How Green Becomes Wood

Dark looked at them, setting his list aside, "I can take you both there alone, if you would prefer that. I would wait in the car, so you can have privacy. Or bring you there, go to the store, and then come and get you, but I do not want you to feel rushed or crowded."
 
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"The store one seems the most viable," Xander shrugged. "It'd be pretty boring sitting in the car by yourself."

"Are you sure you're okay to go to the store alone?" Alec asked worriedly. "I mean, this is for us. I don't want you to feel put out."

"I think he'd feel more put out if we didn't let him help," Xander pointed out.
 
"Xander, you have met me. I am nearly the most boring man alive, I think I will survive it. I do not mind being alone, in any case. But," He looked at Alec, "no, I do not mind going to the store. I was meant to go in a few days anyway, so there is no harm in going now and freeing up time later in the week. Even if you both went with me," Dark shrugged, "Corn, tomato juice, worcestershire sauce... Not really a job for three people, is it? And I think you both have more meaningful buisness elsewhere."

He sighed, and for a moment or two looked at them a bit more. Hopefully they were coping, and not just pushing down any bad feeling to fester and later consume them, the way he had done for so many years. The fingers of his left hand twitched slightly, and even though he had never been one for physical affection, although he had gotten better about it with Alec as he had grown to know him better, he couldn't help the desire to hug them both. It was a thought that surprised him, it seemed rather soft of him, but he did. They were his sons, now, and he loved them. And in loving them, wanted to give them comfort, if they needed it, even though they seemed not to.
 
"You have a point, you are pretty boring for being one of the most interesting-looking people I've ever seen," Xander agreed lightly. Perhaps too lightly, but that was his way.

"Alright, I think it's a deal," Alec smiled weakly. "We'll go, and you'll go to the store and pick us up on your way home. I think that's a fair timeline."

Xander glanced at Alec. "We gotta get some sunscreen on first before we end up any redder. I'll go get it while you put together some flowers. That's what they're for, right?"

Alec's eyes went wide. "Right! Oh, I'd forgotten. Okay, I'll hurry. Um, ribbon?"

"I know where you keep them. I'll get it," Xander promised.

Alec ran for the door, and Xander turned to go find the sunscreen lotion and a ribbon.
 
Dark chuckled, shaking his head slightly at Xander's remark. It wasn't exactly wrong, he had permanently painted his skin to extents a relative few others had done, was impressively tall, and had eyes so amber they appeared essentially yellow in the right lighting. But although it was clear by looking at them, he had seen much in his time... Those days were passed, and now he was content to spend his time caring for his house and making his tiny wooden carnival. But he deserved to live a quiet, boring life, didn't he?

"Sunscreen is a good idea," He said, "and when you cut the ribbon, use a lighter to seal the edges so it does not fray. I can show you how, if you need it."
 
"Nah, I got it," Xander assured Dark as he headed upstairs. He came back down a few minutes later with a length of black ribbon and a bottle of sunscreen. He laid the ribbon on the counter and covered every visible bit of his skin with white lotion. He had just finished rubbing it in when Alec came in with a handful of carefully arranged flowers. There were only about twelve flowers in all, and they made for an interesting combination of purple, green, and orange. Xander helped him tie the ribbon around the flowers and put them in a small vase while Alec rubbed the sunscreen lotion into his own skin.

"I think we're ready to go," Alec told Dark.
 
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"The flowers look beautiful." Dark said, and then stood to grab his keys and his wallet. His shopping list he had already shoved into his pocket, and had really just been waiting for them to be ready. He took one slightly closer look at the flowers and then smiled, "Your mother probably would have loved Mardi Gras. The colours are purple, green, and gold, not orange, but... Orange and Gold are not too far from each other, I do not think."

Then, he headed to the car.
 
"She probably would have," Alec agreed with a faint smile.

Xander and Alec followed Dark out to the car. Xander opened the door and let Alec get in first before crawling in after. They didn't say anything on the trip, seeming to really settle into the reason why they had been running around trying to get things perfect. It was easy to forget the reason you were doing something when caught up in all of the details and smaller things that "needed" to be done. Now there was nothing to do but sit and wait to arrive. They each watched out their own windows, leaning into each other lightly for support as they waited.
 
Dark drove, taking only the occasion glance back at them from the rearview mirror. The drive to the cemetery was short, as it needed to be since once before the twins had walked there. Dark had forgotten about that incident until he pulled in... And to think, that was Mother's Day. Only two months ago. He drummed his thumb against the steering wheel as he pulled into the parking lot. So much had happened in only two months, mother's day felt like ages ago. Privately, he wondered if the twins remembered that evening, but he wouldn't ask. In retrospect, their handling of it hadn't been their proudest moment... But then again, Daizi would have been, what? Only four months along, and her mood swings were a lot worse then, so her extreme reaction deserved a bit of grace. She was scared.

"Let me know if you want more time, okay?" He said, turning to face them, "When I am finished with the shopping, I will come right back here."
 
"Thank you for giving us a ride," Alec said as Xander got out. "We'll be alright. We might not be able to see you from in there, so do you want to, um, come and get us or text us?"

Xander walked to the cemetery gates - more of an aesthetics thing than any actual deterrent - and turned to wait for Alec.
 
"I will text you." He said, "Unless you would prefer otherwise. I do not want to interrupt..." To an extent, and to his surprise, he did find himself wanting to go see the grave, fully in the light. He wanted to speak to it and tell this woman he had never met, in the off chance there was an afterlife, and that she could hear, that he was taking care of her sons, now, and that he was doing the best he could by them. Both he and his wife were. And that they were great boys, and that they were loved, and that he was proud of them. So proud of them. And that, all things considered, she raised good kids who were going to grow up into great adults.

But he had never met her, and they deserved time in peace alone with their mother. And if there was an afterlife, he could express those sentiments anywhere, and he would.
 
Alec smiled at him. "Maybe you could come and say hi. When you're finished. If you want. If not, you can just text us. Try to have fun at the store!" He closed the door carefully, and he went to join Xander.

The pair of them made their way down through the gravestones, staying on the path and trying not to look like vagrants. An older man with in a golf cart watched them go with narrowed eyes, but he didn't seem ready to chase them off.

"Remember the last time we were here?" Alec asked Xander as they tried to remember exactly where the right gravestone was.

Xander nodded and pointed to one of the rows. "Down there. Yeah, it was Mother's day. Or Mother's night, I guess. Daizi nearly bit our heads off. I thought she might actually kick us out purely due to being mad. And then take us back later. Maybe."

"We kind of deserved it," Alec admitted.

Xander snorted. "Yeah, we did. At least she let us keep our heads."

They slowed as they reached the grave and sat down. Neither said anything for a while.

"Hi, Mum," Alec said softly. "We brought you some flowers. I'm sorry we never tried to figure out your favorite, but at least we got the colors right." He set the flowers carefully on the ground and made sure they were propped up properly. "Happy birthday."

Xander leaned forward onto his knees and sighed. "Alec... why do we do this?"

Alec gave him a look of pure confusion. "What do you mean?"

Xander shrugged. "I'm on the fence about an afterlife, and you're a straight-up unbeliever, even in like thevague universe good-vibes kind of thing, so what's the point?"

Alec didn't answer him at first. "The intent," he finally said. "Your intentions. Our intentions. Even if there is some kind of afterlife, I would not be surprised to learn that they have no clue about what's happening to us here in the world, that doesn't exactly sound like any kind of paradise I know of, but we can still talk to them. Not because they can hear us, but because of how it makes us feel. It keeps their memory alive, it gives us a feeling of connection, even if it's a fake feeling, and I think it helps us heal the hurt. Grieve a bit. You know? We can't actually have a birthday party for Mum, and maybe this is the only time we'll do this for her now that she's gone, but we can still come here on her birthday to show we remember her. That's all."

Only the wind whispered around them for a long moment of silence. "That's pretty wise for a teenager," Xander finally said.

"I've been reading the books the therapist suggested," Alec shrugged. "And spending a lot of time thinking. There's been a lot of time on my hands lately."

Xander grunted in agreement. "It's almost enough to make a person actually social." He leaned back and puffed out a sigh. "At least it means we're not too busy to do this."

Alec stared down at the grave. "Do you think she's be proud of us? I mean, actually proud of us?"

"I dunno. I'd like to think so. We get into less trouble now and have better grades," Xander shrugged. "But... I dunno. I mean, she was all about independence and making your own way and stuff, and we're not exactly doing that. I'm not saying she was right, but it's not what she seemed to hold up as a point of pride."

"Maybe she talked like that to make herself feel better because she didn't have a choice," Alec suggested.

"It's possible. It's not like we can ask her now unless there really is an afterlife and ouija boards and seances are not evil and demonic. She'd probably slap us both from beyond the grave for even thinking of touching those."

"Probably," Alec agreed. "Dark and Daizi said that we should enjoy being teenagers, being kids. That we shouldn't rush out to get jobs or figure out what we want in life."

"Maybe so. Maybe they're right, and I think they are, but I'm just feeling a bit..."

"Coddled and useless and chaffing to pay back the unpayable?"

"Got it in one."

Alec sighed. "Maybe we can find our own way. Something in the middle. We'll get lots of chances with the new baby."

"I'm still not changing any diapers," Xander warned.

"Fair enough. But there's lots of other things."

Xander sighed. "Some birthday party. Moping at a grave and talking about things that don't even relate to the birthday person, and later we get to hang out with an estranged family member. I wonder what our Mum would have thought of that? Lots of yelling I bet."

"I think that's what she would be proud of," Alec said softly. "That we're trying. Maybe it's right, maybe it's wrong, maybe it'll work, maybe it won't, but we're trying, and we're still living our lives."

Xander nodded. "She'd have totally socked Declan in the nose."

"A hundred percent yes," Alec agreed without hesitation.

"That would have been cool to see," Xander grinned.

Alec glanced at him soberly. "There's... there's still a question we should ask, and even if she can't hear, I think it's fair we ask."

Xander sobered and nodded. "You're right."

Leaning forward, the twins looked at their mother's grave, and - shy, hesitantly - asked her a very difficult question. Then they waited to see if there would be any kind of divine or supernatural answer.
 
As the question settled into silence, and then melted fully away into the July air, nothing stirred. Everything had stopped. Or, seemed to. Then a cool breeze blew, and with it, the smell of rain, although as of yet, there were no clouds in the sky. Then, just in front of their mother's grave, a rabbit hopped across the cool grass. It paused, for a moment, looking at them, and then hopped off.

The silence continued, then, until a familiar set of long, steady footfalls came up behind them. At first, Dark didn't say anything, he stood in his usual posture: straight and tall, with his arms folded across his broad chest. He had been watching the twins as he walked up, but as he came closer, he looked only at the gravestone. Tara Cunningham. And this was the only way they would ever meet. He took a slow, deep breath, and let it out as he sat down with the twins without a word. The energy in the space was not lost on him, and although they had given him permission to come up to the space, he would not be the run to break the atmosphere. Who could saw what private thoughts the silence held... He didn't want to tear them from it.
 
Xander and Alec exchanged confused glances. "Was that an answer?" Xander asked uncertainly.

"I don't know. I guess so? It seemed stage enough to possibly be one, or a strange coincidence," Alec admitted.

"Okay, so if it was an answer, was that a yes or a no?" Xander asked.

Alec shrugged. "It wasn't a bolt of lightning, so... yes?"

Xander sighed and shook his head. "This is why you don't question gravestones." He shifted slightly and looked up at Dark. "How was the store?"

Alec smiled. "G. M. Dark, please meet Tara Cunningham. Mum, this is Mr. G. M. Dark."

"Not like the car manufacturer, I checked," Xander added lightly.

"He and his wife Daizi took us in. They really quite nice," Alec informed her. He hesitated. "I think you'd like them."

"No she wouldn't," Xander said flatly. "At least she wouldn't like him. No offense."
 
"The store was fine, nothing particular stood out about it," Dark replied simply, and then looked again at the stone, "Hello, Tara. I was your sons' teacher last fall... I think we may have spoken briefly on the phone once. I know I left you a lot of voice-mails... So it is understandable if you would not like me." He scratched his ear, and shifted so he could rest his arm on one propped up knee, "My wife would want you to call her Tarot. It is what her friends call her, and what I call her, unless I am talking about her to someone who does not also call her that. And she would call you family, and so would insist upon it... She really wishes she could speak to you. She would be here today, but she works, but I mean, she wishes she could speak to you face to face. I know she wants to meet the woman who raised such excellent boys, but more than that..." He rolled his shoulders back and avoided looking at the twins. If Tara were here, they would say these things away from the boys, but it wasn't an option now, so he had to steel his nerves and speak plainly in front of them, "You are their mother... And now she is their foster-mother, and she does not want them or you to feel like she is trying to replace you. For a woman Tarot has never met, she thinks of you often. She is pregnant, which you might have noticed, and she tells me, sometimes, late at night when she cannot sleep because of it, how hard it must have been for you. She has wept over it, which might be the hormones, but she has. It is hard enough for her, who has spent just over a decade desperately wanting it, and who has the unfettered support of everyone she knows..." He trailed off. What he did not say to complete the comparison felt unnecessary to add. If Tara could hear him, which he didn't know if he believed she could, although he spoke as if there were no uncertainty, she would understand.

He looked up at the sky, and then down at his hands, "So that is, I think, what she would say, if she were here right now. I am sure she would say a million other things, more eloquently than I ever could, but... What I would like to say, I suppose, is that my wife and I, we adore your boys. We love them. We love them so much, and we are grateful that if they had to go somewhere after you, they were allowed to come to us, because even though all of us would agree it has not been easy in any way... It has vastly improved the life Tarot and I have been living. And I just want you to know," Again, he hesitated, "We are going to continue to give them the best life we can... and we are going to do right by you with them. Or try to, everyone falters... But we will try, and never give up trying. Because they deserve it, and you deserve to know they are safe and loved."

Dark swallowed, "If you ever get lonely, wherever you are, my wife has a massive family... Her brother is up there, and her mother. And our son." He lingered there for a moment, but it was for himself and his own child who was gone, "And probably a hundred other aunts, uncles, and cousins. They will welcome you there, if you want to visit. I swear to god, you could go over to them right now, and they are bound to throw you a party that will last until next week. If you would like that. But... I," He looked again only at the grave, "That is all I think I have to say. I cannot think of... Oh, and happy birthday. And I hope that even if you do not like me, you do not mind that I am taking care of Alec and Xander... I would not trade it for anything."

He feel silent then, looking at his fingers drumming against his knee. Hopefully he hadn't said anything that stepped over the line, and hopefully he hadn't said anything to upset the twins or... Her, he supposed. But it would be the same.
 
Neither of the twins said anything as Dark spoke, respectfully listening to him talk. They exchanged surprised glances when Dark spoke of how much Daizi thought about their mother. They knew Daizi thought about her at least some and made it obvious she was trying very hard to stay in the rather complicated and unnamable role given to her, but they hadn't realized Daizi thought so much of her. It was rather obvious now, thinking back, but neither of them had thought about the comparisons between the pair, either, or how Daizi must feel about how the twins had come to her. What it had cost.

Alec ducked his head, smiling a little when Dark offered the invitation to visit Daizi's family, and Xander studied a leaf carefully to keep from laughing even as his heart hurt. They both tried to picture their mother - a fiery, practical, and blunt woman who loved nothing better than to sit with her feet up in quiet reading a book - joining in on a week-long party. They knew she'd once enjoyed partying, and every now and then she would indulge, but a full-time job and twin boys did not leave much energy for dancing. Sometimes, though, sometimes when she was in a good mood after something good had happened, they would dance in whatever living space they were currently in. Just the three of them.

Alec felt tears stinging his eyes and brushed them away. It was about time they'd decided to show up. He just wished she'd taken more time to dance and enjoy life. Maybe now, if there was an afterlife, maybe now she could dance as much as she wanted. His heart felt too heavy to carry, and he took a deep breath, trying to shake some of the feelings away. Maybe later he would cry, but not right now. He inched over and leaned into Dark lightly, trying not to crowd him too much, but wanting to comfort him. And perhaps thank him wordlessly for what he'd said. These things weren't easy, especially for someone like Dark, and the words to tell him they appreciated him stuck in Alec's throat. With his other hand, he reached out and took Xander's squeezing it lightly.

Xander held tight to Alec's hand, not saying a word, trying not to think too hard, but deeply grateful for someone like Dark. He might never tell him so, but Xander knew they needed Dark and Daizi both, but right now, especially Dark.

Alec cleared his throat after a few moments. "Perhaps we should... head home?" he suggested, his voice small in the silence.
 
When Alec leaned against him, immediately Dark put his arm around him and held him tightly. He didn't say anything, his thoughts were his own. But he held Alec, and when the teen spoke, he shifted as if coming alive again, and looked down with a gentle expression on his face, "If you are ready," he said, but although he loosened his grip, he was waiting for Alec to pull away first.

Then he looked beyond Alec to Xander and said, "If you are both ready."
 
Alec sighed and closed his eyes, taking a moment to steady himself within the protection of Dark's arm, and finally pulled away. "I'm ready."

Xander nodded without speaking and rose first, pulling Alec to his feet. He turned and offered Dark a hand up.

"We have a lot to do before Aunt Ciara gets here," Alec remarked. He glanced back at the grave. "I just hope she'd be happy we're trying to talk to our Aunt."
 
Dark accepted Xander's help, and brushed the loose soil from his pants, "I never met her," he replied, the cool breeze tossing his hair, "but I think it is a rare person who is unhappy to see people try to make amends. Ciara agreed readily to come today, and that, I think, has weight of its own. You both are not the only ones trying to talk."

He followed them out of the cemetery, and also stole one final glance towards where they had been, and got into the car with them.
 
"You're absolutely right," Alec agreed. He waited until they were in the car together to lean forward between the front seats and tell Dark, "Thank you for coming. I worried it would be too awkward, but... I really wanted you to come. Thank you. And for the privacy beforehand." He leaned back into his seat to sit properly.

Xander looked out the window, quiet and thoughtful. His mind wandered, not settling on any specific thought, just allowing everything he was thinking and feeling to flow through him. There was a lot to deal with.
 
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