How Green Becomes Wood

"Thanks," Sloan replied, "honestly, though, I don't think I'll be able to not feel some level of a grudge until I've been out on my own for a few years, because living under a microscope just sucks. Like it's just bad, even though I can rationalize it as being well-meaning."
 
Alec nodded. "I understand. I'm sorry I'm not great at being a moan buddy. I'd like to be, but 'look on the bright side' is frustratingly instinctual. I really can't imagine how it would feel to live like that. I mean, I've lived under a judgemental stare, but it was always more outside the house, not living under the same roof. That's way different. Way harder."
 
"Yeah," Alec agreed quietly, nodding. "That was a bad time, but your mom... She made a safe space when we really needed it. Not everyone would do that. For that, at least, I'll always be grateful."
 
"Hmm," Alec murmured neutrally. "I can see how that would make it a lot harder. I'm sorry. It would be nice if things could stay the same, sometimes, but they never do, do they?"
 
"No, and it's hard to deal with someone who treats you badly but also loves you and sometimes treats you really well," Sloan replied, "I wouldn't trade it for someone who is awful to me all the time, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I think it'd be easier."
 
"It is easier because you always know what to expect," Alec said without thinking. "You always know that no matter how nice they might be acting in the moment, you'll always have a baseline you can expect them to return to. It means you never get your hopes up."
 
"Yeah..." Sloan agreed, "but it feels wrong to claim its easier, because always knowing what to expext, when they're always awful, is probably a lot harder in most other ways. I'd guess." She was quiet for awhile but then shook her head, "Anyway, I didn't just invite you out to complain about my mom. How have you been? How's Emma?"
 
Alec didn't agree with Sloan's thought, but he let it go because it really didn't matter. "I've been good! I've been trying to conquer a new trick on the Cyr wheel, and you know how that kind of thing can go. Emma's good, too. She's been volunteering at the dog shelter on Wednesdays and the food pantry where she does a lot of organizing and unpacking and stuff on Fridays."
 
"You're both so busy," Sloan said as though she was not also incredibly busy, "It's kind of Emma to do so much volunteering. I always said I was going to, but my schedule gets in the way. What trick are you working on?"
 
"She says she likes it and that it looks good on a resume. The trick is called the low coin drop, I think, or something like that. You know how when you spin like a hula hoop or a coin or something, and it spins lower and lower on its rim before falling flat?" Alec asked. "I'm trying to do that while inside the wheel, which is the easy part - relatively - but then right before it drops and I land on my face, I need to use my body weight to get it spinning again and recover, getting it back upright."
 
"The resume is why I used to want to do it so much too," Sloan said, "I bet I would've found places I liked to volunteer at, but I'm at a point where I'm a little burnt out. I just don't want to keep cramming stuff in just to look like the ideal candidate. Perfection is overrated." She shrugged, "That trick sounds really cool, though. Tough, too. I hope you'll show me a video or something if it once you nail it."
 
"I'll try!" Alec promised. "It's a lot of fun to do because you start out in a cartwheel and then transfer into a coin and rattle around a bit. I have gotten past the rattling around bit and then falling over."
 
Although she didn't totally understand what transferring into a coin practically meant, she did understand when something was trick lingo, "I feel like the not falling part is the hardest bit of any trick I've ever done."
 
"I feel like not falling is sometimes a trick by itself. Heh, half of your tricks are either fancy falling or fancy not falling," Alec grinned. "At least I don't catch my fingers anymore. I've lost three nails thanks to that." He shifted to a more comfortable position. "Emma wants me to take up volunteering, but I don't know what I'd do. I'm not sure I want to with how busy I am, and I'm nowhere near as busy as you."
 
"You don't want to know how gross my nails and toenails have gotten at times, but at least it's not as bad as a ballerina," Sloan replied, "I swear to god, the most beautiful sports are the grossest."
 
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