How Green Becomes Wood

Daizi clenched her jaw but managed to win the battle not to say anything more. The most confounding thing out of all of it was how this woman seemed to have no empathy for the fact she and her husband were erroneously reported twice in two weeks even though they hadn't done anything. Mrs. Smith was in their house seven days before, and found nothing, and yet was back again and talking as if she were somehow wrong for being upset and frustrated about it. She kept saying how meetings like these were worth it if it meant saving even one child, but her being here meant she wasn't somewhere a kid was being abused, instead, she was somewhere with a tired and exhausted family and guilting them for not being calm about the situation.

"I think Daizi is worried because if we do not know why we are getting these calls," Dark said in his cool, detached way which belied the fact he felt exactly as his wife did about the whole thing, "then we cannot address it to protect our family. You do not have to remind us again about how these visits have value to you, or about how none of our children are going to be removed, but that does not make them not a problem for us. Knowing that at any point you may drop in on us unannounced makes it harder for us to get on a schedule, it makes it harder for us to rest, and make plans because how do you think it would look for us if we have one of our bosses over and CPS comes by? So I think you can forgive us for caring about the reason."
 
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"I understand why you care about the reason, but what I am trying to get you to understand is that I cannot give you a reason," Mrs. Smith said in a level tone. "That is not within my jurisdiction, and even if I were to try to hunt down a reason and who it is that called you in, I would have no success. Asking me these questions only prolongs my visit, thus throwing off your schedule and adding to your frustrations. I cannot answer your questions. Not will not, cannot. If you want to know the reason and the who, then I suggest you look at your own family members and your neighbors since you have made it clear that few people have had access to your daughter or even seen her. If you think you are being harassed, then I suggest you go to the police and file a report with them. My office can back up your claim with documented cases of pointless visitations. I am sorry, but reasons are not my job." She took the signed paper and slipped it into her folder. "I will see myself out."
 
"We're not being difficult for being concerned!" Daizi said, at last not being able to restrain herself, but she wasn't yelling as much as she was pleading, "I'm sorry, but I know you can't tell us the real reason, because only this anonymous caller knows it, but then you gave us your suspicion and I shared with you my fear about it, you acted like I was being irrational to have that fear, and then when I pointed out there is a precedent for it you told me to just not bother myself with the reason. How was I supposed to know you don't need to say in your report why you think a child is being abused or neglected? Can't you see how difficult this is for us to manage? If you don't have an answer as to why that's fine, that's what it is, but please, stop acting like we shouldn't be bothered by this. You said last week it was unlikely you'd ever have to come back, but here you are."
 
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Mrs. Smith studied Daizi for a long moment. "Ma'am," she said at last, her voice calm and controlled, "You are reading a lot into me that simply is not there. However, you are absolutely exhausted, agitated, and fearful, and I simply do not see how furthering this conversation is going to be beneficial. I am going to leave now. Any further questions you have, you can either call the office or make an appointment with the social worker currently assigned to you for your foster children." She gave a slight nod to Dark and Daizi both. "Have a good day." With that, she let herself out, quietly closing the door behind herself.
 
After the door shut, Daizi and Dark were silent, standing side by side, hearts racing. Nothing was said until Daizi ruptured the silence by crying out, "How am I---!? For godsakes I repeated our conversation exactly as it happened, exactly how it felt to me! What are we supposed to do, call the police on an entire neighborhood? They wouldn't listen, we don't have a name to give them! How are we supposed to guess who it might be?!" Her chest heaved as she tried hard, again, to surpress her feelings, but it was too much to contain, "I don't expect her to have the answers, I don't expect her to fix it, but why, why can she not just say that she's sorry about it?! Why can't she admit it's a horrible, frightening thing to experience?!" Daizi was aware Mrs. Smith had, in fact, acknowledged that she was frightened, but to her it felt like it was still said with the implication that a rational person wouldn't be, "We haven't done anything wrong and I feel like a criminal who is trying to interfere with the investigation but I--I--"

She tried to catch her breath but found it difficult so she motioned for Dark to take Ivy from her, just in case. As soon as he had her, Daizi just managed to squeak out, "We haven't done anything."
 
The twins had hung back watching everything, but neither had wanted to say anything or intrude. They shared a glance. Alec pulled at the cuff of his shirt sleeve in such agitation he nearly tore it. He just wanted a bit of peace.

"That was a fine mess," Xander muttered, eyes flickering in anger.

"I'm sure Mrs. Smith," Alec started, trying as always to find something good.

"I wasn't talking about her," Xander said. He nodded toward Dark and Daizi. "I was talking about them. Let me know when dinner is ready."

Alec opened his mouth to ask Xander what he was talking about, but his twin was gone before he could form the first word, stalking out through the back door and returning to his shed. Bewildered and a little hurt, Alec tiptoed back to his room and closed the door.
 
Daizi stood trembling, upset and overwhelmed, but when Dark tried to touch her she pulled away, feeling like there was too much going on inside of her to even vocalize it, so she murmured an apology and slipped upstairs to her bedroom to calm down a little bit. It was all too much, and it wasn't fair, and she didn't know what the hell she was supposed to do when CPS came if she wasn't allowed to ask questions. No normal parent was harrassed like this, and she just, she wanted someone to agree with her that these calls were bullshit, and to apologize that she had to go through this, and who didn't make her feel bad for being scared. She wasn't trying to be difficult, she was scared, and she just needed this agent to understand that, and meet her there, instead of being so clinical and analytical and robotic about it. That's all that she wanted.

Dark, meanwhile, expected to feel angry about it, and he was, but not to the extent he anticipated. Maybe it was because he was holding his baby, he didn't know. Maybe it was the exhaustion. But all the while he kept thinking, they were still cooperating. They hadn't refused Mrs. Smith anything, they just had questions they needed to ask, if nothing else but for their own sanity.
 
About three hours later, Lance Constable called Dark's phone.

Xander hadn't come out of the shed yet. Alec had emerged briefly but then quietly slunk back to his room, not wanting to be around the adults just yet.
 
Dark saw the call come through and swore, but answered it nonetheless. He had been sitting on the couch, a notepad open on his lap, trying to guess what neighbor might be making these reports, so he had something for the police report, but the only name he felt comfortable striking off was Sloan's parents, since even though they didn't always get along, they would have all of the facts regarding Ivy, "Hello, Lance," he said with a heavy, tired sigh.
 
"Hey, bud," Lance greeted him far more informally than he normally would. He sounded more tired than usual. He seemed to pull himself together, however, and said, "You got a really good report. I thought you might like to know that. I mean, it's not great to have a file with us at all, but but what you got so far is practically glowing with praise."
 
"Oh." Dark replied, setting his pen down. He took a breath, and for the first time in all the many meetings he had been through with Lance, it shook, sounding like it was on the verge of breaking, "That is good. I am glad to know that."
 
There was some soft sounds on the other end of the phone, as if Lance was shifting in his chair. His big, rough voice came through quiet and almost gently. "I know it's scary and frustrating. I know this is one of the worst times this could happen with how new your tyke is. I just want you to know that I'm in your corner. And I know she comes across about as empathetic as a rock, but Mrs. Smith is no fool. She'd challenge any kind of ruling that would say you're unfit parents. You're good people. I don't know why someone would call on you twice now, but know that we don't see you guys as bad parents. Not one bit."
 
Dark nodded. Someone would think, considering how many years he'd spent living with a blind person, he wouldn't nod in response to someone he couldn't see, but it was easier than speaking at just that moment. He swallowed, looking over at Ivy, sleeping again in her crib, "Thank you," he said quietly, "I will make sure to tell Daizi you said so. It will make her happy. Or at least feel better. I guess we," he hesitated, taking a deep breath to try to keep himself together, "I guess we both feel like we are going insane, like we keep being told..." He cut himself off, scrunching up his face. It was all so difficult.
 
"Like you're being told you're horrible freaks of nature who shouldn't even think of being around kids, let alone having one of your own? Like you're some kind of criminal?" Lance filled in. "I get that. It sucks. It really sucks because even if every single person in this office believed you were right next to Joseph and Mother Mary in terms of saintly parents, if we get a call, we gotta answer it. It's law. We hate it as much as you because it's a massive time suck we can be using elsewhere, but we're not exactly supposed to say it like that, and especially not face to face." He let out a brief, dismal chuckle. "Just hang in there. If there's more calls, Mrs. Smith or I or both of us will come out and we'll try to be in and out as fast as we can so you can get on with your lives."
 
"That," Dark agreed readily, bouncing his leg, "but it also feels as though we are supposed to not be upset by the intrusion. Neither of us has a problem with you or her as people, or with CPS, but knowing there is someone out there either truly believing we are doing such awful things or just trying to..." He exhaled, hoping it didn't need to be said, "that is a difficult thing to shrug off. It feels like an impossible task to treat it like an annoying appointment. I do not know if the others you have worked with that have been through this can treat it like that, but we cannot. Daizi and I, we..." He hesitated, trying to decide if he was comfortable sharing this, "We went through over a decade of infertility. We were never supposed to be able to have Ivy-Qadira. And we spent through years trying to adopt, which also never panned out, but somehow, miraculously, we have two wonderful boys we would formally adopt tomorrow if we could, and this baby, but instead of getting to enjoy it, we are being reported to Child Protective Services, which means there is someone out there, for a pure reason or not, who wants to take it away. And I, I know it is not going to happen, but that knowledge does not help it to feel like just an annoying formality. From one direction we have some shadow person making us feel like a criminal, and from another we have people making us feel like we should just ignore it and act like it really does not matter, and it feels like there is nothing we can do about any of it. It is a nightmare for us."
 
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Lance heaved a deep sigh that seemed to come from the souls of his motorcycle boots and there was a squeak as he leaned back in the chair. "I hear ya, man." There was a pause before he spoke. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that way, and I can't speak for anybody but myself, but I suspect we'd all agree on this. It's not that we want you to feel like it's... stupid or not rational to be completely freaked out. We, or at least I, try to tell you that it's no big deal to try to reassure you so you can at least breathe easy and not worry about that aspect. I don't have my own kids, but I've been with kids most of my working career, and a few of them... I'd be hauled off to jail for murder if anyone ever tried to take them out of my care. So, in my mind, the first thing I want you to know is that it ain't going to happen, and if there ever was even a chance, I'd tell you. Hand to heart, I'd make sure you knew exactly what was going on and what you could do to change that. We're nowhere near that stage, and I just wanted to try to ease your minds. Unfortunately, I can't do much else on that front. I can't tell you who's doing this or why and I would if I could."
 
"Thank you." Dark said, falling quiet again. He didn't exactly feel better, but he felt less insane. Ivy was still sleeping, she had been out for about twenty minutes. At least she seemed unbothered by all of it, but her first two weeks she was so jostled and poked the occasional visitor since coming home probably didn't even phase her. Sweet girl. He reached over to touch her cheek, and for the first time really recognized his own face in hers, instead of fixating on how much she looked like Daizi.

"I know you do not know who it is, and I am sure you wish you knew, too. Thank you for telling me what is in the report, truly."
 
"You're welcome." There was a pause, and then Lance said cautiously, "I don't know that I should be telling you this, but if these calls keep happening, it might help you deal with them. Mrs. Smith is short, but there's a reason for that. She's evaluation and assessment only, not a full case worker like myself. I can do her job, but she can't do mine. Anyway, assessment officers are taught to handle the situation as quickly and efficiently as possible and to get out whether it's a good one or a bad one, and there's a reason for that, and a pretty damn traumatic one, but I won't go into that detail. Basically, for her safety and to try to minimalize the stress on the family, she's trying to get in and out without answering too many questions. Makes her a bit blunt. If she says something like, 'that's it,' 'you are good to go,' or 'everything is in order,' that means exactly that. You're in the clear. If she says, 'we'll be in touch' or 'we'll touch base later,' that usually spells trouble. If you're not home, that's fine, it's not going to speak badly of you, she'll just come back later. If when she comes it's really not a good time for whatever reason, just state that it's not and tell her when would be a better time. Unless it's pretty damn obvious you're hiding something, it's not going to reflect badly. We have to do surprise inspections so that actual, you know, problems can't be covered up, but we do get that it's not always a good time. Does that help?"
 
"It does," Dark sighed, glad of this information but still carrying that deep frustration of having to know it. But it was good to know they could send her away if they needed to. He went to say something, but again his breath shook, so he gave himself a few minutes, "I hope I will not need the advice in the future, though."
 
Lance grunted. "I agree. I'm hoping this'll be the last. But just in case... anyway, with everything that's been going on, I figure we can skip our meeting next week. I can take care of that. You need anything else?"
 
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