How Green Becomes Wood

Daizi was of course delighted to have Alec helping her, and she did her best to engage him in conversation, making it clear at various points throughout their conversation that if he wanted to have a more serious conversation, she was available, but she never forced him and seldomly asked a prying question.
 
Alec didn't feel like talking about serious things then. He was serioused out. Time for as much of a break as he could manage.

Xander came down exactly when dinner was ready and gently poked Ivy's frog hoody as he went past. He was perfectly civil to his parents and seemed relaxed enough. Until someone noticed that he never once looked at Alec or reacted to anything he said or did. Not even to pass the salt. After dinner, he helped clean up and then went upstairs again. He was planning to wait until Dark and Daizi went to bed, and then he would sleep on the couch again.

Alec resignedly accepted Xander ignoring him and forced himself to eat as much as he could manage. It still wasn't much, but it was more than toast and butter, and he was actively trying. He did a little to help clean up, realized that would just annoy Xander, and decided to sit in the living room and start composing the letter to Milo.
 
During dinner, Dark and Daizi did their best to mediate the tense situation. They could see Xander ignore his brother, but did their best not to acknowledge it. It was on their faces, but they didn't speak of it. Both of them wanted to, but they both suspected the tension would be the spark to explode the argument. Now was not the time--- but they would not let this last. Ignoring problems did not make them go away. One day was acceptable, everything was fresh, but soon they knew they'd intervene.

Still, they both knew how much easier this would be, had it happened in advance of Ivy's birth, because their parental responsibility had been split into thirds, and due only to the fact Ivy could do almost nothing for herself, uneven thirds. While Xander cleaned up, he received the same occasional suggestion they were willing to listen to him, but when he went upstairs, they sighed and decided to just get Ivy ready for bed.
 
Alec watched as Xander grabbed his things and headed back downstairs to make a bed on the couch. He stayed in his room and fidgeted unhappily. He sat down after a bit and spent the next hour trying to work on what he wanted to say to Milo. He got up and paced several times, but he finally couldn't take it any longer. It felt like the bright and happy room was closing in on him. He stepped out into the hallway and listened. Everything sounded quiet. Ivy would be in bed by now. Xander must have fallen asleep. If his parents were awake, they were being quiet about it. Everything was quiet and waiting.

He went across to the music room and closed the door firmly. Then he sat at the piano and fiddled lightly with the keys. There were words lingering in his mind, words that he wanted to say about Milo, but it wasn't coming out quite right. Delicately, and with the damper peddle pressed down to keep the piano quieter, he began picking out notes one by one. He started humming as he slowly found the tune. At last, he started to sing, picking out the words lightly like choosing flowers as he found them. As the song came together, he realized it was about more than just Milo, but thoughts of Milo were his driving force in that moment. Milo, himself, and many others standing quietly in the corner.

*Hey you
You don't have to say you're sorry
'Cause it's not your fault
Don't deserve to feel so worried
They made you small
I know you're trying your best to
Keep it all together
But it's okay if you can't
'Cause it's not your fault

It's taken time to process
To progress
And to see the truth
That my voice has value
And it's powerful
In my youth

Kind people get
Taken advantage of
'Cause they don't wanna cause a scene
Are you just like me?

Hey you
You don't have to say you're sorry
'Cause it's not your fault
Don't deserve to feel so worried
They made you small
I know you're trying your best to
Keep it all together
But it's okay if you can't
'Cause it's not your fault

Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
It's not your fault

Your heart is golden
When it opens
Flowers bloom
But don't let it fall in
Into the wrong hands
It's not bulletproof

Kind people get
Taken advantage of
'Cause they don't wanna cause a scene
You're just like me

Hey you
You don't have to say you're sorry
'Cause it's not your fault
Don't deserve to feel so worried
They made you small
I know you're trying your best to
Keep it all together
But it's okay if you can't
'Cause it's not your fault

Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
It's not your fault
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh-oh

He paused and bit his lip before continuing slowly, quietly.

Hey you
You should know that I'm proud
I see how hard you try
It's okay if you wanna cry
I'm by your side


[*Not Your Fault by Yaeow, pretending like Alec came up with this, but he did not.]
 
Dark was awake still, although he knew he shouldn't be, but Daizi was sleeping soundly in bed beside him. He liked watching her sleep, or listening to it, with how dark it was in their room this time of night.

As he lay there, lost in his own thoughts, he heard the distant sound of music. At first he tried to ignore it, but then curiosity got to him, and he carefully got out of bed and listened outside the music room door, although he did not come inside.
 
Alec kept playing for a bit, slowly fixing the song to make it a little better. He wanted to write it down but also didn't want to leave the piano to get something to do that with. He played it through once more, and then his thoughts shifted to his brother downstairs on the couch. Xander was doing much, much better than he used to. He would talk about issues now, sometimes, but there was still something that always held him back. Something that still stayed with him from when they were young. Gradually, a new song began to grow from careful plinking of the piano. As he played, he knew instantly that this was a guitar song, but he kept going to find the tune. Then he found the words. Xander's song was even easier than Milo's, and he knew that this song was for both of them, but especially Xander.

*Keep your head, keep your head up, be strong
Don't get emotional
Where were you when your father told you
Boys don't cry, don't you know?
Go ahead, drown your sorrows with some
Whiskey, that's how it's done
Talking 'bout all your problems is a waste of time

The only way I know
Only way I was ever shown
Was how to deal with this alone

I let the waves crash down
And keep it all inside
Don't try to work me out
I've done it all my life

Just let the weight on my shoulders
Keep on weighing me down
A little bit longer, I'm alright
Don't worry 'bout me
I'm doing fine

Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong, it's just a
A bad week, we all have those
There's no point in complaining, so just let it go
Yeah, clear your head, get your poker face on
'Cause this is embarrassing
Push it down, you don't have to let the whole world know

You know me, that I won't
Tell you what's really going on
I gotta deal with this alone

So let the waves crash down
And keep it all inside
Don't try to work me out
I've done it all my life

Just let the weight on my shoulders
Keep on weighing me down
A little bit longer, I'm alright
Don't worry about me
I'm doing fine
(I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine)
I'm doing fine
(I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine)

The song slowed a little, and a new sorrowful passion entered the song of denial, and he forgot to stay fully quiet, though he was far from loud.

But I gotta tell you
Sometimes I feel like I am
Losing my mind when I say
I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine

I let the waves crash down
But if I'm honest I
Need you to help me out
I need a hand sometimes

Don't let the weight on my shoulders
Keep on weighing me down
For one minute longer, I'm so tired
So can you help me?
I'm not doing fine
(Not doing fine, not doing fine, not doing fine)
I'm not doing fine
(Not doing fine, not doing fine, not doing fine)

Don't let the weight on my shoulders
Keep on weighing me down
For one minute longer, I'm so tired
So can you help me?
I'm not doing fine

He let the song end and sat staring at the piano quietly. "We're all so tired," he whispered.

[Another pretend to be Alec's song, really "I'm Doing Fine" by Mike Walters]
 
Dark listened to Alec sing, not recognizing it was original, but then went back to bed. It seemed unlikely getting into a conversation this late at night would help either of them, and Alec certainly already knew he'd be exhausted come morning, so he let it go. Maybe in the morning he'd bring it up.
 
Unaware of his audience, Alec spent a little more time at the piano, eventually writing down both songs before taking them back to his room. Sleep was slow to come, but eventually he did fall into an exhausted slumber wrapped around his largest stuffed animal. Tomorrow he would talk to Milo. Things might not be fixed, but it was the right thing to do. Maybe this weekend since he wasn't working, he could try to talk to Xander.
 
Dark returned to bed before Alec left the music room and settled back down into the warmth and comfort of his bed, eventually falling asleep with his back against his wife's.

Morning was normal, and Daizi was preparing breakfast like she did many mornings so Dark could sleep in a bit.
 
Xander woke when Dark came down to make breakfast and went out for a sleepy, early morning run for the second day in a row. It was horrible, but it did do wonders to get his brain awake and moving. Then it was on with his usual morning routine.

Alec did not want to get out of bed, but he'd promised he would. He dragged himself out and slowly got dressed before heading downstairs. He had on his mother's old coat - which barely fit anymore - over a simple jeans and tee-shirt outfit. Possibly the most normal outfit he'd worn in a very long time. He got himself breakfast of toast, butter, and jam, made up the lunches, and walked across the road to wait for Sloan while Xander grudgingly took his lunch box before heading out to school.
 
Sloan was waiting for Alec out by the car, "Hey, you ready to go? I made Benny sit in the backseat, so we're ready to go whenever you are."

Milo, meanwhile, was sitting in the back of his grandmother's car with his headphones in, full of dread. He hated conversations in the best of times, and this was not that. He knew it was supposed to be an apology, but it still scared him. And he didn't even really want to go to school today, but he had to, so he could have this conversation he was scared to have.
 
"Yeah, thanks," Alec said with a smile. He got in and turned around to say hello to Benny. "Thank you for giving up your seat for me. Hopefully you can get it back soon." He glanced at Sloan. "Thanks again."
 
Benny was on his phone with headphones in and didn't look up.

"It's really no big deal, we're going to the same place. It's not like I'm going to force you to take the bus." Sloan replied, pulling out of her driveway, "Do you need rides home, too? Because sometimes I go straight to the gym."
 
Alec made a face. "Rats. I didn't think about that. I do need a ride home, but if you are going to the gym, I can call my father and ask him to pick me up. He won't mind one way."
 
"There's always the bus, that's how Benny gets home," Sloan replied, "but, anyway, today I don't have to be there immediately, but if you still need rides next week, it'll be different."
 
"Good point. It would get me home later, but that'd be fine," Alec mused. "I'd really appreciate it if you could give me a ride home today, but I'll figure something out next week... if I still need rides."
 
"Today it's no problem, promise, I just need to know what next week's situation is. Like, in theory, I can just call the gym and say I'm going to be a bit late that week if you really need it, but if you have other options, that's better for me. I'd ask if you're good, but Benny's in the back seat, not that he's listening. So be warned, I'll corner you some other time, okay?"
 
"I'll consider it my fare for the ride," Alec joked with a faint smile. "I'll figure something out. I just hope I won't need to. Thank you for being so willing to help. Like, always there. You're a good person."
 
"Thanks dude," Sloan grinned, taking the compliment and holding it for a moment before handing it back, "I don't really think I'm that special, though. Like, we're friends and you live across the street. You're really not putting me out of my way."
 
"That's still too much trouble for some people to fathom going through," Alec replied with a shrug. "Anyway, how's your gymnastic's going?" he changed the subject to hopefully have something more positive and lighthearted to think about before going into a serious conversation with someone.
 
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