How Green Becomes Wood

"Those people did not care, and he's been through so much," Daizi said, gritting her teeth, "And Alec had to sit with him because it terrified Ivy, too, and I needed to comfort her first. But Dark..." She exhaled heavily, roughly running her hands through her hair, "I'm very protective of him."
 
"And he is of you," Sally agreed. "You love each other so passionately, that is abundantly clear. Sadly, no matter how much we love someone, we cannot keep them from feeling pain." She sighed softly. "No matter how much we may want to." She tried to perk up a little and smiled. "However, you did help him through it once Ivy calmed, right?" It was guesswork on her part, but she had no doubt that Daizi somehow managed to get to Dark.
 
"Yeah, I did. I had to, I couldn't... not get to him. And that night, when I went to bed, too..." She trailed off, then realized how that might have been interpreted, "Not like that."
 
"To keep him calm and help him heal from such a horrifying ordeal?" Sally suggested with a hint of innocence. She grew serious again and patted Daizi's arm gently. "What happened was terrible, and I am so sorry you had to deal with it. Such thoughtfulness is, sadly, a part of our human nature. I am not excusing what that person or persons did, merely stating an incredibly sad fact. Hopefully, they will learn from what they did."
 
"I hope so. He's doing better, now. Maybe a little bit more quiet, but..." She shrugged lightly, "We're okay." She took another sip of water and then smiled a little, "I guess in a weird way it made me feel close to him. Our life has changed so much, and we've not been alone together since, like, August, and I was fairly heavily pregnant, then, so even though I deeply wish he hadn't been so badly shaken, having the chance to hold him again, when he's upset like that..."
 
"It's a moment of deep bonding," Sally agreed. "That, I can understand." She tapped the side of her glass lightly in thought. "Well, whether or not I choose to go to Egypt, there is still some time. The boys can still come over for a sleepover, and then you will only have Ivy at home with you. I would love to give you some alone time with your beloved."
 
"That would be really nice," Daizi told her, brightening up, "She's sleeping through the night now, mostly, which is a blessing, so it's a great time for it, before she starts getting into sleep regression. And I've finally been feeling like... me, again. Just a person... It's only taken nearly five months." As she spoke, she half raised her hand to gesture at herself and then set it down again, "With your decision, how long do you have to decide? And if you do go, when would you move?"
 
"We've been in talks for a while now, but we need to make an official decision by the end of next week," Sally told her. "I've already emphasized that whether or not we accept the job, our son is completing his schooling here. We'd have to move literal days after school ends, but Jack is willing to go ahead of us and sort things out should we decide. It is ultimately up to me whether we go or not which is a lot of pressure."
 
"By the end of next week," Daizi repeated softly, "That's really soon. Really soon..." She tipped her head back, "It's good if you do decide to move that it won't be until the year is out. That will make it easier on Peter... but the rush will be a lot."
 
"Yes." Sally fell silent, looking off into nothing for a moment. "It was always the plan to move on, and we've done it so many times before, but this time feels different. I said that already, didn't I? I've come to the point of repeating myself."
 
"You have, yes..." She reached across the table to hold her hand, "It'll be alright, Sally. Whatever choice you make will be the right one for you and your family. If you go, Peter will learn to cope with it, and it may well be the best thing that ever happened to him, or a fun story for his memoirs. If you stay, maybe Jack will realize he does have to lay down roots here and he'll end up making his new best friend, instead of keeping everyone at a polite distance. We all always find what we need."
 
Tears sprang to Sally's eyes, and she squeezed Daizi's hand. "Thank you, Daizi. That is exactly what I needed to hear. I still don't know what I am going to choose, but thinking of it that way really helps. Thank you." She let go of Daizi's hand and carefully dabbed at her eyes to not smear her makeup.
 
"That is an excellent way to put it," Sally agreed. She took a shaky breath and sipped her water. "I do not feel any closer to an answer, but I feel better now. Thank you." She paused for a moment before asking, "When will you be going back to work? Have you thought about what you will be doing with little Ivy?"
 
That was a question Daizi struggled with often. "I don't want to work while she's still breastfeeding. At least, I don't want to go into work, then. But I also don't want to be away from my job for that long. Right now, the plan is I'll start working from home, because really most of what I do doesn't need me on site, I just prefer it for my own sanity. After that... I don't know. There's a small daycare in the building next to the museum where most of my coworkers have their kids, but I was raised mostly by someone paid to care for me, and it's not... I don't really want that for her, but since Dark and I both work it seems like the best option."
 
"Some people choose to breast feed until their little ones are three and four years old, or until their little ones choose to end the breastfeeding themselves," Sally remarked. "That's a long time to be away." She considered the issue thoughtfully. "I can see your point, though I would not see daycare as being quite the same. For one thing, you might work shorter days at first, so she would not be without you for too long. For another, it would help her to meet others her own age, although that does come with the downside of her potentially learning some unsavory habits. I suppose you could consider hiring some for of in-home care for her, like a nanny, but again work shorter days. It still has the problem of being raised by someone who is paid, but I imagine it'll be different for her as both parents will be rushing home to greet her the second they can, and a nanny looking after one child will have a better time than a daycare person trying to look after several."
 
"No, I know... I know... I guess I meant I don't want to be back in the office until she's only nursing in the morning and evening, so before I go in and before she goes to bed at night... I really value that time with her. Really, it makes me feel better about myself, because after a decade of not being able to have a baby because of some fault in myself, being able to so completely fulfill that need makes me feel a little less guilty. And I know I shouldn't feel guilty at all, but..." She shrugged, "I think I always will. Just a little bit. We have talked about a nanny, and we're starting to look into baby playgroups so she can meet other babies, and they're a little bit terrifying because Dark and myself aren't at all traditional people, but we haven't found anything... definitive. What's nice is with Dark's schedule, during summer and certain other times of the year, he'll be at home with her and she won't have to be left with anyone."
 
"I wasn't able to breastfeed even if I had wanted to," Sally admitted. "I can imagine, though, how it must feel. I got close to that sometimes with bottle-feeding, I think, but it wouldn't be as personal as what you have. I think you should hold onto that for as long as you can, guilt or no guilt. I'm sure you'll be able to find something. You have time, yet, and I wouldn't worry too much about being traditional. Non-conformity is on quite the rise here in the states."
 
"When I was donating milk, and knew I was helping so many more babies than just Ivy... that really meant the world to me. I'm glad I was able to do that..." She sighed, and reached over like she was expecting Ivy was right beside her before remembering she wasn't anywhere nearby. Drawing her hand back towards herself, "It is... but I do always worry. Especially now after what happened with our neighbor. I don't expect something like that to happen again, but we're 'older' parents, we're immigrants, I'm disabled, and we're both alt. It's for her, but we'd both like to find somewhere we're comfortable, too."
 
Sally reached over and squeezed Daizi's arm gently. "You will," she encouraged. "It might take a bit of time and a lot of research, but you will find a place where you all fit in."
 
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