How Green Becomes Wood

"We've had a lot of wonderful moments, and we'll have more. Friday will be wonderful, and it's not hard now because of what else is this week." She rubbed her thumb against the backs of his hands, "That's not it. It's not your fault, habibi."
 
Alec debated for a moment before saying, "Well, it kind of is my 'fault' because if I did not exist or was not here with you, this wouldn't happen, but I'm not feeling guilty or anything for it. It just is what it is."
 
"We'd still have Ivy and all the stress that comes with her." Daizi replied, "But I meant it's not what you're doing. I'm glad, though, that you don't feel guilty." She cupped the back of his head with her hand for a moment.
 
"Hmm, that's true," Alec agreed, "although I could argue that if we hadn't interfered with your life, you might not have done the thing that brought her into existence at the right time. Just saying." He grinned self-consciously, blushing as he did so. "We brought you so much stress, didn't we, Mama?" he chuckled.
 
"Maybe," Daizi agreed, choosing not to touch that topic. It was not a good line for either of them, "You have brought us stress, but you've brought us so much that is wonderful, it makes it worth it. It is beyond worth it."
 
Daizi smiled for a moment but unable to think of anything more to say, at least nothing which could possibly express how much he meant to her, she let go of his hands and pulled him into a tight hug again. Ultimately, Alec and Xander had needed parents more than she and Dark had needed children, because they needed someone to take care of them. Who could say what horrors they might have endured, or how briefly they could have endured them, if they didn't have someone to give them that care. Of course she knew that. But she also knew that she really, really needed to get to be a mother. When they came to her, she had been fighting to convince herself she would be happy with just herself, her husband, and their pets, but it would've been an ache in her heart for all her life had she never had this. Now she did, and she valued it perhaps higher than anything, which is why it was so frustrating and distressing to find it difficult and at times overwhelming.
 
Alec hugged her back tightly, savoring the hug but also feeling she needed it. He waited until she let go, willing to stay there as long as she needed. When she eventually let go, he squeezed her arms lightly before stepping back. "Would you like to keep playing? With or without me? I don't mind if you'd like some time alone. I did kind of invite myself in here, after all. Or I could make you some hot cocoa."
 
Tracing her fingers down the soundbox of her harp, Daizi shrugged mildly, "I really don't know what I want. I came up here because Dr. Dre told Dark and I to take time for ourselves each day, and I'm trying to. It's just not a good time of year to do it, there's so much that needs doing, and planning, and it's hard to set it down for a little while."
 
"I get it," Alec assured her. "I'm proud of you for trying. I know there's a lot to do, but you know what they say; the most important time to take time for yourself is when there isn't enough time. If you don't schedule maintenance, your body will schedule it for you." He touched her shoulder. "For now, it's enough that you are trying."
 
"I know that's true." Daizi sighed, really just glad if she couldn't get a rest and her body forced it on her, it would be just her body. Even at almost a year out from it, the eight months of having to also worry about if she was going to make a choice that would put someone else's life in immediately danger still felt exhausting, and she was glad it wasn't a worry she still needed to carry, "It's just a bad time of year for it. But Dark and I still want to go to the Pumpkin Patch on Monday, and I think that will be lovely for all of us. Especially since last year I couldn't enjoy it as much as I normally do."
 
"We better pick out pumpkins, we didn't end up carvings any jack-o-lanterns last year, at least I don't remember it. If we get a big enough one, we can put Ivy in it, after we've sufficiently cleaned out the insides." Daizi smiled. It was easier to think of that future event than any of the rest, because of all the planning, "It's funny... I remember when we went last year, I was so frustrated at how uncomfortable and tired I was, and how I couldn't at all bend down to try to actually pick any of the pumpkins, and now we know I was trying to do all of it days before giving birth. No wonder I was so exhausted, my body had literally reached its limit."
 
"Indeed, poor, Mama," Alec crooned, patting her shoulder. "No wonder! But this year, all you have to worry about is not letting Ivy try to eat the pumpkins! Or losing me in a maze if there's a corn maze."
 
"It's really hard to describe just how physically awful I felt that whole week," Daizi sighed, almost able to physically remember it, but she shook it off easily, "There is a corn maze, so it's lucky Ivy won't be able to fit her mouth around a pumpkin, it means I'll really just be able to focus on not losing you. Maybe we'll get you a leash."
 
"It'll be exciting to do all of the boring, normal things parents do with their children at those places," Daizi replied, "We're going to get to measure Ivy's height against those big rulers they have at those places."
 
"We're going to allow her to try to pick out a pumpkin, there's no telling if she'll be interested in them yet," Daizi replied, "I hope she'll at least be happy to pick up one of the ones she can lift. If we all act interested, she'll probably be at the very least curious."
 
"I don't think there will be any acting involved," Alec grinned. "At least, not on my part. If she's not interested, that's okay. After all, she has a lot of time to learn the wonders of pumpkins."
 
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