Dark and Daizi stood still, not interrupting the conversation. To his surprise, Dark found hearing the conversation painful. On one hand, he was angry, because it still felt like Declan was making nothing but excuses for himself. He kept thinking that if the man really wanted to try to get involved in his kids lives, he would have done it, not just accepted 'no' and moved on. He was here now, he was willing to intrude on their lives now, even though his kids were happy and didn't need him, but before? Then it was too hard. And Ciara had already told them that she was trying to track him down to get him to come back, when it seemed to him that if he really wanted to be with his kids, it wouldn't have taken nearly that long. His name should've been on the birth certificate, because if it wasn't, he had no legal rights to the Alec and Xander to begin with. And if their mother really kept him away, Dark would expect to him at least occasionally google her name, or make a fake account to follow her on social media, or something, something so he could keep an eye on his kids but instead? He just agreed to abandon his kids and didn't even bother learning their names. And here he was, saying that the fact that he didn't have a great example for a dad made it all better, somehow, like because he had it rough, leaving was at least somewhat understandable.
But it wasn't just anger. He remembered the time Alec and Xander had told him he was the only father figure they had ever had, and how wonderful it had made him feel. It was something he took so seriously. For so many years he had longed to be a father, and then he had these two boys, and he wasn't quite their father, but he also wasn't entirely not, either. It was different for Daizi, they had a mother. They knew their mother. So she knew she never would be their mom, but for Dark, since they never had a father... He was the closest thing they had. Sure there was some mysterious sperm donor out in the world, but the only day he was ever there for them was they day he donated them. So, Dark realized as he watched Declan and the twins speak, he felt like their dad. But now the sperm donor was here, and even though the twins had already said they wanted to stay living with him, no matter what, he worried about what his role in their life would become. Because what if this stranger had turned it around? What if he was honest and really, truly wanted to be in their lives?
And then, somewhere beneath all of that, was the little boy he used to be, who was watching this man tell these kids that maybe he'd try to do better, and that he'd like to try to do better, and even if it turned out to be a lie--it was still more than his own father ever gave him. And that little boy who grew up terrified with nobody to ever turn to, without anybody who ever cared about him, or thought twice about him, that part of him just wanted to break down and cry, and not because any of this seemed at all beautiful to him.
Dark couldn't express any of this. Maybe later, when he was home, and lying in bed beside his wife, after every other living thing had gone to bed, he would tell her what he was able to express, and she would be able to gentle and with great care and love draw some of it out of him, at least enough that he could bundle it up and present it to his therapist, but not then. Not in the moment. Right then, he could only stand cold and emotionless, watching Declan with his piercing, hawk like gaze.
