How Green Becomes Wood

Dark held one hand out to the side and dropped it back down, looking up at Alec again, "When I said shiny, I did not mean aesthetically. I meant inside." He lightly put one hand to his chest, "I am sorry I cannot be shiny in here. Where it matters to you." He pressed his tongue against the roof of his mouth for a moment and looked down at his lap before raising his eyes to watch Alec pace, but he himself remained seated, "I was happy at the aquarium. And at the renewal, and I was so, so happy the day we adopted you." He touched his hand to his heart again but did not know what to say. All of his medications and every therapy appointment would never be able to cure the damage in his brain and as much as he wanted to just admit it, it was too hard to say.
 
Alec shook his head, too lost in his own frustrations and annoyances to believe Dark. "Then you're lying. In one direction or the other, you're lying. Because you always say you can't be happy, but now you're saying you can be. Not that it matters because now you've got a problem, so I guess whether you're happy or not, now you get to be satisfied because now you have a problem to worry about! Goodie for you! If that's everything you want to talk about, I am going to my room."
 
"Okay," Dark said softly, watching him for as long as he could before he looked away again, staying perfectly still right there on the couch. Around him, he felt the walls grow taller and darken, pulling in more tightly around him. He recalled a time, long before that incident outside of the school, when his children thought he was strong and invincible. When they were amazed by him. It mattered so much to him, it made him feel so proud of himself. But now they, or at least Alec, saw him for who he really was: merely the fractured shards of a man, strung together with blood-red twine. Those edges hurt those he loved as much as they hurt himself.

Pathetic. his thoughts said, but they did not sound like his voice, or Alec's. It was a long-gone sound but not unfamiliar.
 
Alec stormed upstairs to his room. Xander sat on his bed fidling with a piece of leather and idly poking pins into it for no reason other than to have something to do.

"Hey, so, what was all of that about? Something wrong at school?" Xander asked.

"None of your business," Alec growled. "Can you give me a ride to work now?"

Xander shook his head. "He said you didn't have to come in. Today's been slow, might close up early anyway, that sort of thing. Dunno if he actually will or not. Either way, you're off the hook."

"Great!" Alec huffed, throwing himself onto his bed. "Just where I wanted to be. Off the hook for something I actually wanted to do! Thanks a lot. Why didn't you just take me before?"

"Seemed more important to talk to Ba about whatever it was you were talking about," Xander replied.

"Thank you so much for making a decision based off of what you thought I needed. You're not my dad!" Alec sniped.

Xander shrugged. "Yeah, well, would have rather sniped at your uncle instead?"

"No because he isn't trying to align my life and actually gives me proper advice when I actually ask for it! Like real-deal advice! When asked! Not scoldings from a brother or vague life lessons from a history professor!" Alec snapped.

Xander took a deep breath, pushing down his immediate response. Nope. Nope. He was better than this. He could cope. "Right." He stood, taking his leather and pins with him. "While you sit up here and have a good sulk, I'm going to go get some work done if I'm not going to Judo. Seeing as I gave up something I wanted to do, too, you know."

"As if," Alec grumbled.

Xander made the conscious effort to ignore him and walked out.

Alec glared at the ceiling for a while. Then he stood on his bed and ripped down the lighthouse, tearing it into shreds before tossing it into the waste bin. Then he got out his homework and started doing it. Ba thought he didn't care enough? Well, he'd show him not caring! He'd do the homework because he actually did want to get something out of sitting in a stuffy, stupid classroom for eight hours a day, but from here on out, he wasn't going to turn in a single piece! Not one! That'd show him what not caring and not making enough effort really looked like!
 
Dark still sat perfectly still on the couch, the palms of his hands pressed firmly against his knees because he knew he needed to keep them occupied just then, eyes trained on nothing in particular. He was an absolute failure. He was a mistake. He was disgusting, foul, shameful. He was just going to hurt and ruin Xander and Ivy, if he hadn't already. He was worthless and delusional and he deserved this. Most of his life he was undeserving of, but this moment? This is what he deserved and all he had ever deserved.

Upstairs, Daizi was just finishing up her workday. After stretching deeply enough to make her back pop, she took off her headphones, she stood up and headed out into the hallway, planning to check on Ivy, since it was about time for her to wake up.
 
Xander came down the stairs, intending to head straight out, but he glanced into the living room and caught sight of Dark sitting on the couch. He almost moved on, not thinking anything of it, but something about Dark's body langue, something about his aura turned him back. He walked into the room and frowned. "Ba? Ba, you okay?"
 
They'd be better off wi--Dark turned quickly to Xander, having not noticed him come in. He nodded carefully, "Yes, thank you," Do not infect him too, "Just decompressing. I worry I have deeply upset your brother." It is all you are good for.
 
Xander hesitated and then cautiously walked over to sit next to Dark on the couch, leaving as much space as the couch allowed. "Mind if I sit with you for a bit?" he asked. He wanted to remark that his father did not look okay, but he looked... fragile? That was a word that did not feel right with Dark, but it might be true.
 
"Alive and pouting," Xander replied. He took the pins out of his leather piece carefully and inserted them into his shirt to keep them where he could find them. Then he held out the leather piece to Dark. It was thoroughly floppy and destroyed by now and in a very interesting shape with interesting textures.
 
"I know." Xander considered for a moment and then placed the leather on the table in front of him. "It's almost like teenagers are easy to offend or something. Like they are highly volatile. Not that I'd know anything about that."
 
"Not because of you," Xander told him. He reached out with his foot and nudged Dark's leg lightly. "Not your fault. You were just trying to be a good dad. You did your best."
 
Trying and failing. It is so typical of-- "Thank you." Over the baby monitor, Daizi was happily talking to Ivy as she scooped her out of the crib her father had built for her. "I assume he also is not going to work?"
 
"I mean, you've only been at this for, what, two years now?" Xander remarked. "Not bad for someone with no experience. It's like entering a high-level Judo ternament with barely any classes under your belt."
 
"I suppose." He said softly. Like Daizi, he didn't want to burden Xander with any of it. As it was, he was the very worst person he knew. That was bad enough for his children, whom he only wanted to protect. He pressed a bit more firmly down against his knees and took another breath, suddenly remembering the time Xander had criticized him for slicing himself up like roast beef.

Over the baby monitor, Daizi said, "Are we going to go downstairs and see Baba? Yes, we are? How fun for us to go see Baba!"
 
"It's okay to mess up, Ba. We aren't going to come out horribly scared because of one or two fights," Xander assured Dark quietly. "I mean, how many have I had with you? And I'd say I'm turning into a mighty fine goth."
 
Dark nearly chuckled, "You are not goth." But he didn't know how to express the pain of knowing that the problem was him. That Alec was upset because his father was broken. Even if some part of him, even then, was able to recognize Alec probably didn't actually feel that way, that he was just hormonal and upset, the rest of him couldn't accept it. Not just yet. Because it was one thing he could not fix about himself. He would do anything in his power for his children, but he could not do what was needed of him.

"Baba!" A tiny voice shrieked as she was carried down towards the living room.

"Is he in the living room?" Daizi asked Ivy, pausing slightly as she felt the shift in energy, "...Are we going to say hi to Baba?"
 
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