How Green Becomes Wood

Sloan sighed, resting her cheek against her hand, guessing those sock gifts came from exactly one person which didn't exactly disprove her point, but she knew that wasn't a comment she could make, "I think if you're worried about someone receiving too many pairs of socks, you can just choose to not buy them socks."
 
Alec snickered watching her. "You look like you just gave up on this conversation."

"Your point still stands," Xander assured her. "It was a joke."

"But if you've never received socks as a gift..." Alec mused.
 
"Sometimes all you can do is give up," Sloan chuckled.

She hung out with them for a little while longer and then returned home. The next day, Dark drove over to Cooger's place at around noon and not too long after arriving, he was laying on Cooger's rug, staring up at the ceiling, with seven kittens walking over him. Holding one all-black kitten above his head, and declared it one of the best moments of his life. A sly photograph of this was taken, but kept private, since it didn't seem right to send it to the man's kids, and Daizi couldn't appreciate it. When Dark sat up, he looked steadily at Cooger, and said, "We should go to the sushi buffet."

Chuckling, Cooger replied, "Dude, we're gonna get kicked out the sushi buffet."

"It will be worth it."

"I really like that place, I don't wanna be banned," Cooger said, "and I don't think either of us should drive."

"I will call Daizi. No. You should call Lex. No. I will call an uber."

Cooger stared at him for a few moments and then pushed himself up off the floor, "I'm getting my wallet, I want to eat an ocean."

Much later, he arrived back home tired, very full, and without having been banned from the local all-you-can-eat sushi buffet. There were worse ways to relax.

The day out didn't cure him, but it was still very much needed, and it helped make the rest of the week just a bit easier. Finally, come Friday, they were back in the waiting room of Alec's new therapist. That particular day, Cooger had come over to watch Ivy rather than calling Sally back out.
 
Alec slouched in the car, pouting. Over the week, he had slowly put everything into the plastic bins Dark provided, and he did have to grudgingly admit (to himself and no one else) that it was a little easier to move about and work in. Even his tools and the projects he wanted to find were easier to access. He still didn't like it. Possibly even more so because it worked, and he felt like he was somehow being... guided to something. He wasn't sure what, but he still wanted to resist. Things still weren't right. They weren't going back to being right like they were supposed to.

After the snowball fight, he'd thought he and Xander had managed to patch things up, but Xander was still cool with him. Not as cold, but distant. He hadn't given Alec a ride to school the first couple of days of the week, and for the rest of the week he seemed to have started letting Alec come purely to make things easier for Dark. Xander was still sleeping on the couch as he waited for Dark to finish his room downstairs - something else Alec had thought would be fixed by his binning everything up, but it wasn't. Which meant he was still unhappy, which meant his grades and eating habits were all over the place. Dark and Daizi providing a pre-assembled plate did help with that. Alec had started to question it a little, but it was always so smoothly that he just didn't get around to asking. He always finished the small portions, and, on good days, got himself more. At least he was actually turning in all of his homework now.

"Do I have to go? I only went last week?" he asked for the third time as they pulled into the parking lot.
 
"We're seeing how well you work with her," Daizi reminded Alec for the third time, "While she is your doctor, it's only right to listen to her advice, habibi. Your father goes every week, sometimes it's just what works best with the therapeutic plan."

"It may not stay every week." Dark adding, putting the car into park and getting out of the car.
 
Alec heaved a sigh but reluctantly dragged himself out of the car to follow. "Alright," he agreed with a quiet grumble. "But I still don't like it."

The office was spartan as usual, and the secretary asked them to wait a moment as the doctor was just finishing up after the previous client. The secretary offered them basic beverages while they waited, but it was only two minutes before the therapist opened the door and called for Alec to come in. She looked exactly the same as she had the week before.
 
"Good afternoon, Alec," Dr. Hepburn greeted him as she took a seat in her chair. "How are you today?"

Alec slowly approached the couch and sat down reluctantly. "Isn't that kind of why I'm here? For you to figure that out?" he asked a touch snarkily.

"If you would like, but things go much more smoothly when you are open and honest," she replied.

Alec crossed his arms and scowled. "You're never open and honest with me."

"I will always be honest, but, no, I am not particularly open. I think you know why." She looked at him, her expression impassive as always. "However, if it will sooth some of your agitation, I shall tell you one fact about myself. I have an orange cat who is the tallest cat I have ever met. He is long, lanky, and athletic. His name is Tiny."

Alec stared at her. "Tiny? Really?"

"He was the runt of the litter when I got him. I did not expect him to grow so large." She made a small note on her clipboard.

"Tiny is an interesting name. An adjective, really. Why would you name a cat an adjective about its size? Although I do have to admit the irony there." He picked up the thin little pillow that was supposed to cushion the arm of the couch and started fiddling with it. "Names are very difficult. They are so important! At least pets don't seem to hold it against their owners when they get named something silly. Unlike kids. And then adults treat the kids as if the name was their idea. It's kind of dumb. Alec and Xander is kind of a silly double name, but it could have been worse."

When Alec paused in his ramble, Dr. Hepburn said, "You asked me to judge how you were doing today, Alec. I would say you are very agitated. Is there something you would like to talk about? Something that happened this week?"

"No." He pulled on the corner of the pillow. "Maybe. I don't know. Yes. A lot of stuff is changing, and I don't like it."

"What kind of things are changing?"

"All sorts of stuff. Xander won't sleep in our room anymore. We had this fight about my stuff, you know, and I've been cleaning it up. Mama said she doesn't like going into my room because it's hard for her to walk. I didn't realize it was that hard for her, but Ba got me a bunch of clear totes to put stuff in. I've been trying to sort my things into that, but it's slow going because it's hard sometimes to know how this or that should be stored because it also relates to something else. You know? Anyway, I've been working on that, and my room is much, much clearer now, I've almost got it all sorted, but Xander still won't come back. At all. And I thought we'd moved past it all, but I guess he's still angry about Emma, but he was hiding things, too! Not as big of a thing, I guess, or for as long, but hiding is still hiding, isn't it?"

Dr. Hepburn said nothing as Alec kept going, half-ranting about everything happening and his confusion. She nodded occasionally and watched him, making the occasional note, and letting him go for as long as he needed before she weighed in. "Having Xander stay in the same room is important to you. Why is that?"

"Because that's how it's supposed to be!" Alec announced with some heat. He yanked harder on the poor pillow's corner. "We're supposed to share a room. We've always shared a room. For most of our lives, we shared a bed! This... second bedroom thing... it's just wrong. We're supposed to be together. We're supposed to be a team. We're supposed to face things together. That's how it's supposed to be!"

"It is true that siblings should care for each other and look out for each other, but as people, especially as teenagers, it is important to learn individuality," Dr. Hepburn said.

Alec growled. "We've been doing that. I feel like that's nothing but what we've been doing since becoming a part of Dark and Daizi's family! Yes, we're individuals. Yes, we have different hobbies. Yes, we have different goals. I'm even considering college when he's not! But where does it stop? Why can't it stop? If it doesn't stop, then we'll keep drifting farther and farther apart, and next thing you know, we'll be leading separate lives with no idea what the other person is doing. One of us could die and the other not know about it because we've become InDePeNdEnT of each other. It's stupid!" He huffed angrily. "I don't want to be independent. I like having my own hobbies and whatever, but why do we have to be so independent? Why do we have to have our own separate friends, separate rooms, separate lives, separate everything?"

"You are afraid of becoming so independent of each other that you stop being friends with each other or even knowing what is going on in each other's lives to the point that you wouldn't even know if the other one was in trouble or died?"

"No!" A pause. "Yes."

"Do you see that as a genuine possibility in your life?"

"If it keeps going like this, yes."

"You say that with such certainty. Have you seen an example of something like this happening in someone else's life that you believe it could happen to you?"

More pillow corner tugging as he considered what to say. "My Mum. Not Daizi, I guess you say bio mum or something like that. Her and Aunt Ciara. They weren't twins, but they had a falling out. They never talked to each other again, and it took months before Aunt Ciara even knew our Mum had died. I don't want that to happen. I don't want it to."

"So you are combating that happening by creating an environment you know your brother to find uncomfortable, and then, despite his own wishes, you are trying to force him into the role you have chosen for him?"

"It's not that it at all!" Alec sprang up and started pacing, tossing the pillow onto the couch. "How can you be so mean? That's not what I'm trying to do! I'm trying to make it better so he'll come back! He's the one being stubborn. I was trying to be considerate of his feelings by not telling him what was happening with Emma. It was the wrong choice, I know that, but I made it for the right reasons! That should count for something. I shouldn't even be in here. I should be at work. I'm needed at work. This is a waste of time I could be using to put toward something productive, like keeping my job!"
 
Dr. Hepburn watched Alec pace back and forth, still calm and impassive in the face of his anger and frustration. "Is that what you really believe and feel?"

Alec scowled at the floor as he continued walking. "If it wasn't, would you know any different?"

"If it wasn't, does it help to lie to others and yourself about how you feel?"

"Telling the truth does not seem to help. Then again, most of the time, I don't know the truth."

"Is it that you don't know the truth, or that you do not want to face the truth?"

He walked from one side of the room to the other and back again before answering. "Both."

"Then let's start with the known truth. Let's talk about how you feel concerning your brother, your room, and the separation you feel. You say your mother and your aunt drew apart to the point that they knew nothing of each other's lives. Why do you think that will happen with you and Xander?"

"Because it's already happening! And at least half of it is my fault!" Alec blurted in frustration. "I didn't want to tell him about Emma because I didn't want to face how he'd react. I didn't want to hurt him, but I didn't want to face him, either. I didn't know what to do."

"Were you afraid of how he'd react?"

"Yes. He's always been dead set against relationships! We watched our Mum go from bad to worse to bad over and over again our entire lives, so of course, he doesn't trust them much, but Mama and Ba, Dark and Daizi, they have an amazing relationship! Kind of a weird one, but solid. Strong. Not going anywhere. I think Ba would literally die if they ever split apart. I mean, that's one good one compared to I don't know how many bad ones, so I don't blame him, but he's so caustic about it! I was afraid if I told him about me and Emma, he'd see that as the ultimate betrayal and never talk to me again. So I didn't tell him, and after he found out, he reacted exactly how I expected but because I didn't tell him!" He paused both verbally and in his pacing for a moment. "Actually, he reacted a little better than I expected because he started talking to me again fairly quickly and faced off in a snowball fight, but he's still upset." He resumed pacing. "So, there. Fears made true."

Dr. Hepburn made a couple of notes. "Were your fears coming true, or a self-fulfilling prophecy?"

"Does it matter?" Alec huffed.

"Yes, because self-fulfilling prophecies have a tendency to multiply. You feared your brother's response, and instead of facing that fear, you hid from it, creating a second problem, that of hiding a secret from your brother, something that you knew would be equally, if not more, hurtful to him than a relationship, causing you to hide your relationship for longer, creating an even bigger problem, and so it grew."

Alec bit his lip, his pacing slowing but not stopping. "Yes, I guess so. I guess that's... that's what it was. Yes. I don't have anyone to blame there but myself. Even my friends told me I should tell him once Emma and I decided to date. I knew I should, but... yeah."

"And now the consequences of your actions are frightening you even more because you fear they are leading you down an even more frightening path."

"Yeah," he admitted. "I don't know how to fix this. I keep making it worse. I want things to go back to how they were, but I don't know how to make that happen."

"What if you cannot make that happen? What if this is the new normal: your brother in a different room of the house from you? How does that idea make you feel?"

Alec stopped short and hugged himself, gripping his arms tightly and shuddering at the idea. "I... I can't... I can't think about that. It can't be unfixable. It can't be!"

"Some things are unfixable."

Alec whirled around to face her and shouted, "This isn't one of them!"

Dr. Hepburn didn't even blink. "And if it was?"
 
Since they had time to wait, Dark and Daizi decided on where they wanted dinner tomorrow and made the reservation. Unfortunately for Daizi, Dark said he really did not want to go for sushi.
 
Alec didn't speak for a long time as the silence descended between them. "It has to," he finally said, wrapping himself in a hug and hunching over. "It has to get better. It has to!"

"Things can and do get better," Dr. Hepburn said gently, "but 'better' does not always mean 'as it was.' It is a fact of life that things must change."

"Why?" Alec demanded, fully aware of the whine in his voice and unable to do anything about it. "Why do things have to change?"

"Because if they don't, they break and die," she replied emotionlessly.

Alec stared at her in shock. "What? Why?"

"Because that is what it means to be alive," Dr. Hepburn explained patiently. "Many, many people fight against change, dislike change, and desire to try to alter things so that nothing changes, but while they might succeed for a while, eventually, life demands change or else stagnation and rot sets in. Change is painful at times, and not all change is good, but even bad change can lead to good things. If you keep your eyes open for it."

Alec looked off into space for a moment. "It's kind of like what I tried to tell Milo once," he remarked. Then he shook his head. "I don't see how Xander moving out of our room can possibly be a good thing."

"Maybe it's not, but you won't find out for certain until you give it time and a chance to lead to good things," she said calmly. "It may seem counterintuitive, but sometimes, in order to get closer to someone, you need space between you. There is no reason why you and Xander cannot become close again, even while living in different rooms, but you need to work on this relationship and meet his needs as well as give him ways to meet yours."

Alec stood there for a moment before walking around and collapsing onto the couch once more. "I guess," he mumbled. "I don't think this is going to work. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder; it makes it forgetful."

"Perhaps in time, yes, if you do not attempt o close that gap in a respectful way," she agreed. She made a note. "Let's talk about your job."

He gave her a sideways look. "My... job."

"Yes. Your career. You mentioned you are considering college even though your brother is not. Let's talk about that for a bit."

"Oooookay?"
 
After teasing Dark slightly for going to the sushi buffet without her, both Dark and Daizi sat back in somewhat comfortable silence. It wasn't a particularly comfortable waiting room, but they both silently agreed as they held hands for comfort, things were somewhat better than they were a last week. It was a bit easier to breathe.
 
"... And after that, I'm going to learn how to bead. It's a great skill to be able to add detail to otherwise ordinary clothes, so I could cheap but good-quality clothes with no interesting features, put designs on them, and then sell them! It's not my first choice, but it'd definitely bring in money. I'd love to make my living artisticaly - dance, Cyr wheel, drawing, acting maybe - but I know that's a pipe dream. That could, at best, be supplementary," Alec told Dr. Hepburn as he sat plucking at the poor pillow again.

Dr. Hepburn dutifully noted this down along with the rest of the potential money-makers he'd pitched to her. "That is quite a list," she remarked. "I cannot help but notice that everything you have told me - from personalizing clothing to how color theory helps with your flower arranging - somehow always relates back to making money. We started this by talking about your job and college ideas, but then it seemed to delve into a hobbies list, but all of your hobbies somehow need to make you money eventually."

"Of course," Alec said stoutly. "My Ba, he says art should be allowed to be art for art's sake, and he's not wrong, but he has - had - a good, steady-paying job. He maybe didn't love it, I don't think, but he was proud of it and did well and found satisfaction. Mama is incredible in what she does, and she enjoys it. Together, they made enough that she could stay home with Ivy for a whole year. What kind of job is that lenient? Even if she dis work from home later on? It's crazy! But that's what happens when you establish yourself, and that's what I want. What I need. So, while school and college and such are important, I think it's more important to gain as much experience as possible as fast as possible so I can get a good career as fast as possible."

"Have a stable job and a good career is very important to you."

"Of course it is. People don't think I'm taking things seriously, but I take that very seriously! It's important."

"Important enough to sacrifice schooling?"

"Unless I'm seeking some kind of scholarship, no one is going to care about my high school grades as long as I don't flunk. I'm not flunking. That would be detrimental. I'm just not wasting time and energy getting the absolute best grades when I could spend it getting good grades while learning Arabic, calligraphy, hand lettering, sewing, jewelry making, painting, dance, and... well, you know, the list goes on. There is too much to do to!"

"I understand that, and I appreciate that you do not want to fail your schooling, but with so much to do, are you able to fully commit to any one thing? Are you able to give your other interests the attention they deserve?"

Alec frowned. "Well, yes... I think so. In any case, I'm sure it will work out."

Dr. Hepburn raised a brow. "Has it been working out so far?"

Alec flushed and looked away. "Ba and Mama say no, but I think it would have been fine."

"Would it have been fine? Or would you have kept running and running and running until you crashed and burned?"

"There's no reason to be so cynical!" Alec groused. "It's important to get a good, solid foundation for the future! Other people miss out on that kind of foundation because they don't try to get a solid job, and it just doesn't work out."

"Like your mum?"

Alec went rigid. "Why do you say that?"

"Your mother, your bio mother, she didn't have a stable job, did she? As well as bouncing between jobs, she bounced between boyfriends, houses, and everything else. Do you think the instability of her life was related to the fact that she did not have a steady career?"

"Of course! It wasn't her fault, but it kind of was, and that is not a good way to live! It's horrible!"

"So, you want a steady job, a good career, and a lot of opportunities to avoid living like you did in your childhood? Like your mother did?"

"Yes. Is that a bad thing?"

"Not at all. Are you afraid of turning out like your mother?"

Alec turned away, reddening once more. Yes, but how could he say that? It was a terrible thing to say!

"Are you afraid to be still, Alec?"

A soft chime sounded. Alec looked at her. "Time's up."

Dr. Hepburn didn't move to stand. "Are you afraid to be still, Alec?' she repeated.

Alec looked away. "No."

After a moment, Dr. Hepburn rose. "Very well. As you remarked, time is up. I want you to think about our session today, Alec, and the things we discussed. Most of all, I want you to think about the benefits of honesty."

Alec jumped out of his seat and all but ran to the door, not waiting for Dr. Hepburn to walk him out. He burst out, still red-faced, not looking at anyone or anything any more than to establish who was who and that he wasn't walking into anything or anyone.
 
"Alec?" Dark asked, seeing the expression on his son's face and immediately rising to his feet, taking a quick glance at Dr. Hepburn in the doorway before turning towards Alec as Daizi stood beside him, confused.
 
"Confronting the truth is a difficult thing," Dr. Hepburn said, calm and unfrazzled as always. "I recommend not leaving him entirely alone for a bit but letting him come down at his own pace. He will be alright."

Alec was already standing by the door leading out of the waiting room, but he'd stopped when he realized his parents weren't right behind him. He had the door open partially, bouncing it lightly.
 
"Okay," Daizi replied, chewing on her bottom lip for a moment.

"Is there anything you wanted to talk to us about?" Dark asked, while Daizi tried to migrate towards where it sounded like Alec had gone.
 
"Not this time, although I did want to tell you that it seems as though you have been doing a very good job, and it sounds as though a room for Xander will be highly beneficial for them both. Next week, I think we should chat again," she encouraged them.
 
"I want to go home!" Alec said shortly. "No, I need to go to work. I'm supposed to be working on Fridays. If I keep skipping work like this, Uncle Tristan is certain to replace me even if he does like me. Why do I have to keep doing this?" He was near tears but refusing to allow himself to cry.
 
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