Star crossed her arms looking stern. "Claire is not growing up a smuggler or a thief. She deserves a far better life than that."
"Smuggling is perfectly good work if you do it right." Why she was thinking there was better he didn't know. "Its a good way to start. Learn to get sharp and then you're ready for more."
"No way! Just because its the only life we know doesn't mean she can't do better. Do you want her running around with a bounty on her head at only 15 years of age? Getting shot at, maybe even killed!?" Star stepped forward taking Claire from him and holding her as if to protect her from him. "She can learn ships. That's fine. But things that put her in danger like that...over my dead body..."
"Well if she learns the easy way...From me." Killian pointed to himself and continued. "She'll be good enough that she won't have a bounty on her head or get shot at. I know everything I did wrong and she can avoid that. Think of how much money she could make! Claire could be better than any one of these nobles. They would be scrounging at her feet begging her to smuggle their goods across planets and systems."
"We are NOT teaching OUR daughter to be a criminal, Killian! There are other ways to support one's self. Remember when we talked about lines almost a year ago...this is one of them." Star looked down at Claire tenderly. "She deserves a better life than we had."
"I'm not a criminal." Killian got to his feet. "Fine...Maybe I am a little bit. What do you think I'm supposed to teach her? Claire isn't growing up in a nice society. She needs to know how to survive."
"Learning how to survive, defend herself, fly ships, transport cargo, make a legitimate business...that's all fine. I agree with that. The problem I have is you wanting to turn her into a greedy smuggling tycoon. Its a matter of morals and principles...stuff you didn't grow up with...I get that...but she can. We can teach her to be honest, trustworthy, caring, loyal but also know how to take care of herself. Things like manipulation, lying, thieving, killing...all that...you have to bury that. Its your duty as her Father to raise her to be the best person she can be."
Star was practically accusing him of almost every imaginable crime. "I don't manipulate anyone. My life is what it is and you know I can't lie worth a damn. As for the thieving and killing its only when I have to. What's so immoral about that? Is surviving immoral? Would you say what happened with Clay was wrong?"
"That was self-defense. But if she weren't in that sort of life, running into those sorts of situations would be far more minimal. Just think about how many times either of us have died in only a year and a half. I can't believe you think teaching her to follow in those footsteps is a good idea!"
"I've learned to live the life fairly well." Killian frowned. "Why wouldn't I want to teach her to live the same life only with less accidents. I don't understand your whole moral thing. How do people label something moral or immoral? It seems to shift with whoever is talking. Kafus thought what he did to you was perfectly moral. Do we consider it moral...No. Is there any moral base or code? Everybody seems to do their own thing and make their own interpretations. Why can't I have mine?"
Star seemed stunned by his statement, holding the whimpering Claire close to her chest. "God, Killian. You don't actually believe morality is whatever we make it to be, do you? We have a conscience for a reason. Killing is wrong, lying is wrong, stealing from someone...all those things and so much more...they're inherently wrong...there are morals and boundaries. If there weren't, none of us would be any better than animals or cannibals."
"Conscience is what you call that first time when you feel bad. Instinct is stronger and the reason you feel bad is cause your scared." Killian couldn't help feeling that he was off on this one. "Why is it inherently wrong? People talk about this, but they never stop to ask why." Blindly accepting an idea was never good. "If I need bread and the man over there has some. Why is it wrong to take it? That's survival. If I get away with it then good for me and if I get caught then he was faster." Rubbing his head a little he winced with the surge of pain that ran through his skull. "Not saying I won't be open to the idea of morals, but I need a reason to believe they're more than just an individual interpretation. Cause by your standards I don't have any."
"I, uh..." Star just stares at him, dried-mouth. Had this been the thing she'd been fighting against him with all this time? Not just that he pushed the line to far...but that he actually had none at all? "So...if you decided that hitting me and abusing me was ok...that somehow it worked towards your survival...if it was good for you...its not inherently wrong?" She scoffs, shaking her head at him. "That's where your line of thinking gets you Killian. Without morals, you become someone like kafus." Her expression towards him had become strained. "I can't be your constant conscious Killian. I agreed to marry you...believing that under your instinct to survive was a good person who had standards and a moral compass that they were just choosing to ignore for the sake of survival. Tell me I'm not wrong."
Killian wasn't sure what to say. He could be honest and risk her getting more upset or try to lie to her and that always failed. "I'm sure there is someone out there that thinks I'm a Kafus type figure." Shrugging a little he glanced at the floor and then Star again. "I really don't see a problem with with doing what I have to, to survive. It doesn't mean that I always like it, but I have to know that its for my survival. Star, I love you more than survival and..." Explaining this to her was brain wracking at the very least. "I have to kill Kafus because he's a danger. Blowing up the whole stadium would have created a better outcome for us and survival. Just think of the math...There would have been far fewer nobles to try and hunt us. This war would have been shortened by a long ways. Yes slaves would have died and a lot of folks that weren't my target, but is it immoral as you say if you consider how many more have died because we didn't blow up the stadium? Morals don't make sense."
"Sometimes there are areas that are grey...but there is always a right and always a wrong. The thing about morals...is that they are the reason you choose the right thing as often as possible, and make the choice that will hurt the least amount of people. The right thing with the stadium was not killing a bunch of masters for the sake of the few innocents. The right thing with Kafus, may not be to murder him...but we're choosing the wrong thing for the right reason in that aspect. Still doesn't make it moral...but at least we are taking morals into account. The moral thing with our daughter...the right thing...is teaching her the difference between right and wrong, moral and immoral, and helping prepare her the best we can for a life that's right and moral and good."
"I try not to hurt people cause the more enemies I make the more likely it is somebody will try to kill me. Star this doesn't make sense. Being good just for the sake of it." Killian sighed. "Teaching her to live like that sounds like a good way to teach her to get killed.
"You're way is just as dangerous if not more so." Claire began to fuss. "I'm uh...I'm going to feed her then cook dinner." She turns and begins to walk away. At the door, she pauses. "I can't give you a logical argument for why being good or moral is better. If you want that, find religion. But no matter the conclusion you ultimately come up with...the way we raise Claire is not negotiable." She leaves him to think, her own heart heavily burdened.
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As Star cooked dinner she couldn't help but be bothered by the conversation between her and Killian which had replayed itself over and over in her mind. She'd thought she knew him...but hearing him talk that like had really bothered her. She stirred the noodles almost mindlessly, not realizing her sleeve had caught on fire from the burner until the heat began to sting her hand. She hissed and patted her sleeve till the fire died and she soaked her lightly burnt hand under the water.
Her ring glinted on her finger and she twisted it. For the first time, she was actually reconsidering his proposal. Everything he'd said...she hadn't known that was actually how he viewed life. She'd suspected it partially...Kato had tried to warn her, but...she hadn't been willing to listen. Now she had his child. What if he refused to take her words to heart. What if ultimately he decided morals meant nothing to him, that being good, despite it all, was just a novelty. Could she really marry a man like that, no matter how good he was to her?
Star sighed and finished cooking, avoiding touching the side of her hand to anything. Claire was sleeping, and the community was strangely quiet. Understandable with all the Ash though. Killian came back as she put the spaghetti and beans on the table. The tension between them was uncomfortably thick as they sat to eat. She avoided looking at him, still trying to assimilate the man she'd fallen in love with, with the man presenting himself to her now.