn to walk and screaming for attention and two teenagers chasing each other through the house." She held up one hand and emphatically said, "and I love it, I really do, and I'm so happy, but it's different."
 
"Oh, I never would have doubted that you love it. That is easy to see," Ciara assured her. "Forgive me. I am not exactly knowledgeable about this sort of lifestyle, despite how common it is."
 
I am very happy. Daizi repeated to herself as she continued to smile genially, "Oh, no, it's okay. I'm not upset. And honestly, I'm not really all that knowledgeable about it either, I'm not even a full two years into it yet, and most of my friends are childfree."
 
Ciara sipped her drink uncomfrotably, having already finished her sandwich and soup. After a long moment, she asked, "How are things at work?" Now, work stories, those she could relate to! Surely a museum could not be that different from a variety of other office jobs.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top