How Green Becomes Wood

"I don't... um... the... the floor," Alec stammered. "The floor and... my knee. Bunny on my knee. And... and the table." He swallowed hard, his body trembling faintly as his mind gradually calmed and stopped panicking quite so much.
 
"Um." That took more thought, more focus, more grounding. He rubbed his hands idly along his pants. "The fabric of my pants." he dropped his hand to the floor. "The wood of the floor." He hesitated. "I... I don't know what else."
 
"Lost," Alec admitted, his voice weak. "So very lost. I don't know... how did this happen? How did I get here? I don't know how I got here. I just... I stepped... and then I fell down a cliff."
 
"It happens." Dark replied sagely, rubbing Alec's back in slow circles, "But this is what the start to becoming a man looks like. No, I do not need to gender it. This is what the start to becoming an adult looks like. It is falling and picking yourself back up. It is righting your mistakes. And it is learning to accept change. And it is terrifying, but it is obligatory."
 
"I do not know," Dark replied truthfully, "I think plans seldomly go as we expect them to. And I think if you are afraid to deal with what is on the inside, none of the outside stuff comes together like we want it to."
 
"It was supposed to work the other way around!" Alec growled in frustration. "Having the plan was supposed to fix things! Not make it all worse. And it is. It's all, all worse!"
 
"It feels like it!" Alec protested vehemently. "Everything is going wrong, has gone wrong, and will go wrong! I'm trying to not be too tied to one plan like Uncle Triston told me and to try to keep an open mind like you said, but it's not working! I can't even get anything going to pivot from. It's never going to work, and I'm going to end up-" He stopped himself and turned slightly away from Dark but didn't pull away entirely.
 
When Alec turned away, Dark just turned towards him. His stomach was in knots but nobody, not even those who lived with him and loved him best, would be able to tell by looking at him, "Going to end up what?"
 
"Never mind," Alec said curtly, reaching up with both hands to rub at the sides of his head. "Never mind! It doesn't matter. It doesn't. It won't. I can't... I can't let Xander leave. He can't!"
 
"It matters to me. And he is not leaving," Dark replied, "He just wants to have a space for himself. All that will change is where he lays his head at night. If you are able to grow and change, and you have, surely he can too."
 
Alec gripped his head between his hands, going still as he tried to remember to breathe. "But we've never been apart. Not like that. For for... not for real! If he stays on the couch, that means he's going to come back. If he goes to his own room... he's not coming back. He won't be there. He won't be there for the nightmares or telling stories or any of that! I'm just... I'll be... I don't want to be alone."
 
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