How Green Becomes Wood

Dark stayed quiet, not wanting to interject. It wasn't his place, this was Declan's story. It really struck him how young Declan and the twins' mother had been, but also he was caught up in how they were both teenagers, yet Declan was allowed to leave and just start his life as if nothing had happened. Their mother couldn't. And with that he reached a new annoyance with this man, because he had been teaching for a decade. He had personally seen teen pregnancies and the havoc they wrought. He had seen the teen mothers drop out and the fathers just... carry right on living. And other scenarios, too, better ones. But he was one who just kept on, as if nothing had changed. All of the excuses Declan had made frustrated Dark all over again, as if there had never been some girl dealing with the same thing, but worse, alone and presumably scared. Again he thought about how he didn't need to stay in a relationship with her, but he should have stayed for the kids. Or at least paid child support, something.

His wedding ring caught his eye, and he lifted his hand slightly, looking closely at it, and a new thought occurred to him: how he and Daizi, in another reality, might have been them. Not exactly the same, because Daizi became pregnant for the first time at 23, but they were also a high school couple. He had entertained the thought before, but now found himself fully believing, that the years they spent broken up when they could date other people, was what really saved their relationship, because it meant they had time to grow up. Quietly, he removed his wedding ring, and looked at the inscription on the inside of the band. God, he loved her, and he wished she was here.

There really wasn't anything he felt was his right to ask, at least not at that moment, but he did wonder: how long had this man stayed when he found out he had gotten her pregnant?
 
"I didn't come from a great family. Not the worst, just not great," Declan continued. "Moderately alcoholic father who mostly ignored us and occasionally gave one of us a smack if we got in the way and an indifferent mum who mostly just kept the house running and the kids alive. Tara came from a really strict family. I think her grandparents were religious, but her parents weren't religious, just uptight asshats. We did a lot of sneaking around and stuff to not get caught, and I think we both mostly just liked the thrill of the thing. Then prom and..."

"We happened," Xander said bluntly.

Declan nodded. "Yep. I had a car back then, a-"

"Whoa! Hold it! Don't need the details!" Xander interrupted, holding up a hand.

Declan actually blushed a little and cleared his throat. "Right. Anyway, I'd gotten a job moving pipe for a farmer just on the edge of town, so a couple weeks after prom, I left for a month. When I came back, she told me she had something serious to tell me.

"And you abandoned her after she told you," Xander stated.

Declan rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, it wasn't as cut and dried as all that, but..."

"But you did leave. In the end, you left," Xander said, his eyes narrow. "That's what matters, the end result."

Declan held up his hands in an exaggerated shrug. "Okay, alright, I was an asshole and abandoned her because I was a teenage boy who was scared out of my wits and, not to mention, technically a felon if people found out that an 18 year old was with a 17 year old. It sounds stupid, but it's happened. So I left."

"And you forgot about us," Alec said quietly.

Declan sighed. "I hate to break it to you, kid, but it's easy for us guys to forget. We don't have the same kind of connection and trauma and all that. It's not cool, but that's the way it is."
 
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"That is not true." Dark said, at last speaking up, brows furrowed, "It is not 'easy' to forget. At least not for most men. Easier to leave, certainly, but that is different. Anyway, you may not have known, but we have a Romeo and Juliet law in this state. Most do. And the majority of states do not actually have the age of consent law set at 18. There are a couple who have it at 18 with no clause, but, ours is not one. So you were not a felon." He took a sip of his drink, flicking his eyes up at Declan. He had been doing some reading, purely out of curiosity. The twins were old enough that their state already had one in affect by the time they were conceived, although it had only been passed a few years before. He did not expect a teenager to be aware of it, but it wouldn't have been difficult to find, if prison time was such a concern.

Once more, Dark wondered about the birth certificate. He would have to look at it. Because if he wasn't listed on it, that still meant he had no legal rights to children, because he doubted the man who did not know he had twins would have at any point petitioned the courts for custody, but if he was listed, then that meant the government would know about the age discrepancy anyway, because even if their mother was 18 by the time she gave birth, it would be obvious she was not so when she conceived, in which case they could still prosecute. He would have to check that, but was not going to ask.
 
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Declan's eyes narrowed. "Look, dude, I get that you have a problem with me and a bias and I respect that, but could you not correct me about my story from my point of view? I'm glad to hear that you're a nobler man thqn myself or the crowd I normally run with, but this is how I experienced a very painful part of my life. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop rubbing in the fact that I am and was a douche. I'm trying to fix that, but you're making it really hard." He stopped and looked at Alec and Xander. "I probably shouldn't have said that in front of you." He growled out a sigh and ran his hand over his face, clearly frustrated.
 
"If you had said it was easy for you to forget, I would have said nothing, but you spoke for an entire gender, so." He shrugged. Dark didn't like blaming ones biology on their bad choices, but perhaps it was because it was because although Dark identified as a man, he had never felt entirely comfortable being "a guy" or "a dude" that made him dislike the idea of it being "easy" for men to forget. Maybe he was wrong, maybe it was easy for "guys" to forget. Really, he had been doing his best to be respectful and keep his opinions to himself, and had been doing much better but... that was a bit of a limit. And it seemed like a horrible thing to teach sons, that being a man meant those failings came naturally. That, too, he had enough tact not to voice, and for that reason alone it was good Daizi was not there, because she would definitely have not been able to resist making that comment.
 
Declan rolled his eyes and sat back. "Fine. Many men find it easy to forget. Many men have a hard connecting with something that is, for them, purely theoretical. Even the ones that actually want to be dads or at least don't mind it. They aren't experiencing changes or feelings or nothing, so it's harder to connect with the baby. Others connect just fine. I was a part of the first, scared, and stupid. Can we move past that part?"

Alec edged closer to Dark, unnerved by the direction this was going.

Xander hadn't taken his eyes off Declan, not intimidated in the least. "Fine. We got that part. What happened after?"

"I left and wandered. I gave her the money I had and left to try to find other work elsewhere. I thought either she'd take care of it, give it up, or her family would take it in and raise it for her. Seven months later, I come back, and I meet Ciara in the store by sheer chance. Ciara's always hated me for some reason, ever since we first laid eyes on each other. Well, she tells me cold that Tara kept the baby and her mother kicked her out. Didn't even give her any other options. Now that's an asshole for you. Ciara wasn't much better because when I asked, she wouldn't tell me nothing about Tara, nothing. So even if I wanted to, I couldn't track her down. I still had my old phone number, though, so I thought Tara would call me if she really needed help. I'd called her a time or two when in a jam, and she'd covered my assets, and me her's, so I thought if she needed, she'd call. She never called, and I never heard from her again. I've even been through this town a couple of times, and I never clapped eyes on her. I thought she'd moved on, so I did the same. Then like a month ago, I get a PI knocking on my door telling me Ciara Cunningham wants to speak to me about a kid named Alexander. At least, I thought that's what he'd said. I was hung over at the time and in a bit of shock. Then my shock doubled when I found out it was an Alec and a Xander. And here we are. All caught up."

"So you weren't interested in finding out about your kids? Nothing at all?" Xander challenged.

Declan shrugged. "Not really, no. At first it was because I was scared. Then I thought Tara had made a better life and I wasn't going to mess that up. Then I put it out of my mind and moved on. Maybe someday once I'd straightened out my life I would have thought to, but my life has been one day at a time for years. I don't think about yesterday, and I don't think about tomorrow." He glanced between the pair. "Looks like that's about to end. I don't even know how people do it."
 
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Again Dark felt compelled to speak, but he chose to bite his tongue, even though it was difficult. The fact he called her for help a few times but, apparently, never asked about his "child" was inconceivable to him--although it should not have been, considering the rage and brutality of his own father. Not caring shouldn't be a shock to him, but then again, when he tried to envision what it would be like to harm a child the way he had been harmed, he also could not bring himself to imagine doing so. And still the fact he knew he had a child out in the world and just... "moved on" grated on him. Dark's dog was a rescue and even though he had owned the dog for a good few years, he was still horrified the owner of Enkidu's mother could be so cold to abandon her. It was a very good thing it took people many months, or longer, of extended contact with Dark to be able to read his emotions clearly on his face.

It was disgusting. And his nonchalance about it... Dark could feel his wallet in his pocket, where neatly folded a now out of date sonogram of his baby was kept, and he thought about the little box in his bedside table with the sonograms of all the others, and the urn containing the remains of his stillborn, and just looked at Declan, all outward emotions locked behind his piercing eyes, and could not understand him. But when Alec moved nearer to him, without a second thought Dark wrapped his arm around his shoulders.
 
Xander hesitated, eying Declan warily. "So, you plan to stick around, then? Be a part of our lives and all that?"

Declan shrugged. "Maybe. I mean, I think I'd like to, but what if we hate the arrangement? What if you guys can't stand me? I don't want to force anything. I know I haven't exactly earned brownie points with you guys, but I figure maybe we can test the waters and see how things go. If you want me to stick around, I'll find a place here. If you're happy with an occasional visit, I'll work that out. If you want me out of your lives, all you gotta do is say."

"So it's all up to us?" Alec said from the safety of Dark's arm. "That's a lot of pressure."

Declan raised his hand. "I don't mean for it to be like that, but I figure you guys were the ones who really got hurt by me not being around, so it should be up to you if I stay or not."

"What if you hate us?" Xander asked suspiciously.

Declan actually chuckled. "I can't see that happening. Not that we've spent much time together, but it don't seem likely."
 
"We will help you," Dark whispered warmly to Alec when he spoke about the pressure of it, and held him a bit tighter. Declan being willing to leave it to the twins nearly impressed him. It was the bare minimum and the bar was on the ground, but at least he did not stub his toe. And ultimately, despite his strong feelings about the man, he was relieved to know Declan's plan was not to show up, throw their lives out of order, and leave immediately. And he supposed to an extent he was pleased his intention was to no longer continue to abandon the children he produced, even if Dark would have preferred to not have to deal with this incursion--which he was fully aware was selfish.

The apprehension was still there, but. He looked down at Alec, and then over at Xander, long enough to make brief, caring eye contact, and said, "We do not need to decide anything today."
 
"Nope," Declan agreed. "You've got plenty of time. I have at least a week, maybe two if I can get another hotel in this area, and I'll be back and stay in touch. Something this big needs more than just a good night's sleep."

Xander nodded slowly. "I guess so."

"Speaking of sleep," Declan checked his watch. "I should probably get going after we cash in these tickets. Do you guys want to plan our next excursion now, or give me a ring?"

Xander shrugged. "We have this week off of school, so I guess we should take advantage of it."

"Alright, I'm flexible," Declan agreed. "Where do you want to go next? You want to pick, Alec?"

"Oh! Alec said in surprise. "I can pick?"

"Sure, at least the event," Declan assured him.

Alec considered, looking around. The arcade hadn't been the worst, but it gave him an idea of what Declan liked. What might be something similar that he liked? They could possibly meet on more even ground? "Karaoke?"

Declan blinked. "Karaoke? Uh, sure?" He looked at Dark. "I guess we could do that? At what time?"
 
"Daizi works during the week, so either during the evening or on the weekend is better for us," Dark replied. He looked down at Alec, "Karaoke is a really fun choice. I hope you do not expect me to sing."

Then he thought a bit, and surprised realized, "Next Wednesday, at any time, we cannot do." That was her next appointment, and since it was a big one, he knew they'd want to be able to talk about it and celebrate it, not have to then deal with this stranger.
 
"Then Tuesday or Thursday night, after supper," Declan suggested. "That way, we can have time to get through as many songs as possible!"

"You gotta sing, Professor! That's the point of karaoke!" Alec grinned.

"I say Tuesday," Xander suggested.
 
"Tuesday it is then," Dark agreed, and it felt like a good choice because it meant they couldn't stay too late. He supposed in either case they could not, because Daizi still had work in the morning, but getting enough sleep before the doctor's appointment seemed important, "Daizi will sing enough for both of us. I will be glad to watch."

"By the way, Declan: Could I have your personal number? Calling through the motel is a hassle, and if you are not there when we call, we get nothing."
 
Alec smiled at Dark. "We'll work on that."

"Yeah, sure." Declan pulled out a clean napkin and wrote out his number on it before handing it to Dark. "There you go. I'm actually pretty bad at picking it up, so be sure to leave a voice message if you call, and patience if you text. I'm slow to respond, but I will!"

"Let's hope we never have to get ahold of you in an emergency," Xander said dryly.

"That's why I gave you the hotel number," Declan pointed out. "Besides, who'd want to get ahold of me during an emergency?"

"Friends?" Alec suggested softly. "Family? A girlfriend?"

Declan started scooting out of the booth. "None that'd want to use me as an emergency contact, and that's fine with me! Come on, let's go get those prizes."
 
Dark rolled his eyes and dropped his arm from around Alec's shoulders and instead messed up his hair, "You may try." He teased, and smiled at him in the subtle way the twins would now likely be able to detect.

Then he took the napkin with the phone number and looked at it briefly before lightly tucking it away, not entirely sure why he would be more likely to answer the motel phone than his own, but he did ask, prompted by the question of emergency contacts, "Do they have any other relatives? And also--you do not need to share it here--but would you mind sending your medical history? It is important for them, and their doctor, to know if they have a history of specific illnesses, if not now, then going forward."
 
Alec giggled at the hair-mussing and beamed at Dark before scrambling out of the awkward booth. Xander followed, walking next to Alec.

"Yeah, sure, I can get you the medical," Declan agreed as he strode toward the prize section. "Ciara mentioned that earlier, and I got a start on writing stuff down, but then I forgot to finish it. There's nothing too serious in our history other than some balding." He sighed sadly and ran a hand through his red hair, fluffing it up. "Thankfully, not until we're old, but it'll still be sad to see it go. I think a great-aunt had diabetes, and that's pretty much it for the big stuff."

They reached the prize room, and Xander and Alec split off, each looking eagerly over the selection one last time before making their final choices. Alec was most proud of the lava lamp, and Xander took a bit of time picking which snake to bring home. Of course, they also got Daizi the blue deer, though Xander said it looked more like an elaborate pillow than a stuffed animal.
 
Dark frowned slightly at the twins after learning hair loss was likely in his future. He didn't know much about his own medical history, the war making it sort of difficult to keep track of, but his doctor had run a test which found it was extremely unlikely he'd lose his hair. And considering he was nearly 40 and hadn't lost anything, he was in good shape, which was a good thing, considering he was scary enough already. Being bald may be just one step too far, he would have to start wearing bright, happy colours to mediate it.

Still, he was relieved there wasn't anything more serious, at least that Declan knew about, to be aware of. So he waited patiently for the twins to redeem their tickets.
 
Xander got himself a brown and white sitting bulldog for reasons unknown, a small dog toy, and a long green and pink snake. Alec got the lava lamp and a small, Beanie Baby-sized plush of indeterminant species. It looked vaguely like a yeti with a black fuzzy body and light grey mane that stuck out in every direction and looked like it probably shed. It had an awkward smile with only two teeth in a blue mouth and sparkly purple eyes. Declan got himself the shirt he wanted, and they all headed out. Declan complimented Alec on his lava lamp and put the snake around Xander's neck.

"Alright, so see you Tuesday for karaoke, then," Declan said, folding up his shirt and tucking it in his motorcycle's side bag. "You got my number, so we're all good!" He pulled on his helmet, mounted his bike, and roared away.

"It must be so cool to have one of those," Xander said wistfully.
 
"It was cool," Dark agreed, holding the deer under one arm, "I used to have one, it was always breaking down so eventually I sold it, but I loved having one. I was thinking about getting one again, but then you two, and then the baby, so now it would just be a waste. Maybe when the three of you have moved out and I am..." He did quick math in his head, "older than I am now. Come on, we have to call Tarot."
 
Xander gave Dark a look like he'd lost his mind. "What do we and a baby have to do with a motorcycle? That would be so cool! And we're nearly driving age, anyway, so we could take the car while you do awesome stuff on a bike. If you don't need to transport anything, it would be great on gas!"

Alec checked four pockets before he found his phone. He figured he might as well call the SPider Tarot while Xander tried to talk Dark into getting a new motorcycle. He did not understand the appeal, but at least it was a useful device. He called Daizi's number and leaned against Dark's dark vehicle while waiting.
 
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