How Green Becomes Wood

"He does seem friendly." Dark agreed mildly, "I appreciate his continued patience. I wonder how it will feel with him in the future, it took a long time for Ciara to adjust, I think she is still figuring out her place."
 
"To be honest, I think I surprised him by wanting to be involved with him at any level," Aelc admitted. "I don't think he expected for me to ever accept the job working there or even talking to him."
 
Dark wondered what might have the twins' early childhoods been like had Tristan and Ciara been involved from the beginning, but didn't voice the thought, not wanting to bring distress, "There are many reasons I am glad I never had siblings both altruistic and selfish, but I think it would be beyond upsetting if I learned, unexpectedly, I had nieces or nephews who were or had been struggling, while my life was passably well. Even if there was nothing I could have done for all those years before, I would still regret it."
 
"That would be really sad," Alec admitted quietly. "I'm glad for you for that reason. If that's okay. I wish you had more family sometimes, but I think you've been doing a good job finding family."
 
"That is what happened to Tristan. He learned one day his brother had children, who had faced significant adversity, while he had, as far as I can tell, done fairly well for himself." Dark replied, looking at the road and out at the horizon as he drove, "I understand why he seems surprised why you were willing to see where things stood with him."
 
Alec shifted in his seat, tugging at his belt lightly. "He seems kind of sad a lot. I kind of want to try to be more friendly and family-like, but I also don't want to rush things. I don't want to get in too deep or scare him or hurt us. It's a weird thing to struggle with."
 
"Some people just are sad. I am. It is where some people are comfortable, or where they feel natural." Dark told Alec, taking a brief look over at him, "You do not need to rush a lifetime of missed time. You see him multiple times a week, you have plenty of time."
 
"You're right. I think sometimes I just... don't have enough patience for life," Alec sighed. "I just want things to be better faster, but that's not how pretty much anything works."
 
Inhaling slowly like he so often did when he was thinking deeply about something, Dark squinted at the road. For sometime the only sounds were traffic, the engine, and quiet music. "I have found myself, rather unexpectedly, in middle age--early middle age, mind you, but--I am no longer young, and never will be again. Almost everything is gradual. When you want important things to be different, the wait for it to change is forever. But when things are gradual, you look around yourself one day, and suddenly you are in this big house, with a wrought iron fence, at two a.m. with a sleepless baby. But you remember being in a little apartment with mold on the ceiling, and remember being in a dorm with watery oatmeal, and remember being in a one-room shack with a dirt floor. And it is all drastic, so you think you should have noticed, but it snuck up on you. And you wonder, how did it happen so quickly? When you remember how long it took?" He looked tiredly at Alec as they pulled to a stoplight, "You do not notice when you stop wearing child shoes and start shopping in the adult section. You just suddenly are. It is a very, very long road to where everything happens at once. It is a long walk. But you have started, not only with Tristan, and one day you will wonder how you have made it so far down the winding asphalt, when it seems nothing changes as you take those steps. With as gradual as life is, you do not notice how things are different until you stop and look."
 
"That's baffling to think about," Alec admitted. "Then again, one minute we were bouncing around with our mum. Then we were making a cozy bed in a dumpster to avoid getting hassled by bigger, stronger blokes. And then we were getting picked up by our history teacher. And then... we have a home in a gothic castle with a little sister."
 
"Some changes are overnight. Taking you home. Ivy's birth. Although really that took ages, Daizi is a saint. But learning to be a family? I cannot pinpoint the day that happened. I think all of us would have different answers if we could." Dark replied, accelerating as the light turned green again. "One day we all just were."
 
"She is. Both of those things are true." Dark replied, "But I think... she is having trouble remembering to prioritize herself, too. And you are not allowed to tell her I said so. She and I both have a habit of pushing ourselves, neither of us are great at being gracious with ourselves. That is why we are so gracious with each other, so someone remembers to be. And she had a system, and was doing well, especially with me around all the time for balance, but I think... what happened... unsteadied her."
 
"Oh dear. That's not good at all," Alec frowned. "If she doesn't take care of herself, she'll burn out! And that's no good. What can we do to try to help? I'm guessing just saying, 'you should take more time for yourself,' would not exactly be helpful."
 
"That is what I am afraid of," Dark said with mild unease, "You are right, just telling her to take time for herself will not do much to change how she feels. I cannot take Ivy from her too much more, or else she will feel lile she isn't doing enough. I have planned some of her favourite meals, and after Ivy goes to bed I am going to coerce her into taking a bath. Maybe if you and Xander offered to play with Ivy more, and phrase it like play, all three of you would be occupied, and she would not feel guilt for not being engaged."
 
"If she doesn't mind, I don't mind playing with Ivy, not one bit! I just didn't want to take her away from Daizi, either," Alec admitted. "But if you think that's better for her, then we'll do it!"
 
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