How Green Becomes Wood

"How many times a day do you think about horses?" Sloan asked, looking at him for a moment, then sighed and said, "It is nice to not be on edge about if I'm going to accidentally say the wrong thing with you anymore."
 
"I hope so. Simone Biles was twenty seven during the 2024 Olympics, so..." She nodded, "I've got time. I'll only be twenty-one in 2032. I wish I locked in sooner, but I guess like... I was seventeen during the last one."
 
Xander considered this. "No," he finally decided. "I have... vague ideas, but I'm not really sure what I want to do in the future. I'm not panicking about it like Alec - he's gotten a little better, but that girl always sets him off - but I do sometimes wonder... what am I going to do?" He shrugged. "No idea. It'd be nice if I could do something more with my leather shop. Might end up working for my uncle full time instead. Maybe in a couple of years, I could try working at a horse stable for money instead of trade."
 
"Emma?" Sloan asked, her tone accidentally revealing how she felt about Alec's girlfriend, "I don't think it's something to panic about, if it's something where you can't age out of, I guess. Is there somewhere you'd like to be in the really long term?"
 
"Not really," Xander admitted. "I kind of feel like I'm missing out, not having lofty dreams or asperations, even if they are total pipe dreams or even just small goals, but... no. When I sit down and try to think 'where do I want to be in five, ten, fifteen years, all I can think of is, 'better than I am now,' but that's not really a goal. I'm not too worried about it. Just kind of confused about myself, I guess."
 
Xander shrugged. "I don't know. It just feels like I should have some kind of plan. Hopes. Dreams. Something for the future. But I don't. Does that mean I'm, like, what's the word? Complacent? Or lazy or something? Why don't I have any kind of drive? I just deal with one day at a time, don't really plan for anything more than like a week out. No dreams of the Plympics here."
 
"I don't think you're lazy," Sloan replied, but didn't say much for a while afterwards, thinking about what Xander had told her. Finally she said, "I think planning ahead is a skill. That's why there's jobs like guidance counselors and career counselors, and why they design all those tests to help pick a job. I probably wouldn't know what I wanted to do if I wasn't hounded about it since forever. Is there any thing you dream of having that isn't based in a career? Like, little things. Wanting a backyard, or one of those couches with a footrest or..." She waved one hand, "to play a game of tag across the entire state of Pennsylvania?"
 
"That last one is a thing?" Xander asked, giving her an odd look. He pondered for a moment. "Hmm. I used to dream of having my own room where I could get some peace and visual rest, but I got that. I dream... of having a horse and not having to drive ages to go see it. There. That's my dream." He shook his head. "I don't think it's ever going to happen, but I think that's a pretty good dream." After a moment, he added, "I wouldn't mind a dog, maybe, but I don't know how that'll ever happen. Not unless I moved out, I don't think."
 
"It can be," Sloan replied, "and if your dream is to own your own horse and a dog, then I think the next step is to ask what you need to do to have both of those things. That's how you figure things out long term. At least, that's how I look at things. It's like math, you know? It's like algebra."
 
"Makes sense," Xander agreed. "I guess another step is to decide if the things I'll have to sacrifice to get there will be worth it. I'm not sure right now, but I guess it doesn't need to be figured out now." He glanced over at her. "You don't like her much either, do you?" he asked bluntly, not bothering to explain who he was talking about.
 
"Dude, at your party she jumped down my throat because I complained about my mom," Sloan replied, looking at him like she was relieved to get to admit to it, "I was trying my best to give her the benefit of the doubt, and I'm sure she can be perfectly nice, but it's like anytime we were all having fun together she'd get all..." After searching for the right word, she just shook her head, "I don't know who would leave their partner's party early. The vibes just weren't there."
 
"Thank you!" Xander sighed in relief. "She's always like that. Always! The party was her being nice, if you can believe it. She's such a bad influence on him, too. Unlike me, Alec's always panicking about what his future is going to look like. He'll start to settle down, he'll start listening to all the people telling him it's okay, and then she'll put a bug in his ear. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure she looks at him like a dog to be trained."
 
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