How Green Becomes Wood

"Okay, but what even counts?" Daizi asked, regretting everything she had done which brought her to this moment. She know she could last a full day, because Dark was right, they weren't teenagers, but that didn't mean she wanted to. They regularly went more than a day without making out, but when he was cute, how was she supposed to avoid kissing his cheek? Or his head? Those were very important parts of their communication style!

"I think if we fail to last a day without it, the consequence is just mockery." Dark said, completely certain it wouldn't even be that hard to achieve.
 
"Absolutely not! That's way too easy. I think... Yes. The person who first initiates has to take on the other person's least favorite chore, and in the event of a tie, you have to do my least favorite chores," Alec said with satisfaction. "And if you win, then I will take on your least favorite chores. It should be totally easy, right? After all, I'm a teen and I don't feel like running around kissing people."
 
"You want to make us compete against each other?" Daizi asked, even more horrified than before, "Do you hate me?"

"She brings up a good point," Dark nodded to Daizi, "If we are supposed to help each other win, setting up the rules to be based on how one of us could lead the other astray would encourage us to compete against each other, rather than support each other."

Very slowly, Daizi raised her head, and although she wasn't thrilled about this idea, suggested, "What if... whoever wins... gets to pick what the loser needs to wear for a day?"
 
"We are," Dark agreed, shaking Alec's hand. Daizi may find it hard to forgive, but how could he turn down a challenge like that?

Daizi moped but limply shook Alec's hand anyway. "It seems so. As long as cuddling is still okay."
 
"Excellent!" Alec said brightly, shaking Dark and Daizi's hands. "Yes, cuddling is okay, but watch yourselves." He glanced between them, amused and then shook his head. "Best friends indeed. For life and death."
 
"Death cannot stop true love, all it can do is delay it for awhile." Daizi huffed, thinking this would be easier than she had thought, because Dark had forced her hand, and so she didn't really feel much of a desire to kiss him now. Although she couldn't resist the desire to laugh at how dramatic she was being, it was just a day. She sat up, reclaiming Ivy, "As long as I can still kiss my baby girl, it will not be hard at all, and if you tried to make me halt that, I would absolutely refuse. It'd make her too sad. Right, Hummingbird?"
 
"Poor Ivy would be so very confused. I could not possibly do that to her!" Alec assured her hastily. "Absolutely not. And I don't think she'd let you do that for even an hour."
 
"She certainly would not." Dark replied solidly.

"I wouldn't be able to last an hour," Daizi confessed, kissing Ivy's forehead and then setting her down on the floor to play, wanting to test how the bells worked. Ivy sat back, looking at her parents still sitting on the couch, feeling a bit confused by the fact they were not sitting on the floor with her, but soon was distracted by wanting her toys, and so jingled off to her toy with wooden beads on thick metal wire. Daizi listened to the cheerful sound with a smile and then sat back, reclining in her husband's arms, only mildly grumpy about the fact he couldn't kiss her head like he normally did when she sat with him like that. After a little while of the quiet peace, she asked, "Do you really not feel like kissing anyone?"
 
Alec turned bright red and started stammering guiltily, his hands shaking a little. "No, no! Of course not. I mean, I have nothing against other people kissing, of course. That makes perfect sense." He laughed, the sound coming out high-pitched and squeaky. "No, I could never..." He hesitated, looking at two of the three people he trusted most in the entire world. "Maybe," he admitted shamedly. "There's a lot of really pretty girls, and, I'm sorry, I know, that's horribly objectifying of me, and I shouldn't think like that or look at them like that, it's just... it's really hard, and how do you not when they dress like that and they are everywhere? No, I'm not blaming them, it's still absolutely my fault, and I promise I'm trying to stop and not think like that, I swear."
 
Dark and Daizi both listened carefully to what he was saying, and Dark looked curiously at him. This had all come out very quickly, and it took them both a minute to process what he was attempting to say. When Alec stopped blabbering, Daizi very slowly said, "So... you are attracted to women. There is not anything wrong with that. It is okay to look at a person and recognize you find them attractive."

Daizi nodded, "Just recognizing someone is attractive is not inherently objectification."
 
Alec peeked at them, still feeling a little guilty. "Are you sure? Because so many time I've been told or heard girls talking like it's horrible that a guy wants to talk to them 'just because they are hot.' And I really... I just don't understand, and I don't want to be attracted to anyone." He hesitated. "At least, I don't think I do."
 
"Well," Daizi said slowly, sitting up right, "I think there are two things going on. There's finding someone attractive, and there's what you do with those feelings. There's nothing wrong with seeing a person and finding them attractive: seeing them and thinking, 'I find them attractive,' and there's nothing wrong with your body just sending those signals even if you don't think what's happening. I also don't think there's anything wrong with deciding to talk to a girl because you find them attractive, but when there starts to be an issue is if, upon speaking to the girl, you aren't interested in learning anything else about her. If you do not care about her interests, her political beliefs, her dreams, or any of that, because all you care about is that you think she is hot. That's what girls and women are upset by, being treated like we aren't complete people."

After letting Daizi explain her side as a woman who had experienced objectification by men, Dark chimed in, "You cannot help feeling, or not feeling, attraction. It's part of you, something you are born with, like eye colour or a widow's peak. If it were possible to simply wish away attraction, conversion therapy would work, and--speaking as a queer man who grew up in a country where same-sex relationships are criminalized--I can tell you trying to prevent those feelings crushes you."
 
Alec sighed and slumped down on the chair across from them. "I just... I don't know what to do about this. If anything. I don't want to do anything about this, but ignoring it isn't working, and I... I don't want to hurt... anyone."
 
Dark reached over to squeeze Alec's shoulder, "You do not have to do anything about it. Feeling attraction for someone does not mean you need to try to date them. You do not need to change anything about your life if you do not want to. I do not think you should try to pretend like you do not feel attraction or shame yourself for it, because that drives people out of their minds, but--if you do not want to risk hurting anyone, you can both feel attraction for others and not pursue those feelings."

Despite wanting to gently suggest a method to deal with those feelings when they got overwhelming, Daizi refrained, guessing her son was not ready for something like that, and definitely did not want it to come from his mom. Instead, she picked up on something in his tone and asked, "Are you worried about Xander?"
 
"Thank you," he said softly to Dark, appreciating his words of wisdom. "I guess you're right. It just... feels like I'm supposed to do something about it, but... you're right." He flinched at Daizi's question. "Yes," he admitted unhappily. "I don't want him to think... I don't know."
 
"You are not betraying him," Daizi said gently, "and you are not abandoning him. There is just... a part of you he does not share. At least not to your knowledge. And even if you do decide to date someone, that does not mean the new person in your life needs to change anything about your relationship with your brother. I know that Dark and I talk a lot about how we are each other's best friends, and that we love each other more than and know more about each other than anyone else in the world---but just because that's how our relationship works, that doesn't mean it has to be how your relationship works. Dark was an only child, and my brother died, we don't have the same life experiences as you. It would be strange if you ended up in a relationship that looked exactly like ours."

"You are not committing a crime, Alec," Dark reminded his son, "and there are a million different family structures--all of which are so far removed from right now. Do not think about the future, think about how you feel now, because you are sixteen, and I guarantee everything you have planned for the future will change a million times yet."
 
"But we've always said it wasn't something we were ever, ever going to do," Alec said quietly. "It wasn't ever in the cards. That was it. The end. And now..." He bit his lip. "But what if he's angry? What if he feels like I am abandoning him? I would choose him over anyone else in a heartbeat, I would, and that's never going to change, but how do I make sure he feels safe no matter what? The entire thing, what I'm feeling the possibilities that open up, all of it, it's terrifying. And the idea that it's not what we want to do together is even scarier."
 
"Have you considered talking to him about it? It may be that he does not take well to it at first, I cannot say one way or another, but if you talk to him about the fact it is something you might be interested in, it would likely go over better than if you introduced him to a girlfriend without giving him any warning your feelings about it had changed." Dark suggested, he and Daizi weren't snuggled up together anymore, having both silently decided this was too important a discussion to spend it reclined.

"And it is better than depriving yourself of something out of fear for how someone else might react." Daizi ran a hand through his hair, and cupping his chin in her hand for a moment, "You are his twin, but you are not the same person. You are allowed to have different paths. Limiting yourself to make someone else comfortable never ends well, habibi." She let go of his face and ran her fingers through his hair again, "Imagine he had no problems with anything you decided: What would you want your life to look like at forty?"
 
Alec took a shaky breath. The idea that Xander would be fine with everything sounded like a beautiful fairytale, but did that mean it had to stay that way? What would he like his life to look like. "A family," he said at last, his voice quiet. "I would like to have a family like yours. I don't know about kids yet, but... I would like a partner, I think. Yes. A Daizi to my Dark. Or, rather, maybe a Dark to my Daizi, I suppose."
 
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