How Green Becomes Wood

Dark replied with a number lower than his first but still higher than what he would be satisfied with, and then held up his left hand to her, his palm facing himself, "I already have a partner in crime."
 
"I have ready access to Cooger and his belongings," Dark pointed out, knowing a key to Cooger's cabin was hanging on his key ring at that very moment. Then, after turning his head to make certain her fingers were uncrossed, shook her hand, "It is a deal." Then, looking at her in mock seriousness, which really just looked like authentic seriousness said, "If you are caught, I cannot rescue you. I have a small child to provide for."

Then, turning with all the grim flourish he was known for, retrieved his soap box and carried it to the most central area he could find. He took a moment to steal his nerves in preparation for this and then stepped up onto his soap box (built special for this occasion), "Ladies and Gentlemen! Gamblers and ramblers! Lend me you ear! For I have here the most wonderous of tinctures! Most marvelous of draughts!"
 
Lex chuckled, knowing full well that Dark had access, and noting that Dark was missing the point of how with two of them having access, there was so much more they could do. She let it go, enjoying this more playful side of Dark. "Understood. I'm on my own!"

Lex slipped away and made certain her gun was full of "ammo." Then she hung back out of sight as Dark's theatrics drew everyone's attention.

Alec, Xander, and Toby had all long since run out of water, and they were hanging out with Ivy and letting her play with their water guns and shoot whatever water she had left at them.

"Hey, Ba's up to something," Xander said, twisting around to look.

"Want to go see what's up?" Alec asked, getting up and brushing himself off.

"Yeah, let's go see what's up," Xander agreed.

"Sweet box," Toby remarked.
 
"See here!" Dark exclaimed, and using the bit of slight-of-hand he knew revealed his green vial, "The world's greatest, most stupdenous, miracle elixer! Proven to cure you of all our ills! All your ailments! There is nothing it cannot do!"

Leaning against the railing, Cooger took another sip of hos root beer and chuckled to himself, imagining this is what Dark would've been like had their old carnival dream ever been realized.
 
"Mama, why is Ba standing on a soapbox?" Xander asked Daizi as Alec held Ivy up so she could see and watch.

Lex inched around and made certain she was as out of sight as possible as she watched Dark. He was good! She got Cooger in her sights and took careful aim, waiting for Dark to do something flashy enough to really catch everyone's attention.
 
"He is at work," Daizi replied with a grin.

"Baba!" Ivy cheered, and Dark winked at her in response before turning back to the crowd.

"Yes, any ailment!" He said slowly, turning to show off the vial to everyone who was watching, "Do you not have an ailment! This elixir is so spectacular, it will give you an ailment and then cure it before you have even had the chance to suffer!"
 
"What does that even mean?" Xander mumbled quizzically.

Dark seemed to be holding everyone's attention very well. Lex took careful aim and shot. The squirt of water sailed through the air and struck Cooger in the side right under his arm. She ducked back around the building before the water even hit, certain it would hit somewhere, and hid.
 
"Any ailment!" Dark said again, and seeing one of Cooger's friends who he knew well enough to tease said, "It will regrow your hair!" He spoke up to the rest of the crowd, "It will thicken your beard, unless yours is too thick, in which case it will thin it out! It will cure your tinnitus! It will straighten your teeth and fix your back pain! Anything, anything, anything!"

A hand raised from the crowd of people, and a certain lady with a mischievous, crooked grin asked, "Does it cure the blind?"

When the water splashed Cooger, he touched it with his hand, and then looked around. To his bewilderment, he didn't see anyone, and he wondered for a moment if perhaps he had started to go crazy before turning his attention back to his brother.
 
Alec snickered, and Xander rolled his eyes at their mother's words. Both watched Dark, curious to see what he'd say. He must be used to things like that, so how did he use it in his patter?

Lex waited, biting her lip from excitement. After forcing herself to wait several long minutes, she peeked around again. He didn't seem to have noticed? Or if he had, he'd ignored it. She turned and hurried around the building, going as quickly as she dared. It was quite a trip, but she felt it'd be worth it. Once again, she waited until she was certain all eyes were on Dark. Then she fired off two shots in quick succession, both successful, before ducking back around the building and hurrying around to her original position.
 
"...Yes." Dark answered, "Of course! I said it cures all manner of ills!"

"So if I were to drink it, I would be able to see?" Daizi asked, making the guests who knew her laugh and those who did not shift uncomfortably.

"...Undoubtedly." Dark said dryly, his eyes revealing his affection and uncertainty.

"Let me drink it then! I want my ailments cured!" Daizi exclaimed.

"Ahh," Dark said slowly, "As much as I wish I could oblige, I cannot from the goodness of my heart."

"What!?" Daizi exclaimed, in mock offense, "You would refuse me something which would restore my sight!"

"Alas," Dark said, removing his hat, holding it to his chest, and bowing his head, "I would that I could, but I have children to feed. What would they eat, if I were to give my Miracle Elixir to all who beg? Why, if I were to oblige you, I would need to oblige everyone, and they would starve!"

Cooger snorted, shaking his head. Dark was much too good at this.
 
Dark stared at Alec for a second, recognizing his son was correct about that hole in the story, but then said, "It would cure their hunger, but you see, this elixir is rare, and hard to come by," He waved his fingers, "It is a secret only I possess, passed down to me by my forefathers like some... soup recipe---the ingredients of which can only be acquired in the---" he paused for a second to recall his history knowledge for the correct terms, "Near East, in the oldest civilization in the world, now part of the Ottoman Empire! It contains the Mysteries of the Orient! And if I were to give it to my children to sustain them, I would have none to provide, and how selfish that would be of me! That, my friends, would be a true crime!"

When the water hit Cooger, he turned to the other side, now more confused than he was before. He was looking at Dark, and at the backs of Alec and Xander's heads. There was no way it could be them, yet they were the usual suspects for such a thing.
 
Now it was Xander who spoke up. "I don't know, compadre. Those sound like places you made up to me," he drawled, completely in character. "If it were true, and you did get all them stuffs from far-off places, how'd you expect a bunch of yokles like us to be able to afford so much as a drop?"

Lex bided her time. She knew he was getting suspicious now, and if she made a false move, it'd be all over for her. She lowered herself carefully to the ground and inched along just under the level of the porch just a couple of feet. She'd have to make certain to clean off any dirt marks on her clothes after this. She peeked up over the edge of the porch. She waited. Waited a little bit more. Then fired, aiming for his back! She dropped low and wiggled her way back quickly before scampering around behind the building, cleaning herself off quickly as she went. This would have to be her last attack.
 
"No, sir, not made up at all," Dark replied, pride glimmering in his eyes, "A great, ancient desert, where the sweetest fruits grow miraculously from the sand. I know, for I have been there. And you are correct, sir, an elixir such as this could be sold for prices only affordable by great kings and emperors! Victoria herself would offer the finest jewels across her vast Empire for the merest sip of such a concoction. But," again, he bowed his head, "I am a generous man, and a sentimental one. I do not hail from such a lofty caste, and I only ask for enough to keep my children fed and clothed." Then he held up his vial again, "One silver dollar! Only one silver dollar, or 20 francs, one ducat, an English sovereign!" He tried to think of any other contemporary currency he knew, "10 guilder!" His exchange rate was all wrong, and he knew it.

"Damn, he's good," Cooger murmured to a friend standing near him, before he was sprayed again. Spluttering, he turned around in a half circle, wanting to find who on earth was torturing him thus on his very own birthday! Playing into the bit, he took off his hat and exclaimed, "What in tarnation!"
 
"Those are some mighty fine words, sir," Alec called up, "but, tell me, have you any proof that this stuff works? I see no reason to buy a horse without checking its..." He paused, trying to think of what you would check on a horse before buying it.

"Teeth," Xander muttered to him.

"Teeth!" Alec called up triumphantly. Quietly, he muttered to Xander, "Teeth? Really?"

"Gives good indication of age and health," Xander told him.

Alec gave a nod and continued. "Why, if it was a gift horse, we all know not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but you are asking a lot of poor folk to spend their savings on a bit of colorful liquid that might not cure so much as a hangover!"

Lex was sorely tempted to try once more, but Cooger was definitely on guard now. She waited until he was looking the other way and then sidled into the "crowd" as quickly as she could. Once there, she called up, "The boy's right! Maybe we should be talkin' to a fancy laaaaw-yer before spending money on your pretty glass."
 
"My friends," Dark said, holding up both his hands, "I myself am living proof my Elixir works! For I lay, stricken with tuberculosis, too weak to move. I was feverish, delirious---I was near to death with consumption, naught but bones in the guise of a man. My handkerchief, once the purest white, was utterly scarlet. Just as I thought I was bound to meet my maker, I was given my first sip of the nectar, and all at once strength returned to my body. I stand before you as I am today, all due to this tincture. Surely, you would not accuse me of lying."

Glancing down at the crowd, Cooger quietly called to Daizi, not wanting to disrupt his brother's performance. As soon as she made her way over to the railing he asked, "You didn't get anyone to run around shooting me, did ya?"

"What?" Daizi asked, for once honest about her innocence, "Has someone been shooting you?"

"This whole time," Cooger said, "It seemed like something you or your kids would do, but I've been watching y'all this whole time."
 
"All we have there is the proof that you know how consumption works, and that you chose not to go the path of the romantic poet," Lex told him with a grin. "How are we supposed to know that this stuff actually cured you?" She looked around. "Anybody have an ailment you'd like to present to the good doctor? Eh? If it works for them, then I'll buy it myself."

"Yes!" Alec called, clapping his hands. "Proof!"

Lex held up a hand. "Oh, I know! I have a burn on my arm. If your elixer can make that go away, with these people as my witness, I'll buy it from you." She started stepping up.
 
"Your husband is in trouble now," Cooger chuckled, looking at Daizi and then back at his friend to see how he got himself out of this one.

Daizi, however, refused to allow this up to fate, and instead started hurrying with one hand along the porch railing to make sure she wouldn't trip on the stairs, and started calling out, "Shot! The sheriff has been shot! Help!" As soon as she made it to Cooger, she threw his arms around him. Realizing he was in it now, he slumped against her, while she continued to cry out, "He's dying! I think he's bleeding out! Oh, if only someone had some sort of miracle elixir!"
 
"Oh no! The Sheriff!" Alec cried out. "Oh, please, Mr. Elixer Man! You have to help the Sheriff!"

Lex hurried over and pretended to wail. "Oh no! He's shot up real bad! He's going to die if someone doesn't help him!"

"Oh, man, that is a lot of water," Toby agreed, watching. "I mean, blood. That's a lot of wet everywhere."

"This family is crazy," Xander said to himself with a smirk as he stood back, eager to see what would happen next.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top