How Green Becomes Wood

"at least diapers are temporary," Milo said with a shrug. They weren't ideal, for sure, but the benefits seemed worth it to him. When Toby wheeled by, he looked upwards at him, not engaging with the conversation, but very much wondering what it was like to have such easy confidence. That was a kind of power Milo couldn't even fathom having.
 
"Okay, I know being a stage actor probably won't support me, and I'll have to do stuff like, I don't know, work at a convenience store, but how much money can you possibly make riding a skateboard?" Becky asked with a frown.

Peter looked it up on his phone. "There's a lot of caveats, but it looks like reasonable money. 40-60 thousand a year for a pro. With a lot of ifs."

"Well, I guess he's really doing what he loves just because he loves it, then!" Becky said brightly. "Oh! There's Austin! We should ask him."

"Are you going to poll the entire school?" Alec laughed.

"No, just the people I know," Becky said, popping out of her seat and running to catch up to Austin, calling his name as she did so. Peter and Alec turned to watch.

While the others were distracted, Xander slowly and very cautiously reached over to Milo and laid a hand over his arm, his thumb pressing gently but firmly over the area where he was most prone to scratch. "It'll be okay," he told Milo softly, unheard and unnoticed by the others. "You can dream this time. Doesn't matter if you actually want it, or if it's even doable. Write down whatever the hell you want. Whether it's to do photography, deep sea exploration, or exotic dancing. You can do - write - whatever you want. You've got the power now." He smiled briefly at Milo and let go of his arm. "Actually, I'm thinking of writing down Alaskan fisherman."
 
Milo looked up at Xander, for once actually holding eye contact for a few moments before dropping his head again. With true gratitude in his voice he said, "Thanks. Seriously... It's just hard, you know?" He glanced towards the rest of them, "I don't have plans, and I don't have a fallback if something goes wrong. It makes me feel stupid."
 
Xander frowned at him, not angry, more confused. "Not having plans doesn't make you stupid. Or if it does, I'm stupid, and Alec was until a short while ago, and probably a good half of the kids around here are. It just means you haven't found a path you want to follow yet, and that's okay. My mama would probably say something like how that means you've got time to explore. What do you mean you don't have a fallback?"
 
"I know," Milo sighed, folding his arms on the table, "But I still do feel stupid. Like I should have been doing more, and like I'm never going to be caught up with my peers. I fell behind, and I'll always be behind. I've already missed out on so much, you know?" He looked out towards the rain for a moment and then looked back to Xander, "My mom's a waitress. Whatever savings account she managed to save up she used moving up here, and like it was worthwhile for sure and I'm glad, but if I fail out of college, or get fired from a job, or just... fail, I can't just sit back and reformulate everything. I can't be the kind of person who just goes, f*** it, I'm going to do whatever I want, I'll be able to feed myself anyway."
 
Xander considered this quietly for a moment while Alec and Peter joked about something on the other side of the table. After due consideration, he said, "There's no answer for what you've missed. There's no going back to fix it. There's only going forward. You have a lot of forward to go. Your mum would do whatever she could to help you out, but you're forgetting something really important, Stitch." He used his shoulder to nudge Milo's. "You have more than just her, stupid. No one is going to let you fail so bad you'll be starving and homeless. No way, no how."

Becky came trotting back and collapsed on the bench, leaning into Peter. "Sheesh! That was a lot. Those guys are a lot. Okay, I'm thinking at least one of them was messing with me, but I got a nearly unanimous 'construction worker,' one professional wrestler, and one PE teacher. Austin also added he might like to be a trucker, maybe."
 
Milo looked at Xander for a little while, thinking of the many things he wanted to say or not say. There was a lot in his mind, and his shoulders were still tense and stressed, but finally he just said, "You're my best friend, Xander."
 
Xander grunted quietly and looked down at the table, but there was a look in his eye, a certain crinkle around them that was highly reminiscent of his father's expression when he was deeply touched and pleased. He said nothing more, thinking more words unnecessary, but the feeling was mutual, and it was clear in his expression for those who knew him.

"Construction work is an excellent job, and always in demand," Peter said, pushing Becky off.

"Yeah, but all of them?" Becky pointed out, sitting up.
 
Seeing the little look on Xander's face, a tiny smile pulled at the corners of Milo's mouth and then he turned his face back to the table. The rest of the day went by fairly quickly and by the time they were ab out to leave, the rain had picked up again. As Milo was walking with Alec and Xander to the door of the school, he looked at the pouring rain and after a few delusional moments where he thought maybe, he turned to Xander and said, "...do you think... i could get a ride home?"
 
"Yes," Xander said, proud and amused. "Your bike will fit in the back."

"There's plenty of room since you don't have to haul around band stuff anymore," Alec said with a grin. He looked wistful for a moment. "I do miss the band. Maybe I can find a band that will let me play as a substitute or something. I could be in the background!"

"Sure," Xander said dryly. "Come on. Let's go." He hurried out into the rain and opened the back of the van. Alec helped Milo get his bike up into the van and then volunteered to sit in the back so Milo could sit up front. He'd move up front after they dropped Milo off.

"It is really coming down!" Alec said, brushing off his hair.
 
"Thanks," Milo said, putting up his hood to go bring his bike over to the trunk. Once he was buckled in, he looked out the window and said, "I like the rain, at least when I'm allowed to be inside during it."
 
"Not a fan," Xander grumbled, burrowing into his coat and turning up the heater. They'd lived through one too many leaky rooves and nights on the street to enjoy rain.

"I like it because it is so pretty, and the raindrops make music," Alec smiled.
 
"India might make more sense, yeah," Alec agreed. "It's a weird one. I'm not sure I remember all the details of the why's, even though he was very clear about them, I just remember the overwhelming 'NO' of it all."

"I don't think any adults are a fan of The Little Mermaid thanks to the attitude problem," Xander mused, "but it's pretty, visually."
 
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