How Green Becomes Wood

"We are all both." Daizi replied, "One may feel more natural to us, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't cultivate the other. And that goes both ways. It's important to cultivate light and optimism in our darkness, but we can't ignore our darkness in the light."
 
The twins both mumbled quiet agreement, reluctant as neither really wanted to actually delve into the other side, but they also knew their mother was right. They said nothing further, not prepared to chase that topic just yet. Maybe another day.
 
"Everything in its cycle." She repeated, stretching as she resettled herself, "I know it is a difficult thing to learn. It's hard to let in something that's not natural to us. But we need balance in ourselves. Still, I think we've had enough of hard conversations tonight, unless there's more either of you want to say."
 
"No, I think we're good, I guess," Xander shrugged.

Alec hesitated. "Mama? Are you sure you're okay? I mean, I know you can't share everything with us, and that's okay, but are you okay?"
 
Turning her face slightly to the side, she paused for a while, figuring out how she wanted to respond to that, and then said, "I'm okay." She nuzzled her face against Ivy's hair, taking a little while longer to think, and then decided to add, "I'm just doing this all for the first and last time. I want to do it well. It's a big responsibility. I don't want to harm you."
 
"You won't harm us, Mama," Alec said gently. "I promise. You are doing a good job, and you are so good at being our mother."

"Not perfect, but it'd be hella creepy if you were," Xander said with a shrug.

Alec nodded. "Imperfect is way better."
 
Feeling her throat tighten, Daizi tipped her head back, blinking rapidly to keep her eyes clear, and when she was ready she said, "Thank you. I just worry. I always worry. Some people don't worry until they look back what really happened."

Dark exhaled softly and put his arm back around her. This was a conversation they had often repeated, and he could only soothe her so much. But he'd always try. "You care so much, Spider," He said, "You do not need to be so fearful."
 
Alec slid off his seat and came to kneel in front of Daizi, reaching out to put his hands on her arm. "Mama, I like that you worry about us, but you don't need to worry so fearfully. I promise, we are probably doing better now than ever before in our lives thanks to you and Ba. Please don't be scared for us. Please."

Xander moved more slowly and hesitantly, but he came to stand next to Alec and reached down to lightly pluck on her sleeve. "We'll be okay," he said softly.
 
She nodded, adjusting how she held Ivy so she could squeeze Alec's hand, still keeping everything inside, because she hated crying in front of them. It was something she did too much. "I know you'll be okay, eventually," Daizi told them, her voice highly controlled, "but I don't know how not to be scared for you."
 
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Alec stayed there for a minute before standing up. "Thank you for being our mother," he said softly.

Xander gave a slight nod. "Thank you."
 
She made a tiny squeak from her throat as she tried to hold things in, and then said, "Thank you for being my children. I don't mean to worry you." She swallowed, gently squeezing Ivy in close, "I just love you both so, so much."
 
Alec leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "You worry about us, we worry about you, because we are a family now. Now and forever." He stepped back. "I'm going to go to my room now."

"I'm going to head out to the shed for a bit," Xander said.
 
Xander went out to his shed, and Alec his room. They both knew Daizi was struggling, but they didn't feel the need to solve her problems, just ease them a little where they were concerned. Above all, they had complete, one-hundred percent faith that their father could solve what needed to be solved and soothe what needed to be soothed.

Xander stayed out in the shed for about half an hour, thinking and tinkering, not really getting any work done. He was mostly thinking and absorbing everything. He wasn't entirely certain what the next step was. He knew how things couldn't stay and how he hoped they would be, but not quite what the immediate next step was. Then again, maybe he did.

He closed up his shed and made certain everything was properly put away before heading into the house. He headed upstairs and got ready for bed. Alec had already readied himself, so the bathroom was all his.

Alec sat on his bed with the lamp shining over his shoulder as he carefully sketched out another comic block. He'd completed several of the ones before, though most of them still had no text, and he thought he liked it that way. This current one was a continuation of his vampire story and showed the vampire holding his cape over the boy as they walked through the rain to a warm, inviting house. A lot of emotions came through the boy's face, one of them toward the end being that of tired relief. Alec looked up when Xander came in but turned his attention back to his sketchpad and continued drawing out the witch in flowing silks coming down the stairs to meet them. Her face - as it was in all the other panels with her in them - was covered with a silken scarf that covered her from the nose up but left her mouth free. Eyes were drawn on the scarf, but her real eyes were hidden. The scarf did nothing to hide the witch's relief as she wrapped the boy in a hug, even her silks and flowing cloths wrapping around him.

Xander read for a bit and then turned out his light. Alec finished the panel he was working on and did the same. Alec curled up under the blankets, trying not to feel cold and alone. This was a good first step. This was good. Everything would be okay. His bed creaked, tipping a little as new weight climbed on. Xander slid under the covers and wrapped his arms around Alec, hugging him close, back to chest. Alec smiled in the dark and closed his eyes as tears escaped.
 
They were correct, earlier, when they predicted Ivy wouldn't sleep. She was more snuggly than playful, but definitely wide awake until very late into the night.

But, eventually, well after midnight, they were able get her down again. During the time it took to get her to sleep, Dark and Daizi both traded off to do their nighttime routines so that they could go to bed immediately following her. However, the very moment their bedroom door was closed, Daizi turned to Dark, buried her face in his chest, and cried. He held her firmly, swaying from side to side, and listened as she got out fragments of everything that scared her, mentioning (in admittedly a confusing way, because she wasn't getting the words out well, and what she did was muffled) how she didn't want to find one of her children in a bathtub. Dark promised they wouldn't, that Alec and Xander had so much help, and they weren't struggling nearly as much as he had been, and brought her to bed so he could completely envelop her until she calmed down enough to go to sleep.
 
The next day, things were much calmer. Things were still a little awkward between the twins, but less strained and with no more anger. They didn't speak much as they got their breakfasts and then headed to school. Once they arrived, Xander looked for Milo was his habit, but he did not leave Alec's side as he lifted his hand in a small gesture to catch Milo's attention and let him know Xander had spotted him. A morning habit now.

The rest of the school day went by without much trouble, and when it was lunch time, Emma came looking for Alec. She'd already started the project, to Alec's amazement, and they scooted to one end of the table so they could look over it and talk about what she'd done and where they should go with it. They kept their heads close together as they discussed, serious but smiling.

Xander watched in puzzlement as he munched his sandwich. "What's so great about a science project?" he asked Sloan as Becky sorted her pack of skittles into color piles.
 
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