How Green Becomes Wood

"It was nice to know that, in case of an emergency, I'd be able to drive us." Milo responded, "mostly I just covered us sometimes when it was night and my mom was too tired or not safe to drive. My mom was pretty good about knowing when she couldn't drive, at least when I was in the car with her."
 
"That's good. That's real good. Our mum didn't. Least, not one time." Xander went quiet for a moment, and a muscle jumped in his jaw. Then he shook his head, tossing away the thought. "Alec made me take a couple of online first aid classes with him. You had to pay if you wanted the certificate, but they'd let you watch all the videos and take the tests for free. So, now I know how to crack ribs in the name of self-defense and in the name of saving someone's life."
 
Milo watched Xander's reaction carefully, but didn't say anything about it. Instead, he said, "I always carry Narcan with me. It fell out of my bag once, one of the times those kids dumped it, and I lied and told them it was an allergy medication. You can get it for free at libraries, or at clinics. It saves lives."
 
"Yeah." Xander looked out the window again. "One day, you're in one world, then it's like you blink, and you've woken up in a different one without even a f***ing wardrobe or a bunch of weird letters and a hairy giant to ease the transition. Just... bam. New world."
 
Milo looked over at Xander with a cautious smile, "You did get a giant. ...But, probably later than would've been helpful." He looked away again, scanning the street for familiar cars, "I'm sorry..." He sighed heavily, hanging his lanky arms down at his sides, "Does it ever bother you to see a happy family?"
 
"Fair enough," Xander admitted to Milo's comment about getting a giant. When he asked about happy families, Xander stared out the window, not really seeing the cars. "Not really," he finally said. "When I was little, I mean real little, they made me confused. I didn't get that not all families were like mine. Families that were together - mum and dad and kids and all that - I didn't understand how that worked. After a while, I stopped paying attention because I had my own stuff to deal with. Then when I got older..." He hesitated and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. "I believed that they were all either like my family or Sloan's. Happy and shiny on the outside but broken and falling apart on the inside. Love, family... it was all just either a lie or temporary. It didn't last. Couldn't last. There was no such thing as a happy family that actually stayed together." He shifted his weight. "Now I'm not so sure."
 
"I always knew it was real," Milo told him, "Even after my parents divorced, when my dad was still alive and my mom hadn't had her injury yet, I knew my dad loved me, and my mom loved me, and they loved each other, they just weren't in love with each other--you know, that normal line we feed children of divorce--and even after my dad died, my mom tried so hard. And now I look at happy families and... I wonder..." He turned his head to the side, taking a few moments to think about it, "I wonder what they did to be so deserving. And why some families just... get everything taken, again, and again, and again."
 
Xander was already shaking his head before Milo could finish. "It's not about being deserving. Some of it is just natural crap that everyone goes through, like my fosters' new baby coming ridiculously early. Some of it is bad choices. Like my mum's taste in men. Life is a crap hand. That's the way it is. It's what you do with that crap hand. Do you make it even crappier, or do you try to make things better? Sometimes, things get crappier even when you try, but it's when you stop trying that really counts. Or if you're doing the same thing over and over and you refuse to see that what you're doing is making it worse." He stopped and dropped his gaze. "If you stop letting people in. That's when it gets bad."
 
Milo listened, almost speaking up to remark that he didn't know Mr. Dark's baby had been bornw early, or to ask what it was like when your foster parents had their own kid, but it didn't seem worth interrupting him for. At the end of his friend's spiel, he looked over, "Is that advice or are you talking to yourself?" He asked softly, "I know that life isn't supposed to be fair, but the unfairness seems so... unequal. And I guess it would be too fair if it was, but I want to... not have so much. I can only watch so many people wither."
 
"Um," Xander rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess both. I dunno. Advice isn't really my strong suit. But I get you with wanting things to be more fair. I guess life is fair in it's complete unfairness, and sometimes you gotta do some work to make it more fair for yourself. You gotta take a plunge and do something that might make things worse or it might make things better. Like getting into the car of someone offering you help, or not getting into the car Like letting yourself be a bother to someone. Letting other people care about you." Without thinking, Xander reached out as if to rest his hand on Milo's shoulder. He hesitated, his hand hovering, and awkwardly turned away, stuffing his hand into his pocket. "But, like I said, I'm not the greatest at advice."
 
"I wasn't seeking advice anyway," Milo replied, not noticing Xander nearly touching him. "I wish I had a brother or sister or someone to have gone through it all with. You're very lucky, in that way."
 
"Yeah, but it also means you got someone else to worry about, and if they aren't as tough as you, things can get complicated," Xander said bluntly. "Does mean it's not so lonely."

~~~

Meanwhile, Alec was home reading a book in the living room. He sat in a spot where he could casually glance out the window, but he kept his eyes glued on his book. A book that he hadn't turned a page in in several minutes.
 
"You also have someone else to worry about you," He replied, frowning, "and you have someone to wait in the ER with you. And who knows what is happening. And you never have to leave them behind when you go from city to city." He shoved his hands into his pockets, "I'd take worrying about someone. Even if they're not as tough. People are strong in different ways, right? If they are more sensitive to the hard parts, that just means they can help you feel your feelings... But I think if I had a sibling, I wouldn't be the tough one."

~~

Dark had been somewhat keeping an eye on Alec, but also the evenings were when he traded primary parent care with Daizi, to give her a much needed break, but he was aware of his son milling about the house, so after noticing how distracted Alec was, he came and sat near him, "It is a lovely night, yes?"
 
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Xander didn't say anything for a long time. "Yeah, all that's true." He didn't know what else to say, so he just stood there. Milo wouldn't be happy to know, so Xander did his best to hide it from him, but he was starting to really, really hate Milo's mother and everything she was choosing and had chosen to put Milo through, and as far aw Xander was concerned, it had become a choice once he knew that Milo had stable family members that could have been looking after him this whole time.

~~~

Alec closed his book on his finger to mark his place and looked up. "Yes, it is a very nice evening," he agreed.
 
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Even without Xander saying it, Milo heard it in the silence, and he sighed heavily. Nobody ever understood. Not really. And it wasn't anybody's fault, Milo knew it was impossible to understand from the outside. Everything seems easier to manage if you are not living in it. "My grandparents will be here soon, I think." He said instead.

~~

"It is quiet, too. I like quiet nights," Dark said, looking out the window for a little while before his gaze returned to Alec, "Very peaceful."
 
Xander glanced at Milo. Then he reached out and gripped his shoulder. It was brief, but firm. As long as Milo let him, Xander would be there, no matter what he thought of Milo's mother. He knew plenty of people thought his own mother should have given them both up for adoption rather than keep them the way she did, and perhaps they were right. Perhaps they were wrong. All he knew was that no matter the past now things were different, and he wished he could make them different for Milo. He dropped his hand quickly and turned away.

~~

"Um, yes, quite, good for reading," Alec agreed. "Also good for spending time with wee babies, too."
 
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