How Green Becomes Wood

"Oh, perfect." Daizi said, "and sometime in-between we can all lie flat on the floor and try to roll over?"

"Being friends with him?" Dark asked for clarification as he dried the dishes Xander rinsed and put them away. "Why not?"
 
"Perfect!" Alec laughed, clapping his hands. "I'm glad you agree."

"He's got it in his head that his mum is going to come and take him to... New Mexico I think he said? And it's all going to be all cheese and crackers after that, and even if it's not, he's just going to deal until graduation or something," Xander shrugged. "I guess it could be worth it to be friends even for a short time, but it's hard when he's just waiting to move on."
 
"What do you think are the chances of that actually happening?" Dark asked, looking down at Xander after putting away one of the glasses, "His mother coming and moving him elsewhere? And what does it mean to you? When you say he is just 'going to deal?'"
 
"Odds of his mother snatching him off? High. Odds of anything for them permanently changing for the better? Low," Xander stated. "I could be optimistic and say something about how everyone has the chance to change and all of that, but from what nuggets he's dropped, she's got a track record. His grandparents would flip if he said he wanted to stay with them, I bet you my next leather shipment, but he's got it in his skull that he's nothing but a burden to anyone and everyone." He put away a pot a little rougher than he needed to. "He lives in this little shadow world trying to avoid everything including friends. Yeah, I know, it's me talking, but how's he expect anything to change just because he's out of high school? He's got lousy schooling thanks to moving so much, worse social skills than me, and nothing and no one to fall back on. But that's what he wants. Or says that's what he wants."
 
"If you knew there was a high percentage you'd be leaving relatively soon, and that was what you knew of the world, how hard would you work to change?" Dark asked, cleaning up the counter, "When you came here, how long did it take you to feel truly wanted? You are there now, I hope, but there have been setbacks, for all of us. It was what, December? Early November? When we had to go to therapy as a family to work through a setback. And you both had been with us for a year. Nobody here knows what goes on in that home when the doors are shut, none of us can tell if his grandparents say something which may discomfort him: Daizi did not know expressing her preference for 'Mama' would discomfort Alec. And we do not know how hard he may be working in private to change, hm? What secret and subtle things he may be working towards?"
 
"No, I get all that! I'm not an idiot," Xander stated, absently moving a cloth around another counter without paying attention. "It's just... He put himself out there. He tried to be nice. I snapped at him, and now he thinks I'm some kind of psycho-abuser. Or at least a reigned in one. He still let us come to his grandparents house, for show for his grands, I think, but ever since then, I can feel him watching me. I mean, I get it, I do, he don't know me that well or what I'm trying to get over anymore than I know him, but..." He shrugged awkwardly. "Doesn't feel good."
 
"No, I do not believe it would." He agreed, running his tongue over his teeth as he thought. "You can always talk to him, and tell him how he is making you feel. If that is not something you are comfortable with, you can wait to see if it gets better, and he learns you are not what he suspects you to be, or end the friendship if you do not want to wait and see. But the hurt is still fresh, yes? It is hard for things to be back as they were after only a few days."
 
Xander stared at the counter as he scrubbed in little circles. "I just... don't want to see him get hurt, but every direction I look for him... Making friends with me is like making friends with a porcupine, I know, but it's easier with Alec, so if he actually feels like friends with the both of us, he might have a better time now, better quality or life or whatever, but it's going to hurt worse when he leaves than if he didn't. If his mom actually comes to get him, that's another stable place ripped out from under him - selfish prick - and maybe, just maybe she'll follow through on her promises and things will be better for his life. That would be really great, and I wish and hope that's happen, but her track record don't look good. So if he stays with his grands, first we gotta hope they really do want him there. I think they do, but I'm not a mind reader, but if they don't, that's another pain, and if they do, he's gotta say goodbye to his mum, and whatever else she is, she's still his mum." He heaved a sigh, still rubbing the same place. "I guess if he had a backbone and knew hsi grands would back him, he could demand that she head down to New Mexico or wherever first and prove to him that she's changed."
 
Listening to Xander, Dark stopped cleaning, so he could really listen to what he was saying. After he finished, Dark allowed a few moments of silence before cautiously asking, "What is his mother like?"
 
Xander glanced at Dark briefly. Other people weren't supposed to know this, Milo had told him in confidence, but this was Dark. The guy he actually trusted to be his foster dad. After going back and forth in his head for a minute, Xander finally said reluctantly, "Milo told me some stuff privately that I don't think he'd be too happy if he found out I shared, even to you. His mum has... problems that I guess she's addressing right now and that's why he's with the grands? But she changes her mind a lot and had drug him over what sounds like most of the US." He considered saying more but decided to stop before he accidentally said something he wasn't supposed.
 
"I see." Dark commented, not pressing Xander for more details. It was commendable how he was cautious about sharing information his friend would not want out. "It is a very complicated situation you have found yourself in, and I wish I had an easy answer for you. But, unfortunately, caring about people means you have to open yourself up to being hurt, or seeing them get hurt. If he does move, that does not have to be goodbye, though, you understand? It would be difficult, and still be hard on both of you, but that separation hurts less when you keep in touch. Daizi and I lived an ocean apart for four years, and she lived an ocean from Cooger, yet they remained friends."
 
"Sometimes the only thing you can do is try, when it matters to you." Dark told him solemnly, "and if it matters to you, and you do not try, then it will haunt you longer than if you do. It all aches because we do not know what will happen, and we cannot know. And I would not be surprised if that is why he is attached to the idea of things miraculously resolving when he goes to college, it's a moment where he knows there is bound to be some sort of difference, for good or ill."
 
"I guess so, but it's going to be a pretty bad college that accepts his high school records," Xander sighed. He finally stopped wiping the counter and tossed the dishcloth into the sink. "Part of me really does hope his mum shapes up and takes him somewhere nice to have a good life, but the rest of me," his lip curled, "way too cynical for such optimism. Either way, I guess what I'll do now is just... try not to be an ass to him. Then maybe he'll at least have two good memories of places he's lived. Maybe."
 
"If he goes to Community College first he will be alright. Do you think a four-year institution accepted me? But that's for whatever guidance counselor he has when he's ready to apply to sort out. You do not have to be an optimist. I am not." He sighed, running one hand through his hair, "All we can do is focus on what is happening now, and what we can do in the moment."
 
"Yeah." Xander stared at nothing for a while. Then he snapped back to the present and looked at Dark. "So, while I might not have my entire preferred career path lined up like some people, I did figure out a more immediate goal. I've been doing some research, and I think I can have about 1,500 saved up by next month, maybe less if business gets real good, and that should cover me for a reasonable used car. I'm all right taking on a clunker. I figure I could work out some kind of deal with Cooger to fix whatever's wrong with it. I just want something to get me from point A to point B for now, so I'm not too picky, but I do have some makes and models in mind that have good reputations. I'm going to go over the numbers again tonight just to be sure I got my math right."
 
Again, Dark had a moment of surprised quiet, but it wasn't like when Alec told him about his career goals. "Great job. I am very proud of you. You have really been working hard for this. Let me know if you want help looking."
 
"I am surprised," Dark confirmed, "not because you stuck with it, but because you saved so quickly. I have access to your bank account, but I do not monitor it closely. Perhaps I should, to make sure you are not being scammed, but it is, at this point, all money you yourself have earned, so it does not feel much like my buisness. I am impressed, not shocked."
 
"Fair, but it's a lot easier to save when you don't have to personally pay for much," Xander pointed out. "Plus, getting those saddles for next to nothing and selling the stuff I made for a decent amount really helped. Won't always be the case, but it's a good bolster."
 
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