How Green Becomes Wood

"No, we won't read it," Daizi promised. "I can't read it, for one thing, but even if I could... We care more about you helping yourself and being honest than we do about making sure you're doing the assignment. And no, we won't be upset."

Dark looked long at Xander, "Why would we be upset?"
 
Xander lifted a shoulder awkwardly. "'Cause it won't be nice, exactly, and maybe sometimes about you guys, and... and what if I don't change? It doesn't work, and I can't ever change?" He winced and shifted away from them, the admission hurting strangely. It wasn't that he didn't want to change, he just couldn't see how he ever could.
 
"Nobody ever said you're required to only ever have nice thoughts," Daizi said, at last sitting down, "and nobody said you can never be angry or frustrated with us. Dark and I get frustrated with each other, it happens. I'm sure you've had unkind thoughts about us before, putting them on a page isn't any different. It's still private, it's still yours. This journal is just a way for you to process what's going on in your mind. The only way you can upset us with this is if you don't write what you need to say for fear of hurting someone who will never even know what you put down. This is for you."

Dark inhaled, looking long at Xander, and after releasing the breath he said, "I know this may not be what you want to hear, my son, but you have already changed. You are not the same person from last year. You fought today, yes, and you have gotten into altercations recently, but do you think you have gotten into as many as before? When is the last time you had been called to the Principal's office? Do you think the you from a year ago would have spoken calmly to her, never raising your voice? Do you think you would've admitted you didn't handle it perfectly, even if you don't regret it?" He took a pause, not shifting his gaze, "I do not."
 
Xander didn't know what to say to that. He fiddled with the edges of his new journal, bending the corners and then smoothing them out when he realized what he was doing. He could feel the love and gentleness from both Dark and Daizi, and it did things to him he didn't understand. Things that had been happening for the past year, but he always tried to ignore. He wanted to change for them, but he was starting to truly believe that even if he never did change, they'd accept him. They'd accept him, and, even more than that, they wanted him to change because it was better for him, not better for them. This kind of changing for another person was not a bad thing. It was a good thing, but it was still scary. So very scary. He didn't think he had it in him to face that kind of fear alone, but for the first time, he was willing to accept that they'd be there. They would always be there rooting for him no matter what. He'd gotten this far with their help. Surely he could get a little farther.

"Okay," he said quietly, his voice thick and shaking a little. "I'll try. I'll really try."
 
"I believe you." Daizi said softly, "and I know that it's hard, but you're never alone, okay?" She leaned forward and very gently tugged on his sleeve, their little compromise.

"We are very proud of you, Xander," Dark told him, swallowing. Then he stood, wanting to give Xander space if he needed it, "This conversation may be a good place to start with your journal, if you need more suggestions. I am going to start dinner."
 
"Okay. I'll be down later," Xander said quietly. "Thanks." He didn't know what else to say, so he said nothing. Just stared at the unassuming little notebook. He lifted the cover and stared at the blank page of lines. A terrifying sight. But he had to start somewhere.
 
Daizi stayed in the room for a few extra moments after Dark had left, then she stood and followed after him. "I love you Xander," she said, smiled warmly at him, and shut the door.

Then she scurried after her husband so they could silently take a moment to celebrate how they smashed that because "oh my god, it actually went well, we're good parents" before actually going to get dinner started.
 
Last edited:
Alec waited until after they left to return to the room. "How did that go?"

Xander didn't even look up. "You heard everything, right?"

"Well, yeah, but how are you feeling?"

Xander didn't answer at first. Then he picked up a pen, set it down, and picked up a pencil instead. "I guess I have to tell that to my new diary. FIrst thing I'm going to do is make a lock for this thing."

Alec smiled. "Good idea." He touched Xander's arm briefly. "I'm going to go see if I can help with dinner."

"Cool."
 
Downstairs, Dark was putting Ivy in the sling before cooking. He had spent all day at work, and then when he came home Xander was of higher importance, and now he had to cook, so he hadn't really had much time to be with his baby. So, facts as they were, he decided if he didn't have much time to play with her, at least he'd get to kiss her head as he cooked.

"I can just cook while you spend time with her," Daizi said, getting ingredients ready.

"But then I would feel so... " He frowned, "'man of the house,' expecting you to stay home, care for the children, and make my dinner."

She hung her head, fighting back a bemused chuckle, "Babe, all you want is to spend time with your youngest child."
 
"Help me cook," Daizi said, setting a bowl on the counter and then lightly shoving Dark towards the living room. "You aren't being chauvinistic, you're not forcing me into domestic duties; I'm choosing to cook. And you worked hard today, you deserve to relax."

"So do you--" He countered, but Daizi squeaked in exasperation.

"I've been able to take a nap, you've had to talk to upset parents, go!"
 
"She's right," Alec agreed, tying on an apron. "You've both worked hard all day, but she's had nap time and Ivy time to enjoy and you haven't. Besides, I'm here to help! We'll get this done in no time at all! Right, Mama?"
 
"Okay, okay," Dark said, holding his hands up in surrender, "I am going, come on Ivy, tell Baba about what you have done today." He said, allowing himself to be shoved out of the room. Once he sat down, he took Ivy out of the sling, took it off, and then snuggled her up, glad he gave in. All day at work practically the only thing he thought about was how much he wanted to see his little girl again.
 
Alec rolled his eyes at Dark while fighting down a grin and forced himself to focus. The more focused he was, the fewer mistakes he made, which when in a kitchen with a blind woman was a good thing. He didn't get away completely mistake free, though, and laughed a lot at himself, chatting with Daizi about the various things that had happened, embellishing the stories just a tad to fill out the time. He knew a lot of the school gossip, too. For being such a colorful person, people seemed to almost forget he was there and talk in front of him a lot. He rarely shared the gossip with anyone other than Daizi and Xander and maybe Dark, but it was fun to hear all the weird stuff supposedly happening around the school. Tom was an even better source of gossip than he was, and Becky, too, but unlike Alec and Tom (who mostly only told Alec), Becky tended to share everything. He tried not to think about the gossip likely circulating thanks to Xander leaving so abruptly. Again.

Xander came down in time to help set the table and sort out the last-minute things. He was quiet, but present.
 
Daizi listened and talked happily with Alec, loving how willing he was to speak with her, because she knew perfectly well how many teens didn't speak with their parents, especially not their foster parents. Not that she wanted to be his foster mom anymore. When Xander came down, she tried to include him in the conversation but didn't force him to. She just wanted him to know he was included if he chose to be.

Dark enjoyed his time just talking and cuddling with his baby, and when dinner was ready he was almost disappointed because he wanted to continue just hanging out with her. But he needed to eat, so he just brought her with, since soon after they finished eating she'd have bedtime.

All in all, it was a fine, but quiet, evening, and the next morning when the sun came up, Dark made breakfast for those with teeth while Daizi fed Ivy her breakfast.
 
Alec, as usual, ran around like a chicken trying to find the little things he'd misplaced. Every evening, he put his backpack with his homework by the door, same as Xander did, but unlike Xander, there was always something he'd forgotten to put in, something that had gotten misplaced, or something that was in his bag the whole time but he couldn't find it until he'd nearly emptied the whole thing.

Xander watched him in amusement. It was strange not getting ready for school along with his brother. He ate his breakfast in silence, watching Alec and Dark get ready while he took his time. It was even weirder to not get in the car with Dark and Alec. Still, it was nice not to have to go. He briefly entertained the idea of dropping out entirely but figured that would be more trouble than it was worth.
 
"Ivy," Daizi cooed, propping Ivy up in her lap, "Xander is going to hang out with us today! He does, and tomorrow," she leaned, gently tipping Ivy back to make her giggle, "Isn't that so fun?"

Dark gathered his things, said his goodbyes to Daizi and Ivy, and then, bringing Alec to the door said, "Xander, try not to go insane. Have a good day," and when he got into the car he told Alec, "You get to sit in the front seat, now. That is uncommon."
 
Xander saluted Dark and Alec as they headed out the door. "Text if you need anything," he told his brother, waving him off. He turned and eyed Ivy sitting on her mother's lap. "So, Mouse, what do you do all day, eh?"

Alec eyed the seat skeptically before sliding in. "This is a weird feeling." He looked out the window and the front. "Wow. You can see so much more up here! It's a whole new world!" He was mostly joking and grinned at Dark as he tried not to think about being at school without Xander.
 
Ivy cooed, swiveling her head to look at Xander with a big, toothless, drooling grin, and Daizi couldn't help but lean forward and hug her close. "We do a lot of tummytime, and we take lots of naps, and we tell stories... And Ivy helps Mama with our chores, right?"

"I know," he agreed, "you rarely get to be in the front seat." After briefly considering telling him he'll do better than he thinks without Xander there, he instead asked, "How will you decide who gets the front seat on days when it is myself, you, Xander, and Ivy in the car when she is out of carseats? She is the youngest but will also be the tallest."
 
"Sounds like a blast," Xander said tonelessly. He sighed and resigned himself to his fate before heading for the chores. Might as well get those done first and then maybe do some work in his shop.

"Hey, just because her parents are both tall does not instantly guarantee that Ivy will be tall," Alec protested. "A higher chance, sure, but not a guarantee, and Xander sits in the front. It'll be years before Ivy's even old enough to sit up front."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top