"Such an odd way to dress," Emma remarked. "At least he has the gravitas to pull it off, I suppose, but it's no wonder he doesn't work at the school any longer."
Alec gave Emma an odd look but said nothing
Dinner went well, and Emma chatted happily as they ate. She was clearly incredibly impressed by Alec’s choice of restaurant, which was higher-end than he normally did, though still far from the highest end. Alec smiled as he watched her, genuinely happy to see how happy she was. She’d been talking to the school guidance counselor about future classes to take to get to where she wanted to be and “set herself up for success,” and she wanted to talk about that for a while. After that, they discussed the books they’d been reading, and they got excited about that. They also had a long, deep discussion about their differing opinions on a movie that had recently come out, but they were able to agree on as many things as they disagreed on. When the dessert came out, she asked Alec about what he wanted to do. He made a few noises and then changed the topic to his endeavors to teach Kiki some new tricks. Emma was impressed by his efforts and demanded to watch the videos he’d taken. Cat tricks were a little different from dog tricks, so she appreciated seeing those differences and watching his attempts. Kiki was also hilarious to try to film since she was the blackest of black cats, and she tended to disappear if the light was even slightly wrong. She had huge eyes and stared at Alec and the phone a lot while sitting very neatly. Now and then, she’d decide to agree to do a trick or two, and she reveled in the praise and treats she got for them.
After dinner, Emma drove them to the park, and they got out to walk along the paved walkway. Alec was silent as they walked, staring up at the bright stars. Emma talked exuberantly about the future, about her plans to move to the big city and the job opportunities that could be found there, even while working around college schedules. It was going to be perfect! They’d spend their first year in the college dorms or whatever they had available, and then they’d get an apartment together and split the cost. It would be perfect! They’d get two rooms to give each other all the space they’d need, and between two jobs, paying one rent would be easy. Of course, the better the jobs, the better the apartment, but they’d live somewhere cheap first to save up money. Saving up money would mean they could eventually buy a house, but that would have to wait until after the wedding. Once they had secure jobs and a house, then they could both focus on their careers for a while. But first, high school! And trying to land some dual credit classes. Every little thing would help them move forward!
“Emma,” Alec finally said, breaking into her detailed description of her five-year plan. “Where am I in your plans?”
Emma looked at him, thrown off and confused. “What?”
“Where am I in your plans?” Alec repeated.
“Um, everywhere?” Emma said with a frown. “Weren’t you listening?”
“Yes, I was listening to you describe everything you wanted to see in your life, but where do you see me in that life?” Alec asked. “You want all this stuff, you want all these things, and it’s awesome, and I love how aspirational you are, but… I don’t fit. Not in your plans.”
Emma sighed and shook her head. “I don’t understand what you are talking about. You fit right next to me. Right beside me. Like a power couple!”
Alec smiled at her. His heart thundered, but he managed to maintain calm facade. “No, Emma, I don’t. I know you think I do, but if you stop for a minute and think about it, you know I’m not standing next to you in any of your dreams. I’m behind you. I’m following your lead. I’m supporting your every decision. I’m fitting into the mold you have in your mind. My job or career or schooling means nothing unless it supports you in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with that if the person naturally fits that mold and wants to follow, but… I don’t fit your mold.”
“What are you saying?” Emma demanded, tears standing out in her eyes. “Are you saying that… Are you intimidated by powerful women or women with aspirations? Do my dreams threaten you?”
“Emma, you’ve met my mother. My aunt works for the FBI. I'm best friends with Sloan. Of course, I’m not intimidated or threatened, and I don’t want to hold you back or anything like that,” Alec assured her. “But Emma, look at me.” He stopped and held out his arms. “Look at me right now. This, this right now, this is what you want. When you saw me tonight, that was the highest praise you have ever given me and the most enthusiastic support you've ever had for how I dressed. This is what you desperately want me to be, but this is not me. You know that, Emma.”
“But it could be you! You look amazing, you are amazing, you are perfect!” Emma protested.
“For heaven’s sake, Emma, you met me when I was in a band playing in a pizza parlor,” Alec said in exasperation.
"I thought that was just a stage persona, a childish whim that would fade away. Lots of guys dream about being in a band and then face reality!" Emma cried out.
“We've been together several months now, and while the band might not have lasted, the 'stage persona' sure did. In what world did you think that dynamic person could be happy like this?” He gestured to himself again. “You are probably right that I need to tone it down a little if certain people are going to take me ‘seriously,’ but maybe I’m okay with not being taken seriously. Maybe it’s okay to be underestimated sometimes, and the people who really matter to me won’t care if I’m wearing sequins or a black business suit. You don’t like the sequins, and that’s okay. It’s not a bad thing to hate sequins, but I can’t live without sequins.”
"You're breaking up with me because I don't like sequins?" Emma demanded, her voice wobbling.
Alec sighed and reached out to take her hand. Gently, he led her to a nearby bench and sat down. "Emma, I like you, I really, really do, and I think you have a lot of good qualities, but we don't fit. I'm sequins, bold colors, and odd fashion choices. You're matte finishes, neutral colors, and suits. That could maybe work, except for the fact that you don't want to take me as I am. You don't want me in sequins. You want me in neutrals, but sequins are a part of me, and you have to accept that, but you won't. You won't accept the fact that I'm colorful and wild and weird; that I'll never conform the same boxes that you and your parents have. I accept the fact that you'll never be a sequined dress kind of girl, and I'm fine with that, but it has to go both ways. I don't want to make you wear a sequined dress because it's not you, and it's not fair of you to try to make me wear a business suit because that's not me."
"That is incredibly shallow!" Emma snapped, brushing away her tears angrily.
"I don't think it is, and if this were reversed, I don't think you'd think it was, either," Alec told her gently. "You're trying to change more than just how I dress: you're trying to change me."
"It's just not fair! We could work through this!" Emma wailed.
"It's more than just the dress stuff, Emma," Alec sighed. "It's how you make all these plans and expectations and expect me to fall in line like some kind of underling. It's how you force your opinions on other people. It's how you snipe about my brother, my parents, and my friends."
Emma glared at him. "I'm entitled to my opinions."
"But you're not entitled to force everyone around you to listen to them and agree with them," Alec retorted firmly. "You're not entitled to constantly make comments about the people I love. I get that you don't understand or agree with them, and that's okay to express, but over and over again? All while making rude comments? That's not okay. It's not okay to constantly provoke my brother into fighting with you."
"He starts it. I'm not starting fights! He's the one with an attitude," Emma grumbled. "How can you seriously take his side?"
"I'll always take his side. Maybe not always, but nearly always. He's my brother," Alec shrugged. "The point is, Emma, you are smart, ambitious, really cute, and you have good advice sometimes. You aren't perfect, but you are a wonderful person. A truly wonderful person. Just... not the person for me, and in time, you'll realize I wasn't the one for you. And that's okay. But if we stay together, we'll do nothing but make each other miserable."
"That's not true," Emma cried, her tears flowing more quickly now. "It's not true! I love you, Alec! I don't want to lose you! Why are you doing this to me?"
"Because it needs to be done," Alec said softly, his heart squeezing in pain. "I'm sorry, Emma, but our relationship... It's over."
Emma reached out and clung to his arm. "We can talk this out! I can change! You can change! We can change together!"
Alec gently disentangled himself. "No, Emma. You know that won't work. I hope we do both grow and change and learn to be new people, but that can't happen how it is now. We're done."
Emma stared at him, eyes wide. Then she bolted to her feet and spat, "You a******! You're just doing this because you're selfish! You're selfish and self-centered, and you don't want to be anything but a lazy, artistic bum!" She spun and ran for her car.
Alec stayed where he was. He winced when he heard the car door slam, and he hoped she would drive safe. He tilted his head back and stared up at the stars that winked and twinkled above him. He didn't think about anything. He sat quietly with his emotions and let them sit with him. Her words hurt, but he'd been around Xander long enough to know that she was lashing out in pain and probably wouldn't mean them. That lessened the pain a little. A little. Not a lot. The cold air swirled around him, freezing his cheeks and hands.
Finally, he looked at his phone. He'd lost track of time sitting here, and it was after nine. He had no way home. He needed to call someone. With a sigh, he dialed for Xander. "Hey... can you come give me a ride?"
~~
Xander fetched his car keys and looked for Dark or Daizi. "Hey, I need to go pick up Alec. I guess he's not getting a ride home with Emma after all."
