How Green Becomes Wood

Alec shrugged even though Daizi couldn't see him and didn't respond. He had no answer for that. He couldn't think of anything that might hurt worse or get him in trouble or that he just plain didn't feel like saying. "You can visit," he finally said. "If you want."
 
"That's true, he would. And we're very fortunate for that, even if it doesn't always seem like it." She scooted slightly closer to him, "and what about Ivy? She'll miss you terribly."
 
Daizi couldn't argue with that, but she still reached out with one hand and smoothed Alec's hair, "She'd miss you until she forgot. And you've never been mean to her. You're also not her only brother."
 
"He can have her," Alec said gloomily. "It's not like he's going anywhere. He's going to get home soon, toss his stuff aside, and head out to the shed to work, and he's not going to say one word to or about me. Ivy can take my place." He closed his eyes with a sigh, and for once, Daizi's hand on his hair did not comfort him.

Seconds later, the front door opened, and Xander walked in. He kicked off his shoes and put his bag by the stairs as he always did before going to get a drink. He intended to take a full shower and scrub before going out to the shed.
 
"What I mean is you not being in her life doesn't mean that she won't be at risk of, at some point, having a brother who says something mean to her. Dark and I are fully aware it'll happen some day. So by exiting her life, are you making sure nobody will be mean to her, or are you taking away her chance to know how creative, sweet, and attentive you are?" She kept stroking his hair as she spoke. "Xander can't hold her. You do. She loves you more."

"Daizi made babousa," Dark told Xander as he gestured to the cake, knowing from his conversation with Daizi that the other brother would be upset too. "You can have a piece, if you would like."
 
"She shouldn't. At least Xander's openly spiky. I apparently have spikes that come up without warning," Alec sighed. "Mama, I just want it to stop hurting. That's all. I don't want to talk about brothers and sisters and whether or not I'm being stupid. I know I'm being stupid. Being stupid makes it hurt less."

"Cool. I'll have some after a shower," Xander said indifferently. He washed his cup and put it away properly before heading to the stairs.
 
"I don't think you're being stupid." Daizi told him, pulling her hand away. "Everyone has their limit, baby. Everyone can be pushed too hard, or too far. That doesn't make you stupid. It makes you human." Darting her eyes up for a moment, Daizi breathed in and then out, the pain in Alec's voice bringing her near to crying. "You were pushed too far, and you said things maybe in a way you wish you hadn't, but that's normal. It's not a good thing, but it happens. I'm not going to ask you to figure out what the next step is, it's okay to just want to curl up in a ball, but you aren't rotten. You aren't ruinous. And you certainly are not stupid."

"Okay," Dark replied, knowing this was going to be a long night.
 
Finally, Alec rolled over so he could press his forehead against his mother's leg. "I feel all of those things. Maybe I ought to feel them all and worse. I don't deserve to feel any better."

Xander headed upstairs and walked right past his room. He could hear voices inside and could guess what was happening, but he ignored it. Let Alec, poor soft Alec, get comforted and feel all better. Let him be wrapped up in a hug and tenderly assured that everything was okay. It didn't matter to Xander what they did. All he knew was that as far as he was concerned, there was no going back. Ever. He got in the shower and finally allowed himself to scrub himself clean until nearly the entirety of his body was red and raw. With every scrub, he vented his anger and frustration. Stupid loud-mouthed rainbow!

Finally, feeling a little better but still very out of sorts, Xander got out and dressed in the same clothes so he wouldn't have to go to his room. Then he headed downstairs. Maybe a bite of cake. Then work. He couldn't shirk work just because of some idiotic fight.
 
"Yes you do," Daizi promised, stroking his hair again, "Of course you do. You got into a fight. It's not the end of the world. Even Dark and I get into fights. I wouldn't love you so much if I thought you were awful."

Dark was still waiting downstairs, taking some time to himself while Ivy napped. He would really rather be in his shed, too, but he, also, couldn't shirk work, although his work was a bit different. "The cake is very fresh, still."
 
"You didn't attack Cooger and basically tell him to get over something that you knew full well couldn't be gotten over," Alec mumbled. He was questioning himself more and more and trying to remember exactly what he'd said, but it was starting to get fuzzy with the high emotions. Had he said he didn't expect Milo to be happy, or had he said he did? He couldn't remember. Might as well assume the worst.

Xander eyed Dark skeptically before going to get a slice. "Smells good," he commented.
 
"Maybe not, but I've said things I regret." Daizi replied as she twirled a lock of Alec's hair around her finger, "Do you regret what you said to Milo? Not necessarily... the meaning of what you said, since you said it was necessary, but do you regret the words you chose? And the way you said it?"

"It is good," Dark replied, "It is nutty, and it is soaked in syrup. It is very nice."
 
"Yes," Alec replied without hesitation. "I do. I shouldn't have said it like that, no matter the truth." Yes, that was right. He said a lot of true things, but what good was it to be true if you were cruel?

Xander eyed Dark, feeling like he was up to something. Cautiously, he took his cake piece and went to eat it over the sink to reduce crumb problems.
 
"Okay," Daizi replied, "Do you think there is anything you can do, having said something you regret? Not at this exact moment."

"...You could use a plate." Dark replied, watching his son eat a slice of cake like a gremlin.
 
"Apologize, but what good are words? And gifts make it seem like I'm buying something," Alec sighed. "It's not like he'd believe me or ever forgive me. I could apologize and then ask to change classes so we never have to be near each other again. I don't think the teachers would let that happen."

Xander finished off his piece, tipping his head back and funneling the crumbs into his mouth with his hand. "One more dish to wash," he mumbled through a full mouth before making sure all the crumbs were contained. "Good cake."
 
Daizi brushed her thumb against his cheek, "In my opinion, all you can do is apologize. You can't demand forgiveness, and nobody is owed forgiveness, but what's worse? Assuming Milo will respond negatively and not even trying to make it right? Or attempting to apologize and being rejected? If it were you, would you want him to apologize to you?"

Shutting his eyes for a moment, Dark wondered how he raised this boy and then reminded himself: it hadn't been a full two years yet. This was not a habit he had instilled. "Your mother is an excellent cook. How was school?"
 
Alec didn't say anything for a long time. "Apologize," he finally mumbled. "Better to apologize and let him have his say."

"She is," Xander agreed, brushing off his hands. "And trash." He glanced at Dark. "Get what you need from the picture?"
 
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