How Green Becomes Wood

"I think the oldest way maybe ten, so I don't think it's any form of kinky," Sloan replied sarcastically, glancing at Xander for a moment before looking away again. After a few moments of silence, she asked, "Are guys always told they have to look pretty? Or, handsome, I guess?"
 
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Xander considered this. "Not exactly. We're told a lot about how we're supposed to look, but it's more like, 'look manly, look put-together, don't look like a slob, you'll never be taken seriously dressed like that, you'll be lucky to flip burgers.' Stuff like that. Mostly, it's focused on what we are and are not allowed to feel, and other expectations. As long as we don't look like we got dressed in the dark in a trash bin, we're usually left alone as far as looks go."
 
"Sure," Xander agreed, nodding. "We have almost the opposite of girls, I think, in general. Like... guys are expected to be bad at childcare and supposed to be good at things like taking care of cars. Stuff like that. Stressful, but basically the opposite of what you probably go through. Lot of, 'look like this, act like this, talk like this,' I bet?"
 
"I just don't get it, because I don't know anybody who feels empowered by those expectations," Sloan replied, "I mean, do you feel good when you're told to be super masculine and that you have no buisness taking care of a child or cooking?"
 
Xander quite honestly felt relieved when told he didn't need to take care of children, but he didn't think now was the time to say it, nor the point Sloan was making. "Nope, can't say that I do," he said instead. "Seems a bit off."
 
Xander chewed on the end of his Twizzler thoughtfully. "Maybe some, but I don't think most of them do it for that reason. I think a lot of them are afraid. They do it because, oh, I dunno. Looking and acting a certain way was the only reason they did or didn't get a job, dressing a certain way made people treat them better, and maybe they're just trying to help but screwing it up royally because all they see is what they went through, not the real world."
 
"It's all exhausting. I feel like regardless of what I do, it's wrong. Or not enough. There are just too many rules." Sloan sighed, slumping down in her seat, "They're not even based in anything."
 
"I guess, but I feel like there's a pretty big middle ground between complete anarchy and not raising daughters to be as pretty and feminine as possible." Sloan grumbled, "My mom is such a pain in the ass."
 
"Yeah." She sniffed, "I mean, no, but. I don't know. She's got it in her head that I'm being too reckless and don't think enough about consequences and I've made my life harder on myself."
 
"Hmm. Well, we are teenagers, so being reckless is pretty much what we're designed to do," Xander pointed out, "and I guess in her eyes, you just don't get what she sees as an absolute, carved in stone fact: How you look affects your life." He shrugged. "She ain't a 100% wrong, but she's definitely got it a bit out of proportion."
 
"Yeah, but it's not like I got a face tattoo!" Sloan replied, "I had an accident, which I literally could not have prevented. I wasn't doing anything out of the usual, I wasn't trying risky moves, I was doing a routine I've done a hundred times before, and the beam broke. There was nothing I could have done, and like, yeah, maybe the plastic surgeon might have made it a smaller scar, but do you really think their hands putting stitches in over another doctor would have magically made it not scar? And we don't even know what it's going to look like once my eyebrow grows back in."
 
"I don't care what it makes me look like," Sloan admitted, tipping her head backwards, "It only happened on Saturday, and since then everybody I know has had an opinion about it, saying it looks like I'm taking things seriously, or it makes me look tough, or that it will make me look masculine, or frightening, or that it may fade over time, or that eventually people who care about me won't even notice it, and it's like... It hasn't even formed yet! And I don't care that it will probably exist. It's like everybody thinks they have to coddle my emotions, or I guess express their own fears about it to me, but I just... I don't care. It happened, and I can't undo it, and I don't need my mom acting like I burnt half my face off. Or getting on my case for eating another one of your cupcakes. They're really good, by the way."
 
"Glad you like them," Xander said honestly. "Figured I'd find a way to spruce up boring-old cake." He fell silent for a bit. "People like to have opinions," he finally said. "And because we're all inside our own heads a heck of a lot of the time, we tend to think how we view the world is how everyone else views the world. 'If I were her, I'd be hella worried about what it'd look like, so I bet she is too,' kind of deal. Doesn't make it easier. Or better. It just is. And, your mum... I'd bet you a tray of cookies that she's scared that a bad opinion from someone who 'matters' will mean a bad result in life for you. I bet, seeing the way she is now, that did happen to her for real. I bet if you asked her, nice and calm-like, what about a scar makes her so afraid, I bet she'd have an answer. Doesn't mean it'd be a good answer, but a bad answer's better than no answer in my book. It can be real stupid sometimes, but that's people." He looked at her briefly. "I guess the real question is, though, how do you feel? For real? What do you need to hear? Other than, 'here, have a cupcake, it'll taste like heaven but affect your body like you were eating air.' I can't make that come true."
 
"I did ask her," Sloan replied, sounding a bit frustrated, but then she shook her head, "Not all that calmly though. It's not easy to stay calm when you are constantly dealing with those sorts of comments from your parent of all people. I don't want to be gracious, anymore." Bouncing her leg again, she said, "I don't need anything, except an ice pack or ibuprofen when my face hurts because it's a giant bruise. I'm not worried about it, I'm not scared to go back to the gym, I'm not caught up in distress about the fact that I'll probably have a scar. I don't have a concussion, I didn't break a bone, it just doesn't seem like something worth grieving about. Maybe if it was horizontal and it took my entire eyebrow with it, but unless it heals and looks massive... I just don't need people falling over themselves trying to figure out the right thing to say, or telling me why it's such a tragedy. It's just a scar. And I feel like I should be upset about it. I feel like it's normal to be upset about it. I'm just not."
 
"Glove box," Xander said, indicating the compartment in front of her. Inside was a small first aid box with some painkillers. "You know, when I said your potential scar is going to look cool, I meant it. I wasn't trying to make you feel better or anything else. I meant it. Scars gotten when doing something cool, something you've worked really hard at, I think it's different, but, you know, that's just me saying an opinion. You should know you can ignore me whenever. It's pretty normal to not be upset about something like that. At least, I think it is. A new scar, even on the face, isn't a big deal. And as for being gracious, I don't know why you couldn't manage that. I've never lost my temper with anyone saying something I didn't agree with. Never happened. It's super easy to keep your temper when dealing with something like that," he said, completely deadpanned. "I saw your mum heading out when she heard you were in the hospital. She was pretty much white as the proverb's sheet. She was genuinely scared for you. And I think she is worried about why you aren't worried. She wants to worry with you, maybe connect over it, something like that, I think. She doesn't have a clue what to do if you aren't worried. She doesn't get it, and doesn't know how to get it. She's your mum. She wants to make things right. She can't see that there's nothing wrong, so now she's just lost." He shrugged. "I don't know. I just know that underneath the really bad advice, she cares, for what that's worth."
 
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