How Green Becomes Wood

"Because other things are more important to me," Alec said stoutly. "I don't intend to go to Harvard or Oxford or anything like that, a community college is just fine, and I'm still learning, so I choose not to spend any more of my energy than nessecary to understand the subjects because I have other things to do with that time and energy."
 
"But these assignments are not just about learning the material," Dark pointed out, "They are about developing critical thinking skills, how to differentiate true information from misinformation and disinformation, time management, and all of it is important for your adult life regardless of what you do and you are robbing yourself of that. That is why it matters you try your best, so you can build the soft skills you will need in adulthood. You will not be able to simply coast by when you graduate."
 
"That might be how your school ran when you were in high school, and that might be how you and a couple of the teachers taught, but most of my teachers have flat-said they are just happy that we aren't setting the school on fire," Alec said bluntly. "The modern school system is nothing more than a continuation of the industrial era where their only goal was to make factory workers. Factory workers don't need to think. They just need to push buttons. And I am not coasting!" He glared at Dark, indignant. "For once, I am making a choice about my life and how I want to run it. I already asked you multiple times what I should do, and you said not to worry about it, that things would work out how they were supposed to and that I should follow my passions. Well, I'm doing that."
 
"I worked at that school and I know how it runs. Education is what you want to get out of it: just because other parents are comfortable treating school like it is daycare does not mean that I am. You do not know how fortunate you are to get to go there." Dark replied, stunned by the way Alec was speaking. It wasn't quite at the line, but it was the closest he had ever come to sounding spoiled, "When I tell you not to worry, I have always said you do not need a strict, unyielding ten-year plan. I have always said you do not need to know everything about what your adult life will be. I have never, and I would never, tell you it is okay to put in minimum effort. I have only ever told you I expect you to do your best. I have always told you your education should be your primary focus right now. I am very glad you have other things in your life to bring you joy, but your coursework matters. Your schoolwork matters. You should care about it. Life only gets harder and your education is an important support."
 
"I do care!" Alec shot back, his voice creeping up toward yelling but not reaching that point yet. "I am not putting in minimum effort; I'm putting in medium effort! I'm not trying to skate through everything, otherwise I wouldn't be putting more effort in whenever we do group work. I'm just choosing not to break my brain on it! No adult has ever said they wished they had spent more time doing schoolwork unless they were, like, a gang member or a full slacker or something. It's like saying they wished they could spend more time at the office!"
 
"I just do not understand," Dark replied, not raising his voice at all, "Just making sure you are passing, turning in incomplete assignments, just because you do not feel like it? Alec, you have been so concerned lately about what you will do as an adult, but this is what adulthood is like, it is doing things you do not want to do because those are the expectations." He took a breath and looked at Alec for a long time, "Are you sure you are okay? I do not mean are you struggling with your coursework, but are you okay? Because this just does not seem like you, and if you are struggling, I want to be able to help."
 
"I don't do incomplete. They might be late, but they are never incomplete." Alec stood up. "I'm going to be late for work, another thing that is not okay in adulthood. I need to go."
 
"Okay, not incomplete, I apologize, but I spoke to your teachers and they reported the work is rushed and lacking," Dark replied, "I know you need to go to work, I just, I worry about you, Alec. I love you, and I worry, and I... It just does not seem like you. I know your grades have not fallen like they did last year, but the decreased care and enthusiasm... I just want to make sure you are okay, I want to help you, and if there is a problem, I want us to be able to deal with it before it gets worse."
 
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Alec growled softly in annoyance. "I've just said that there isn't a problem. It feels like you want there to be a problem. Like you are trying to create a problem. Why? Are you that determined not to be happy that you are going to create a problem out of nothing just so that you have something you can actively worry about? It's not fair!"
 
Dark stared at him for a few moments longer before saying, a bit more quietly than before, "I am not determined to be unhappy. I just need to know you are okay because sometimes we all keep things below the surface. What do you think is unfair?"
 
"That you are achieving some sort of vicarious reliving of your school days through me, that you seek ways to not be happy, and when I finally have chosen a path I want in life, Finally! you say it's not good enough because it doesn't fit your perceived parameters," Alec told him angrily. "Just because I'm not pulling in all As doesn't mean I don't care, and just because I've chosen to approach things differently doesn't mean there's something wrong, and all this focus on how school prepares you for life is your mantra. Why can't you just... stop looking for problems?"
 
"I have never asked you to make all A's, I have only ever asked you to try your best." Dark said firmly, because that is all he had ever wanted. Even before Alec had made this choice he didn't make all A's, and he had never bothered him then because he knew he was trying. "What is the path you have chosen? And when have I not supported you? We put you in Cyr Wheel because you said it was your dream, I helped you get your own wheel. As your father, I am allowed to have expectations and my expectation is for you to give your best effort in school. And I worry for you because, Alec," He took a breath and looked at his son, "when you are having a problem, most of the time you do not tell us until it is too severe to ignore. Every time when things have gotten serious, regardless of how much your mother and I try to help, we never know the truth until it comes from the outside. When you have a behavioral shift..." He held up one hand and then dropped it, "If you promise there is nothing, then there is nothing, but after everything we have been through, surely you cannot fault me for being concerned."
 
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"Yes, I love my Cyr wheel, but I want more from life than spinning in a circle!" Alec cried, waving one hand "It's a big part, but not all of it! I want more than spending what little time I have on rote memorization and governmental testing that's outdated and doesn't tell anyone anything! I'm trying my best to spread myself as far as I'll go because I want to do more! There's so much I want to do, but only so much time to do it! Are you really going to tell me that you spent all of your high school time feverishly working away and not getting out and going out with friends, being with a girl, and having adventures? And look at you now! Highly successful and doing what you want and what you love! Why is this such a big deal? It's only a small percentage!"
 
"Alec, I suffered," Dark told him, "It took me many, many years before I was able to build up the life I have now and I would not have been able to if I did not go back to school and work as hard as I could. You can have both, if you let me help you organize your time, you can have both. Doing your best does not mean I need you shackled to your school desk, if I believed that to be true I would not have spent all this time encouraging extracurriculars."
 
"Then what do you want from me?" Alec demanded, frustrated. "You say that-"

Xander walked in then. "So, if we don't leave now," he started to say. He glanced between Dark and Alec. "Really? Still?" He sighed and turned around. "I'll call my class and let them know I won't be making it tonight."

"Wait! I can leave now!" Alec called, hurrying after him. "We can leave right now!"

Xander turned and put a finger in the center of Alec's chest. "Nope. You need to deal. I'm not sitting in the car with you while you sulk and simmer. So go work it out!" He picked up his judo bag and headed upstairs. "I'll call Uncle and let him know you'll be late."

"What?" Alec squeaked, staring after him.
 
Dark watched Xander walk away and sighed heavily as he looked back to Alec, "What have I done to make you so angry with me? I only ever want to help you, but it seems lately when I try it only upsets you."
 
"Because you don't help me!" Alec cried out. "You don't! I ask you for help, I ask you for advice, and all you give me are these," he waved his hands vaguely, "lectures that don't actually tell me anything, and you tell me to do what I feel is best, and you tell me to do my best, and you tell me all this stuff! And I just need you to tell me something concrete! But you never would, so I made my own choices, and now you're mad at me because I'm not doing what you tell me to! So which is it? Do I do what makes me happy, or do I do what makes you happy? Oh, wait, I forgot, you! Can't! Be! Happy!" Now he was yelling.
 
Dark sat still, looking up at Alec and letting him yell without any idea of how to respond. Hearing how deeply he had failed clawed at him, all he had ever wanted was to guide his children and help get them to think more deeply about their lives and their plans, but it hadn't... It had felt like advice to him, when he had said it. If it was not helpful, and clearly it was not, he did not know where it left him.

"I am sorry," He told Alec, pressing the palms of his hands against his knees, "I will try in the future to be more concrete for you." Then, for the first time he cast his eyes away, "and I am sorry I cannot be the happy person you want me to be. I wish I could be, for you. I wish I could be shiny for you."
 
"Stop! Saying that!" Alec growled, pacing in a tight circle. "I don't want you to be shiny! Why do people think I want people to all be shiny? You can be happy in black and cobwebs and spiders and crows! Mama is! I don't think you want to be happy! You've been in therapy for years, you've got your best friend as a wife, you've got a couple of bonus kids, you have the baby you've always wanted, and you get to stay home and be with her every second of every day! Why can't you be happy for even five seconds? What is the point of anything if you can't enjoy it? For five seconds?"
 
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