How Green Becomes Wood

After they ordered and the food came, they ate a nice meal of Jewish comfort foods. As they were about to leave, Daizi stopped and ordered two small milkshakes and handed one to Alec, as a treat.

Then they made the walk back to the car, and then began the long drive home. They were making good time, and actually expected to make it back home earlier than planned.

According to Dark's predictions, Daizi fell alseep in the car, shortly after finishing her milkshake. When he heard her just barely snoring, another result of her pregnancy, but Dark was a heavy sleeper so just found it cute, he said, "She swore up and down this morning there was no way she woud sleep in the car today."
 
Alec hadn't quite managed to finish his soup and bread, but to his delight, he was allowed to take it home where he fully intended to share the flavors with Xander. Now he sat in the back happily nursing his surprise milkshake with great enjoyment. It was getting rather melty, but he didn't care. He was doing the milkshake equivalent of nibbling and enjoying every drop.

He giggled softly. "She's too hard on herself and expects too much. Maybe she doesn't need to be wrapped in cotton, but she's still creating a whole other being. It takes a lot of energy just to live regular life! Let along regular life on top of all that."
 
"I think she does her best," Dark replied, not taking his eyes off the road because of the traffic, "but adjusting to not being able to do as much as you used to is difficult. Especially when it happens quickly. You see so many men in their 50s hurting themselves at the gym because they think they are still 20, and they have had thirty years to adjust. She has had a few months and is completely altering her life. And she is handling it with grace, at least in my opinion," He couldn't resist an extremely quick glance at her, "She does not complain nearly as much as she has a right to."
 
"Oh, I completely agree!" Alec nodded hastily. "She's as graceful as ever, it's just... Well, if it was me, I would be utterly petrified of doing anything, really." He smiled and shook his head. "She's lovely. I just wish... I wish I could do more for her." He looked down at his hands wrapped around what was left of his milkshake. He wasn't good at much of anything, really, at least not important things. At least he could try to bring a bit of happiness to the world.
 
"She does not need you to do anything else for her," Dark replied, "and I do say that to imply you cannot do anything for her, you are more than capable, it is just: big, dramatic flashy behaviours like doing all of her chores for her or over-guiding her when we are out in public, those things feel like helping, and sometimes they are helpful, but her autonomy is still important to her. I think we have all been trying to help decrease the amount of housework she does, and I know she appreciates that, because she has told me how especially after working all day, it makes it a bit easier to not then need to do as much work around the house. But at the same time, there is a limit, because if we all do too much, then to her it does not seem like we are helping, it seems like we are doubting her autonomy. Then we are not really helping her at all."

The traffic eased up slightly at they moved further away from the city, "I think the best thing, and I need to work on this too, even after so many years of helping her, is to just ask what she needs. Right? Just ask her, directly, if she needs help with anything, rather than assuming or guessing what she needs. Although," He paused, and glanced at Alec through the rearview mirror, "what I know would help her, is if you took care of yourself. Have you been doing okay?"
 
Alec tapped his chin and watched out the window as he considered what Dark said. "I think I understand," he said at last. "It is a complicated matter, and yet not such a complicated matter. Mostly, it sounds as though it takes practice." He smiled at his reflection and nodded. "I can practice to be helpful in an actually helpful way."

He didn't answer Dark's final question. In part because he didn't fully catch what Dark had said and in part because he was still thinking about Daizi and his desire to help her. When Dark asked if Alec was okay, he'd errantly assumed Dark meant to ask if he'd understood and was following what Dark had said. Thus, he answered the wrong question and not answer the right one.
 
Of course he didn't give him the information he needed. Why would he? Even kind-hearted, helpful teenagers like Alec made things impossible, it was what teenagers did. Dark had really planned to be a cool, casual, slip into a serious conversation was, apparently, going to take more work than he had planned, "Just as her," he said "even just having one who can listen to you can be all someone needs. And I am always willing to listen to you, if you need help. When you need help. Because you are at a difficult age, even if you had a normative upbringing and have not been going through everything you have been with your mother, and Declan, and all of the years before. It is a weird, confusing... emotional," were there any more cliché words to describe it? "Time. So if you need anything..."
 
Alec smiled and leaned forward, looking at Dark between the seats. Keeping his voice low to not wake Daizi, he crooned, "Aw, you're trying to have a heart-to-heart chat with me! I'm sorry, I didn't realize that. He patted Dark's arm lightly. "Thank you for your concern, Professor, I mean that truly, but I'm alright. Really." He sighed and leaned back. "It is a weird, confusing, and emotional time, no two ways about it, but I figure... it can't last forever. Things have to get better. The sunny days are just around the corner. We just have to wait out the rainy days."
 
"It will get better," He agreed, but fell quiet for a few moments. "I just worry because--and I have no idea how else to bring this up, so please forgive me if it is uncomfortable, but...I am concerned you are not eating enough. I know that stress can affect your appetite, and I think so can growth spurts, but if there is something else going on... Or even if it is just stress, because that is not healthy either."
 
Alec fell silent and looked out the window again. "I've just... I've not been hungry," he said softly. "I suppose maybe it's stress, I suppose, but I'm just... not hungry." He fiddled with his now empty cup. "And I'm tired. It's just too much trouble some days. There's too many other things to take care of. ut I'm sure it'll be fine. I do eat when I'm hungry."
 
"Food is not something to be light about," Dark replied. He didn't want to make the conversation to stern and force Alec to shut down from it, but he also couldn't act like it wasn't a big deal. He saw how thin Alec looked, which told him it was not a new and recent thing. And him expressing how tired he felt concerned him more, "Have you had any trouble concentrating? Are you still enjoying music and art like you used to? There are some things you cannot just wait around on until they improve."
 
"Music is one of the easiest things to concentrate on, and it brings me the most happiness," Alec assured him. "I still like art, too, though I'm going through a bit of a slump at the moment. Everyone goes through slumps artistically, right?"

He didn't tell Dark that all of his drawings and art had turned... dark. He didn't like doing it anymore. Whenever he tried to paint or draw, only dark colors emerged. He hadn't finished a proper picture since shortly after Declan had arrived. They frightened him. His own art frightened him. He didn't want to tell Dark. He had enough to worry about already.
 
"I suppose so. But art can be helpful, when you are struggling with a lot, it can help work out things you do not have the words to express. When I was in therapy, but did not speak English well, it was very art-therapy based..." He drummed on the steering wheel with his thumbs, very intimately recognizing some of the things Alec was hinting at, "I know you had spoken to Daizi about therapy a while ago. We have been doing research into therapists which specialize in the sorts of traumas you have been through, and who have openings for new clients. Is that still something you are interested in? Because you know we both go, right? It is not a bad thing at all."
 
Alec nodded. "I am interested. I'm just... nervous. I know it's a good thing, logically it makes sense and I want to do it, but illogically I worry that they'll react badly to what I tell them or that they'll tell other people. It's not going to happen, I know, and maybe after I talk to someone for a while, then I'll stop worrying about it."
 
"Those worries are normal. I still worry sometimes they will react badly to some of what I share. But they do not, because it is their job to tolerate your sadness, and your anger, and anything else you may be feeling. They are trained so sit in it to help you learn to handle those feelings. And I promise they will not tell other people, and you do not need to be afraid of it any more than you need to be afraid that your dentist will tell people what cavities you have." Again, he glanced back at Alec, but this time he looked behind him rather than in the mirror, although only briefly, not long enough to at all endanger them, "There are just some things we cannot fix alone," He looked back at the road, "and you deserve more than to let yourself to continue to struggle. Mental health is just as important as your physical health, and.. I do not want it to get worse for you, because it can, if you pretend like nothing is wrong. Mine got really bad, for a time, and I do not want you to experience what I did."
 
Alec looked at the back of Dark's head, cradling his chin in his hands thoughtfully. "I'll go," he agreed. "I will definitely go... if Xander will agree to go, too. I don't mean together, I just mean we both see therapists. Or a therapist. I think he needs it more than me. He's just so confused." He looked out the window. "I'm pretty sure I know where everything I feel comes from, even if I don't know how to handle it or deal with it, but I don't think he knows. I'll go if he goes, and we'll both be brave and talk to whomever we need to speak to."
 
"It is your decision, but I think you should go, even if he does not agree." Dark said firmly, "I agree with you he needs therapy too, but I do not think you should choose not to seek treatment if he does." He stopped himself. Alec was too closely attached to Xander to just choose to go without him, not with something like that, so directly challenging him was unlikely to go well, "It may be easier," he said instead, "to convince him to seek help if someone he really trusts goes first. He may be open to it, like you are, but if he is not... Daizi and I are adults, so it is different with us going. But if you go, and start to get better, he is more likely to listen to you than us, right? You can let him know it is not as frightening as it may seem, but if you only go if he goes... Neither of you may end up getting help."
 
Alec hesitated, considering Dark's words. "I think you're right," he said slowly. He swallowed. "I've never been the one to go first, not with things like this," he admitted in a near whisper. "I'll go first. For Xander."

A niggle of worry tickled at him. Was it fair of him to say he'd do something only if Xander did it? What if Xander really didn't want to go or do something but would just so Alec would also do it? Would Xander then resent him for it? Alec wouldn't blame him if he did, but now that he paused to think about it, how many times had he stipulated Xander had to do the thing with him? How many times had Xander gone first or done something first just to suit his cowardly brother? Was that why he was drawing away now? Declan was giving him a taste of freedom, of someone who offered the fun thing instead of begging or bargaining. Maybe if Alec tried to be more forward and invite Xander to do fun things Xander liked, then he'd feel better. Maybe. Or maybe Alec had outstayed his welcome. He drew his knees up and hugged them tightly. No, that couldn't be it. No, not at all. Xander was just confused because of all the weirdness. That was all. Once things settled down, all would be fine.
 
"I think you are making a really wise and healthy choice," Dark said, sighing from relief. He was sure Alec was right and that Xander needed it just as badly, but he also expected Xander to be a lot more resistant to the idea. What he had said was mostly to convince Alec to go, but thinking about it, it may actually be the best way to get both twins the help they so desperately needed. He switched on his turn signal to indicate to the other drivers he was about to change lanes, since they were coming up on their exit, but when he did, he caught a glimpse of his hand, and his forearm, and decided the rest of his day would be spent finding somewhere good for Alec.

It was a good first step, he told himself, as they finished the drive back to their house. And it was an important step, and a necessary one. He glanced at Alec again. Even with the plan in place, the worry didn't go away. And they were just going to go home and then shortly after, Xander was going to be taken to a concert. With Declan. Alone. And Dark would probably develop an ulcer. Or something.

Beside him, Daizi stirred, just as they were turning onto their street, "Are we home?" She asked, yawning.
 
Alec shook off his moody feelings, burying them down deep, and leaned forward to smile at Daizi. "Almost!" he told her happily. "We're on our street. Did you have a good nap? I think naps are underrated."

He watched for their house, already preparing to pick up the bags and carry them in. Or at least as many as he could. The one with the shirts was his priority. Xander had promised! Alec was going to see to it he followed through.
 
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