How Green Becomes Wood

Simply the time Xander spent upstairs worried Dark, but the head tilt was too much. Lifting Ivy up out of her high chair, he passed her to Alec, "Ivy, my darling girl, your brother wants to tell you all about his day at work." Then he quickly rinsed his plate and slipped upstairs. He knocked lightly at the door, but from the sounds of it, Daizi had carried on with her ritual, so Dark sat down on the other side with his back against the wood to listen. She chanted, cried, and prayed, but soon the released the corners, and opened the door a crack so Dark knew it was safe to enter. She was still sitting on the floor with her glass jar in her hands so he came and sat on the floor besides her.

"Spider, what is this about?" He murmured to her, pulling her tightly to his side. Daizi didn't know how to answer him: she felt stupid and dramatic for how big of a reaction she had to a largely innocuous comment, she felt guilt for letting Xander see, and for stressing everyone out, and she felt like she only had fragments of why is had hit her so hard. She was searching desperately for the answer, but she only could catch whispers of it, and it was overwhelming. Dark let her soak his shirt as he stroked her hair, "I love you, my darling. However you are. You have never stopped being the free-spirited, adventurous, incredible woman I fell for. I would marry you all over again tomorrow."

"I feel cut off from myself," She finally found the words to say, speaking into her husband's chest, "I didn't know. It's like, I lost..."

"What did you tell me? When I felt lost?" He asked her, trying to wipe her tears, "I will find you. Wait for me."

"I hadn't realized. It's myself? How did I not know?"

"Because you work so hard." He kissed the top of her head before resting his cheek against it, "but I do not think you have anything to fear. You have never stopped astounding."
 
"What is going on up there?" Alec asked in concerned confusion, bouncing Ivy lightly, but not too much since she just ate.

"I think Mama is having some sort of existential crisis or something," Xander said.

Alec helped Ivy stand on his knees, holding her supportively. "Oh, I think I've read about this. Basically, mothers pour so much of themselves into looking after the house and family, they start to lose the feeling of self-identity. I thought it was supposed to happen later than this, or maybe that's just when they start fighting against it. But then they feel guilty for wanting more for themselves because it feels selfish even if they logically know otherwise."

"That sounds rough. Glad I'm never going to have to deal with that," Xander admitted.
 
It was much easier to talk to Dark than it was to anyone else, and it was especially easier than talking with her children, who she didn't want to burden. But he understood her, and always knew what words to say, so she could unburden herself with him while held firmly in his perfect arms. God, she loved his arms. Nobody else seemed to understand how wonderful arms and hands were. He made her feel so safe. She never had to wonder if his love was unconditional, and he was able to talk her down until she was only hiccupping and tired. So he lifted her up off the ground and lay her out on the couch in her study, "You stay there," He told her, drying her face, "I am going to bring you water and reheat your dinner. You need to eat, and you need to rehydrate." After she murmured agreement, he bent to kiss her, made sure she was okay with him leaving her be for a moment, and then brought her plate back downstairs.

He didn't seem as weary was one might expect him to after talking his wife through a moderate breakdown. In some instances, he walked away still worried for her, but despite this not being small, he knew she would be okay. By the end of their conversation, Daizi was already lighter, so he wasn't afraid for her. They'd figure it out, they always did. So he was going to reheat her dinner, and she'd eat, and tomorrow would be better.
 
The twins had moved to the living room with Ivy and were playing with her by rolling a ball back and forth. Sometimes they rolled it to each other, and sometimes to Ivy. They had a couple of balls in case Ivy didn't want to give up her ball, and then they rolled it back and forth between themselves for a bit. They kept it calm, trying not to be too rambunctious, but still entertaining her.
 
After microwaving the food, Dark briefly stepped out towards the living room to check up on what everyone else was doing, watching them silently for a few moments before speaking up to say, "Daizi is alright. She became a bit overwhelmed--hello, Hummingbird!--but she will be alright. She just needs a bit of time to rest. Thank you for taking care of Ivy and for checking on her."
 
"You're welcome!" Alec said cheerfully. "I don't mind looking after her. She's so much fun. As long as Mama will be alright. We can look after Ivy for as long as she needs."
 
"She is fun," Dark agreed, bending down to pick her up for a moment, "but she should be getting ready for bed. It is true, my darling. But I know tomorrow will be a wonderful day for you." He hugged her closely and set her down, "I think she will be fine come morning. She only needed a bit of a reset. Although it may be better if we choose not to comment on how she has developed."
 
"Right you are," Alec agreed readily.

Xander looked up at Dark from where he sat on the floor. "I guess that means you won't be going to the skate park tomorrow. Should I stay home, too?"
 
"No, I do not think there is a reason for you to stay here," Dark replied, turning to Xander, "I think it would be fine if I went too, it really depends on how she is. But she is going to eat, then bathe, then sleep, and things always seem better when you have done those three things. I would not make a decision for tomorrow before we see what tomorrow brings." He paused for a moment, frowning, "You see? This is how you know I truly love her. She makes me be optimistic when she is not there to be the one to do it."
 
Alec smiled and scrambled to his feet. "Need any help with Ivy? I can help you get her ready for bed." He paused and added, "No, probably not because it's you and her time, right?"
 
He looked down at his daughter's tiny face and at the sleepiness creeping in around her eyes. Ivy tried to fight sleep, this time of night. "You can help get her ready. Or you can check on your mother." He smoothed Ivy's hair, "I have to get both done, and wanted to bring her to say goodnight to her Mama."
 
"I can go check on Mama. I haven't seen her yet. If you think she wouldn't mind." Alec started for the stairs, willing and ready to go see Daizi, but understanding if she didn't want yet another person sticking their head in.

Xander pushed himself up off the floor and stretched. "I'm around if you need anything."
 
"I think she would welcome it," Dark told Alec sincerely, patting Ivy's back. Already she was snuggling down against him, now that the enticement to play had died down. "When I left her, she was significantly more relaxed, too. But I will check with her when I bring Ivy in to say goodnight and let you know." He thanked Xander for offering to help, then bounced Ivy once and told her to come say night-night to Mama.

When he came back to her, Daizi was delighted to say goodnight to her daughter, snuggling her for as long as she could before knowing it was time to give her back to her father. When asked, she did confirm she would be okay if Alec came to check on her, which Dark relayed to him before bringing Ivy into the nursery.
 
Alec poked his head in and quietly announced his presence before stepping in. "Hi, Mama. I just came to see if you needed anything," he said, walking over to her. "I'm sorry you're feeling a bit... down."
 
"I don't need anything, thank you," Daizi said softly, looking much more tired than her husband did. She hadn't moved from where Dark has placed her and was wrapped in a blanket. "I'll be okay, I just... I'm worn out, I guess."
 
Alec moved over to kneel next to her and gave her an awkward hug considering their positions. "Rest all you need, Mama. We've got this! You've prepared us well so the world won't collapse. At least, not for a few hours or even a day or two."
 
Daizi bent to hug him back, feeling tears prick at her eyes again at his words, feeling even more overdramatic, but after taking a moment to steady herself said, "I can't lie around wallowing for even one day, I'd feel terrible." She sighed, pulling away from him and fiddling with the blanket, "You know how someone cannot see themselves without some reflective surface? I've been reminded that's true for your third eye, also. And that's the only one I have which works."
 
"You needed to look into a third eye mirror?" Alec asked tentatively, not sure he understood what she meant. "I'm glad you were able to find what you were looking for." At least, he hoped that was what she meant.
 
"I wasn't looking inwards and doing self-reflection," Daizi replied, although she didn't know how much it helped, "Not really. I did..." She gestured with one hand, still feeling overall pretty bad about herself. But she wasn't crying anymore, she could think clearly, and did feel more at peace, but still didn't find it easy to cope with. "I'll be okay."
 
"You're the strongest person I know, Mama," Alec told her honestly, "but everyone needs a good nap once in a while. A vacation time. A good amount of rest. So you rest for as much as you need, and we'll be waiting for you." He gave her another gentle hug. "I know you'll be okay. But I'll still worry about you."
 
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