How Green Becomes Wood

"She seems a bit confused about who this baby is," Daizi chuckled, scrunching over to kiss Ivy's head, "and she's confused about how there are two of me, but I think she's very amazed at how pretty the baby in the mirror is. Right, Ivy-Qadira? Mama's Hummingbird? I hope she wasn't bothering you, Xander."
 
"Nah, and even if she was, I got headphones," Xander said with a shrug.

"Oh!" Alec lifted his head. "Guess what? The For Sale sign next door has a sold sign on it! Someone finally bought it!"
 
"Oh wow," Daizi murmured, "I was beginning to think nobody ever would. Did you hear that, sweet girl? We're going to have new neighbors. And maybe they'll have their own little baby you can be friends with," She scooped Ivy up and hugged her close, nuzzling her cheek against her hair, "Wouldn't that be nice?" After providing the requisite number of kisses, she spoke to the twins again, "I just hope they are not... judgemental. I cannot go through something like that again. Dark will be disappointed, though, he liked the emptiness."
 
"I hope it's another Addams family like you guys," Alec said, finally letting go of Xander.

"I don't," Xander grunted. "That'd be too much Addams and less special."

Alec nodded thoughtfully. "Then... I hope it's a ray of sunshine and rainbows that love our family just the way it is!"

"As long as they don't have a unicorn in their back yard," Xander sighed.
 
"I just hope they do not call CPS on us," Daizi sighed, even just talking about the memory looked like it drained her, "Or the FBI. I don't know how we managed." She snuggled Ivy again and after taking the little time she needed to process the feelings that stirred up said, "I'm sure they'll be lovely. At the very least they can't be worse."
 
"They could have a couple of teens who have loud parties whenever their parents are gone. Or they could be into loud parties themselves. And ride really loud motorbikes and stuff," Xander pointed out.

Alec shuddered. "You're terrible." He took Xander's hand. "Now come tell me what really happened!" He proceeded to drag Xander up the stairs to their room.
 
Daizi chuckled at Xander's joke, but didn't say anything else. It was the first time she had thought about the awful time with those visits since shortly after the ended, and now she was far enough removed from them that she could properly appreciate how hard they needed to work to keep everything together. The twins were struggling with the transition, someone was convinced she wasn't capable of caring for her daughter, and she was coping with a premature newborn, and it was a miracle she hadn't completely collapsed. But now, months later, she ached sorely at the memory, because since they now had found relative peace, she wondered how much more fun she would've had when Ivy was brand new and little if she wasn't so scared every day.

Maybe not much would have changed. She was still mothering a premature baby, after all, but the possibility of an easier adjustment haunted her. And they would never know. So she kissed Ivy's cheek, and settled down on the couch to cuddle with her.

When Dark got home, she was nursing Ivy, and he came to sit with her so they could discuss what they were going to do about Xander.
 
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Alec frowned as Xander told him the whole truth about what had happened. He sat on his bed with his knees drawn up and his chin resting on them as his arms loosely hugged his shins. "You know, I once heard a saying about how you should always be kind to people first and try to make a good impression because you can always be mean later, but you can never change the first impression. It was a lot more succinct than what I just said, but I think you get the idea."

"That's what Daizi said, too," Xander admitted, stretched out on his bed. "I agree, maybe I should have done things differently, but... you know, it wasn't... it wasn't cool."

"I get it," Alec assured him. After a pause, he asked, "Do you think Sloan will, you know, come out or whatever they call it while we're at school?"

"I hope not."

"Huh? Why not?"

"Because 'living your truth' and all that shit is a lot less important than not getting thrown out on the street or risking getting sent to one of those sexuality camps the religious freaks set up. Nah, she's almost college-age. Soon she can escape and set up a safer life before doing all that in the open. I know it's gotta hurt, but it's just one aspect of a pretty awesome person."

Alec winced. "I suppose you are right there, and I suppose it doesn't really matter. Not really. It only matters if it's someone Sloan wants to be with."

"Right, and just because she's the way she is doesn't mean she's going to want to date every girl in school, same as if she was into boys, that wouldn't mean she'd want to date every boy in school. So it's nobody's business 'cept hers and the person she wants to be with. The rest can keep their noses in their own books."

"I haven't heard that phrase before, but I like it," Alec said with a small smile. "You know, maybe Peter's folks are right to say no dating until X years old."

"Makes for an easy out if you actually don't want to date and saves on the drama. Then if you do want to date, just keep it on the sly. Works out weird."

After a long silence, Alec asked, "Do you know what they're going to do to you now?"

Xander didn't need to ask for clarification to know what Alec meant. "No idea."

"Huh. Well, I brought homework and notes."

"Oh goodie." Xander sat up and moved toward his desk. "Hit me with it."
 
The question of "what are we going to do about Xander" was not an easy one. They knew they could either take away or restrict access to something he enjoyed or add something he didn't enjoy to his daily routine, but everything they could think of just seemed hateful. Taking away his phone meant he would be even more isolated from his friends, and that didn't seem fair when he only got in trouble trying to defend one of them. They could make him do extra chores, but, again, he had already been willing to do that when Ivy was brand new and they needed the help, and they didn't want to make him feel like chores were a negative thing.

And really, Xander already was being punished at the school, so what point was there in also punishing him at home? But it also felt wrong to just shrug it off. So after a lot of talking, they came to something that seemed to fit and they knocked on the twins' bedroom door.
 
Alec opened the door almost immediately. He'd been sitting next to Xander at their little desk showing him how to do some of the problems. "Hi. Do you want me to leave?" he asked awkwardly.

Xander stuck his pencil in the book and closed it. "Come to a decision?" he asked resignedly.
 
"If you would feel more comfortable," Daizi said, entering in with Dark once they knew they were allowed.

Dark handed Xander a notebook, "We both have independently spoken with you, so a lecture feels superfluous, and I do not like drawing things out unnecessarily. We decided our real issue with what happened today was how you instinctively went to violence. So here is a journal, we want you to spend some time engaging with your own emotions and trying to determine what is making you feel however you are feeling."

"Obviously we don't expect you to whip out a notebook and do a writing exercise in a quick moment like today," Daizi said, cracking a little smile at the thought of it, "but we hope by taking time every day to engage with your internal self it might help you to handle yourself in situations like that. We're not going to read what you write, because we don't want to risk you not being honest with yourself to please us, but this is what you want to try."
 
Alec stepped out the door, but considering he lingered near the doorway just out of sight, he might as well have stayed. He could hear everything being said and listened attentively.

Xander took the notebook cautiously and flipped through it. "My punishment is to write a diary?" he asked doubtfully, not sure he understood. "I mean... I don't really know how to do this kind of thing. Never kept a diary before. Am I just supposed to write, 'Dear Diary, today I wanted to smash someone's face in because they were unkind?' I'm not sure I get how that's supposed to help." He wasn't trying to be difficult, but as someone who usually went out of his way to not confront his own feelings, the idea of deliberately facing them and writing about them was... foreign at best.
 
"It does not have to be so formulaic," Dark replied, sitting down on Alec's bed, "If you are upset, write it. When you are still in a hot moment if you can, it might help to just explain how upset you are, why you are upset, and just write until you have let it go."

"Or," Daizi suggested, "at the end of the night take some time to say how you felt that day: if you were angry, and then why, and what you did to cool off, but also if something was good, or upset you but didn't make you angry, or a disappointment..."

"And there is always bullet journaling, where you only write words, phrases, lists... Whatever comes naturally to you, and that may change over time." Dark said, "Even if it starts out as, 'Today I wanted to punch a kid because he was unkind,' but I would recommend being more specific about what was unkind and why you did not end up punching him, if you did not, and then if you do punch him, how you felt afterwards, if it helped.." He trailed off, trying to give ideas to help make it easier for Xander to see where to start. "If you are really struggling you can find SEL prompts to write about every day, but they can be irritating and mundane, so I would use them as a last resort."
 
Xander nodded slowly, turning the notebook over in his hands. Write how he felt, especially in the moment. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. What good could it do to dwell on something like that? It couldn't do any good, right? But they wouldn't be asking him to do this if it was bad. Besides, it was a punishment. Punishments were not meant to be enjoyed. At least the bullet point idea didn't sound awful. "Alright," he agreed reluctantly. "I can do that. For how long?"
 
"Start with while you're on suspension and the week back to school," Daizi said, leaning against the wall, "We would've only had you do it while suspended but decided it'd help you more if you keep it up while transitioning back to the high school environment."

"But you are welcome to keep it up if you find it helps," Dark added.
 
Xander nodded. "Alright, I guess that makes sense." He hesitated and looked between Dark and Daizi. There was a question he wanted to ask, he really wanted to ask, but he felt they would be offended if he did. He started to form the question and chickened out. Instead, he asked, "Is that it? Just the journaling thing?"
 
"Yes, that is it." Dark confirmed, "The suspension is enough of a punishment otherwise. And now," he checked his watch, "we have to start dinner."

"Do you have anything else, habibi?"
 
Xander started to ask the question but again abandoned it. "No," he said at last. "Nothing else." He cleared his throat awkwardly and said, "I'm sorry I caused more trouble for you guys. I don't mean to. Just kind of happens."
 
"Are you sure?" Daizi asked, lingering for a moment, and then let it go. "It's okay, habibi. It's really not too much trouble. It'll be more trouble for you, I think, because you'll be stuck home alone with me and Ivy all day. And it's been a long time since we were last in a situation like this."
 
"Yeah." Xander fiddled with the book a bit more, his eyes on the simple cover. "But... you won't read it, right? Whatever I put in it?" he asked uncertainly. He knew what they'd said early, but he had to know for certain. "You won't read it, and you won't..." He trailed off a bit. "You won't be upset?"
 
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