How Green Becomes Wood

Dark looked down at him for a moment, "A backup plan for what? Hobbies or careers? At your age, I had one plan," He stopped himself, then cleared his throat and began again, "I was not in a place to be making plans. My only option was to take things day by day. Daizi had plans, but they were changed for her."

As he backed out of the parking space, he said little, considering the question, but then said, "At sixteen, it is normal not to know what you want. And it is normal for your ideas to change. I think... Back-up plans are helpful, but not in the sense where if what you are doing does not work out, you jump to plan b, and dig your nails in tightly. If you make your plan and backup plan at the same time, and when you are carrying out your plan you realize you have not grown in the direction you expected you would, why would the backup plan suit you better by default? It may just as well be differently unsuitable." He looked at Alec again, "I would say: Think about what you would like from your life, do the work which brings you to that life, but hold it loosely, and keep your ears and eyes open for anything which may bring you more joy. That does not mean be disloyal, only not to be afraid to follow something to its natural conclusion, even if you never planned to take that turn. Life is full of branching paths, Alec."
 
Alec sighed. "Ba, at sixteen, loads of other boys have already been working for a couple of years. In some parts of the world, they'd be fathers. In this country, I'm two years away from social adulthood. I know life is full of branching paths and 'man makes plans, life laughs,' all of that, but it would be nice to feel like I had some sense of real direction even if I know it's going to change. To feel like I'm in a ship or at least a dinghy instead of dogpaddling in the ocean." He shook his head. "Anyway, that's not really the point. The point is, I have some things to think about, and I had a really good time. Even if now I have things to think about."
 
Dark looked sternly at Alec, "You do not need to tell me what life would be like in other parts of the world. Be glad you are not in other parts of the world." Turning his eyes back to the road, he rolled his shoulders back, but the tension in his face did not dissipate, "I never said you should not consider your future, only you should not hold to it too tightly. Perhaps you did not hear me. Or perhaps I did not understand your question: you asked me about backup plans. My opinion making firm, unwavering plans at your age will only cause you stress in the future, but I did not say that means you should not bother figuring out what you want with your life. Do not compare yourself to other sixteen year old boys because there is no way of knowing if they will be happy as thirty year old men. You are betters served looking at how the adults you know live for inspiration or for motivation of what not to do."
 
Alec didn't answer. He gripped his seatbelt tighter and kept his eyes out the window. Why did he bother talking to Dark about these things? He never got it! It was always, "You should be happy you don't have my past!" and "Things were so much worse where I grew up," and "Plans always change, you can't trust them," and "Stop looking at your peers and look at adults." What adults was he supposed to be looking at?! He was surrounded by fellow teens every weekday for hours. He lived with another teen with the same history who looked like he had it all figured out; how was he not supposed to compare himself to that? And why couldn't he want to be like that? Why was it so wrong to want to have some idea of what he wanted to do in life? Dark always tried to cover himself by saying things like "I never said you shouldn't consider the future," but he never actually talked about what that looked like! All he ever did was tell Alec to live day-by-day and stop trying to be like other teens. He was a teen! He wasn't a thirty-year-old! How was it any different to try to be like someone way older than you than it was to try to be like someone your age? It made no sense!

He was so tired of saying one innocent thing and ending up in a full-blown lecture! Why couldn't either of them ever just let it go? And then they were concerned when he didn't want to talk to them. No wonder when a simple conversation turned into some sort of life-lesson. It wasn't fair. He just wanted to be happy about his first date!
 
Sitting in the silence for a few moments, Dark sighed heavily and rubbed the side of his face. "I am sorry. When you ask me questions like that, important ones, I want--" He searched for the words, gesturing with one hand but then shook his hand, "I am sorry. I did not mean to upset you."
 
"I know," Alec said, still looking out the window. It came out a bit short, but it was true. He knew Dark didn't mean to make him feel this way. It was just who Dark was, and Alec and Xander were his first kids. He had to figure things out with them so it'd be easier with Ivy. Although Ivy was going to be the first little kid, so that was going to be interesting. He still wanted to be annoyed.
 
Was Dark proud of him? He thought it was true, but it didn't feel true in that moment. Alec was wise enough to recognize the fleeting, inconsistent nature of feelings, and therefore knew not to trust this momentary lapse of belief, but he still felt mopey. "I look forward to telling her about it."
 
Last edited:
"She will be upset if you do not." He reminded Alec, and then allowed them to lapse into silence, only a little bit wanting to scream. Of course he wouldn't, he never did, but all he had been asked a question, so he answered it to the best of his ability. Thinking back through every word he and Alec had said, repeatedly, he wondered how he was expected to respond? Teenagers were irrational and he knew it, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what a better response would have been.

At least he apologized. It didn't matter what his intentions were, he had clearly upset Alec, and he apologized, and that was all he could do for the time being.
 
Alec relaxed a little during the silent car ride. Instead of thinking about what Dark had said and what he'd said, he returned to his time with Emma. By the time they were almost home, he was smiling to himself as he remembered the things they'd talked about, the way she'd laughed, and how her hair curled up at the ends, sometimes tickling her neck. It was cute.

When they pulled into the drive, Alec got out and carefully closed the car door before heading inside. "Mama! We're home!" he called cheerfully."

Xander was changing the last load of laundry from the washer to the dryer and didn't hear Alec's return.
 
Dark made his hellos before taking off his shoes, touching the salt, and going upstairs to change into clothes suitable for cleaning. Meeting them at the door, Daizi grinned at her son, "How was it? Did you have fun?"
 
"Yes!" Alec chirped, quickly touching salt before hugging Daizi. "It was a lot of fun! We talked about a lot of things like music, clothes, dogs, butterflies... Her favorite insect is the butterfly, but she gets scared when they flutter. Isn't that interesting? And she is working to be a dog trainer!"
 
"When you say flutter," She asked hugging him close, "Do you mean when they're flying or when they're sitting on a leaf and their wings open and close? And dog trainers are very important, it sounds like a fun job. Are you going to see her again?"
 
"When it's flying," he confirmed. "I'd like to! Maybe later this week while we're both on break, but I did warn her that things are a bit weird right now all the family coming over. She understands. If it doesn't work out, we'll see each other at school, and maybe we can get together after the family leaves."
 
"Oh, I'm sure you'll find time. We aren't going to force you to be with us every day. But most of my family will be gone by the end of next week, so if you do decide to wait, it won't be for too long." She told him, kissing the top of his head, "Where would you go next?"
 
"I'm not sure. I really liked the relaxed atmosphere of the cafe where we could sit and talk, but maybe we'll do some kind of activity or something. It depends on what there is going on when we both have time," Alec told her. He hugged her again and then let go. "I should go change into cleaning clothes so I can help clean."
 
"You and Xander decided you'd brush Enkidu together, right?" Daizi asked, smoothing Alec's hair, "That'll be a big help to your father. He has his way of doing things, don't drive yourself crazy."
 
"Yep! We're going to make fluffy dog hair fly all over the garden!" Alec said cheerfully. "And then we'll hunt down as much as we can so it doesn't look bad, and the birds and squirrels can have the rest." He turned and headed upstairs to change.

Xander came in seconds after Alec disappeared. "Alec home?" he asked, puzzled. "I thought I heard him."
 
"He is, he's just changing upstairs," Daizi nodded her head that way, "When you go to brush Enkidu, take a garbage bag with you to collect the fur. Do you know, I feel like I should be doing something, but there are so many of us, I can't figure out what it should be."
 
Xander considered this. "Do you want to brush Enkidu instead of me?" he offered. "Or, um, the garden could use... tending, maybe?" Then he quirked his eyebrow at her. "Did you clean your room?"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top