How Green Becomes Wood

"I don't really know anyone," Milo replied, "but I'm glad that, um, your partner seems like a good one. I always worry in group projects about that, because it sucks when you're let down. And I've let people down a lot, because I move partway through, sometimes. Not this time."
 
"That'll be good news for your partner, at least," Alec said, "and I don't see why we can't help each other out a little."

"It's supposed to be a pair project, not a group-group project," Xander reminded him sternly.

"Stickler," Alec grumbled.

Xander ignored him. "Need a ride home?" He asked Milo.
 
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"I guess it depends on the kind of group help," Milo commented, figuring there were some areas they could collaborate, but not knowing where they were, "It's okay, I can bike home. Gotta make the most of it, before summer ends."
 
"Fair," Xander agreed. "Later, then."

The twins headed to the van, waving goodbye to Sloan, and headed home for the day, mostly content with how the day had gone. Now if the rest of the day could stay as good.
 
When Daizi called the therapist to book an appointment, she was delighted and anxious to learn they were able to go in that day, and had texted the twins as much to double check they were comfortable with it before booking. With their confirmation, the twins came home to a very cranky baby, who had been kept awake so she would nap through the appointment, but who didn't understand the value of her parents' plan, and just knew she was tired.
 
The twins came in and touched the salt and took off their shoes as usual so they could quickly put away their school things. Xander was mostly resigned to the idea of therapy. He'd mostly come to accept therapy, but as a family? Being forced to really open up in a group setting? He wasn't so sure. Still, it needed to be done.

Alec was, in a weird way, looking forward to the session even while being truly terrified of what might come about from it. This was not going to be easy, but it was going to be good. He hoped.

The pair cleaned up quickly and put their school things away before meeting the rest of the family back by the door. Shoes on, nerves steeled, they headed back out and got in the car, trying not to let Ivy's grumpiness rattle them too much.
 
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When Ivy was put into the car seat, her irritation only increased. She had absolutely no idea why her parents didn't understand she was tired and wanted to sleep. And now she was in the car. Unfortunately for her, whichever twin was next to her had been instructed to not let her go to sleep.

It wasn't easy for Dark and Daizi to listen to her grumble and fuss, either, but it was inescapable. And it was just for the car ride. They were only slightly anxious about how this session would go. Obviously they worried about if they had made some detrimental and insurmountable mistake in their parenting style--Dark in particular thought back to Alec's drawings-- but mostly they had faith this would lay good groundwork for them going forwards.
 
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Alec kept Ivy awake, gently teasing and poking her and overall being annoying. It was not a fun task, but one that needed to be done.

When they arrived at the well-kept but humble looking building, they headed inside where the reception greeted them, got their name, and told them it would be just a few minutes. She offered them some small refreshments before going back to transcribe something, listening to it through an ear bud in one ear so that no one heard anything but the clacking of Keyes and the ticking of the clock.

Exactly five minutes later, she looked at something behind the desk - a call light or similar - and cams to fetch them. "She is ready to see you now. Please follow me."
 
Thankfully, in the brief period of time when they were waiting to be seen, Ivy fell asleep in her carseat, exactly as planned, but it was uncomfortable in those few moments before she did.

Dark carried the carrier back into the therapist's office, knowing he was least likely to jerk it around, and waited until everyone else had been found where they were most comfortable before sitting in the least obtrusive place he could manage. Daizi, meanwhile, held slightly onto Alec so he could help her understand the layout of the office and stop her from making a fool of herself, and the whole time wondered what this entrance communicated.

Of course, before either adult sat down, they greeted the therapist.
 
Alec went slow, explaining the layout as they went. One long couch flanked on side of a small, short table, and two large chairs stood on the other side. A short love seat sat on the far end closest to the small table. A large area rug defined the space. It was a large, spacious room with warm, neutral colors, and lots of natural light from a large window on the far wall. A desk stood unobtrusively in the corner.

A tall women (compared to normal-heighted women) came forward to greet them, holding out a dark-skinned hand to Dark first as he led the way. She was dressed simply and professionally in a dark blue suit but with a brightly colored shirt with frilly cuffs peeking out from under the jacket. Her hair was shorter, but fluffed out in a carefully controlled afro. "Good afternoon! You must be Mr. Dark. I am Annalise Dre. And you must be Dr. Wahid? I believe we spoke on the phone."
 
Dark shook her hand firmly, "It is good to meet you, Dr. Dre." As always, he remained reserved and grim, which was an interesting contrast, considering the baby carrier he had on one arm.

"Yes, we spoke," Daizi replied as genially as she could given the situation, extending her own hand, "Thank you for making time for us, we really appreciate it."
 
"Of course! And these must be your children," she said, smiling at Xander and Alec, her eyes going briefly to the carrier.

"Xander," Xander grunted, not offering a handshake.

"Alec, and that's Ivy," Alec said, shaking her hand.

"It is good to meet you all. Please, sit wherever you feel comfortable. The floor is an option, if you are so inclined," Dr. Dre said, gesturing to the seating area.

Alec and Xander stood awkwardly for a bit before Xander took one of the big chairs and Alec chose to sit on the far end of the couch. Dr. Dre sat on the love seat at the end, feet tucked back neatly.

"Now, why don't we start with an overview for why you are here?" She suggested gently once Dark and Daizi were settled.
 
"Ivy-Qadira," Dark added, perhaps unnecessarily, as he sat the carrier down in front of the couch. He had been inclined to sit in the chair, and then not create power dynamics between who was on the couch and who was in the chairs, but knew if things became difficult, Daizi would want to hold his hand, so it was important he sit near her. Unconsciously mirroring their last therapy session, He rested one foot on the end of the carrier so he could both have an action which let him release some of his nerves while also making sure Ivy stayed asleep for it.

Neither he nor Daizi knew at first how to answer the question of why they were here. There was the immediate problem between the twins, but they doubted things would've become so explosive if there weren't underlying problems they hadn't realized. And having this thought, Daizi decided to simply say, "Alec and Xander got into a fairly serious fight on Saturday night, after a difficult few days, and after talking it through with them, we all decided there have been... issues, which had either gone unnoticed or unexpressed, and they were at a point where I personally didn't feel like it was something we could fix on our own, or at least I was afraid if we tried, we would make it worse."
 
"I see," the doctor said, making a few quick notes on her clipboard, which was held at a slight angle to not create a wall between her and the others. "Fighting is not something that is common between you two?" She looked between the twins.

Alec glanced at Xander and answered. "Not like that, no. Plenty of verbal fights, I guess, especially lately, but not... physical. It was the result of a bunch of issues coming to a conclusion."

"That is quite an explosive conclusion," she remarked. "Do you think it was a conclusion?"

Alec hesitated, glancing at Xander again.

"How about you start from the beginning," Dr. Dre recommended. "Let's start with your mother and father and go from oldest to youngest. I want you to tell me in your own words where you think this started and everything you think led to where you are now. It is okay to be honest even if you think what you might say will upset someone else. That is why we are here, to work through these feelings."
 
"Do you mean 'this' as in this current problem?" Dark asked, making sure he understood what was being asked of them, "I find it difficult to explain where 'this' started, because it seems to me much of it has been bubbling beneath the surface, out of my view, anyway. I do not feel hurt and I do not believe anything which has transpired has affected how I feel for or about my children or wife, I am only worried about how they are with each other, and about if I have done something to harm them, either as individuals or as a parent I am unaware of, but I do not know how to answe your question, because to my eyes, we have only begun to have more serious problems again after they returned to school, because Alec is very optimistic, but Xander and their friend are less so."
 
"Thank you for your honesty," Dr. Dre said, barely glancing at her clipboard as she made a couple of notes. "The fear that one might be somehow harming or 'messing up' one's child is a common fear and even healthy as long as it does not become all-consuming, but I feel as though you may be thinking of something specific. Do you believe you may have done something in any way detrimental to your children? Or is it merely a broad concern?"
 
"I think people who were damaged are more likely to cause their own damage," Dark answered, even though it made him uncomfortable. Had it just been him in this room, he knew he would've dodged the question, but he was trying to set an example for his sons. "So I am always nervous of unwittingly causing harm to them. And the problem with things being unwittingly is you do not know you have done them." The look of terror on the twins' faces, followed by Alec's drawings flashed through his mind again, but his expression and posture didn't change. He would do anything to forget that look.
 
Dr. Dre could see there was a lot to unpack with Dark's statement, but she also knew this was not the time. She settled for saying, "You are quite correct, but the very fact that you acknowledge it as being a possibility of avoiding a lot of potential damage. Not all, for no parent is ever perfect, but more than if you chose to ignore potential. Dr. Wahid, would you care to share your thoughts on what has led to this moment of us gathering here today?"
 
"You can call me Daizi," She promised the therapist while lightly squeezing Dark's forearm, "And I suppose I feel similarly to him."

When she said this, she said it honestly, but after the words got out, she hesitated, realizing all at once it wasn't as honest as she thought it was. "I worry a lot. I worry about them. I worry about her. I worry about him. I worry about how they are with her. I worry about how they are with each other. I worry about how they are with me, or, I guess, how I am with them."

She swallowed, running her fingernails lightly along her arm, not scratching herself like Milo did, but giving herself some gentle sensation to focus on without coming anywhere near to hurting herself, "There's what Dark said, about their fight the first week of school. It was probably, at the time, the biggest argument I'd heard them get into, at least the biggest in awhile. I went outside to talk to Xander, and Dark went upstairs to talk to Alec. And that day, that frustration, that's when I first noticed there was something between the two of them. But it wasn't, the first time we had problems. We've been having problems since this began. Not problems in a way which raises the question of 'is this working,' but, except for Ivy, all of us come from difficult histories, and when you take four people from difficult histories and put them together, there's going to be problems. I have my own therapist, and so does Dark, and so do both of them, but," She waved one hand, "The twins have had their entire lives turned upside down, and we have, too, so there's problems. And curveballs. Because of course there are. And I worry, because like Dark, I don't want to hurt them further. I want to be the mother they need. And I worry about letting them down. I worry about relying on them more than I should. And I can't say it's easy, it's never been easy."

Daizi paused for a long while, figuring out what she needed to say and how she needed to say it, "The reason I wanted to do family therapy wasn't only because I wanted them to be able to speak to each other, but when we were talking with them on Saturday night, Xander said he feels like we don't treat him like we treat Alec, that we talk at him more, and I don't want that, for him. For either of them. And I don't want to treat him that way. And I don't want him to feel that way. But I worry about him, and I sometimes think I worry for him more than..." She exhaled, failing in the last moment to say what it was she hoped to express, out of fear for how it would hurt.
 
The twins both shifted and even though they were on opposite sides from each other, both found themselves instinctively moving their hands as if expecting the other to be sitting beside them and to take it. Sixteen years old, and they still automatically went to hold hands for comfort and security. They weren't sitting next to each other now, so the gesture was for nothing, and they both quietly put their hands back in their laps, not even knowing they'd both done the same motion.

Dr. Dre waited a moment before gently and quietly prompting, "Who, Daizi? You worry more for Xander than who?" It was a fairly obvious answer, but she wasn't going to put words in someone else's mouth if she could get them to say it.
 
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