How Green Becomes Wood

Dark didn't ever make a move to pull away, even though his arm was at an uncomfortable position, he didn't adjust it, because he didn't want Xander to think for even a second that he was about to be let go of. He sat with him, rocking him, softly humming an old Iraqi lullaby, one he had heard parents sing to other children, and one nobody had ever sung to him. He rested his cheek against the top of Xander's head, and even as Xander's sobs faded, he still rocked him.
 
Xander would have stayed there forever, but all things, even paradise, must end, and his back was starting to ache from the angle. Slowly, reluctantly, he pulled back, straightening up without looking Dark in the face. He sniffled and used his shirt as a makeshift handkerchief. He couldn't embarrass himself any more than he had already, and he didn't have any tissues handy.

"I like the song," he mumbled, stuck halfway between embarrassment and utter exhaustion. He rubbed the wetness from his eyes. "I'm sorry for... well, everything. And thank you for coming. Thank you for... for always coming. Or being. Just being there. I'm sorry for what I said. I shouldn't have. None of it was true, any of it, and I shouldn't have made fun of... you know."
 
When Xander pulled away, Dark stretched, "No you should not have. But thank you for apologizing. I knew you did not mean it." He kept his eyes on Xander, holding him in his gaze since he was no longer holding him in his arms, "I am sorry too, Xander. I did not see how talking about my plans for the baby would be alienating to you, and I should have. I am sorry. If I can explain: I had presumed, which I should not have done, that you, being the age you are, would prefer to spend time alone, rather than being dragged around by some almost-forty year old man, and I wanted to make sure you had that space. The baby has different needs than someone your age. But I did not think how your needs may differ from those of other fifteen year-olds, and I am sorry for not realizing that, and I promise to do better, okay? I promise. Because I want you to feel secure and wanted with me."
 
Xander sniffed and started to say something but got interrupted by a hiccup. He tried again. "It's okay. It's not like I made it easy on you. I could have asked, but I was... I was scared you'd see it as a burden. I didn't want to be a burden anymore than I already am. And I guess I got jealous. Of the baby. I'm sorry." He heaved a sigh, hiccuped, and rubbed his face with his hands. "I guess I just have a lot I'm sorry about." He looked up at Dark. "But... thanks. For saying that."
 
"You are welcome. And you do not have to be sorry. You felt how you felt, and now we know, and now we can move forward. You are not a burden to me, Xander. I know saying that may not make you believe it, but it is true. You are not a burden." Once more he reached over and rubbed his back, "Do you want to go home?"
 
Xander looked up at the sky, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Yeah." He stood and picked up his backpack. "Yeah, let's go home." He started for the car, feeling exhausted, yet strangely light. He felt like he'd lost his own burden, but he couldn't remember picking one up. "Oh, um, we won't see Declan again," he said, trying to be causal about. He got in the front passenger seat and tucked his bag between his feet.
 
Dark got up and followed him to the car, getting in on his side and buckling his seatbelt. He quickly sent a text to Cooger letting him know everything was okay, and then turned to Xander, looking confused and not at all joyful or relieved at his news, "Oh?"
 
Xander nodded and leaned back, closing his eyes. "Yeah. It's... In short, he's a responsibility-dodging jerk who never intended to stick around. I need to get home and talk to Alec."

~~~~~

Alec stood shaking in the middle of the empty room. Empty. The house was empty. Everyone was gone. There was no one left. Everyone had abandoned him. Had he driven them away? Was this fault? It must be. Xander had said Alec dragged him down, and Xander never lied to him. This must be his fault. He'd driven Xander, Dark, and Daizi away. All of them. They were never going to come back and it was all because of him!

A sharp pain laced through his abdomen, and Alec curled over, gasping in pain. It hurt! Everything hurt! Why did it hurt so much? He turned and wobbled uncertainly to the stairs. The movement helped, and the pain subsided. He started walking up the stairs, lost and uncertain. What should he do now? Where should he go? What could he do? Should he stay or go? The questions reeled in his mind, going round and round but offering no suggestions. The pain rose, white-hot in his belly.

Alec staggered into the bathroom, shaking so hard his vision blurred. The cabinet had meds for pain. Maybe that would make it stop. Maybe it would make his thoughts stop hurting, too. He found the bottle and struggled to open it. The top popped off, and the bottle flipped over in a dramatic spin, landing in the tub. The small, round pills rushed out, rolling down the drain before he could grab them. He caught the bottle and straightened. The world spun as his weak blood pressure couldn't keep up. Round and round it went. Everything went white. Then black.
 
"I am sorry he turned out to be that way," Dark said, truthfully. As much as he had always mistrusted Declan, he would have vastly preferred to just deal with him forever than be right, "You can call him while we drive, so he knows you are safe and coming home. I know he will be worrying about you."

He made sure to drive home quickly, although still following the speed limit, because he knew it was important Alec be reunited with his brother.

The sweet dog Enkidu had been aware of all of the stress in the house, and especially after the arguments earlier throughout the day, had been on high alert, because he was just a dog, and did not understand why there were problems. Seeing Alec pace around stressed him out too, and faithfully, seeing the teenager seem very unwell, trotted up after him. And then after all the pills went down the tub, and Alec couldn't keep it together, he began to paw at him and whine, and then cry, until when Dark and Xander stepped inside, the first thing they would hear was the sound of the dog barking and howling upstairs.
 
Xander tried calling Alec but wasn't surprised when he didn't answer. He'd probably lost his phone again. Down the couch? In the rice? The fridge? Who knew? He tried again, just to be sure, but there was no answer.

When he walked in the door, the hair on his neck stood on end. "Alec?" he called. Something was wrong. Really wrong. He heard Enkidu howling upstairs. "Alec!" He didn't even bother taking off his shoes as he sprinted up the stairs, following the sound of the howling dog. The bathroom? Why the bathroom? He skidded to a stop, grabbing the doorway to stop himself.

His heart stopped, too.

Alec lay on the floor. His face was dead white. An empty pill bottle lay on the floor next to him.

A scream wrenched from Xander's chest. A word? A sound? Something in between? He dropped to his knees, pushing Enkidu out of the way and pulled Alec up in his arms. No! Nonononono! This couldn't be happening! He tried to say something, tried to tell Dark to call an ambulance, but his words wouldn't work.
 
Dark, at the sound of his dog, had also ran upstairs without taking off his shoes. He had heard Enkidu make those sounds before, and he wasted no time in seeing the cause. Having learned to be calm under pressure, he quickly called an ambulance, and knelt down on the ground beside Xander, and in between answering the operator's questions, told Xander, "Lay him down on his back, unbutton his shirt, and his belt if he is wearing one," he gently took Alec's arm to check his pulse. Then he picked up the pill bottle to see what it was, to report that to the operator too.
 
Xander scrambled to do what Dark said, exposing Alec's bony, bird-like chest. Alec coughed and gave a quiet mew of protest, but he didn't wake. Xander held Alec's other hand tightly, whimpering fearfully as he waited to hear the ambulance. "Come on. Wake up. I'm sorry I yelled at you. Please wake up. You have to be okay."
 
Dark felt the back of Alec's head, checking to make sure he hadn't hurt himself when he fell, "The ambulance is on its way," He told Xander, "You can ride with them, if they let you. He is still breathing, okay, he is alive."

The ambulance arrived in what was actually only a few minutes, but what felt like hours. When he heard them approach, Dark stood up, and even though it was hell for him to do so, walked away from Alec to pull Enkidu into another room. He was not a violent or aggressive dog at all, but he was a large, mostly black, frightened German Shepherd, and it was for the best to keep him somewhere else when strangers came in to touch one of his people.
 
Xander stayed right next to Alec the whole way to the ambulance, but they didn't let him get in with them. The paramedic was gentle and sympathetic but firm. Brother or not, they couldn't take Xander. They told him the hospital they were heading to, closed the doors, and took off with the sirens.

Xander ran to the car, not even waiting for Dark as he climbed into the passenger seat and waited anxiously, babbling the name of the hospital.
 
It was the same hospital they had taken Daizi too all those months before, so he knew the way, and although Dark's hands trembled as he drove, he outwardly remained calm, "I have to call Daizi," he said, "she has to know so she can come." That conversation was going to be hard, he knew it, but there was nothing for it, so as they drove over, he called her. She was on speakerphone, but they spoke in Arabic because in moments of high stress it was easier for them to think in it. Still, the fear was evident in her voice.

He hung up as the parked at the hospital, "She is on her way. Come on." He got out of the car, only barely remembering to lock it. He wasn't exactly running inside, but he was near to it, and with the length of his strides he may as well have been sprinting.
 
Xander followed, staying right on his heels. The calm ER nurse took their information and pointed them in the direction of the waiting room. They promised the doctor would come and talk to them as soon as he could, but until then, there was nothing they could do but wait. Xander sat hugging his knees on the chair, staring at nothing. This was his fault. All his fault.
 
Dark watched Xander closely, and tested the waters by putting a hand on his back. Hugging him one time did not mean he was always going to be okay with touch, so he didn't want to jump in too quickly, "Xander," he whispered, and then realized he had no idea what to say. He rubbed the teen's back and then confessed, "I am scared too. I am. But I have been through this before, on both sides. And the doctors are really good at what they do."
 
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"It's my fault," Xander whispered. He rubbed his face with one hand then hugged his knees harder. "I yelled at him. And then I left him. I left him. Why did I do that? What was wrong with me? I would have left for what? A jerk that didn't even plan to say goodbye. That should be me, not him."
 
"No, no this is not your fault," Dark replied, wrapping Xander up in his arms for the second time that day, "It is not. You were confused, but if you thought this was even a possibility, you would not have left. If I thought this was a possibility, I would not have left. Brothers fight, and brothers make stupid choices, but this is not your fault. And we do not know what happened, it could all be a--a big misunderstanding." He doubted it, but for Xander's sake as well as his own, he tried to remember that possibility.
 
For the second time, Xander found himself close to tears. He forced them down. Crying now would feel like giving up. He wasn't going to do that. He wasn't going to give up! He leaned into the hug, hating the feeling of being trapped yet simultaneously needing the comfort of knowing Dark was right there. He was going to take care of things. Like he always did. Everything was going to be okay.

After a minute, Xader gently pushed out of the hug and took a deep breath of hospital air, wrinkling his nose at the smell of disinfectant. "Is... Is Daizi going to come?" he asked quietly. "It's okay if she can't. Because of the... the hospital thing. Just... when are we going to know? WHen are they going to tell us anything?"
 
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