How Green Becomes Wood

"She is always squirmy," Dark said quietly from where he had been sat watching them.

~~

"You too, man." Sloan replied with a nod, "I wasn't planning on taking you back anyway, I'm about to go off to college, I need to be able to spread my wings." Then she paused for a few moments, fiddling with her backpack strap before saying, "Whatever is going on with you and Alec, I hope you figure it out."
 
"I know she's always," Alec started to say with a flash of irritation. Then he caught himself and sighed. It wasn't worth it. He didn't have the energy for this. Whatever "this" was. He fell silent, watching Ivy.

~~

Xander snorted a little laugh at her statement but quieted when she wished he'd work it out. "Thanks. Me too. I'm... tired of this," he admitted with a sigh.
 
Dark looked at him sadly for a few moments, wondering when he was ever going to be able to just initiate conversation with his son again. It made him feel like a criminal. It didn't seem like there was anything he could say which would not anger his son. As he always did, when Alec reacted like that, he said he was sorry. Then he just looked down at the floor, wondering how any bridges were built if every knew plank risked being engulfed in flames again.

Even Ivy sensed the change in energy in the room, and her big smile faltered as she looked towards her Baba confused. Then she tugged on Alec's pants, babbling up at him.

~~

"I can't imagine," Sloan replied, "I fight with Benny, but our relationship is different. Look, I gotta head home, but I'm here for the two of you, alright? So long as being there for you doesn't mean keeping any more secrets, I don't like being in the middle."
 
Being told sorry just made it worse. He didn't want to be told sorry. He wasn't sure he deserved it. He didn't say anything, not wanting to make it worse, and leaned down toward Ivy and held out his hands. "Do you want up? I'm afraid you are going to pull off my pants."

~~

"If either of us ever asks you to again, just tell us to take a hike," Xander told her. "Full permission. See you later." He gave her a wave and headed for his van."
 
Dark continued to sit there silently, wanting to just walk away, but not wanting to leave Alec fully in charge of Ivy if he did not want to be. So, he stayed, and decided, just then, to not continue to try to engage because he didn't have it in him just then.

When Alec held out his hands to her, she raised up her arms so he could pick her up. Once she was in his arms, she snuggled in like she always did and began babbling back at him while trying to grab onto his face.

~~

"I'll definitely do that," Sloan replied with a little smile. "See ya." Then, she hurried to get caught back up with Claire.
 
Alec let her grab his face and made faces at her, trying to make her laugh with his goofiness.

~~

Xander took the long way home, thinking about things as he drove. There was a lot to mull over. He came to three decisions by the time he got home and parked. He headed inside and touched the salt, digging his fingers in hard.

"I'm home," he called.
 
While Alec played with her, she laughed, completely at ease and more than able to just enjoy herself, unaware of any of the greater troubles happening. When the door opened, she turned her head and squealed to see her brother, wiggling in Alec's arms. From where he sat in the living room, Dark said, "Welcome home."
 
Alec reluctantly set Ivy down and let her go.

Xander walked into the room and set his backpack to the side. "I have your assignments," he told Alec before turning to Dark. "How was your day?" He pretended not to notice Ivy at first.
 
Ivy absolutely unseriously returned the fist bump with glee, thrilled to have finally received the attention she deserved. Dark watched them quietly for a few moments, not interrupting, before he finally spoke up to ask, "How was school?"
 
"Not bad," Xander said. "Good job, Mini. Excuse me." He stood again and stepped carefully around her to get closer to Dark and Alec. He looked at Alec. "Sloan and I had a talk."

"Oh? Okay," Alec replied slowly, squirming uncomfortably.

"She knew about Emma."

Alec reddened. "Maybe," he mumbled, looking away.

"No maybe about it," Xander said sharply. "She didn't tell me until I brought it up, and she said that one, you asked her not to tell, and, two, she told you you should tell, and, three, never, ever to put her in the middle again."

"I just needed someone to talk to about it!" Alec protested. "Someone my age! Who didn't hate the thought of any kind of relationship!"

Xander took a deep breath and forced the raging words down. No, no, he was not going to lose his temper. Not in front of Ivy. When he felt ready, he said in a regulated tone, "Whatever your reasons, it wasn't fair of you to stick her in the middle like that. Now she's feeling guilty and suffering fallout. But. That said. I asked her to keep a smaller secret for me, too."

"So, you're going to chew me out for doing the exact same thing as you?" Alec demanded.

"I've been exploring the possibility of being religious," Xander said bluntly. It was a dumb way to put it, but there. It was out.

Alec stared at him in shock.
 
Dark watched this unfold with a bit of dread. Pulling Ivy into his lap, he watched both of his sons, impressed with how Xander was handling it and waiting for the seemingly inevitable fallout.
 
Last edited:
"You're doing what?" Alec demanded, certain his ears had misheard.

Xander steeled himself. This was nothing to be ashamed of. "I'm not like you and Ba. I'm not convinced this is all there is in this world, but I don't know yet what kind of thing I might follow. I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure. Unlike you, I haven't been following an actual practice for the last three months." That was a childish slip. "I'm exploring my options. And I want to be free to explore my options."

Alec growled quietly, trying to understand what was happening. "You want to be free to explore your options, but I can't explore mine?"

"I never said you couldn't!" Xander snapped. He tried to rein himself in again. "Maybe I wouldn't have been the absolute example of encouragement, but I don't expect that from you about my thing. If you'd just told me, I'd have at least tried to understand and stay out of your way. If you'd just been honest with me, none of this would have had happened!"

"Maybe I would have been honest with you if you weren't so damn hard to live with!" Alec snapped back.

Xander snorted. "I'm hard to live with? Fine. That just underscores my choice." He turned to Dark. "We can make a room in the basement for me, right? When can that be ready?"

"What?" Alec squawked.
 
Dark stared at the two of them, desperately wishing this option hadn't been dropped like this. There was no way it'd help the way Alec viewed him now. Maybe if it had been brought up in a calm conversation or if Daizi had been allowed to answer it'd be easier, but--wondering if he should doubt his atheism, because clearly he must have pissed some god off--he just said in a completely unemotive voice, "Yes."
 
"You're leaving?" Alec stuttered.

Xander glared at Alec. "You don't care enough about me to even give me half of a room, so I doubt that you'll even notice I'm gone. You'll be delighted."

"That's not fair!" Alec protested almost frantically.

"No, you know what's not fair? The way you've been treating everyone!" Xander argued. "What's not fair is you snapping at Ba every other day. What's not fair is you sticking a supposed friend in the middle uncomfortably. What's not fair is me having to fight my way to bed every night. What's not fair is kicking your crap off my bed. What's not fair is constantly trying to reclaim floor space. What's not fair is me repeating my needs over and over and over again only to get them cast aside and ignored over your wants."

"I have needs!" Alec tried.

"WANTS! Yeah, you have needs, but taking over a whole room with trash is a want, not a need!" Xander shot back. "And I've had enough. So. Until you're ready to actually act like a brother again, I'm done."

"I don't... it's not... I can't..." Alec started hyperventilating in panic.

Xander picked up his back pack and started for the stairs. "I'll leave your homework on your bed when I pack."
 
Instead of moving to a chair or the couch, Alec plopped down right where he stood. He stared at the floor and clutched the opposite sleeves of his shirt, breathing hard. Xander was leaving. It didn't matter that it was just to the basement, Xander was leaving. Alec had finally done it. He'd pushed his brother to the point of no return. He wouldn't come back. If he could do that to Xander, what about everyone else? Were they all going to leave, too? Better to leave than to deal with him.
 
Having been there for all of the argument, Ivy squirmed in her Baba's lap, looking up at him with worry on her tiny face, "Baba?" she asked, tugging at him and whimpering. Then the swiveled her head and saw her brother sitting there and said, "Ack?"

"Ssh, my darling," Dark said soothingly, standing up, "Let us go see Mama, okay? Do you want to see Mama? Alec, I will be right back." Then he hurried upstairs, gave Ivy to her mother with a one sentence explanation, and went back downstairs and sat beside his son, placing one hand on his back, "Take a deep breath, Alec. Through your nose."
 
It took Alec a few tries before he was able to follow Dark's instructions. By then, he was starting to feel lightheaded. Some of his panic eased a little at Dark's touch and soothing words, but he was still lost and blinded fear.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top