How Green Becomes Wood

"To be honest..." Dark said, looking back at Alec, "I am not particularly concerned with the act of being high, I am not... unfamiliar with that sort of impairment. It just feels different conceptually now that I have," he gestured to the three of them, "dependents."
 
"Oh good. I think it's supposed to be different," Xander said dryly.

Alec smiled reassuringly. "It's just for the one night, right? I think we'll be okay for one night."
 
"Good." Dark nodded, clapping his hands together as if he were knocking dust off of them, "I will tell my therapist we agreed to it so we can get the medication. I do think we should have the... festivities..." He resisted commenting on his distaste for the holiday itself, outside of how it was often triggering for him, "here, because I will be unsuitable to drive, but I am fully aware there are plenty of drivers who choose to drive impaired, and I do not want the responsibility of navigating that on the shoulders of someone who has had their license for less than a year."

He was about to get up, but then stopped, looked at them both, and said, "I am not going to be wearing red, white, and blue."
 
Xander actually snorted at that. "Do you really think we'd even suggest that? Seriously? It's tacky when the natives do it, and we," he indicated himself and Alec, "aren't trailer park trash anymore. We can afford to have a little dignity."

"Not to mention, all I have to do is wear white, and I'm good," Alec remarked, tugging on his hair.
 
"I am only setting the precedent now so you are not disappointed later." Dark said simply, folding his arms over his chest, "I am not dressing her in those colours either."

Daizi smiled slightly, snuggling up against Dark, "I suspect you'll still decide to wear red and white. Just with other colours included and blue excluded."

"I had not thought so far."

Daizi paused for a moment, reading him, "You liar."
 
"You do look good in red and white," Alec told Dark with a grin. "I look forward to seeing you in whatever outfit you choose!"

"You could just stick the mini back in her watermelon outfit," Xander suggested.
 
"I was planning on it," Dark admitted, "I figured we would set out the baby pool for her again, since she likes it so much."

"She plays in it like how she does in the bath, she loves water."

"It is because she knows her people are from the desert and water is not guaranteed," Dark joked, but the tensed as the first of that night's fireworks went off. He took a breath to try to settle himself, but then shook his head and chose to leave instead.
 
"Weird is better than bad," Daizi said, getting up to cradle Ivy when another firework went off and it startled her awake. "It's okay, habibti, it's just the pretty lights again! Do you want to go see? Let's go see the pretty lights. And Enkidu will come with us! And Enkidu always keeps Baby Ivy-Qadira safe."
 
Alec went with her to point her and Ivy toward the pretty lights so they could watch. He cheered at the lights and oohed and ahhed and made a show of enjoying them. He did actually enjoy the fireworks, so it wasn't very hard. Xander watched for a while, mostly staying near Alec before heading off to do his own thing.

Then came time for Xander to head to his horse therapy once again. It was a nice day, so after Xander left, Alec asked to take Ivy outside to play and give Daizi and Dark some time to themselves. At least, time until Ivy decided she was bored of her brother.
 
Daizi pretended like she could see the fireworks, for Ivy's sake, even though all they were for her were random crash sounds, but they were trying to teach Ivy they were okay. Ivy still didn't love them, and held tight to her mother, but she didn't cry so long as she was held and could see them.

Dark and Daizi gladly allowed Alec to take Ivy outside, although they made Ivy wear a hat to protect her delicate skin. At first they talked about taking their alone time on the porch, to keep an eye out, but then they quickly realized that wasn't taking time just for themselves, either. So instead, they went upstairs to their bedroom balcony so they could enjoy the outdoors while maintaining a degree of separation, and they were glad to have done so. It was so much more difficult to get time together when they weren't both exhausted at the end of the day, so the mid-afternoon time was delightful, even though much of what they talked about was still their children.
 
While Alec was out having fun with Ivy, Xander was facing down Judson. Judson stood looking at him, patient as a rock, but clearly bored. Pam leaned on the fence watching them, clearly amused. Xander finally turned to look at her. "This is a much bigger arena."

"Judson's a big horse. He was getting dizzy in the smaller one," Pam grinned. "As always, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

Xander turned back to Judson and huffed. "Alright, big boy. Let's try this out."

He led Judson over to the mounting block, which was next to Pam. Once Xander was up on the horse and feeling secure, Pam took off Judson's halter. Xander took a deep breath and rested his sweating palms on his thighs. Judson started walking, his pace a slow wander.

"So, when do I get to actually ride a horse? With controls and all of that," he asked, physically forcing his muscles to relax with each exhale.

"As soon as you can actually relax when you sit up there," Pam said calmly. "Even if it's only for five minutes. You're getting closer every time, but you're still not relaxing, and you need to be at least somewhat relaxed to properly ride."

"Alright, makes sense," Xander admitted grudgingly.

After Xander had gone around a couple of times with Judson stopping and starting randomly, Pam said, "You know, I've noticed you tend to clench your fists a lot. When you're on the horse, definitely, but also when you're just walking around. You always keep them at least partially closed as if you are holding onto something."

Xander looked down and realized he was doing exactly that. He made his hands open again. "Okay? And?" he called back over his shoulder as Judson walked away from Pam.

"Don't get me wrong, we all have things we want to hold onto, and sometimes that's a good thing, but sometimes when we hold something too tightly, we end up loosing it because we're holding it. And sometimes we hold onto things we don't need to be holding. Things that we can and maybe should put down," Pam said reasonably.

"I'm pretty sure I don't have anything in my hands right now," Xander protested.

Pam snorted. "Come on, Xander, no need to play dumb," she chided.

Xander scowled but couldn't be mad at her. "Alright, so what if I am holding something? I don't think I am, but even if I am, how am I supposed to put it down?"

Pam shrugged. "I don't know. It's impossible to say without knowing what it is you're holding, isn't it? So, first, you have to identify what it is you are gripping so tightly in your hands." She pointed to him, and he looked down to see that his fingers had curled once more. "In order to discover what it is you are holding onto, you're going to have to dig deep and probably scratch at some scabs that you'd rather leave alone and face some stuff you don't want to. It'll probably hurt."

"Sounds like something I'd rather leave alone," Xander retorted.

"You can if you want to, but carrying something, no matter how small or light, can get really exhausting after a while if you can never put it down," Pam pointed out gently. "It's something to think about."

Xander fell quiet and looked down at Judson's mane as they walked back and forth. He didn't even talk much when cleaning out the stalls, just worked and thought. Was he carrying something? His fear for his brother? His friends? His still new family? None of that felt quite like what Pam meant, but he wasn't sure what it could be. Then again, maybe it was because he wasn't actually digging deep enough because he didn't want to dig any deeper.

Before heading home, he paused to check on the giant Belgium horse. He still didn't look so good, and one of the other stable hands told him that the horse still didn't move much. He was back in the barn with access to the outside whenever he wanted, but he still stood with his head in the corner, eating only enough to keep himself alive. The staff had finally decided on a name, but they were worried about him. Maybe his name would help. Big John. Xander looked in on Big John soberly before heading to his van and home.
 
Out in the yard with Alec, Ivy was loudly and happily playing with him, and hopefully Lex didn't mind the sound of babies screeching too much, because she was committing fully to it, because it was too fun not to!

Even on their balcony, Dark and Daizi heard her little shrieks of joy, and for a moment they wondered how and if they should teach her to quiet down, but then they decided... They were at home and she was outside. If she was going to be loud anywhere, that was the place to be loud. She deserved to have fun. But then they turned to each other, and knowing it was a rare moment where nobody was looking on them, they let themselves be a couple.
 
As it happened, Lex did not mind the sound of screaming children as long as it wasn't hers. Besides, with as noisy as her smithing could be, she figured it was only fair.

Xander eventually arrived home, pulling up into the drive and turning off his van. He sat there for a moment, staring at nothing and just being for a moment. Finally, he got out of the car and headed inside. "I'm home," he called as he touched the salt and toed off his shoes. "Anyone here?"
 
At it happened, when Xander came inside, everyone else was still outside, but with the open windows and back door, Ivy's cheerful noises heavily suggested where everyone had gone away to. Upstairs, Dark checked the time and knew it was likely Xander would be home soon, if he wasn't already, and so, taking a few extra moments to look at her and enjoy the time they had spent alone, they both got up and went downstairs so he wouldn't be too bewildered when he came inside.
 
Xander followed the sounds of happy baby and discovered Alec sitting crosslegged on the grass in the shade with Ivy on his lap and letting her play with the grass.

Alec looked up at Xander with a bright smile. "Hey! How'd it go?"

Xander plopped down next to them and pulled Alec into a sideways hug made even more awkward by the fact that Ivy was right there.

"That bad?" Alec asked worriedly.

"S'fine," Xander mumbled, holding him for a bit. "Just... drained."

"Oh, okay," Alec said gently, still using both hands to corral Ivy.
 
Ivy was happily grabbing at the grass, but when Xander walked over to them, she looked up at her other brother with the biggest smile and kicked hard enough that she lost her balance and toppled over.

Not too long after, Dark and Daizi stepped outside, although he stopped to watch the three of them in that moment. Xander looked tired, but it was still sweet to see all three of their children huddled together like that. It didn't feel quite right to intrude, and anyway, he wanted to be able to remember it.
 
"Oops! Over she goes!" Alec laughed, cheerfully righting Ivy and getting her more secure on his lap. "She's so happy to see you."

Xander smiled a little at Ivy and almost reached out to her, but his hand dropped before it got close. "I'm happy to see you, too, Mini Mouse. You're so squeaky."

Alec leaned into Xander and tickled Ivy lightly. "She is, isn't she? So squeaky!"
 
Ivy did squeak, grabbing onto Alec's arm, pressing her face against it, still grinning at her older brother, playing a bit coy, as far as babies could manage it.

Although he knew perfectly well the twins did not like pictures, this was one moment where he went against their wishes and took a quick picture of them. He'd draw it later, and then maybe he'd delete the image, but until then he'd keep it. Daizi could only hear them talk, but the squeezed Dark's arm because she wanted to express how happy she was to catch the three of them like this, but she worried if she spoke, they'd be detected and her children would stop being this sweet together.
 
"And now you're playing shy? When did you get shy?" Xander challenged. He made an effort to exaggerate his facial features even though all he wanted to do was be a bit gloomy. Making himself act cheerful for Ivy was actually making him feel a bit better, though, so the smile came easier.

Alec chuckled and snuggled Ivy, letting her hold onto him however she wanted. "She can be shy if she wants. Or tough and no-nonsense! Or sweet as can be. In that, she can be whatever she wants to be."

"True, but she'll always end up somewhere on the sweet spectrum. You can't help it, can you?" Xander asked Ivy.
 
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