How Green Becomes Wood

"Habibi?" Daizi asked quietly, drowned out by Ivy's confused and cheerful babbling at him as he walked away.

"He is not ready to talk about it yet," Dark said, rubbing his face. "You should try later, maybe you can get through to him. I want to ground him, but he is so fragile right now, I think it may break him."

"... We can wait to have that converted until later," Daizi replied, uncertain, and then took out her phone to send a quick text to Xander, Alec is home, safe but very upset.

Dark, meanwhile, texted Tristan to thank him, and then he and Daizi sat down while the cake baked to discuss what had happened.
 
Xander had some choice thoughts about how idiotic his brother was being, but he was relieved to know that Alec was safe. That meant he could now be purely furious and not waste any space on concern. He thanked his mother and tried his best to focus on class. He wasn't going to let Aelc's stupidity ruin school for him, too, and he had to take notes for Milo. So, he took everything he was feeling and carefully put it in a box to be opened later.

Tristan told Dark he was just happy to have helped and requested that Dark keep him updated if there was anything he could do to help. He also said he'd just assume Alec wasn't coming in to work tomorrow unless told otherwise.

Alec went straight to his room and stripped down to his underwear before crawling into bed. He left his clothes in the middle of the floor and didn't bother with pajamas. All he wanted was the safety of his covers and blankets. He nestled down as deep into the covers as he could get and hugged a stuffed animal. All was broken and chaos and it was all his fault. All of it. He desperately didn't want it to be, but it was.
 
Ultimately, they decided that unless Alec was truly and overwhelmingly fragile, they would ground him for a week, including from his extracurriculars (although they would talk with Tristan to see if it would be too hard on his buisness to lose Alec for a few days. If it was, they'd still let him go to work, although Daizi joked about sending Dark instead), but otherwise... Dark heard that scream, he didn't want to break the kid, even though he felt very strongly that if they didn't start actually punishing this, it'd never stop. The twins didn't have a real reason to stop running out.

When the cake was finished, it was about an hour and a half later. Daizi thought about taking a piece straight up to Alec, but then decided to take the moment and eat some with her husband so the pair of them could decompress, then she settled down on the couch to nurse, and it wasn't until Ivy was napping that she decided to risk it, and by then it was a good few hours later, and nearing the time Xander would be coming home.

She knocked lightly on Alec's door, not expecting him to answer, but feeling very ready to try, "Habibi?"
 
Alec did not answer. He was still lost in his own cacoon of misery, and a part of him didn't want to dig himself out. He didn't deserve to feel better. He heard Daizi's voice, though not what she said since her voice was muffled, but made no effort to answer. He didn't care if she came in.
 
Daizi came further into the room, stumbling over the clothes he left in the center of the floor, and then sat on the edge of the bed. "What's going on, baby? You seemed so happy yesterday."
 
"Yesterday I didn't have good cause to cut out my own tongue," Alec mumbled into his pillow. "Yesterday I didn't shoot my mouth off and make the most important person ever hate me. Yesterday I didn't realize that no matter what... we'll never be okay forever."
 
"Who hates you?" Daizi asked softly, but it wasn't hard to figure out who the most important person ever, to Alec, was, "I don't think Xander hates you. What could you say to make that happen?"
 
"It's what I said to his new bestest ever friend," Alec sniffed. "Milo. Milo doesn't treat him right, and I said so. Said a lot of other stuff, too, but Xander takes Milo's side now. And maybe what I said was true, but I didn't say it right. I was just so tired of always dancing around the subject and being so delicate and nice! And nothing I ever say comes out right, anyway, so whatever."
 
"Well, I can see how that would be upsetting to him, but I don't know why that would make him hate you." Daizi told him, scooting a little bit closer to him, "What do you mean nothing you say ever comes out right?"
 
"I try to be positive and encouraging, and he takes it to mean he's not supposed to feel sad. Or bad. Or anything so-called negative. That's not what I mean! I just meant he dwells. Maybe I should have been more... listen-y, but I figured that was Xander's job. He's all about the grumble, so those two could grumble it out, and I'd remind them that it doesn't have to be awful! But while Xander is actually working on a friendship for the first time ever, all Milo can do is whine about how he has to go be with his mom because no one else will take care of her or love her. It's all his responsibility, and everything here is stupid and crummy and awful all because he didn't get to go be with her. And it does suck! And his grandparents made the decision to keep him and not let him go with his mom for very good reason, but they just kind of sprung it on him, which also really, really sucked, but that was months ago, and his mom did a heck of a lot worse things that he forgives her for, desperately forgives her for, and Xander, meanwhile, isn't good enough for him. I'm not either, but at least I'm just a stupid hanger-on who never should have butted in in the first place, I had no right to be there ever, but Xander gets used constantly for his ability to stand up to people. To do stuff. To be, well, him. But does Milo appreciate him? No! He thinks of the pet birds higher than Xander! And I wanted to be nice, I really, really did, and I get more than he thinks I do, but I just couldn't take it anymore!"
 
"Okay, well..." Daizi began slowly, trying to take this explanation piece by piece, "With his mom, his grandparents, and everything which happened months ago... When you went through really difficult times over the past two years, times which felt overwhelming... How long did it take you to move past them? I'm not saying you shouldn't be frustrated, because it sounds frustrating. It's exhausting 1to be around someone who seems to only take, and it's horrible to watch someone we love be taken advantage of, but do you think it feels as long ago to him as it feels to you? You don't have to answer that." She sighed, bringing her legs up onto the bed and leaning against the back wall, "Did you ever try speaking to Xander about what you noticed? I'm not saying you shouldn't have gotten upset, only wondering, I suppose, if when it was building, if you ever tried to release some of it."
 
"Of course it doesn't seem long to him," Alec growled into his pillow even as he sniffed a little. He knew it took longer than a few months to get over something like that, but at least they hadn't always seemed so one-note about it! "I tried to say something, and I got shut down for it. Xander belongs to Milo now. I don't get a say. He just thinks I'm being nothing but critical."
 
"He belonged to me in that we were brothers who stuck by each other no matter what," Alec retorted weakly. "That's how he was mine. That's how I knew where I... where I belonged. I don't mind him being with others. I'm not jealous or possessive. I just... he doesn't... he doesn't like being with me anymore."
 
"Habibi, relationships take work. Even when you're brothers. Even when you're twins. This whole time," She waved one hand, "In the past, the pair of you had no choice but to stick together because of everything you had to do to survive. But now things are calmer, and you aren't sticking by each other because you have to be. You're doing it because you love each other, and that takes a lot more effort than sticking by each other to survive."
 
"How am I supposed to do that when every little thing I do makes him angry? I'm just so tired. I'm tired of feeling like I'm fighting everything around me. I'm tired of caring about people. I'm tired of being me," Alec sighed. "I just... I don't want to work for him. Not for anyone. I'm done."
 
"Then don't. Don't work for him. You shouldn't be the only one putting in work, anyway... But, I know you still love him, or you wouldn't be this upset. And I know he still loves you, or else he wouldn't have called me when he noticed you weren't around. You shouldn't be the only one putting in the work, but if you want to stay close... You have to communicate, and compromise, and be attentive to each other, and make time for each other. Both of you, and I would tell him the exact same thing." Daizi told him, turning her face away so she could angle her ear more towards him, "You're always going to have people in your life who you care about, Alec. That's unavoidable."
 
"Not if I never leave my room ever again. Then I can't meet people to care about, and they can't care about me, and then I'll never hurt anyone ever," Alec mumbled. "I don't want to be a part of society anymore. I've decided to become a hermit. Maybe a survivalist prepper. That's all."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top