How Green Becomes Wood

Milo watched Xander walk away, and then turned and went to the nearest of the places he had found to hide in, and after getting the door unlocked, he shut himself in, not bothering to turn on the lights, and sat on the cold linoleum floor, resting his forehead against his knees. He felt itchy, and couldn't keep his thoughts from dwelling on the simple fact that, now, Xander knew something about him he tried to keep hidden from everyone. Which went completely against everything he had wanted to do, and completely against all of the safety plans he had ever made, and he knew, now, but hadn't until it was too late, that Xander seemed to be the kind of person who would take some weakness and throw it back at him, not apologize for it, and leave. It was almost ironic. And now Xander knew the greatest of Milo's weaknesses, or one of them, because he let himself think that maybe... He tugged on his hair, not tight enough to rip any of it out, and rocked himself just slightly.

"Peter said if I was a stunt double for anyone, I'd be the stunt double for Alan Cunningham. Because I have the same height and build as Alan. Cunningham." Sloan said, playing up her irritation, but her eyes lingered on Xander's face for a moment, "But dude if you're sick or something you should go to the nurse."
 
Xander shrugged, not looking at her directly. "I'll be fine. Can't be sick on my first day back from suspension. Why would you want to be a stunt double? All the work, all the risks, none of the glory."

"She doesn't want to be, it was our idea," Alec said, watching him. "It was just funny."

Xander grunted.

"The bell is going to be ringing soon," Peter finally said. "I think I'll get a head start to beat the crowds. My next class is clear on the other side of the building." He stood and started cleaning up.
 
"And I said I didn't know what famous person I could double for, and that was Peter's answer, which is absurd." Sloan said, packing up her lunch, "And yeah, you should probably get going, but know that the next time we meet, I'm going to tell you what celebrity you can double for. So be prepared for that."

She stood up, picking up her bag, "Maybe you should stunt double, Xander. It'd actually be great if Alec became an actor, the two of you could have an illustrious career, and only one of you would have to be famous."
 
Peter grinned and headed off. "I look forward to it!"

Xander snorted and put away his half-finished lunch. "Could work. Lots of risk in stunt doubling. Wouldn't mind breaking a few things. Might even up my karma." He stood and started walking away.

Alec's jaw dropped. "Might even... Xander!" He glanced at Sloan. "I need to go."
 
"Later," Alec agreed. He hurried after Xander. "What do you mean breaking some things would even up your karma? And don't tell me you meant props. I know that's not what you meant."

Xander grumbled quietly as he made his way to his locker but didn't answer.

Alec frowned at him. "Something happened, didn't it? Something not good?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Xander snapped, shoving stuff into his locker and taking out new books. The wrong books, but he didn't care.

"No, you never do, but this is kind of important," Alec stated. He took a deep breath and stepped closer. "Please. What's wrong?"

Xander slammed his locker shut. "What's wrong is the fact that old dogs do not learn new tricks, and screw-ups stay screw-ups no matter what." He turned and marched away.

For one of the few times in their lives, Alec didn't follow. He watched Xander storm away. Then he turned and looked up and down the hall. Not many people could get under Xander's skin like that, and there was no evidence of a fight, which meant it had to be verbal. Hmm. If he were Milo, where would he hide? Somewhere usually locked. He started walking with a goal in mind but pausing to check other possible spots as he went.
 
When Milo heard footsteps, a single person's footsteps, approach his little closet, he held his breath and stayed as still as possible, hoping that whoever it was, wouldn't hear any rustling and think to check in the room. Unfortunately, as he sat, still as death, the bag he had just dropped down when he sat in the room had landed unevenly, and the unbalanced weight finally proved too much, and it fell over with a dull thud.
 
Alec paused and turned toward the closet. He wasn't sure what was in that closet, but he was fairly certain it was usually kept locked. He tried the knob and, finding it uplocked, opened it slowly. "Milo?" he called softly.
 
When the door began to open, Milo scrambled back as far as he could, but it was too late, and he was caught crouching in the dark and staring up at Alec, looking rather like an opossum when a human shines a flashlight on them while they are digging through the trash. "...Hey." With one hand he wiped his face.
 
Alec glanced over his shoulder. It didn't look like anyone had noticed. He stepped into the closet and pulled the door closed. Instead of flicking on the light, he turned on his phone flashlight and used it to find himself a seat opposite Milo. Once situated, he set the phone down on the floor pointing up to give them light but not as glaringly bright as the overhead one. "I would ask if you were okay, but I think I can guess the answer to that. Do you want to talk about it?"
 
"I don't really... do that..." Milo murmured, settling back down and pulling his backpack closer to himself and quickly making sure nothing fell out of it. What was he even supposed to say? Your brother and I got into a fight, and he yelled at me, and now I don't know when or if certain aspects of my life are going to be used against me? That would go over well. And even if Alec didn't immediately jump to Xander's defense, how was he supposed to trust anything he said to him?
 
"Yeah," Alec sighed. "It doesn't seem like something anyone around here really does." He set his backpack on the floor next to him carefully as he thought about what he was going to say. "I don't know what happened, just that something did, and I wanted you to know... this isn't really like him. Well, it kind of is. He's always been a bit prickly, but this level of frustration isn't like him. I think he's dealing with something." He held up a hand. "Don't misunderstand, I'm not trying to apologize for him or excuse whatever he did. If he made you feel bad, then whatever he did wasn't right. I just want you to know that it isn't like him and he does feel bad. He's just... really, really bad at dealing with people, and, frankly, you scare him. Scared Xander never thinks straight, just goes for the defense."
 
"How could I scare anyone." Milo asked flatly, and would've moved back beneath a shelf but he was just a little bit too tall, "And we're all dealing with something. It doesn't mean... You can't just..." He sighed, resting his forehead against his knee. It would've been better if he hadn't tried at all. Now, when inevitably he left, he'd be remembered, and remembered for this, and it was worse than being forgotten. It was so much easier to just be forgotten.
 
"Can't just yell at someone for no good reason?" Alec said, guessing. "I agree. It's not right. He shouldn't have done that. You scare him because he's never had a friend. At least, not like this. Any friend he has ever had our entire lives he's shared with me, or I've started the friendship. It took a while for him and Sloan to become friends. I don't think they liked each other for a while, but she and I were friends. Peter was my friend first, technically. Although he just kind of," he made a wiggling motion with his hand, "wormed his way into our group. You're the first person he's ever actively wanted to be friends with, but being friends with someone makes you vulnerable. It opens you up to getting hurt."
 
"Yeah?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows but not lifting his head, "Sucks. Nobody likes feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable. I don't like it either. But it's fucked to make someone think they can trust you and then turn around and try to tear you down. I'd rather have no friends than be friends with someone I have to live in fear of what I might say. I already have anxiety, that would put me into the hospital."
 
What exactly had happened between them?? Alec took a breath to ask. Then changed his mind and started to say something else, but changed his mind again. The result was a bit of a garbled noise until he stopped trying altogether. Finally, he said, "You don't have to be friends with him. You don't even have to forgive him, but when he comes to apologize, and he will in a weird way, would you please just give him a chance? That's all. Just a chance. If you don't, then... well, I don't think he'll ever try to be friends with anyone ever again." He examined Milo for a moment before holding out a hand. "I'm sorry. About whatever happened. That you're in this place. I'm sorry."
 
After Alec finished speaking, he remained silent, thinking things through, and biting his tongue. There was a lot he could say, some of it he even wanted to say. But finally Milo looked at Alec with tired, upset, and anxious eyes, "I'll give him a chance." He said, "A chance. I'm sure he's great, and I thought he was pretty cool, but I'm not a therapist, and I'm not a saint."

He did not take his hand, or move to get up off the floor. In the time since the argument, he had shifted from exclusively feeling self-loathing and regret to some level of returned anger. And that was not a comfortable feeling for him, as someone who tried to hide from life and stay boxed up, because anger was too loud an emotion for his lifestyle.
 
Alec dropped his hand, slightly disappointed but not offended. "Thank you, Milo. I completely understand. Thank you for hearing me out. I wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't." He didn't say anything after that, just sat. He didn't ask Milo if he wanted to talk again, figuring that he would if he wanted to, and he didn't move to leave. Milo might want to be alone, but he was always alone. Maybe it was time someone stayed with him. Alec was not very good at the silent presence style of companionship, but he bit his tongue, sat on his hands, and forced himself to not fidget.
 
After avoiding Alec's hand, he expected him to leave, and when he didn't, Milo had no idea what to do. The silence didn't bother him, he was used to that. The sound of someone else breathing stood out to him more. At first it made him anxious, and his heart rate picked up, and he felt his palms sweat so he gripped himself more tightly to pretend like they weren't. And he tried his best to ignore it all, but he began to cry before he had time to prepare and fight it down, and his brain slipped back into self-loathing.
 
It took Alec a second to realize what was happening. Milo was... crying?? Oh no. He glanced around the small closet and spotted a box of unopened tissues, likely leftover from supplying the classroom. He pulled it down and opened it. Then, moving slow, he inched around the cramped space to sit next to Milo. He pulled out the first tissue since they almost always shredded and offered the second tissue to Milo, putting a hand on his shoulder. He wanted to hug Milo, to tell him it was okay, but something said Milo wouldn't appreciate the closeness. So, awkward hand-on-shoulder it was while trying not to be too close. In a closet. A small closet.
 
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