How Green Becomes Wood

"I always draw in the corners first," Daizi said, gently rocking Ivy, "but I suppose it's not technically necessary for something like this. I just find it centering." She paused for a moment and chuckled, "Do you know what I just realized? The very first thing I said to you both was a joke about how now that you arrived, the ceremony could begin."

"Maybe you should put on a hair scarf like a blindfold again," Dark lightly joked.
 
Alec giggled. "I remember that. You were so elegantly dramatic! It was magnificent."

"I was ready to turn around and walk out," Xander said blandly. He took a deep breath and looked at his paper. "Right. I think I should go first. Right?"

"Right," Alec nodded. "Let's just take a moment to take three nice, deep breaths and then start. That's a good way to find a center."

"Agreed." Xander led the three deep breaths, trying to find his center.
 
"I love you so much, my dear wife," Dark said, "but I was so annoyed with you in that moment."

Daizi grinned up at her husband and then leaned against him so he'd put his arm around her and the pair of them took three deep breaths along with their children to prepare for the ceremony.
 
Alec giggled softly at Dark's admission, but Xander elbowed him into silence. It was funny looking back at that moment, even if at the time he'd been too cold, too hungry, and too much in pain to find it anything but shocking and moderately terrifying. He took his breaths, drawing his focus to the moment.

Xander cleared his throat and picked up the pre-lit candle and his paper. "Alright. I," he tried to drop his tone into something more serious and somber, "I light this candle for my Birth Mother whose body was my first home," he stumbled awkwardly over the phrase but kept going, "and whose heartbeat was the first sound I heard. Though she is now gone, she lives in my heart. I will never forget her." He lit the first candle carefully.

Alec read his line next, his voice wavering slightly. "I light this candle for the grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, and other ancestors in my first family, for those I know and those who have passed on. They are a part of me as I live on."
 
As Dark and Daizi watched the twins light the candles, they were torn between focusing on their sons and reflecting back. They both thought of their own mothers, both gone. Sahar, Daizi's mother, died so excited to meet her daughter and Daizi grew up desperately trying to know her while fearing never living up to this legacy. Dark thought of his mother, who had him at fifteen, and wondered if she had ever felt excited, if before he was born, she was hopeful for this child she carried within her. For the first time in many years, his cold hate of his mother faltered, only for a moment. Then they both thought of Tara, and Daizi whispered a prayer for her.

Daizi smiled at the recollection of her extended family and her ancestors. She wasn't close to all of them, in her massive family there were many she didn't talk to often and who were displeased with her and her choices, but she had reached a point where she felt truly connected with many of them. Beside her, Dark stood stiffly. As he had many times before, he strained to reach his scant memories of extended family before his mother stopped bringing him there and wondered how many of them were still alive. But he stood tall and proud of his ancestors, his wedding ring, which was once his father's ring, and once his grandfather's ring, heavy on his finger. His history was full of unknowns, but one thing he was certain of was he was brought up in lands which once held the oldest civilization on Earth.
 
Xander carefully continued the candle lighting, his hand shaking just a little as he half recited, half read the next statement. He kept his eyes firmly on the fire. "I light this candle for my parents by adoption, the ones who teach me about life, love, and family. Thank you for weathering my anger, especiallyly when it wasn't about you. Thank you for reminding me that I am safe, that you will always love me, no matter what and that it is OK for me to express all my feelings even when I am sad or mad and everything in between."

Alec took his turn, and while he tried to keep his eyes on the candle, he couldn't resist glancing briefly toward Ivy with a little smile. "I light this candle for my sibling by adoption. We might not look alike, but we are real siblings and will be forever."

The twins lit the last candle together, taking turns saying the last few lines. "I light this candle for all the other people who have gone in and out of my life. The ones who hurt me, and for those who helped me. I don’t have to be afraid to talk about them and do not have to be defined by what has hurt me. I ask my parents, my siblings and everyone who cares about me to help me understand and process all my experiences, good and bad. Every day, I grow stronger, every day I learn more about what it is to love and to trust."

They finished and stood awkwardly, having not thought ahead enough to figure out how to end this candle lighting thing. Alec had the sudden impulse to say "Amen," but quickly bit his tongue. That seemed more than a bit wrong. They both glanced toward Daizi, guessing she'd know how to end properly rather than standing about awkwardly until they decided to blow out the candles.
 
When the twins lit a candle for them, even though they knew in advance it'd be included, Daizi still teared up a bit, resting her head against Dark's shoulder. Dark took a slow, controlled breath and squeezed Daizi in to his side. It struck him deeply, but he still couldn't cry.

When they lit a candle for Ivy, Daizi grinned and lifted Ivy a bit higher, nuzzling her head with her cheek and pointed towards the twins, whispering, "Ivy, look!" By that point, Ivy was getting pretty sleepy since it was dark and cozy in the room, but when her Mama indicated for her to look, she made eye contact with Alec and smiled back at him.

After the ceremony ended, following a few moments of silence, Daizi lowered her head and murmured gratitude to the universe and took a few deep breaths, just as they had to begin it to take that moment to hold in the emotions of the ceremony and reflect on it. Having participated in so many rituals with her, although he did not thank the universe as she did, Dark also lowered his head and breathed deeply with her.
 
The twins followed Daizi's example. Alec did not thank the universe, but Xander did quietly mumble along with her, stumbling over the unfamiliar words. Then they breathed deeply and allowed the focus to naturally ease and disperse.

"That was nice," Alec said at last, feeling more peaceful than he had in a long time. "How long do we leave the candle to burn?"
 
"However long you'd like," Daizi answered, "With little ones I let them burn out on their own, but these we'll need to extinguish. I have a candle snuffer or we can blow them out, I always snuff the flames when doing a ritual which calls upon the metaphysical properties of fire, I find it a bit disrespectful to use air to extinguish them then. But for something like this, either works, and blowing out the flame is sort of like sending the intentions out into the ether."
 
"So... blowing them out is okay if we set the right intention?" Xander asked, eying the flames warily. "What sort of intention should we set? Maybe... moving on? Completing a task or thought?"
 
Xander considered this and nodded. "Then I think blowing. Does this make sense? Putting our - my," he corrected, not glancing at Alec, "intention of that binding out into the universe via breath and the rise of the smoke. Is that correct?"

Alec stood back, letting Xander figure this one out. He liked what they'd done, and while he didn't agree with putting things out in the universe and all that, intentions did matter. Wherever they went, even if it was back into himself.
 
When all the candles were blown out, Daizi took another deep breath and, rubbing Ivy's back said, "We should probably go put your sister to bed, she's about two minutes away from falling asleep down here already. Afterwards we have dessert, if you'd like some."
 
Daizi kissed Ivy's forehead, told her she loved her, and then passed her to Dark to settle her for bed. When he was upstairs, Daizi finished preparing the dessert and took a moment to thank the twins for what they had told Dark earlier. She thought it was important for him to hear.

When Ivy was sleeping in bed, Dark came downstairs to enjoy dessert with them. When it was finally time for them to go to bed, Daizi hugged Alec very tightly and told both him and Xander how deeply she loved them and Dark expressed the sentiment as best he could in his own way.

The very next day at breakfast, Cooger called Dark on the phone to ask if they were busy that day, and when he received confirmation they were not, he said, "Great, I wanna bring 'em on a job."

"...both of them?" Dark asked, since Cooger never really brought Alec along, "I suppose I can ask if they'd like to."
 
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The twins weren't sure how to Daizi's thanks for saying what they'd said. It was the truth and what they wanted to tell him. It was like verbally holding up a mirror for him. Still, both of them appreciated being told they'd done the right thing. It felt good.

After dessert, when Daizi hugged Alec, he hugged her back as tightly as he could, feeling suddenly near tears. The love, the loss, all of it felt suddenly very near the surface. He knuckled it down and smiled. He could face it once he was alone in his room.

When the evening ended, Alec and Xander went to their own rooms. Then, after a while, Xander started going up, and Alec started heading down. They met on the stairs and shifted awkwardly for a moment before they headed down and bunked together in Xander's room.

The next morning, they lounged together on the couch debating on what they should do that day.
 
Dark went into the living room, "Cooger wants to take you both on a job today. He told me to not even ask if you wanted to go and simply tell you to get dressed, but of course if you do not want to go, I will tell him as much."
 
"Really? Both of us?" Alec said in surprise.

Xander half slid off the couch and stood with a stretch. "Weird, but alright. I'm up for it."

"Me too! Maybe it's painting or something that just needs extra hands," Alec said, scrambling to his feet. "I need to find good clothes for this. Warm, but work clothes. Layers! There's the key!"

Xander went down to get dressed while Alec went up. Both had a suspicion as to what was going on, but they didn't dare hope too hard. It might just be a painting job or something similar.
 
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