How Green Becomes Wood

Dark took out his ID and passed it over and looked at Alec, uncertain if he needed an ID as well, or if he would have thought to bring his student identification card. "If he does not have an ID, is the fact he and Xander share the same face sufficient?"
 
Pam glanced at Alec, who was frantically patting his pockets. "Yep, that's Alec," she said with certainty. "He is so Xander's twin." She looked at Dark's card and handed it back. "Come on, follow me. I'll fill you in as we walk. He's in the admin office, which is a different building. This way."

She led them through the door out into the main yard and made a beeline toward a large shed-like building that was one of those premade ones that looked a bit like a small house with a porch. "He came in with a real chip on his shoulder, and I was real worried about him. But he wouldn't open up, which is pretty usual. I'd think we were making progress, but then he'd shut down, and this time was like most of them, and I had to tell him that if he didn't start opening up and working with us, we couldn't keep him in our program." Her words started coming faster. "I knew he didn't like it, so when he was supposed to go clean the stalls, I was going to go with him, but I got delayed and I should have been there, but I had to help someone else with their client, and when I got there, he was in Big John's stall. A horse, I mean, who's been in quarantine for a while, doesn't matter, but no one except authorized staff were supposed to be in that stall, and he knew that, but when I got there, he was sitting on the floor of the stall hugging the horse's leg and bawling like I've never seen before." She stopped outside the door, chewing her lip worriedly. "It was a process to get him out of the stall and somewhere safe. Our head councilor has been with him since." She indicated the windowed door.

Alec stepped up to look in first. There were two small couches - love seats, really - on either side of a coffee table. Xander sat in the middle of the one facing the door, hunched over and gripping the edges of a large blanket as it lay around his shoulders. A mug of tea sat on the table in front of him, and he stared at it with vacant, hollow eyes that still occasionally leaked tears. He looked small and broken, worse than even when Declan had revealed his true self.
 
Dark glanced at the woman explaining things tiredly, feeling almost like he was expecting him to comfort her. That wasn't his job, he didn't have the emotional bandwidth for that after everything that had transpired within--he checked his pocket watch as they walked--less than 24 hours. She was a counselor, she could deal with it herself or have someone else comfort her. He said nothing as they walked, and did not ask permission to enter the room where his son was, although he entered it gently, he did not storm in.

Standing just inside the threshold, he said in a low voice, "Xander?"
 
Pam was not actually asking to be comforted and didn't even realize that was how she was coming across. She would figure it out later when she was a little calmer and would feel guilty, but right now, she was overwhelmed and worried for Xander. This was only her second year, and this had never happened before. She didn't try to stop Dark and even moved out of the way for him.

Xander moved slightly, just enough to show he'd heard. Alec tried to step forward to him, but something stopped him.

An older woman with short-cropped grey hair rose from the other couch and turned to face Dark. "You are the boy's father?" she asked, calm and professional.
 
"Yes," Dark answered, shaking her hand quickly, feeling like he might scream, or whatever his version of screaming was, if she started lecturing him about how Xander has gone through a lot of trauma and 'these are the things you really should be doing.' He just wanted to sit down with and try to help his son, and he was sure this woman's information would be helpful, but it's not like he was operating on a lot of sleep. "We are in the process of adopting both Xander and his brother."
 
Alec swallowed hard and inched around Dark and the woman to sit with Xander. He didn't say anything, just let their knees touch. Xander closed his eyes, the tears flowing more freely. Still, he didn't speak.

She dipped her head. "I have been speaking with him, trying to sort out what happened, but he is quite vulnerable right now, and any attempts to reach an understanding have resulted in further breakdowns. The only thing he has said so far is that it is all his fault and that he can't tell someone, he wouldn't say who, or it would hurt them. I am worried for him, and I think going home would be for the best. Please make certain he is never unsupervised, and if at any time you have any concerns for his personal safety, I urge you to take him to a medical facility." She stepped aside so Dark could get past her. "Quiet and calm will do him good, I think."
 
Dark inhaled, crossing his arms over his chest, looking past the woman at the twins, "I do not think we need to worry about him being left unsupervised. But I will take your advice seriously." He almost mentioned that he, as a teenager, had spent time both in a psych-ward and in long-term in-patient psychiatric care, but it wasn't something he particularly wanted to disclose if it'd serve no purpose other than convince this woman he wouldn't take this lightly. He knew he wouldn't, he knew Daizi wouldn't, that was enough.

He walked over to Xander and squatted down in front of him, "Alharis?" He asked gently, "Are you ready to go home?"
 
Xander gave a slight nod. And then shook his head. "I can't," he whispered. "I can't go home. I don't have a home."

"What are you talking about?" Alec frowned, his voice quiet. "Of course you have a home. We have one." He reached out and laid his hand on Xander's arm.

Xander flinched but didn't pull away. "How can I have a home? I don't deserve it."

"Let's talk about it when we get there," Alec urged him gently. "Talk all about it."

Xander nodded slightly but didn't move to stand until Alec pulled on his arm.
 
"We can agree to disagree for right now," Dark said, wanting to rub Xander's back but feeling like even now it was a bad idea, "But how many people without homes deserve one? How many billionaires who made their fortunes by exploiting others live in mansions while people with cancer have their horses forclosed on because they cannot afford both chemo and their mortgage? Hm? Life is not fair, habibi, and that means we are going to go home. Daizi will be crushed if we do not."
 
Xander flinched at the mention of Daizi but nodded. "Okay," he whispered.

Alec took his hand gently and led him out. Pam was waiting outside, looking as though she'd drawn herself together, and she escorted them to the gate. Xander was allowed to keep the blanket, and he held it like a lifeline in one hand, his other hand holding onto his brother.

"If you can't take it right now, we'll keep his car safe until you can come back for it," Pam told Dark quietly.
 
"I will call if I can have someone we trust pick it up later, otherwise I will get it tomorrow." Dark replied as he guided both boys to the car.

After getting both of them in the car, he drove partway home, but then stopped in a gas station and parked, not shutting off the car. "You both stay here for a moment, okay?" And after only about five minutes he came back and handed Alec two cans of the same yellow and black, "Drink that, if you can. It tastes like tea and lemonade but is full of electrolytes. It will help you physically feel better, if nothing else." He had also picked one up for Daizi, but that can he kept tossed in the passenger seat.
 
Alec nodded and opened the first can. He focused on trying to get Xander to drink first before taking his own. He didn't like the taste, but he managed to get it down amidst much face-making. Xander sipped slowly and reluctantly, but he'd finally stopped crying. He sat limp and exhausted in his seat, his mind having gotten so overwhelmed it finally went blank. There was nothing but pain and sadness now. No anger. Just grief. He drank because he was told, not tasting it.
 
He nodded slightly when they drank it and then finished the drive home, opening Xander's door for him when they pulled into the driveway and following them inside the house, where Daizi was anxiously waiting. Ivy was down for her nap, so she was doing nothing but waiting on them.
 
Xander went inside without coaxing and slowly moved toward the couch. He was still hugging the blanket and not doing much other than shuffling his feet. Alec had to remind him to take off his shoes and touch the salt for Daizi's sake.

"We're here, Mama," Alec called quietly. "Xander is moving toward the couch." He followed his brother and sat next to him.

Xander started to lean into Alec, to accept his touch, but then he looked at his brother, and shame filled his eyes before he turned away and huddled in on himself again. Alec watched in hurt and confusion.
 
"Good," Daizi said gently, going back to the living room and sitting down on her favourite chair, near to where the twins were, but keeping some distance, because that's where Xander normally liked her. She couldn't see his face, but she heard a lot in the silence, "Do you want to try taking a nap, habibi?"
 
"No," Xander whispered. "I can't face the silence. It's too loud."

"Xander, what's happened? Whats wrong?" Alec urged. "Please, talk to me."

Xander shook his head. "I can't tell you! Your the one person I absolutely can ot tell!"

Alec bit his lip and took a long breath. "Okay," he said. "I'm going to go get some tea. I'll be right back." He squeezed Xander's leg and went to the kitchen.
 
"Would a noise machine help?" Daizi asked softly, "Or some music?"

Dark joined them on the couch, and after Alec walked out of the room, he asked, "Can you tell us, if you cannot tell your brother?"
 
Xanders breath caught and he closed his eyes again. "If I do, you'll tell me to tell him, and then he'll... he'll hate me. You'll be disappointed. It'll all fall apart. I can't. It just... it hurts too much, but if I try to touch it..." if he tried to deal with it, he was afraid he'd shatter to dust, especially now that he didn't have Alec and their safety and survival to give him purpose.
 
"I will not tell him anything you do not want him to know." Dark promised him soberly, "anything you tell me in confidence stays in confidence."

"It stays secret with me too," Daizi said, getting out of the chair and sitting on the other side of Xander, "What if I trade you a secret?"
 
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