How Green Becomes Wood

Dark stood and headed towards the door, "It is not finished yet, so do not expect a masterpiece," he turned back, "when it is finished, also not not expect a masterpiece. And do not tell Daizi, I want to surprise her."

He led Alec downstairs and out to the shed, switching on the light. In the back corner was something that didn't really look much like anything yet, only some rectangular spindles of wood and a decently sized circle resting against the wood. But Dark did not acknowledge them, and instead went into a locked drawer, "I have not done much work on the real ones, but I have made models."
 
Alec picked his way around the wooden pieces and followed Dark to the drawer, a spark of excitement urging him forward. This was interesting! He loved surprises and secrets! "I can't wait to see it finished! I'm sure it will be marvelous, and don't worry, I won't tell Daizi. How many models have you made?"
 
"Only the two, so far. But too many sketches," He pulled them from the drawer, setting them on his work bench, "This one will be the crib in the nursery," He held up the one which looked more like a crib, except it was round, not rectangular, "I am going to carve the slats to be themed with the rest of the nursery, once we have a theme. And I cannot decide if I want to add a canopy. I think they are very pretty, but I worry about if it will make putting her in and taking her out more difficult," He handed it to Alec to look at more closely. And then picked up the other model, this one was the swan on the pedestal Alec had seen all that time ago, "This is my plan for her cradle, because babies do not actually sleep in their nursery until they are about six months, so we need something smaller for our bedroom. And I thought..." He handed it to Alec, "The flat part the swan is on will be painted like water."
 
"Maybe one of those small little canopies, you know, the ones that more suggest a canopy than is actually a canopy," Alec suggested, peering at the round bed. "Won't it being round make it hard? It looks absolutely fantastic, but then you have to lean way over to reach the center where she'll be comfortable," Alec pointed out. He took the swan picture and smiled. "Now that is lovely. Simply lovely." He glanced up at Dark. "For a theme, why not Bambi meet's Victorian elegance?"
 
"I have long arms. And it means I can place it anywhere in the room, I can have it in the center of the room, which means if there is an issue, I could access her from any side. Round cribs are not rare," Dark explained, "I thought about a sleigh cradle, but I get nervous about solid sides. They look lovely, but the slats allow for better air flow."

He turned the models over in his hands, "That might be nice. I have to talk to Daizi about it. She will probably like it, we had been discussing something natural. We call her Hummingbird, since we do not have her name yet, so it makes sense. Names are the hardest thing to decide."
 
"You have long arms, but what about Daizi? And babies are heavy," Alec pointed out with a faint smile. "You know, about the names, I once heard a story about a lady who had a name picked out, a family name, and fully intended to go through with it, but then after she had the baby, she realized she couldn't stand the thought of using the name for the child's whole life. But when she was shown the paperwork and told that if she didn't have a name picked out she could always take it home and do it herself, she panicked and picked the first name that came to mind."
 
"Daizi also has long arms, and she is stronger than she looks. Anyway, round cribs do not have corners, which means when the baby begins to walk, it is one less thing they have to worry about hitting their head on, and while she sleeps in it, she will have more space to stretch out. It is good for Daizi, too, it being round, because she has to memorize the layout of the nursery, so since it can be in the center of the room, the distance between furniture will be decreased." He ran his finger up the tiny slats. He also just liked how it looked. It reminded him of a carousel. He could imagine laying his daughter down to sleep in it, "I do not think I could pick a random name. They are too important, or they have always been important to me. We decided the baby's surname will be Wahid-Dark, even though it will put her at the bottom of the alphabet. It sounds better. But it means we have to be careful about her initials, if her first name begins with L and her middle name begins with E, then her initals spell 'lewd.' If we give her two middle names, or two first names, with 's', 'o', and 'r,' in any order, her initials would be an anagram of 'Sword' which is rather clever. My initials 'GMD' do not spell anything. Even before I changed my surname, they did not. Daizi's are DSW, which is also a name of a shoe store, here. Cooger says we need to be careful about her monogram, but the middle letters in her monogram are 'W D' and there are no words with those as the middle two letters."
 
"I suppose that is a good point about the distance thing. I've never heard of a round crib, but then I've never really cared that much for cribs. I think if I tried to lay her down in any crib, no matter the shape, her weight would pull me headfirst into the crib with her!" Alec giggled at the thought and as he thought of the various spellings the poor girl could have with her initials. Both were pretty funny.

Then he took a closer look at the crib designs. Then he glanced at Dark's workspace. He looked at Dark and narrowed his eyes. "Hang on... I've just figured it out." He smirked at Dark. "You like the round crib and the slats not because of airflow or room positioning, but because it looks like a carousel! Don't you?"
 
"No that is not why!" Dark replied, crossing his arms, "It is part of why, but not the only reason. Air flow is important to me, because it decreases the likelihood of SIDS. And of course I care about how everyone fits in the room, and I care about the lack of corners, because babies fall down. I would not have chosen it if I did not believe the practical benefits were real. I want everything to be perfect for her... I need everything to be perfect for her." He furrowed his heavy eyebrows and took a few quick glances around his shed, "You and Xander can tell me if something is not right, or if you need something to be different. She will not be able to, not right away, anyway. And you both had already had nearly 15 years of life experience by the time we met, so I can just try to help you learn to handle the trauma you have experienced and shape the remaining years of your adolescence, and I hope the rest of your lives, but with her? She will meet me blank, which is so much more frightening. Because I do not want her to grow up like me," He sighed and looked at Alec, "It is not easy with you and your brother, but with you both it feels less frightening. You are already good people."
 
Alec smiled and reached up, laying his hand gently on Dark's arm. "You're good people, too," he said gently, "but you aren't perfect, and mathematics and philosophy tells us that imperfection cannot create perfection. But you can create good things. You're way too stressed about making things perfect. Don't worry about. She won't care. She'll only care that you're her daddy and you are doing your best. You'll mess up, but you'll always be there for her. That's what she'll care about."
 
"I am her Baba," He murmured, and then fell silent, staring at all of his sketches, reflecting on how he felt when working to make something for his baby, and how he felt at every ultrasound appointment... And on all of the excuses he had heard Declan make.

When he spoke again, his voice was serious, "Alec, I want you to remember this. I do not know if you ever want to have kids, and you may not even know yourself, yet. But if you do ever find yourself with a baby on the way, planned or otherwise, remember me in my shed stressing over her crib and her name. Not what Declan said about it being easy for men to forget and leave."
 
Alec's smile faded, but he nodded. "I know," he said. "I suppose some men could, the ones who don't actually care or were never shown to care. I could never do that. I promise." He patted Dark's arm. "Don't worry. Declan is a passing thing. I know who is the real man around here. So does Xander even if he doesn't realize it yet." He turned away and started looking over all the small items on the workbench.
 
"I do not care about being a 'real man,' but I do care about being a good one. And I am never going to leave you and Xander either." He put the models away, and from a different drawers pulled out one of his carnival miniatures, which he handed to Alec. It was very clearly of Xander, although it was unfinished, "I decided on Firebreather for him. I am still not sure what to make you as."
 
In Alec's book, a real man was a good man. He didn't care what else Dark did, how he looked, or anything. His personal definition of a real man was, well, what Dark was as a person. He didn't say that, though, not wanting to get into a discussion about that. Instead, he took the miniature and smiled as he recognized his brother. "This is beautiful," he said with a smile. "He'll love it! It's perfect for him."
 
"It felt right. When it is finished I will show it to him. He will like it better than when I considered putting him in the petting zoo so he could work with the ponies. I might put you up on the band stand. I do not know. I have your music teacher playing violin."

As he spoke about where he may decide to put Alec, the door to the shed opened, and Daizi's warm voice said, "Ah, there you are. I've been wondering where you were hiding. What are you up to?"

"What I am always up to," Dark replied, smiling at his wife, "is everything okay?"

"Yeah... just missed you. Hey, Alec," She let the door close behind her, only really guessing that Alec was there because Dark was speaking English when she entered.
 
"Hi, Daizi," Alec chirped. "The professor has been showing me his deep, dark secrets, like the fact that he thinks Xander is either a fire-breather or only good enough to clean up animal waste." He smirked at Dark teasingly and moved to touch Daizi's arm lightly. "How are you? Did you get all of your work done?"
 
"Oh the duality of man," She teased. At some point since going upstairs, she had changed once more into her little cotton shorts and one of Dark's band t-shirts, and she was barefoot, "and I tried to. I was a little distracted, and a little tired, and my skin was itchy."

"Darling, you cannot come in here without shoes on. I sweep up but you will still likely get a splinter," Dark told her, although sympathetically.

"Then come out," She murmured, listening to him just enough to not walk further into the room even though she wanted to.
 
"If you're itchy, maybe you should get a good lotioning," Alec suggested worriedly. He nudged Dark's elbow gently and nodded to the crib models sitting out. Daizi couldn't see them, but what if she happened to pick one up? That was the only reason Alec could guess that Dark had kept them in a locked drawer. Nothing else was locked in here. "Shall I come out with you while he cleans up, Daizi?" He started for the door, nudging it open.
 
"I already did. I'm better now," She replied, following Alec outside while Dark hurried to put the crib models away, "the night Jasmine are blooming, can you smell that? And soon my current berries will be ready to pick. I haven't checked on them, but I can feel it in the air, it's about their season."
 
"I look forward to seeing the garden this summer," Alec told her, walking with her. "I've never seen a garden this big with this many plants, so it is amazing to see how it changes. I should come out here more often."

He felt unsettled, anxious, and lost. He was doing his best to interact and keep his mind focus on first Dark and now Daizi, telling himself it was as much for them as it was for him, but in the back of his mind, worry gnawed. Worry and fear and a sense of displacement. He really just wanted to go to his room, but he knew that wasn't a good idea. He should be interactive. Distracted. Something.
 
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