How Green Becomes Wood

Dark shook his head, "We looked at the budget, we can afford it. I already do not get paid over breaks, not technically. I had the option when I was hired to either be paid only during the year or have my pay check be smaller but spread throughout the calendar year."

"I'll just write a few more books, and then we will be okay," Daizi said cheerfully.
 
"Oh, I figured you could afford it or you wouldn't have done it, but it is still a lot of money that could go toward spontaneous pizza parties and seasonal wardrobes," Xander shrugged.

"We'll be fine," Alec assured Dark. "We are not at all worried. Just cautious."
 
"I am only glad that... I do not have to be indecisive anymore. I know what the next step is." Dark said, not knowing what else to add. He had anticipated the conversation would go differently, that the twins would be more upset about it. But they weren't. They accepted it just like Daizi promised him they would. Somehow, he still didn't anticipate it to be this smooth.

"That's why you listen to me," Daizi murmured, kissing his cheek. Her husband might not have said anything outloud, but she knew what he was thinking.
 
Alec reached out and lightly touched Dark's arm, a touch as light and brief as a butterfly's. "But this is what will make you happy, right?" he asked sincerely. "This is what's been weighing on your mind so hard? And now that you've decided, you'll be happy again?"
 
Would be happy again? How was he supposed to answer that? Inhaling slowly, Dark looked at Alec, trying to pick his words properly. "Yes, I think it will make me happier. Being at work all day, knowing what I was missing at home, was difficult. And it weighed on me."

He couldn't bring himself to claim it would make him happy, that had never really been... his experience, with that emotion. There were moments or days in life that had been happy, he had felt happiness, before. But the simple state of being happy? Even now, he was uncertain if that was something he had experienced. At least not consistently. And so he answered his son, "I will be content, again."
 
"Oh, alright," Alec said, feeling a little disappointed, but trying to accept the answer. "At least you'll feel better. That's enough for me. At least for now."

Xander stood and started clearing the table. "As long as you stop trying to slice yourself open while pretending to work on wood, I'll be content, too. Blood is a terrible varnish."
 
"Sure," Xander said agreeably. Then he added so quietly Dark might not have been able to hear, "That time."

Alec hadn't heard what Xander said, and he helped finish cleaning off the table quickly. "I'm going to go text Sloan and Becky a picture of my hair," he said proudly and headed out to find a mirror.
 
"Woah," Daizi said, turning sharply to Xander as Alec walked out of the room, "Don't say things like that. You don't know what you're talking about."

Dark hadn't relaxed since Xander's initial comment because even though it had been a long time since he had last done something like that, it still felt like he had been caught in it. Then, he remembered what he had said. Or at least, he remembered he had said something. "What did I tell you?"
 
"Nothing," Xander said flatly. "You didn't tell me anything. I didn't say anything. If anything, I said I'm washing dishes." He turned his back on them and started running the water to do just that. He knew what he was talking about whether or not Daizi realized it, and while he believed Dark about 95%, there was still 5% that suspected. He may or may not have been ashamed of that 5%.
 
"It's not okay to just bring up stuff like that." Daizi said, trying not to jump down his throat, but she hadn't been exactly prepared to hear her son reference her husband's former habits, and she couldn't imagine how confronting it must have been for Dark. Who, meanwhile, sat still, trying to remember.

"I told you I know what bleeding out feels like." He said at last, slowly, as the realization came together for him.
 
"It doesn't matter," Xander said, basically ignoring Daizi at that point, figuring she was reacting defensively on Dark's behalf. "You were a space cadet." He shoved his hands in the too-hot water and winced but kept going. He hadn't intended to start this conversation, but he wasn't going to take the coward's way out by walking away.
 
Dark watched Xander for a few moments, and then handed Ivy to Daizi, which she took as a clear enough sign he wanted to speak to Xander alone about this, and she didn't particularly want to leave, because she was admittedly truly upset at Xander for just speaking about those things directly to Dark without warning. He sounded accusatory, which Dark didn't deserve, but if they wanted to talk privately, she'd listen.

"I do not even know what that means." Dark said, honestly.
 
"Space cadet?" Xander asked, scrubbing harder than strictly necessary. "Basically, out of touch. Spacey. Daydreaming. Sometimes forgetful. Sometimes it means like a druggie, but pretty much anyone who's just not with it in that moment."
 
"I was a bit shaken by what had happened." Dark said simply, turning his hand to look at the fairly fresh scar he had running along its edge. "But even so I apologize I said anything upsetting."
 
"S'no big deal," Xander shrugged. "We all say junk when we're hurting. Doesn't matter. You're fine now, so it's all good."
 
"I don't have questions. Why would you think I have questions?" Xander asked. He started rinsing the washed dishes to dry. "You sliced yourself open like a side of beef. Probably on purpose. If it wasn't, then you wouldn't act like you did, and neither would she." He nodded briefly toward Daizi. "Not many questions you can ask about that."
 
"Do not." Dark said, clenching his jaw. "It is not fair for you to talk about it like that to me. Yes, I used to use certain unproductive coping mechanisms. I do not anymore. That day in the shed was an accident. My hand slipped."
 
"I was talking about previous time, not that time," Xander said, setting a cleaned and dried cup on the counter harder than necessary. He shoved his hands back in the water. "I get that this time was an accident. That you used to treat yourself like you were disposable. Now you don't. And now you're the one chasing the topic and getting mad at me for talking about it. Case closed."
 
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