How Green Becomes Wood

"You didn't even answer your phone," She murmured, her heart still pounding in her chest. At her core, she really didn't want to make them feel guilty about visiting their mom, "I want you to be able to visit her, and I am glad that you did," Her voice came out in a pitiful squeak, so she swallowed hard and tried again, "I am glad that you did, but you can't just go where you like, we're responsible for you." She knew they had already apologized and that she was repeating herself, but she felt like she needed to say something, and what else was there?

Dark drove home in silence. He hadn't said anything since urging Daizi to be lighter on them, but unlike Xander he wasn't shutting things out. He was thinking. Once they made it back to the house, he got out, looked at the twins, and calmly said, "You should go to bed," and nothing else.
 
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Alec started to apologize again, but Xander pulled him along to their room. The pair got ready for bed, and Alec climbed in, curling up under the blankets in a ball. Xander sat on the floor next to the bed, reaching up to hold Alec's arm lightly in a reassurance that he was still there.

"I'm sorry," Alec whispered, tears still occasionally making their way out and into his pillow.

"It's not your fault," Xander said quietly. "It was my idea. They were supposed to stay in bed, not randomly get up in the middle of the night and come looking for us. I thought we would be back before they noticed."

Alec heaved a sigh and hugged his pillow tightly. "The day started out so well, too," he murmured. He pressed his face into the pillow.

"Yeah. I know." Xander looked out the window and let his head flop back. He'd messed up again. This whole thing was distinctly his fault, but he knew Alec would get punished for it, too. He honestly hadn't thought they'd be this upset about it. Some, yes, but not like this. Not to the point of picturing them dead. He'd just wanted some peace and quiet and to not have explain himself at the gravesite. He knew they would have tried to give him that, but they were, well, them. It seemed like they both, especially Daizi, talked in mini speeches. They meant well and had a lot of good things to say, but it was just too much to handle. Just trying to get a handle on what he felt for his mother's death was hard enough. That on top of celebrating another mother just left him... confused. He didn't think of Daizi as an imposter, far from it! But the fact was she was a mother figure, and was therefore, by default, replacing the mother figure they'd already had. She wasn't being motherly, just filling in that roll. He liked her, he did, and he was actually grateful to her and Dark. It was just all so confusing. He'd just wanted a little time, just him and Alec, to sort through things in the old way. That had backfired massively.

Alec eventually fell asleep, clinging to his pillow miserably, but Xander stayed on the floor, sitting awake the whole night. Or what was left of it. Neither of them knew what was waiting for them tomorrow. It was the first time either of them had been punished, really punished, by Dark and Daizi, and they both knew they deserved it, but had no idea what to expect. So Alec slept fitfully, and Xander sat waiting like a guard dog.
 
Dark and Daizi followed the twins inside, and sat in their kitchen. They both knew perfectly well the reason why they were so upset was because they had been so frightened. It only took five rings for Xander to answer the phone, but those five rings felt like an eternity. And also--they tried so hard to teach the twins they could be trusted and relied on, and in return they tried to trust them back. And then this.

"We should go to bed too," Dark said, locking the door. Daizi had finally stopped crying, and was a bit embarrassed she had made such a show, but going from the terror that something had happened, to knowing they were safe, to Xander telling her that if he and Alec were gone, then all of them would finally be happy was just too much.

She knew, objectively, that he was just lashing out, she knew that he did that, but it still wounded her to hear it, and she still asked, "Do you think they're unhappy here? Have we been doing it wrong the whole time?"

He sighed heavily, at last wrapping his arms around her. He had resisted doing so while they were in the cemetery, because he didn't want it too look like he was only upset because they made her cry, or that he was coddling her, or unfairly taking her side--although of course he was taking her side, not unfairly--but now they weren't around and it didn't matter, "If they were unhappy here, they would not have improved so much since coming under our care," He said, holding her tightly, "and I think if they truly believe we are unhappy having them here, they have not paid very much attention to anything we have been saying. You should go to bed. Out of any of us, you need the most sleep."

"I can't," she replied, "I'm too..." She flapped her hands, trying to express that she was still too worked up. Gently, Dark took her hand and led her to the kitchen, instructing her to sit while he brewed a pot of sleepy time tea.

They sat together quietly, drinking their two cups, each silently thinking about a million different things, until suddenly, with no warning, Dark began to sob. Instantly Daizi set down her cup and was holding him close to his chest, and it took a few minutes but eventually he was able to say, "That was the first time they ever upset me like that, and I was so angry with them, but I--I did not react at all like my parents would have. I did not scream at them, I did not threaten them, I did not hurt them, I never even thought about hurting them." He could not express the relief he felt. He clutched at her while she held him tight and rocked him.

"You are a better person than they could have been," She told him, drying his face, "and I am so proud of the man you've grown into. Those boys upstairs are lucky to have you, and I am so grateful I will get to raise this baby with you, because you are an incredible father, even better because of everything you have survived."

It took them awhile, but eventually they managed to go upstairs and go to bed for a few hours of restless sleep--and Daizi never did light the candle for her mother. In the morning, they went downstairs, and tired as they were, made breakfast as usual, and waited for the twins.
 
The morning light finally crept through their bedroom window, releasing them from their nightly prison. Xander winced as he pried himself up off the floor, feeling stiff and cold. Alec stayed where he was, and Xander let him, getting dressed and half-heartedly getting ready for the day. He'd heard the soft voices and what sounded like crying during the night, but he hadn't understood anything. It must have been Daizi still crying, but it hadn't quite sounded right. Still, it must have been her because Dark crying made no sense. Either way, he supposed the point was he'd really stressed them out. He paused to stare at himself in the mirror for a long time. Why couldn't he ever do the right thing? They were likely down there trying to figure out what to do with them and maybe even regretting taking them in, but Xander knew they'd never say anything like that. They'd never tell him to leave unless he did something really, really stupid. They'd tried to support him, but how much more of his stupidity could they take?

He huffed out a sigh and shook his head. No point in dragging this out. He turned and gently shook Alec's shoulder. "Hey. I know you're awake. We should go. We're going to be late to school."

"I don't feel well," Alec said softly.

"Okay," Xander murmured, not arguing. "I'll let them know. Want some breakfast?"

"No, thank you," Alec murmured into his pillow.

Xander dragged his hand through his scruffy hair one last time and headed out, walking down toward the kitchen as if preparing for the gallows. This was his mess. He'd handle it.
 
Daizi sat sleepily in one of the chairs, dressed in the first loose fitting dress she found with her pulled back into a messy ponytail, "It's a good thing I'm pregnant," she murmured, "otherwise my coworkers would think I'm hungover."

"You look lovely," Dark replied. He seemed more energetic than she did and was dressed about the same as he always did, although he had used some of the foundation typically reserved to cover the back of his hands to hide his dark circles. It wasn't obvious, because he knew how to apply makeup, but he had. When Xander came in, he nodded to him slightly and said, "Good morning." He didn't immediately jump onto his case, which may have seemed like a good sign. Breakfast was simple that day, really just a bunch of scrambled eggs, but they didn't have enough sleep to make something fancier.
 
Xander hesitated, on guard. He wasn't instantly being scolded? There was no frowning and significant looks with cups being set down harder than necessary? He wasn't sure if this was a good sign or the calm before the storm. In any case, he carefully moved to get his breakfast, never quite taking his eyes from Dark.

"Good morning," he greeted. "Alec says he's not feeling well. He's still in bed. Doesn't want breakfast." He sat down in his usual spot but didn't immediately start eating like he normally did.
 
"Oh no, is he sick?" Daizi asked, turning towards Xander, concerned, "We'll have to call him in to school, let them know he won't be there. I should go check on him."

"In a minute," Dark said, and exhaled, "we need to talk about last night... I, I understand that for a long time, you two have only had each other to consistently rely on, so, you may not have previously had to think about if other people were worried about you, but it is not like that, now, and so even though it is hard to readjust, you have to start being aware of that. You frightened both of us. And that is a big reason why we are upset, not the only reason, but part of it."

Daizi turned towards Xander and asked, "What do you think we should do? And think about, don't answer for what you would expect us to do, or to self-flagellate, if you were on our end of things, what do you think would be a fair response? Because we don't know. We don't--we're not going to punish you for where you went, but we can't just let sneaking out pass by as if it were nothing, it was extremely dangerous of you both."
 
Xander stared at them, baffled. He'd never been asked to look at things like that before. He'd never been asked what he thought his actions were worth on a punishment scale. Punishments had just been handed out, usually somewhat haphazardly. He looked down at his plate and fiddled with the rim for something to do with his hands.

"I'm... sorry that I scared you," he said slowly. "I didn't mean to. It was my idea. Alec only went along because I convinced him. I thought we could go, have a bit of time, and get back before you even noticed. We just..." He trailed off, not knowing how to explain anything and not sure it mattered, anyway. "We'll do better about letting you know," he finally went with. "I don't know what kind of punishment fits this, either. I guess grounding, but I hardly go anywhere, anyway. Suppose a few licks could do it."

He shrugged and sank lower in his seat, feeling as though he was failing again, but he didn't know what kind of answer to give. Take away the phones? Those were for emergencies more than play. Maybe his leatherworking? That could do. Music? He hoped not. Ground him from the talent show? That would affect Alec and Peter as much as him, and Peter, at least, was a complete innocent. They didn't seem the type to deny food. What options were left?
 
When Xander suggested a few licks, Dark immediately and tersely said, "No, I will not do that. That is never an acceptable punishment."

"Take some time and think about it," Daizi said, "and we'll think too, and settle on something. I suggested making you both mop the floors, just once, not continuously, mostly because I hate doing it, but it seemed very... Cinderella. We do forgive you, by the way. I mean, we're not thrilled, and we're a bit annoyed, but..."

"We are not angry, anymore," They weren't entirely sure if it was true, but at the very least they felt more relaxed about it than they did the night before, since the initial feelings had cooled off, "eat your breakfast. How unwell do you think Alec is?"
 
"Taking on the cleaning for a week sounds fair," Xander said. "I think we can agree on that. Maybe you could give me a list of what you want me to do? And Alec is alright, mostly, but I think a day off school would be best."
 
"Great, then it is all resolved, and we can move on," Daizi said, stretching, "You two should probably get going, I don't want you to be late."

"What about you?" Dark asked, cleaning up the table.

"Oh, I figure I'll stay here, make sure he's doing alright. And I don't want him to go through the day worrying about what will happen when we get home."
 
"I gotta get my school stuff," Xander said. He shoved half of his toast into his mouth in one bite and headed toward his room. Alec still lay curled up where he'd left him. He knelt and touched Alec's shoulder. "Hey. It's going to be okay. They aren't angry and we had a talk, but I gotta go to school. I'll see you later, okay?"
Alec squirmed a hand out of the blankets and touched his. "You'll be back?"

"Promise," Xander told him. He grabbed his school bag and headed for the door. "Daizi will be in later. See you in a few hours." He headed out, glancing back a couple of times. It felt weird and wrong to leave Alec behind, but he didn't have a legitimate reason to stay.
 
Daizi said goodbye to Xander and kissed Dark goodbye, feeling very much like a housewife, which was uncommon for her. During her first trimester, when her morning sickness was bad, she'd take sick days when she needed them, but now she was staying home to keep watch over her sick teenager, which felt entirely different.

After they left, she scrubbed down the counters and called her boss who was, thankfully, always understanding. Then, at last, she went upstairs and knocked lightly on Alec's door, "Hey, can I come in?"
 
Xander didn't say anything during the trip to school. Everything felt strange. They weren't taking Daizi to work. They wouldn't be yelling their cheerful goodbyes. He held onto his bag and realized he'd never packed a lunch. Alec normally did that. He sighed and rested his head against the window. It was just one lunch, but it felt like a symptom of all that was wrong. Things had been going so well! And then he and his big ideas had to mess it all up. Over something that, looking back, was a really stupid idea and completely illogical.

~~

"Yes," Alec called in a tiny voice. He lay curled up in a tiny ball in bed.
 
Dark didn't know what to say on the drive to school. It did feel different now, between them. Daizi not being there didn't bother him too much, he still said goodbye to her, and he knew what she was like when someone was unwell. When they finally parked, he did look over at Xander and said, "It is okay, you know? Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow is a good day. Everything will be alright."

~~

Daizi came in and sat on the edge of his bed, "How are you feeling?" She asked, gently reaching over to touch his forehead, "And we aren't mad, by the way. We were frightened yesterday, but we've calmed down now. I'm pretty sure both Dark and I did stupider things for worse reasons, and going there wasn't stupid... not telling us was." She smiled warmly down at him.
 
Xander sighed and pushed open the car door. "Will it?" The words came out in a rush of frustration and sadness. He was still going to be the same person tomorrow as he was today, and today's person was a royal screwup. Lucky them for landing someone like him. Why couldn't he be gentler like Alec? More inclined to put others first and think of them? It might make him a doormat in some cases and probably a dupe, but he never hurt the people he loved. He got out of the car and headed up to the school, digging into his bag for his headphones. Part of him wished he'd faked being sick so he could stay home with Alec. He was worried about his brother.

~~

Alec sniffled, feeling small and pathetic. He was such a child! Why couldn't he be stronger like Xander? Xander might make dumb choices, but at least he was confident about them. He had ideas and opinions! He was bold and at the front while Alec hid behind. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disappoint you," he whispered. "I didn't mean to scare you and make you angry."
 
"Of course it will. So you made a mistake leaving the house without telling us. That is okay. The world does not end for that." He hoped Xander could understand, but let him go into the building instead of forcing him to stay. He almost wished he wasn't a teacher, so he didn't need to get out of the car, because he worried it would seem like he wasn't letting Xander just walk away. But, nonetheless, he got out of the car, and also walked inside the school.

~~

Daizi stopped checking his temperature and instead smoothed his hair, "Come here," She said softly, gesturing him to come closer, "Come here. You didn't disappoint me... I expect someone your age to make mistakes. And I forgive you for frightening me, I suppose it's karmic payback for the time you thought I had died. So we're all forgiven, okay? We're all forgiven."
 
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Xander glanced back briefly but didn't comment further. Instead, he found his usual corner in the gym to wait until the school day started. A couple of other teachers also had their kids in this school, so the group of them tended to loiter and hang out in the gym with any other early arrivals. He sat down and put in his earbuds and waited for the school day to end.

~~

Alec rolled over and sat up, leaning gently into Daizi. "Is it really that easy?" he asked. "I made you cry. I never, ever, ever wanted to make you cry."
 
Dark watched Xander walk away, and then just... went about his normal routine. What else was there to do? In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't really that bad. Everyone ended up safe, and they snuck out with good reason, so...It was what it was. He was sure, eventually, they would talk about it later, and come to an even more peaceful resolution, but... It was normal to feel kind of bad after doing something they weren't supposed to do.
~~

"I know you didn't," She rubbed his arm and rested her chin on top of his head, "but let's be honest, with how I've been? It was bound to happen eventually. At least this time it was for a good cause, right? It wasn't for something stupid. Right?"
 
Alec managed a weak nod. "I think it was for a good cause," he agreed. "I'm sorry we didn't go about it the right way. It was just... it was a... a confusing day. It started out easier trying not to think about it at all, but that made it worse. We really did want to give you a nice day. We meant that, both of us. Then we just got... confused."
 
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