How Green Becomes Wood

Sloan considered this, "If you'd break up with someone over their feet, maybe. If you just find their feet unattractive and wouldn't want to give them foot rubs, I think that's acceptable. But I think everyone is a little bit shallow."
 
This didn't take Sloan as long to consider, "I don't want to date a girl with bigger hair than me. If her hair is straight and longer than mine is dry, that's fine, but I'm really proud of my hair, and I don't want to have my hair look bad because I'm dating someone with better hair."
 
Alec laughed at that. "True, you do have amazing hair! It is fabulous. Plus, you and her would be fighting over the bathroom or the vanity if you both have high-maintenance hair."
 
"Yeah, right?" Sloan replied, "Honestly, I'm so competitive, I just think I'd be happier with someone who is different from me. Sometime who isn't a gymnast, who doesn't have my same sense of style... I just think otherwise I'll end up being in a battle."
 
"That's a good point. You have a very good thought there," Alec mused. "I always thought that I'd need someone more opposite me for balance, you know? But." He hesitated, not sure he should say anything more.
 
"Well," Alec said hesitantly, "it's just that, well, I like how grounded Emma keeps me, and she can be really, really sweet, but at the same time... it feels like it's too grounding. Does that even make sense? Can you be too grounded?"
 
"I'd say probably?" Sloan replied, "Because like, some animals, yeah, they live on the ground. Some are better in a tree. If you didn't let a squirrel climb up off the ground they'd be miserable, some people need to not always be on he ground too. Metaphorically, or literally in my case."
 
Alec chuckled softly. "An interesting analogy, but I think it makes a lot of sense. It's just... she's got everything planned out with backup plans and checklists and steps. In binders! She knows exactly what she wants to do for the next fifty years of her life, and she has a binder prepared for when she's ready to look at things like retirement. Me? Life is this unknown that could be an adventure... or it could be a terrifying gaping hole waiting to swallow me. She tried to get me to make up at least a five-year plan, nothing too outrageous, and I completely panicked. And meanwhile, my parents are putting, like, reverse pressure on me, telling me it's okay not to have it planned out, that I can just be a kid. But I'm not going to be a kid for much longer. I'm not really a kid now, not really. So, when do I plan? Do I plan? What are plans? What is life?" He gave a bleak little laugh.
 
"D**," Sloan exhaled, "I thought I was intense, back when I was still lost in the 'must have my future perfectly planned' phase, but binders going out until retirement is extreme even for me. I mean, I get the compulsion, but you can't plan for *everything, it's just literally not possible. All it takes is one illness or natural disaster and your plan is all messed up anyway. But like... I dunno. It's good to think about what you want to do. I still don't really understand what a Roth IRA is, I haven't thought much about retirement, but contingencies are good. When they're reasonable, right? Stuff like how I'm going to be an Olympian, but I'm still going to go to college so I can get a good job in case it doesn't work out or after my career is over."
 
"I think you'd make a great coach, if you wanted to," Alec remarked. "The problem is, I think, I spent so much of my actual childhood doing the whole survival thing that I feel like I want to play catch-up and experience all the things. Do it all, try everything, all that jazz, but at the same time, I've still got that lurking fear in the back of my skull of, are you prepared for imminent disaster? Which is, of course, no, and I'm not prepared for the future, and I'm not really sure how to balance having a great time with life and being properly prepared, so I end up penduluming all over the place, and Emma isn't really helping." He bit his lip. "I don't mean to speak poorly of her."
 
"I coach the littles," Sloan replied. Then after a moment he said, "You are allowed to complain about your partner, you know? Like obviously it's not right to bully her, don't call her a b**** or anything, but practically everyone has things that annoys them about their partner. It's normal."
 
Alec didn't say anything for a long moment. Finally, he said, "It's just... She can be really sweet and caring. She's a lot, I know she's a lot, and it feels like sometimes I'm the only one who can see how much she genuinely cares, and how nice she can be. At the same time, it's exhausting. She's always at 100%, and I feel like I'm always apologizing for her, or explaining for her, or just... I don't know. I like her. I really do. I don't want to complain about her however normal that might be."
 
After a brief bit of hesitation wherein she considered withdrawing her question she asked, "Are you okay with it? When she makes comments about how you're dressed and stuff? Because like, okay, she's sweet and caring with you, and I can believe that, but like... I guess what I'm trying to ask is if you're explaining and apologizing for her to yourself...?"
 
Alec did not respond at first. He sat staring at his hand, thinking. "I don't know how to answer that," he said at last. He did not want to answer that. He felt like he knew the answer, but if he verbalized it, he would have to do something about it.
 
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