How Green Becomes Wood

"And are you the person who spoke, the person who reacted, or the bystander?" Dark asked, searching the expression on his son's face.

~~

"That's what I was thinking." She found the stool and sat back, "I think I'll sugar the rims next time too. I think the best part of lemonade is all of the ways you can push it. What are you working on?"
 
Alec picked moodily at his fingernails. "The person who spoke, like usual, and maybe I said the wrong thing, that's no big surprise, but at least I was trying, and the reaction I got felt unfairly disproportionate."

~~

"Sugar rims could be fun," Xander agreed. He looked down at the mangled strips of leather. At least they were already leftovers and extras. "Purse details?" he said uncertainly. "For customization options."
 
Dark nodded and then tipped his head back to look up at the ceiling, running his finger along the inside of the door frame to unconsciously check for dust, "What is it you had said?"

~~

"Interesting." Daizi replied, turning towards the table, "Can I touch them? I know better than to just reach at these tables." She turned her hand over to show a small scar on her finger, "I accidentally grabbed one of Dark's knives instead of his sculpture once. Once."
 
"That even in the worst, most uncomfortable situations, sometimes there's good things to be had." Alec watched Dark for a moment. "Do you want to sit down, or should I get you a dusting cloth?"

~~~

"My bench isn't as dangerous as his, but still a good idea," Xander assured her. He picked up the strips that were currently bound together by a couple of stitches and glopped about like a misshapen octopus. He placed it in her hand, wondering what she'd make of it.
 
"You probably should--dust," He replied, walking further into the room but glancing behind him at the doorframe which had temporarily caught his attention, "I think you are likely correct about that. Do you think that is what others heard, though?"

~~

She took the pieces from him and turned it over in her hands, taking some time in silence to try and make sense of it. Eventually she turned it to the stitches holding the octopus together were at the palm of her hand, "It feels like the start of a potli bag. I doubt that's the intention, though."
 
Alec pointed to the doorframe, not answering his father's question immediately. "Do you want to take care of that first?"

~~

"I messed it up, so it could be whatever you want it to be and I'd agree," Xander admitted. In truth, he'd not been paying much attention and had forgotten what he was doing halfway through. It had started out as the beginnings of a flower and then sort of transformed into a stringed mess.
 
"Me?" Dark asked, a sly glimmer in his eyes, "The dust is on your half of the door frame. Surely that would make it your chore, not mine."

~~

Daizi thought about it for a few moments before setting it back down, "Messing up happens. That's why they put erasers on the ends of pencils." She took another sip of her lemonade, "Are you okay?"
 
Alec rolled his eyes. "Fine. Then I'll take care of it later." After a minute of silence and a bit more nail picking, he admitted, "I don't think they heard what I said. They are always accusing me of not hearing them, but then they go and completely mishear me! It's just not fair. I'm the one doing all the work to try to meet them on their terms, but when it doesn't work out, it's like a whole big thing, and I'm the monster because I dare to be positive. As if being positive was easy."

~~~

"Alec and me had a fight," Xander said bluntly as if that wasn't glaringly obvious. He set down his lemonade so he could pick up and fiddle with the leather.
 
"Who is 'they?'" Dark asked, sitting down on the side of his bed, "and how often do you tell them to be positive? Compared to how often they complain about you not listening, would you say?"

~~

"I heard. Parts of it, at least. Do you want to talk about it?" Daizi asked, wanting to give him the choice.
 
Alec eyed Dark suspiciously but decided to answer the questions. "About equally, but I do try not to do it too much, and I don't tell them to be positive. I just tell them that maybe the world doesn't have to be negative. It's not the same thing. There is such a thing as neutrality. You're a good example of that. A gloomy neutrality, but still neutral. You don't expect everything to come out miserable. You consider the possibility, but you don't expect it."

~~~

Xander shrugged and fiddled with the bits of scrap for a long moment of silence. "Alec's heart might be in the right place, but he's doing it all wrong. Maybe, and I do mean maybe, he has a good point, but what use is a good point if it's presented in a bad way? Or isn't what the other person needs right then?"
 
"Do I not?" Dark asked, looking curiously at his son, "Maybe I just keep those thoughts more private. But I also have been in intensive therapy for most of my life, when I was your age I was filled with a more all-encompassing source of dread. I do not know if I would say I ever stopped expecting the worst, it is more than I forced myself to accept my expectations might be incorrect."

~~

"What is he doing all wrong?" Daizi asked, twirling the cup between the palms of her hands, "Or, what's his point, I suppose?"
 
What hope Alec had faded, and he turned away from Dark, drawing in tighter within himself. "Fine. I'm wrong. Everyone is negative, the world is awful, and trying to be positive is perfectly fine as long as it's never shared because people deserve to be as miserable as they want without any interference whatsoever. Not even therapy is really an answer to changing that negativity, so that's that. The end."

~~

"Sometimes your outlook on life makes you more miserable than the situation itself, so maybe leave room for possible positivity?" Xander half asked, half said. "And he did it wrong by not just... I dunno. Sitting quietly or maybe validating or something?"
 
"No, that is not what I am saying." Dark told him seriously, "It might well be better for people if they could be positive or at least neutral. It is true, also, that some people are not wired to look on the 'bright side,' and that cannot be fixed through therapy because being that way does not necessarily mean someone is in need of fixing. Expecting the worst does not need to be a flaw." He took a deep breath to consider his words, tugging gently on his beard as he thought. Then, slowly, he attempted to explain, "People who are... let us say pessimistic? I do not really consider myself that way, I consider myself a realist, but some people argue optimism can be equally realistic, so we can say pessimistic: Pessimistic people are not necessarily miserable. Not in the way you may perceive it, anyway. I like to listen to sad music, and I have had people ask if it depresses me to surround myself with such misery--but it comforts me. Is it misery? Maybe to someone who finds sad music upsetting, but that is not how it makes me feel. So you take a negative or pessimistic person, and you say, 'they must be so miserable,' but some people take comfort in expecting the worst, because they cannot be disappointed, so they are not miserable," He naturally dragged out the syllables of the word, a slight roll in the r, "because when they are surprised, and things go well, they can feel relief, and maybe joy, or excitement. And if things go as they anticipated--then then they were able to prepare. Hm?" He nudged Alec lightly, "But if they tried to approach it positively, and things go wrong, then they fall a lot farther. And I could easily say that is miserable, could I not?"

He looked up at the ceiling again and then over at Alec, "Do you know what else, though? Very negative people are still benefitted by having a positive person to remind them that the sky is not about to start falling. Also, even though I may still generally expect the worst in a situation, I am still willing to try those situations. And sometimes, even to my own surprise, I can feel hope, or excitement, and it is not like on my wedding I sat there getting ready with the rain cloud over my head. I can go to a party, and yes I will think I probably will not enjoy it, I often surprise myself by having a good time there. That was not always true for me. A big part of that is having someone like Daizi and Cooger who know how to encourage brighter feelings, and who, by the way, both used to be more negative to varying degrees. I mean, I was able to spend Daizi's pregnancy hoping of a good outcome at the end, was I not?"

~~

"I think that's ultimately a good lesson to learn," Daizi replied, moving closer to the work bench so she could rest her arms on it, "but I'm also not sure if it's helpful in a time when someone is feeling anxious or upset about something. It's not bad advice overall, but it's not very helpful when you're in the middle of dealing something, I wouldn't think. Sort of like telling someone who is rushing to write their essay a few hours before it is due that they should've started writing it sooner: it's probably true, but it's also not really the time for it."
 
Alec peeked at Dark, willing to listen, but mostly confused. "I appreciate your point of view, but I am not sure how I am supposed to apply this to myself. What am I supposed to do with this knowledge?"

~~~

"Exactly what I was trying to tell him. Kind of," Xander said uncertainly. "I just meant that it's not helpful to always be bright and happy all the time. And he got mad about it."
 
"I am doing my best with what you have said, but you are being a bit vague," Dark replied, nudging Alec again, "I suppose what I am saying is negative people are not necessarily miserable like you worry they are and they may not need to develop into a neutral person, but also that being around a positive person can be a good influence on them. But that is also broad, because I do not know who you are having these conversations with."

~~

"Do you know why it made him angry?" Daizi asked, putting her chin in her hand, "I only heard the end of the conversation."
 
Alec heaved a sigh and flopped forward into his face on his bed. "Milo," he mumbled into his blankets. "And he is miserable a lot of the time. Not all the time, but you know. A lot. Anxiety and stuff, which is really rough, but he also focuses almost exclusively on the bad things that could happen."

~~

Xander shrugged. "He says he's, like, forced into being happy and he's tired of fighting negativity or something."
 
"Focusing on the worst outcome is a significant anxiety trait, so that does not surprise me. And it also does not surprise me he seems miserable." Dark replied slowly, considering things, "What is it you tell him?"

~~

"Do you think he's forced to stay positive all the time?" Daizi asked curiously, "There's not a right answer to that, don't worry, but when he said that, how did you feel about it?"
 
Alec shrugged. "That in situations where he expects bad things to happen, they might happen, or something good might happen, and that if he let himself open up to the possibilities, good things or at least not bad things might happen. He said that it was perfectly okay and a good thing for him to not look for possibilities. Or something like that."

~~~

Xander shrugged. "Confused and annoyed. I don't know why he thinks he has to be positive or why other people have to be positive. He acted like it was hard work and a big deal and he was doing me a favor, but I don't get it."
 
Dark nodded, attempting to follow what Alec was saying, eventually repeating the words, "Or something like that." He tugged on his beard again, "I will guess it is the emotion which obfuscates your memory. But I also would guess this problem is as upsetting for him as it is for you, and if your goal is to help him-- That is my presumption, correct me if I am wrong--if you want to help him so he feels less anxious and happier, then you have a duty to try understand his perspective."

~~

"Well... Did he ever ask you to protect him?" Daizi asked, shifting to a more comfortable position, sensing this was going to be a long conversation, "Or did you just... fall into it?"
 
"His perspective is that everything here sucks, he hates being in one spot for so long, and he can't wait to leave to go live with his mom in one spot in the future and friendship is nothing more than difficulty with him trying not to upset people and then getting annoyed when what little bit of friendship he has is hard," Alec listed out. "And he hates being told he should speak up for himself because then people like me tell him to 'smile more.' No, wait, it was Xander that said I was about to say he should smile more. For the record, I'd never say that because it is in general stupid advice. But seriously! All he ever does is say here and now is awful, past with dad was great, future with mom will be great! Yes, He had a wicked awful life, I get that, but how am I supposed to relate to him when he's constantly telling me that he can't wait to not be friends and to forget all about us and here and everything is awful? Is it really that much to ask for one conversation that isn't about fluff stuff to not be strictly negative? To have even a kernel of hope about the here and now?"

~~~

"I guess that..." Xander said slowly, "but protecting someone is a lot more important than being a pollyanna. He's just... smiles and rainbows and glitter everywhere, and I love him, and it works sometimes, but you can't fix everything with a glitter cupcake."
 
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