How Green Becomes Wood

Dark looked almost forlornly to his sons, "Do not make me Lurch."

At the same time, Daizi made a face, "No, he's far too attractive to be Lurch. Don't bully me by implying I'd marry a man who regularly communicates only through grunts."
 
At Daizi's protest about not marrying a man who communicated only through grunts, the twins glanced at each other and bit their lips.

"Mama," Alec asked almost gently, "do you know what Lurch looks like?"

"Any of them considering that show's gone through like fifteen different reinventions," Xander said dryly.
 
"He's been described to me to look like how stereotypical movies do Frankenstein's monster," Daizi said resolutely, "A big square head with a huge forehead and skin like death."

Dark frowned at their smirks, "I may not always speak in long sentences, but I do not grunt."
 
"That is very different from what Lurch does," Daizi said adamantly, squeezing Dark's arm, "Your father is very articulate. Cooger grunts, Xander sometimes grunts, Dark is refined and thoughtful."
 
"I always thought Lurch was underrated," Xander supplied. "He's always there getting stuff done, whatever that stuff is. He's like a cornerstone."

"This is true," Alec agreed. "Ba is not Lurch, but he has Lurch traits. Like being completely unruffled 99% of the time."
 
Daizi pressed her cheek to Dark's shoulder, "Ivy-Qadira, your brothers are bullying your Baba again."

"She will join in as soon as she can, I am sure," Dark said, reaching over to take her out of her high chair, "You are welcome to be Lurch, Xander, I will get you stilts."
 
"I forget, why were we talking about which Addams Family Ba was?" Alec asked.

Xander held up his fingers to tick off the points. "Whether or not Ba grooves, alternatives to grooving, Lurching slash Gomezing."

"Oh! Right, I remember," Alec said, nodding. "Vampiring. Or Dark Elf-ing."

"Is that a thing?" Xander asked.

Alec nodded. "A little bit. Except Ba's kind of big for either of those. I guess, unless a vampire bit a big fellow? No reason why they always have to be small and limber. They could be big. Vampires are pretty groovy."
 
"But you're not thin and willowy tall and fit," Alec pointed out. "Just tall and appropriately fit."

"I think he's a Dark Lord," Xander said. "None of this bloodsucking nonsense. More like a wizard or sorcerer and stuff. An eternal Dark Lord of the Manor."

"Ooo, that does fit beautifully!" Alec agreed.
 
Dark frowned, looking down at himself, "I am not bulky. My limbs are too long."

"No, I'm the sorceress," Daizi said, "And what's the difference between being an eternal dark lord and a vampire?"
 
"Ba. You are proportionate. You also have lifting muscles," Xander stated. "You're not a twig."

"A Dark Lord is nothing at all like a vampire other than a love for the Gothic and creepy and enjoying castles," Alec said. "He's usually magic, immortal, and very intimidating! He might have other powers, too, but I forget."
 
"I do not believe most vampires are twigs either," Dark pointed out, "They would not be particularly intimidating if they were."

"Are vampires not magic, imposing, and immortal?" Daizi asked curioudly.
 
"You're the crypid expert," Xander pointed out. "Aren't you supposed to know? But I don't think they're classified as 'magic.' They have a set amount of abilities that come with the vampiric territory. And they are intimidating because of their bearing, not because of their muscles. Look at Dracula."

"Now that's a boring book. Even worse movie," Alec grumbled.
 
"What is vampiric seduction if not magic?" Daizi mused.

Dark put his hand to his chest, "Am I not intimidating due to my bearing?" He adjusted how he held Ivy in his lap, "I really enjoy the book, actually."
 
"Hypnosis," Alec said as if it was obvious.

"Ba. You're almost seven feet tall. You dress in black mostly. Of course your bearing is intimidating. You'd be intimidating if you slouched," Xander said dryly.
 
"And turning into a bat?" Daizi asked, although she personally felt he didn't understand what it was like to be seduced. Probably for the best.

"If I am imposing through bearing than surely I can still be a vampire then," Dark said resolutely.
 
"Debatable whether they can turn into bats or wolves," Alec stated.

Xander rolled his eyes. "Alright, fine. You can be a vampire, Ba. With exactly one source of ethically questionable food. And no heart. Meaning no real love for the sorceress. And the inability to go to any of your daughter's daytime activities."
 
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