Smugglers Cove (Love2write and Silence)

Killian heard Star call out to him and he turned toward her slightly. "I wasn't leaving you. " He had no idea where she got that stupid thought. After everything else they had gone through he couldn't imagine leaving her behind over this. For the most part he thought that he'd been clear in telling Star that he needed space after their little discussion that one day. All this needed to be put somewhere in his brain and he had to get it sorted out.

Shaking his head he started out to get the list of things finished. Changing the light bulb in one of the rooms he moved to the sink which he had no idea how to fix at all. It couldn't be that different from a pipe in a ship so he gave it a good firming up and ran some more water down the sink and watched the drain below. Seemed to work for the time and the burner was just a small fuse that had to be replaced. Then he went and checked the hinges on the door and finally stopped in the room last to fix the bed. It was needing screws tightened in it as well to keep it from wobbling. One of the holes had to be nearly wallowed out as it wouldn't work. That meant that he would have to make a replacement for it and he hated wood work. "I'll have to fix that later." Pulling his dresser open he threw a pile of clothes into a bag and called it good. Whatever he had he would be happy wearing.

*************************************************************

By the time they were in the air and off to a planet Killian stayed in the navigations room for a little longer. It was so irrational to believe that she was out to get him and yet he couldn't shake the feeling. After this long she could have killed him at any point if she really wanted and then with the seizures and the poisoning. It would have been easy enough for her to have left him on that floor.

Going to the kitchen he found her finishing the meal and setting a plate on the table. Carefully taking a seat he stared at the food and thought for a long moment. "After we do the shopping we're gonna just stay in space unless you want to stop somewhere. Star, I'm really sorry. I am...I know it doesn't make sense and I'm trying to get over the paranoia. Wasn't really expecting to hear that about Mike and I used to think he'd be dangerous, but...I don't know. Made me wonder if I could actually trust him and if I couldn't trust him then I didn't know why I could trust you."

Just staring at the food he finished his thought. "Really I'm not that different from humans. I wanted all the same things as any other kid. Wanted a mom and dad, wanted to have food and a safe place to sleep, and I want those things for Claire. I don't want her to worry about where her next meal is coming from, if she'll be warm, or if someone is gonna hurt her." Taking a bite of the food he chewed it only a few times before swallowing. "Went a little wild on you and I know that. Mike talked to me and I'm still scared to death of losing you. Please tell me I haven't lost you already."
 
Star listened to him quietly, nodding occasionally to show she was listening. "No. No you havn't lost me...but...uh, I've never done anything since we became a couple to break your trust. The only thing close was with...with kafus...and as soon as I got my mind back I was fighting to make it right."
She picked at the food. "The fact that you so completely lost all trust in me...because of something someone else did...not even what I did...but because of what other people have done....thats uh, that's really painful and makes me wonder exactly why we're still together. If your trust in me is so easily broken...then...who am I to you aside from someone you sleep with?"
 
"Its the fact that you knew and you didn't tell me till a long time later. I know that logically at that time you probably didn't trust me completely either. I just..." Killian stared at the plate for a long moment. He couldn't begin to imagine how he would tell her about this. "Star, I don't trust people easily and I probably overreacted. No one has ever loved me. Not like this and I don't know what to expect. It doesn't make sense. You see me as the person you want me to be and I want to be that person, but I can't. Not after the games. I'm touchy about people calling me the 'Beast' cause its true."

"Except you are who I believe you to be, Killian. More and more. Everyday you become a little bit more the man I believe you to be." She looks at him sadly, "the more you believe you're still that beast...the more you will act like it...and people will treat you as such. But..." She tentatively reached out her hand and touched his own. "The more you trust me...and believe what i see about you...the more you will become that man...and the more people will see you, the way I see you."

Killian frowned. "It's not about what I think." He could see where she was going with this, but there were obstacles and a lot of them that he wasn't sure how to get around. "I still know what I've done and what I think doesn't change the past."

"No. But what you do now will change the future." She stood and made two cups of cocoa. Neither of them were really that hungry . She sets one of the mugs in front of him and leaned back in her chair with her mug in her hand. "Tell me everything. No more holding back that pain I know you've been burying. Now's you your chance to tell me everything you've struggled with during the games and after. Until you deal with that you can't focus on the future."

Killian's eyes got wide and he shook his head. He couldn't tell her. It was too much and she wouldn't be able to look at him the same. "No no no...I can't." He took a few deep breaths and looked away. His throat felt like it would lock up and he grit his teeth though it didn't stop a few tears from falling anyway. A distant expression came to his face and he got up from the table and walked over to the door. Star wanted him to tell her and he had a choice. It was tearing them apart and he knew that and yet it was so difficult. Facing her he started out though his voice was a little hoarse from the strain. "Pure slaughter like that. It was just too much. I went into every game with the intent to kill every one of them. Couldn't even look at the men in the cages. Killed boys younger than Timo and men every day for days on end. 3 games a day." Slumping against the wall he slid to the floor and stared blankly ahead for several minutes.

Star had never seen him break down like that. She refused to let anything he said right now to change how she felt about him. She stood and walked over to him. She sat beside him, putting a hand on his knee. "What else?" She asked.

"I can't." Killian replied. "You asked me to survive and that was all I did. I quit caring when I got back if I lived or not. Now I care and I'm scared every day. Can't sleep at night and it's starting to wear on me."

"Nothing you say is going to change how much I love you. Show that you trust me...keep talking. Why can't you sleep? Why do you fear for your life everyday?" She suspected but she needed him to say it out loud.

Everything in him wanted to shut down and he wanted to leave. There was no place to hide on the ship if she really wanted to find him. "Because every night I dream about it. Its how I know you dream about Kafus. I couldn't even get you free no matter what I'd become." Burying his face in his hands he sighed. "People walking behind me or anywhere I can't see their hands. I know they have weapons. Everyone carries weapons if they're afraid of me then why don't they kill me?"

Star was silent a long moment. "Do you hate yourself?"

Killian scowled from behind his hands. It was best that she couldn't see his face at this point. "I don't know." What the hell kind of question was that? It was all so raw and he wasn't sure how to sort out an individual feeling. "I hate what I did, couldn't do, should have done...there's so much I don't know how to say it."

Her hand continued to rest on his leg. "After you rescued me...and I...woke up from Kafus's influence...i hated myself..so much. I hated everything I did to survive, every thought against people I loved. Eventually though...I forgave myself. Sometimes I had to forgive myself several times a day. But after a while the dreams about Kafus faded. I haven't dreamed about him since before Claire was conceived." She stroked his leg softly. "I think the reason you still suffer from nightmares and feel like everyone is out to get you...is because you haven't forgiven yourself yet. And until you do that, you'll be stuck in the past and unable to move forward...in anything...much less our relationship. "

It was supposed to be helpful, but it didn't feel that way. "A person can't forgive themselves." Lowering his hands he glared at her through his misty eyes. "I did what was right for me. Its all those other people that would have to forgive me."

She ran a hand through his hair. "Then on their behalf, I forgive you Killian. The past can't be changed. Continuing to beat yourself over it isn't going to make things better. Let it go. Focus on your future." She entangled her fingers in his own. "With me and Claire."

Scowling even deeper Killian felt her hand run through his hair. It was defying all logic and he couldn't put a finger on why it was comforting when it shouldn't be. Lowering his head he pulled his hands away from her and started to cry. None of this made sense and he couldn't help the overwhelming fear and relief all at the same time. "No..." Moaning into his hands he sat there and cried for a while longer before he got quiet again.

"I still love you, Killian. Nothing is ever going to change that. Nothing you've told me had convinced me your not still that amazing good man I fell in love with and married. Please...trust me. If you can trust me in nothing else, trust me on this."

Getting himself off the floor he nodded at her and rubbed his eyes. "I need to be alone for a little bit." Star nodded and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek, leaving to take care of Claire and give him time to process.

*********************************************************************************

Killian wandered out of the navigation room when it was past bedtime. By now he felt far more like himself. He wasn't going to be crying at anyone and he hated it when he did that. Once he was in the room he pulled his shirt off and got into the bed. Gingerly he snuck an arm around Star's waist and tried to be at least somewhat affectionate. It was one of the few ways he knew to show her that he was trying as hard as he could to be there for her.

Like usual sometime in the night he woke up. All the time in the games had trained him to be completely silent with the exception of his breathing patterns. No matter how badly he wanted to scream or he fought in his mind he couldn't make a sound. Turning onto his back he stared at the ceiling for a long while till the baby started to cry. Mostly out of habit he got up and went over to the crib to pat her little back till she went back to sleep. Even after she was asleep he remained standing by the crib for a few minutes longer. Getting back into the bed he put an arm over Star a bit more easily this time than he had when he first got into bed with her.

Gradually he fell asleep again and he didn't wake for a few more hours. This time it was early, but his head hurt and he figured it wouldn't hurt to sleep a little longer. Still he couldn't sleep cause he was used to being up. With a little growl he rolled over to his side of the bed and took himself to the shower. After last night he was terrified to kiss Star. She hadn't rejected him putting an arm around her and he couldn't help, but think that it was because she was sleeping. He never checked to see if she was. Killian nervously rushed through getting himself dressed and returned to the room. Star was awake now and so was Claire. Taking a seat on the bed next to her he moved his hand to rest over one of hers and leaned in to kiss her.
 
Star was pulled out of her sleep by a pressure on her hip and around her wait. It took a moment to realize that Killian was sleeping closer to her than he had in nearly a month. Granted, the majority of that time she'd been recovering from the transplant but the last few weeks had been purposeful separation. She dared not move lest he move as well, smiling lightly at the comfort of his body at her back and quickly fell back asleep.
*****************************************************************************
When Star got up Killian wasn't there. He'd probably gotten up early again. Would her avoid her again today, or were things finally turning themselves around? She pulled her hair over her shoulder and began brushing it. It reached down, several inches past her shoulder now, a simple dark brown. She was tempted to color it again when they visited the station. Killian came in a few minutes later and sat beside her. He looked tired, no doubt worn from yesterday's emotional events. As much as she was still pained by his treatment of her these last few weeks, she understood now where it had come from. He'd buried all that pain...and her words had just been the last straw. He probably hadn't even realized it himself, thinking she was the cause of his pain, when truly...it was the accumulation of everything else.

His massive hand moved to cover her own and he leaned towards her. Part of her was tempted to pull away. But right now, he needed to know that she still loved and cared for him, despite everything. As she always did. She leaned in and met him halfway, reaching her arms tenderly around his neck as she kissed him. When they finally parted she searched his eyes, her fingers softly massaging his head and neck muscles. "You ok?"
 
A kiss at this point was all he dared. Killian was still feeling horribly nervous about all this. Almost as nervous as he had felt when he asked her to marry him for the second time. He'd asked her 3 times total and now he felt like they were barely meeting all over again. It took a moment for him to realize that she'd been studying his face and he shook his head slightly. "Not really. I'll get there though."

Catching himself drifting away in thought he pulled away from her hand on his neck. Still he could feel her one little hand underneath his and the ring on it. She still wore the ring and that meant more than he thought it would. Moving his hand away from hers he brought it back just so he could gently tilt the ring one way and then another. It had to be moved from her ring finger to her pinkie finger and that was easily fixed if they got the ring re-sized. Silently he played with the ring on her finger till he decided that it was about time to be moving on with the day. "Where do you want to stop for clothing and shopping?" The best place that he knew of was where Claire was kidnapped and if they had to go there again he planned on having the girl strapped to himself so there was no way to have the girl going missing.

Killian was a little surprised with the response he got from Star. Moving his hand away from hers he frowned slightly though it was severe enough to indicate a problem. It was just surprise.
 
"Actually, before we get going I need you to know..." Star looked at him seriously. "I'm not ok."
Killian took a deep breath and continued to stare at her hand. "Yeah? I bet not."
"The way you've treated me these last few weeks...the things you've said, and you not trusting me...I understand where its coming from now, but..." She took a breath and stared at the wall, trying to figure out the best way to tell him how much pain his actions had caused her without causing more serious conflict. "I was in the most physical pain I've been in since childbirth. You were supposed to be there for me. And...you weren't. You don't know this but I passed at least twice, trying to take care of Claire while you were off ignoring me. But...even if I'd been in perfect health...doing that to your partner, to me...that was about the cruelest thing you could do, and it can't ever happen again if this marriage is going to work. I may have broke trust with you because of Mike, but you definitely broke trust with me doing that. And that's going to take time to heal."
It was sobering to hear and Killian didn't know what to say or do so he nodded for the time. After what felt like forever he finally thought of something to say besides sorry. "I didn't mean to leave you with Claire needing stuff. I would check her and I timed myself so I could come back to check on her."
"That's not the point, Killian." She sighs and stares at her knees. "It's not about you leaving me alone with Claire...its the fact that when you were mad...You basically abandoned me. You denied me every basic right as your wife. Love, comfort, communication. After about three weeks I wasn't even sure if you'd protect me if I was attacked."
Clenching his jaw he tried not to think about the fact that she was right. It was an ugly thing to be wrong like that. "Ok...I'll try to talk to you if something is going on so I don't do that again."
She nods approvingly. "That's a start."
By now he couldn't quite remember what she'd said earlier. Everything was so blurred with emotion and he hated to admit it, but eventually it would come out. "How bad did I break your trust?"
"I'm not sure I can put it on a scale, but it hurt...alot. I'm not petty though. I know...I can trust, and I can see that you're genuinely sorry and that you're really trying to work things out with me, so...for now...that's enough. And...if I need more, I'll say something. You treating me better than you normally do will go a long way towards repairing that." She says with a soft smirk.
Nodding a little he decided that he couldn't do much else. "Alright. So uh...where are we going to get your clothes?"
"Wherever you think is best." She shrugs lightly. "But first...what do you need from me? You're still in pain too...what can I do to help?"
Kilian shook his head when she offered help. "I don't know. We'll just work though this like everything else. Maybe when we're done shopping at the main planet for trade we'll stop at the gardens for a few days to just relax. Maybe it would help to go someplace we were both happy."
She smiles. "Sounds like a wonderful plan."
***************************************************************************
Star enthusiasm for shopping was dampened by the cloud hanging over them as they worked this situation out. She felt hopeful that they were making progress and they would come out of this stronger, but for now...it was just tough and more than a little painful. She took half the time she normally did picking out clothes that would fit her new figure. She walked out the store wearing a red-turtleneck sweater and dark blue jeans, her hair cascading down her shoulders. The only thing absent was that bright mischievous smile and bright light in her eyes.

She looks over at him with a soft smile, Claire strapped to his chest. She carried the majority of the bags and walked them both to a jeweler who would be able to resize her ring. As they waited for him to finish she looked up at Killian. Her mouth opened to ask a question but she taken off guard by the fact she was now at least 3 to four inches taller. She should've noticed while putting on clothes but until this moment she actually hadn't realized she wouldn't have to push up on her tiptoes to kiss him anymore. Just a slight chin tilt would be all that was needed. She giggled lightly. And he looked down at her giving her a curious look. "I don't have to stand on my tiptoes to kiss you anymore." She tilted her chin up and kissed him just to prove it. The jeweler came back with the ring and she slipped it right back on her ring finger where it now fit perfectly. Sometimes marriage was hard, but she didn't regret it. He would always be the only one for her.
 
Having to talk about the problem had brought up so many other things at the same time. Killian had never realized that he was hurting Star all that time. Somewhere in his twisted thought process he was doing what was best for her and Claire. He didn't want to turn into a ranting raving mess and so he isolated himself instead and made sure that any contact he had was minimal at best. That was the opposite of what she needed and she was struggling too with the bone pain. In many ways he felt guilty and the more guilty he felt about things the more he wanted to run. Running was not an option.

Talking had brought a lot of memories to the forefront, one that he had tried very hard to put away and never consider again. Killian found himself frowning often during the days and a deathly silence taking over. Sometimes he was almost alone in his head and breathing slightly increased. In some ways the memories were worse since talked with Star and in other ways he wondered why it was a little easier. They were more frequent if that was worse, but easier to deal with because he knew she wouldn't leave him because of the memories.

************************************************************************************

Finally they came to land at the port on the planet that reminded him of the cove. Star was still having a hard time too. At least he wasn't left to wonder why. She'd already told him it was the fact that he'd abandoned her with the baby for hours on end and hadn't even made an attempt to talk with her for weeks. Claire was still blissfully unaware of these troubles as she rested her little head on his chest and her little legs stuck out of the carrier. Killian waited silently while Star tried on different outfits. There was so much that changed about Star. She wasn't her usual spunky self and Kafus had ruined her usual flare for shirts too. The woman hadn't always been so concerned about her neck being covered until after that ridiculous collar. In a way it made him angry and yet he was too tired to do anything about it for now. Oddly enough the shopping was quite a bit shorter than he had anticipated. While Star had been in the changing room he had been wandering around the shop looking at different things. It was too fast for him to decide on anything, but he had an idea.

The bags that she let him carry weren't all that many. Killian let her lead the way and it took them to a jewelry shop. Catching a look from Star he frowned a little and then she gave him the reason. Smirking he lowered his head slightly so she could tilt hers up to kiss him. "I'm still taller."

By the end of the night he couldn't help the thoughts that had started to take over his head. Some of them were mixed, but he had to do something about it. They were supposed to head out to the planet the next morning, but he wasn't ready for that. Killian got up early and showered. Sneaking out of the ship he left a note for her in his barely legible handwriting.

Star I left four ah whyl. expecet me bak befor brekfas.
: ) Killian

Reading it over carefully a few times he wanted to be sure that it was correct spelling and all. Whispering the words as he read them they seemed to be right so he called it good for now. If he could read it, she could read it. Taking a few credits with he went back to the store that he saw a few of the kinds of shirts she used to wear. He had paid attention to her size this time and he told the clerk what size he needed and she showed him to the shelf. "What about scarfs to go with these. I want something pretty."

The woman smiled and took to an entire rack of scarfs. Apparently there wasn't a size on those. It was just whatever struck his fancy. Killian figured that Star loved bright colors she was always doing something crazy with her hair. That was until recently so she should be able to wear her crazy shirts and put a scarf with it. By the time he had all the scarves he thought she would wear there were nearly 12 of them in the basket, he didn't care though. The next stop he made at a tattoo artist. Hopefully they wouldn't take too long getting it done. He'd never done this sort of thing before, but this seemed to be the right kind of time to do it. A middle of a marriage crisis was a perfectly logical time to do that.

***************************************************************

By mid morning Killian got back to the ship. It took him a while longer than he thought to get the rest of his shopping done, get the tattoo and bring something to eat. Setting all those things aside at the door of the ship he wandered into the engine room first to be sure that everything was alright. When he came back out he had a Band-Aid on one of his fingers. Grabbing the bag of food and then the bag with the shirts and scarves he started for their bedroom. "Star?"

Not hearing an answer right away he began to panic. What if the same thing happened again? "Star!" Raising his voice a little he peered into the room and then started to march toward the kitchen. "Star!" Finally he heard her yell back and he relaxed a little. Setting the bags on the table he opened the one with the food. "Took longer than I thought. The uh...other bag has something for you." For the time he figured he would tell her about the tattoo later. She didn't need to have too much stuff right now. When he walked over to the sink to wash his hands he realized that the covering would have to come off and she would probably notice so perhaps it was the best time to say something right now anyway. "Decided to get a tattoo. Something symbolic." Taking the bandage off his finger he let her see the scrolling design on his ring finger that was representative of a wedding band. "I uh...well I can't wear a real ring cause of the risk of losing my finger. This is better though. I can't take it off when it suits me or when I think it's convenient. I think of you the same way. Choosing to marry you wasn't a commitment I made thinking that I could throw you aside. Even if I make mistakes and I don't always show you that I love you the best I still won't leave you. I made a promise."
 
Star was sleeping on the side that was aching the least. The soft rumble of the air circulation kicking on woke her from a stressful dream of a volcano erupting. Though the dream was quickly fading from her mind, she remembered she'd been screaming at Killian to move faster but the lava had caught him anyway. She remembered thinking that all the fights, all her frustrations meant nothing in that moment. She only wanted him to live.

Star rolled over, reaching for Killian, aching for his touch. Her eyes opened as her hand hit the empty bed. She sat up slowly, looking at her watch on her bed stand. 10 am!? She'd slept so late! Claire hadn't even cried to wake her. She sat up in a panic and rushed to her baby who was sleeping normally in her crib. An empty bottle on Killian's bed stand hinted that he'd fed her not too long ago and put her back to sleep. She sighed in relief and turned towards the showers. A note on Killian's side of the bed caught her eye. She picked it up, squinting...barely making out the poorly written words. It took about four times but she managed to decipher that he'd be back before breakfast. Considering how it was already ten...she figured he must've meant lunch.

She went into the bathroom and began her shower, leaving the door open in case Claire woke up. Just as she was washing the shampoo from her hair she heard Killian yelling her name urgently. "WHAT!?" She yelled from the shower. He didn't respond back. She rinsed the last of the suds out, grabbed a body-towel and wrapped it around her, hurrying out of the bathroom to find Killian. He'd sounded panicked. "Killian?" She rounded the corner finding him standing calmly at the kitchen table with bags of food and other items. "What's all this?" She questions, approaching the table, barely noticing that her hair was still dripping water all over the floor.

Star looked through the bags, smiling lightly as she pulled out a lovely pink shirt, silky to the touch and with a fun sparkly pattern running from the left shoulder to the right hip. Only...the neckline was low...as it seemed to be with all of them. She got the feeling he was hinting that she shouldn't be embarrassed and hide the scars, but... "Well, these are very fun and colorful Killian, but...the neck..." He pushed another bag towards her and she had to laugh. "Oh my gosh...did you buy every color in the rainbow!?" She pulled out a handful of scarfs, and wrapped one around her wet neck playfully posing for him in not but a towel.

Then he said the last thing she'd expected. "What? A tattoo!?" She scoffs, not quite believing him. Apparently he was dead serious cause next she knew he was showing her his "wedding ring" tattoo. His words brought tears to her eyes. "Killian..." She shakes her head with a smile. "You constantly surprise me." Star presses close to him, and kisses him on the lips. "I love you too." A second kiss and she smirks. "You know what I think we should do before breakfast?" She pulls him by the hand towards the bedroom with a seductive smile. She could tell by the way his eyes widened slightly she'd caught him off guard. Good. "C'mon...Claire's still sleeping and we've got some catching up to do for lost time."

**************************************************************************************

When Killian hadn't been looking Star changed their destination from the gardens to another nearby planet. She was more excited about this one then the gardens. She spun innocently in the chair as Killian approached with the four-month old Claire in his arms. The babe was in the process of smacking his face and anything else she could get her hands on. "I'm not doing anything." Star says innocently. "Just sitting here, checking how much longer we have to go. Looks like about two hours. Plenty of time to sit and talk...if you want." She gestures for him to sit across from her. "You've been quiet alot more recently. Is it cause of what we've been talking about or...something else wrong?"

**************************************************************************************

Star laughed like a mischievous child finally revealing her trap as Killian stepped off the ship with a confused look. "I decided to change our destination. Apparently this planet has some of the best beaches and temperatures in the system." She uncovered a pile of items next to the door. "I've already packed us a picnic lunch, bathing suits, towels and things for Claire." She attached the stomach pack and Killian tucked Claire inside, stuffing her pink dog in with her which she immediately began chewing on. Star couldn't help feeling sorry for the stuffed creature.

They carried the items out of the docking bay and took a shuttle to the inland where they were able to walk the next half-mile to the beach. The most astounding thing about this beach was the fact that the sand was a vibrant blue and green color. Star gaped. "Oh, wow...." The sea itself was just as beautiful with a warm sun shining down brightly. She grins at Killian, her eyes lighting up. "Now this is a vacation!" She rushes off to grab them a spot in the sand underneath a large leafy tree with orange and pink flowers. Being careful with Claire on her chest she lay a large blanket out for both of them and set the cooler beneath the shade of the tree. "Beautiful, yeah?" She asks, putting her hands beneath Claire's bottom and looking out across the cheerful ocean. There weren't as many people scattered about as she'd thought there would be, allowing them plenty of space.
 
Killian hadn't expected for Star to think it was an appropriate time for adult activities. Still he wasn't about to refuse either. It had been a long time waiting even if the majority of that waiting had been him avoiding her too. Afterword he rolled to his side and pulled the bedding over both of them. Gradually his breathing slowed and he fell asleep. Thankfully it was a light sleep that he didn't have any dreams in.

Briefly he woke when Star pulled away from his arms and Killian promptly dozed off again. It wasn't till Claire started to fuss that Killian decided to get up. Slipping into his clothes he hadn't even noticed that he had his shirt on inside out. Without even thinking of it he checked the diaper and picked the baby up. It wasn't time to feed her, but she probably wanted to be held. Half asleep he wandered into the kitchen and munched on a little bit of food. Looked like Star had already eaten hers and that was fine. Made him wonder where she went. More than likely it wasn't too far considering they were on the ship headed for the gardens.

Claire coo'd happily as he took her for a tour on the ship looking for mom. Little grins came to her face with each corner they rounded and eventually they came back to the room. Fussing a little she reached for her crib and the little chew toy in it. Killian gave her the toy and started the search again. It ended in the navigation room. Giving an excited squeal the baby began to swing her toy with great vigor. The first slap with the toy made Killian frown and then he tilted his head away from her while the baby continued to practically bounce in his arms. That was all fine till she satisfied her little swinging arms and decided to nuzzle in at his shoulder. Unexpectedly Claire chomped down on his collarbone.

"Owe!" Killian was momentarily distracted from checking to see what Star was actually doing at the navigation seat. She just looked far too innocent for her to not have done something. Making his way to the other seat he carefully sat down and waited for whatever it was that Star wanted to talk to him about. The way her expression had changed seemed to indicate that it was serious. What he could have possibly done wrong he didn't know.

Instead it was a basic check up. "I..." Shifting uncomfortably in the seat he shrugged. "Talking about it makes things worse." The frown on his face deepened and he got up. "Can't talk about this." Grabbing one of Claire's hands he playfully shook it till she dropped her toy and then picked it up off the floor and made it buzz in to tickle her tummy which got a few little giggles from her.

****************************************************************************

The next morning Killian's alarm went off and Star must have decided she wanted to land so he let her. Dealing with all the memories was getting more and more overwhelming each morning. It was difficult to even want to get up. Eventually he did have to get out of bed and he shuffled for the doorway with Star. Something pretty and getting outside to explore might help clear his mind. She was getting the baby strapped onto herself and he was too tired to protest to letting her do that part of the work.

Instead of being greeted with the greenery he was facing a teal'ish sort of ground. "What the hell is this?" Star was immensely pleased with herself and he nodded. "Ok." She must not have wanted to go back to the gardens. Walking along the beach with her he noticed that she was getting ready to find a spot to perch for the day. That wasn't quite what he had in mind if they were going to be at a beach. Taking his boots off Killian started to walk toward the beach edge. Whenever the ocean pulled back slightly he would wander toward the edge and outrun the incoming waves. It all worked just fine till he started to see how long he could wait till he got soaked. Star yelled something and he paused an extra moment only to glance behind himself and get soaked all the way up to his chest. As the water pulled back he lost his footing and went under the waves for a moment. Jumping back up he ran a hand through his soaked hair. At least it was warm outside.

Walking over to the spot where Star was he smirked. "You did that on purpose." Sitting next to her he snuggled in close to get her wet. "You might as well come out with the baby."
 
"Talking about it makes things worse." The frown on his face deepened and he got up. "Can't talk about this."
"It makes it feel worse cause you're actually dealing with the pain instead of burying it." Star explains. "Trust me, the more we talk about this and more you forgive yourself, the better you'll feel. And yes...forgiving yourself is actually a real thing, unless of course you have no guilt whatsoever about what happened during the games." She was pushing him...she knew that. But until he dealt with this, he was going to continue to have nightmares, be miserable and extremely paranoid. And that would only get worse as the years went by and the pain continued to fester.
"No I'm not going to talk about it front of her." Smiling he pushed the toy toward Claire's belly button. "You don't want to hear those things."
"She can't understand you yet." Star scoffs
"Not good for their little ears."
Star shook her head. "Fine...but you will talk...tonight or tomorrow. So figure out what you need to get off your chest and vent out. We're not going home until we've worked through as much as we can of this."
Giving her a quick glance Killian acted as if there was nothing wrong. "Yeah we can talk later."
She gave him a look but let it pass...for now.
**********************************************************************************
Star laughed as the wave soaked him. She was perfectly content lounging in the sun and getting a light tan but then Killian had to come over and snuggle, dampening her clothes. "No..." She squealed as he wrapped wet arms around her. "Awww, now I'm all wet..." She glares at him half hardheartedly.
"You might as well come out with the baby."
She rolls her eyes and lets him pull her to her feet. She winced as the stretch in her arm brought the dull ache back to the forefront of her mind. Star follows him to the water, sticking her feet in. She didn't want to get Claire wet or risk getting pulled in by a strong undertow, so she didn't venture in beyond her ankles. The water was comfortable and the smell of the ocean was crisp and fresh. She chuckled lightly as Claire reached out a hand to grab a passing butterfly. She failed, but it was cute anyway.
Star watched Killian as he almost turned into a kid, playing in the water. It was good to see him even a little content after these last few weeks, but his hesitancy to deal with the problem bothered her.
The more tightly he held to those memories and refused to deal with them...the harder it would be for them to make any progress in their relationship or in his character. He was barely holding onto sanity. All it would take was one more thing of horror and he may very well break, never to be healed again. For his sake and their families, she had to push...even if he came out swinging.

A few hours later Star lay Claire down to nap and pulled out the sandwiches she'd packed. "Well, what do you think? Like this better or the gardens?"
 
Killian still played around in the water despite Star being a stick in the mud. Even the water wasn't that cold and it couldn't hurt the baby to get a little bit wet. However, he let it be for now. They might try to get out in the water with Claire tomorrow. Joining Star for sandwiches he grinned impishly. "Oh I think its dandy. Makes me want to drag you into the waves sometime." After lunch he laid back in the sun to dry off. Probably the fastest way was to strip his shirt off. The pants...they had to stay on.

When he got up there was a gritty feel of all the sand that had stuck to his skin. Usually Killian wouldn't have minded, but it had inched its way down into his pants. There was nothing like having sand in the shorts. He couldn't even imagine how that happened. The curls in his hair had hardened with the salt water and turquoise sprinkled throughout his black hair made him almost look like a peacock. Killian brushed a hand through his hair and tried to get all the sand out. He brushed impatiently at the sand on his chest and turned his back to Star. Might want to get some of this off before we go into the ship.

After the shower Killian was surprised to see that there was still plenty of silt that spread out on the bathroom floor. He didn't know that he'd gotten that dirty outside. Getting into some clean clothes he wandered out to the kitchen. Claire had fallen asleep already and was sleeping in Star's arms. Quietly the two of them ate dinner. However, he made a point to try and remember to tell her it was good. Getting back into the groove for family stuff was far more difficult than he thought it would be. "Thank you, its good." The closer they got to bedtime the more quiet Killian was becoming. He couldn't help the fact that he was growing more anxious. Ever since she had him talk it had grown worse.

At last he slipped under the blankets with Star. She was curled up in the blankets waiting until Killian was settled. "So...have you thought about what you need to say? I'll remind you we're not going back to the planet until we make at least some progress with this. The last thing I want is for the exact same thing that started this mess to happen again."

"What could I possibly need to say besides this." Leaning a little closer he kissed her. "I love you." Burying his head in the covers he hoped to avoid the conversation if he could charm her out of it.

"Oh, no. You're not getting out of this that easily." She pulled back the covers. "I'm serious, Killian. If you don't start talking about this you're going to go crazy. There's only so much crap a person can keep bottled up before everything goes nuclear. Why do you think I cry so frequently. Helps get things up and out before they go real bad." She leans back in the pillows, "I'm not saying you have to cry, but you do have to talk."

Apparently this wasn't going to work. Nobody had ever pushed this hard before and he was starting to get a little concerned himself about going crazy though this wasn't the time to admit it. Telling her he couldn't talk hadn't changed it either. "Well then let me do it my way." Killian's voice got muffled as he pulled the blankets over his head again. "I can't look at people when I talk about this."

"Fine...but if you start snoring I'm kicking you in the ribs..." She smirks lightly.

Killian snorted. "Like I can sleep anyway." After a little grumbling he shifted underneath the covers and let out a long sigh. She was quiet, so quiet that it was almost like he was by himself. It made this a little easier though he could still feel his heart rate go up. "Danny, Adam, Cade, Bill, Joe, Frank, and Tom. They didn't know I could talk. They just wouldn't stop talking. Always worried about their families back home. We sat in the cages for a few days. After we all watched one game they didn't talk again for a few hours. I didn't want to know them. They just talked and talked about what they could do to survive to reach the center."

Pausing, he waited for what felt like a long time before he said anything else. "Bill died on the run, a bullet through his heart. Cade got killed at the wall. Danny never got off the line. He couldn't make himself do it. I only remember Frank. Rest of them probably died somewhere between the beginning and end. I hated them. Hated them because I knew their names. Broke Frank's back and neck then beat the other men to a bloody pulp. It was the same with each new wave of men."

Star listened quietly. He'd been through a hell no man should suffer. It was little wonder he had no desire to talk about it...and why he was so sensitive to being called a beast and other such things now a-days. A small tear trickled down her cheek in pain for him...her beloved...suffering under the torment of all he'd had to do and see. She couldn't imagine having to kill children and people she knew to survive. She didn't say anything, fearing that if she did...he would clam up...and bury everything again.

Underneath the covers he shifted again and reached up with one hand to pull his pillow underneath with him. Holding the pillow tight he started though it was getting more difficult. "Started to hunt them..........If they were......If they were in my game I would hunt them. Didn't want to face them one more night in the cages . Sometimes they had me out of rotation, but I still got hear them talk. They hated me as much as I hated them." Turning away from Star he faced the wall though he was still underneath the covers. "They started planning to kill me....Some of the little ones tried to talk to me. Wanted to make deals. There weren't any damn deals to make." Gradually his voice shifted to an angry growl. "I found the little ones and killed them fast as I could. It was better than them reaching the middle. By then they were craved little monsters and they wouldn't make it anyway."

Star covered her mouth, biting her fingers to keep from making any noise. By now full tears streamed down her face. She shook her head silently...wanting him to stop. It was almost too much. This was what he'd been burying all this time? She took a quiet, shaky breath, glad he couldn't see her face or tears. She continued to remain silent.

"I remember one little one. He reached the middle. An older man, maybe his father was with him. They were all closing in so I took the kid and ripped his head off. Wanted to scare them. I needed to survive one more game to make it to the end of the day." Killian began to get restless again. "They kept the bodies of all the dead men. Treated them with chemicals so they wouldn't decay. Some guards told us we ate the dead it was cheap food for animals."

Star nearly screamed at him to stop right there, but managed to keep silent. Her head instinctively wanted to run. Run far away from this beast. Brutal killer of children. And yet...she'd made an oath. She'd asked for this. Forced him to speak, and reveal all horrors with the promise that it would not change how she felt about him. It was proving to be one of the hardest promises she'd ever had to keep. She kept her mouth covered with her hand, praying her body didn't erupt in loud sobs. Just remain quiet...a little longer. Just a little longer.

Killian started to laugh a little. "The guards...They would rape the men at night. Not me. I nearly killed one when he tried." The laughter started again. "Because I didn't kill him they only beat me and ruled it an occupational hazard for the guard." Gradually the laughter turned to silent tears and he got out of the bed. "I can't. No more." Almost blindly he stumbled from the room and opened the door of the ship. A warm breeze hit him in the face and he stepped out to sleep on the sand.

Star buried her face in her arms weeping quietly. For him, for herself, for the children and the people brutalized. She was beginning to want to blow up that arena as much as he did. Maybe it wasn't such a bad plan after all...if they did it right.

It was about 30 minutes before the tears faded and she was calm enough to exit the ship and join him outside. She had the baby monitor tucked in one pocket, a blanket over her shoulder and two mugs of hot chocolate in her hand. She gives him one mug and wraps the blanket around his shoulders then sits beside him, saying nothing. She hoped the simple gesture would be enough to say what words couldn't. She wasn't going anywhere.

Sleep wouldn't come. Killian ended up sitting, staring, and feeling sick. He never wanted to tell her those things. She wouldn't want him after that, after she knew what he was. A warm blanket wrapped around his shoulder and he frowned slightly. Taking the cup he sipped at it and stared at the ocean and the moon. "Now you know why I'm afraid of the men we saved. They're just like me."

"But...just like you they have something to live for again. Most aren't stupid enough to risk that."

"Aren't they?" Killian looked at her. "Someday they'll get tired of this life. They'll heal enough that they will want their revenge and I can't stand in their way."

She looks back over at him. Eyes red but still vibrant. "If they do...we'll talk to them. If that doesn't work, we'll ship them off the planet or do what's necessary. Same plan with the chippequoti. But...I think you underestimate the power of freedom and love, Killian. Most of them have families now. I think...I'd hope that the risk of losing their families is greater than the reward of revenge."

"We could hope." Killian sighed and took another sip of the hot chocolate. Just shipping them off the planet. Sounded nice, but what could he do with them when he ran out of ships? Would he take them somewhere to abandon them? They would kill him before that. There were so many problems, problems that he would much rather bury his head in. He felt like the monster that they thought him to be. Even if there should be comfort in men like Frank and his wife Lisa there wasn't. Frank if he survived a game knew what Killian was and potentially Frank could be the same. After the cocoa was finally slurped away Killian laid down on the sand. He would try to go to sleep.

Throughout the night he tossed and turned, woke, and dozed and finally he got up to walk around the beach. Picking up a few shells off the shore he stuffed them into his pocket and started to collect more as he went. If nothing else it could make an interesting looking project. By the time he got back to the ship Star had picked up the blanket, cups, and had returned to the ship. In a way it was surprising that she hadn't left him. If their places had been reversed he would be tempted to leave the other.

Typing in the code he wandered into the ship and laid the shells out on the table. Something beautiful. He wanted to make something pretty with it. Often times that was what helped get him out of a mood. Taking a clear glass out of the cupboard and some super glue he began to rub the glue over the shells and stick them to the inside of the glass. Once he was satisfied with the amount of shells he went outside with it to collect a few rocks. Setting the glass on the shore he rolled his pant legs up and collected a few rocks to put in it with a little red sea plant. To finalize it he poured some of the sand in to keep the rocks from grinding on the glass and then filled with water. Trudging back to the ship he set the project on the table and left it there while he went back to the bedroom to get changed into some real clothes for the day.
 
Last edited:
Star retreated to bed with a heavy heart. That night she had nightmares of the things Killian had described and woke up in a cold sweat. He had to go through that every night? How had he not gone mad already? She turned in the bed and noted that his side was still made. He'd never come back in. She worried she'd pushed to far. What if it had been too much for him to handle? What if everything got worse now? Still, she had to trust that making him talk about it was the right thing. If he hadn't, all that would've still been buried beneath the surface and he'd be fighting the memories by himself. At least he knew now that she still hadn't been scared away. If that didn't strengthen his trust in her, she didn't know what would.

The young mother got up and checked on Claire who grinned up at her happily, while chewing on the pink dog. Star grinned down at her and lifted her from the crib, getting a series of giggles in return. "Well, good morning Sunshine. Aren't you a happy baby today?" Star set the babe on the changing table just as Killian came in covered in sand. "Good morning, Killian." She says with soft smile, and shakes Claire's hand to him, making sure he got a good view of her smiles before grabbing clothes and heading for a shower. It was hard to read how he was doing. Whether he was depressed or just tired. She put a jacket on over her night-shirt and a blanket over Claire as she wandered into the kitchen for food. "Whoa..." Star approached the decorated glass, studying it. Killian had done that? It was incredible. So the bippen's had been right, he really was talented at art.

When Killian joined her for breakfast she smiled at him kindly and gestured to the glass. "That's beautiful, Killian. Really beautiful. Especially with that blue sand. I didn't know you had a talent for this sort of thing. I sure don't." When he sits she takes his hand, looking at him with a hint of concern. "I didn't push you too much yesterday, did I?" She asks worriedly. "You didn't come in last night...I just wanted to make sure...you...me...we're ok?"
*************************************************************************
Star suggested they spend at least one or two more days at the beach (for the sake of regaining their sanity). Though there was still a little risidule pain from the weeks before it was difficult to be mad or hold it against him now that she knew everything he'd been holding onto for at least a year. She doted on him kindly, doing everything to make sure he knew there was still at least one person in this world who full loved and accepted him. She touched him frequently, knowing that was the way he felt most connected and she didn't ask any more probing questions aside from seeing how he was doing in that moment and if the nightmares had eased at all.

When they finally stepped back out onto the volcanic planet she was almost sad to be back. She looked behind her as Killian helped carry the bags down the ramp. She was wearing one the new bright blue shirts Killian had gotten her with a scarf to match. It looked like the colonists had been busy putting together four more buildings for the new refugees. At least three buildings were large houses to hold several colonists each while the fourth seemed to be in the design of a clinic on the edge of the colony. It would definitely be good to have a resident doctor and nurses within a few hundred yards rather than a few days. Despite them being hard at work, there was tenseness in the air that hadn't been there before. Lisa and Frank approached, Lisa already beginning to show a small baby-bump. "Killian, Star! We're glad to have you two back. The others wanted to call you but I wouldn't let them...I know you two needed some time but..."
"There have been some unusual attacks." Frank pops in, helping Killian carry the bags to the house.
"Unusual?" Star questioned. "Attacks from where? There are volcanoes everywhere."
"Yes, well...it seems that last eruption caused alot of wild life on the other side of the planet to migrate to this side. There are wolves, vultures and other strange beasts attacking the live stalk. So far no one has been hurt, but we've lost a handle full of cattle, sheep and chickens already. We've built a quick barn to protect them at night, but...its putting everyone on edge. Especially the new colonists. We're a bit concerned that other things will be showing up soon as well...like other life on the planet."
Star sighed lightly. There was no end to the things needing to be done.
 
After the shower he felt a little better. At least more human...it was such an odd term to use considering he wasn't actually human and Killian still hated that notion. Heading into the kitchen he noticed Star was admiring the handiwork. At least she wasn't upset by the fact that her glass was ruined. That was something he thought of after he made it. "Hmmm." Rather than saying thank you he gave a grunt. He didn't know what to say if someone complimented a little project.

With a sigh he sat down at the table. His brow furrowed when she grabbed his hand and he looked into her eyes. He'd already forgot about leaving her alone and rolled his eyes. "Damn it...Oh uh." Now he knew it sounded bad and he tried to remedy the situation. "We're fine I uh was uh umm well? Messed up already?" Killian couldn't tell if had followed that scattered train of thought or not so he figured he would have to start over. "Already forgot last night that I wasn't going to leave you like that; just couldn't sleep." The way she was staring at him he started to get worried she would begin pushing for answers. "Can we not talk about this?" Already he was starting to shift on the bench.

Staying over the next two days was nice enough and Killian felt like Star was in some ways trying to treat him like a delicate flower or something. He felt about as far from delicate as possible. Oddly enough by the second night the nightmares were a little better. Not that he found the dreams anymore tolerable, but he didn't have as many when he fell asleep and he got more rest. The questions about exactly what happened hadn't come up and he was glad for that. For the most part he'd only described what he could bare to repeat. There were some things that happened...some that he could not even utter. It was best to keep his mind away from it though her asking made it difficult. Killian let her ask if the dreams were better or worse. Eventually he would have to face a curious shit that would want to know what happened just out of pure curiosity and he needed to be able to maintain his cool if they did. So he chose not to get upset with Star's well meaning attempts to help. "Slept a little better last night."

That seemed to be the cue that they were ready to go home again. Killian grabbed as many things as he could to start unloading. It looked like there were quite a few buildings that were going up. He had supplies for them and whatever else they had sent before he left the planet. Eventually he would have to make another run of some kind to get money. Already they were starting to look almost more like a town. The large houses were temporary shelters for new refugees and those that were healthy enough had begun to build their own homes.

Then Frank and Lisa were talking about the wildlife and Killian growled. "I'll take watch one night and then we'll just have to take turns." That was such a simple solution and he didn't know why they hadn't done that. A barn was nice, but it couldn't fit everything, so what was left needed to be in a pen and they could arm a man to take on the duty.

The first night home Killian got into bed with Star to sleep and he fell asleep like usual. Turning in the bed he frowned deeply in his sleep. So many times he had never been able to speak and this time the dream changed. Star and Claire were put in the games. Everything inside of him screamed and revolted against the image and yet it progressed. For the first time since the games he murmured in his sleep and he fought the dreams. Suddenly he heard a yell and he woke up. It took him a minute to figure out he had been the one to yell and he rolled out of the bed. "I'm gonna go see how the night watch is doing." Pulling a shirt on and his boots he weaved through the house almost blindly and out into the cold night air.

After a few weeks of Killian taking to the watch almost every night Lisa decided to visit Star. The woman had something going on in her life and she would need support somewhere. Holding underneath her every growing belly she toddled to the door and knocked. By now the house was back to just Star, Killian, and the baby. "We haven't had too many more attacks on the cattle. There is strange bear thing though. Its still coming back." Wandering over to the window she could see that Star had been watching the men work on the trap for it. "How are you doing?" She listened for a moment and smiled. "No, I mean to really ask how you're doing. He's out there every night and up all day. Are you two ok?"

Nodding a little she sighed. "My dear Frank struggled a lot with that. He survived one round of games before you helped release him. He only told me a few things about it. Sometimes he doesn't sleep. It has gotten better with time." Reaching across the table she grabbed Star's hands. "If you need something let me know. If you need it from him, try asking him."

"Yeah." Star sighed softly. "I'm learning to set boundaries and tell him what I need but...its still hard...obviously. I'm trying to be understanding...of everything he's gone through and is going through, but...its like...he doesn't know how to interact with me very well anymore." Star ran her fingers through her hair. "He still has horrible nightmares, and...I wake up frequently to find him gone and he won't come back till morning. I don't know if its cause he stand being near me or if the nightmares are just too much..." She lowered her head. "I should've never pushed him to talk..."

Lisa took a deep breath. "Then try asking him to stay a certain number of nights with you. I used to make a deal with Frank that he would stay 4 nights out of the week in bed. Its different with a little one, but at the time I told him he could wake me up or hold onto me if he wanted. It helped. I know you have a little one and if you decide to do that I would watch her if you're tired out."

Star nods, considering the offer. "Thanks. Lisa...I might just do that with him. I think I'll be ok with Claire, she sleeps through the night now..."

"Claire is up all day. You might want to try taking a nap." Lisa chuckled a little.

"Heh, yeah..." Star chuckles. "I try and nap when she does..." She looks down at her mug. "I suppose I'm trying to figure out the balance of giving him the space and time he needs to heal...and rebuilding our own relationship. I'm still trying to heal myself from what happened before we left. It still hurts...and every time he leaves during the night I fear that's the start of another 3 weeks of him ignoring me." She rested her head on her hand. "But your idea is a good one...maybe it'll help..."

The woman swallowed. "It was hard for Frank and I. He still needed to feel like I needed him. A difficult balance when you feel like you're trying to take care of them. He's much better. Frank doesn't talk much about it, sometimes he'll still wake me up and its not always cause he had a bad dream." A smirk came to her face. "They are full of mischief. I'm sure if you got this far you'll make it."

Star smiled lightly. "Yeah...we will. It just sucks right now." She finishes her drink. "Thanks, Lisa. This helped alot. Its good to have a friend I can talk to about this."

The woman slowly nodded. "Well on the side..." She'd caught on that perhaps it was best to change the subject now. "I've got a few baby questions for you."

************************************************************************

It had been another long day at work and Killian felt tired, frustrated, and a little bit needy. He didn't know why he felt so needy when Star was giving him all the space in the world. In many ways it was like being a kid and he hated that feeling. Some days he couldn't even tell you what he wanted so he had reverted to being quiet because it was far better than being a monster about things.

By now he remembered to take his boots off at the doorway instead of tracking all the mud and ash into the house. He barely reached the living room and Star was there with an odd look on her face. Walking over to where she was he felt her grab his hand and he waited. She had something to say by the look on her face.

Star took Killian by the hand. "Listen. I know...you're still processing through alot...and you still wake up with nightmares and stuff. I need you to know that I'm here. Alright? I want you to start waking me...if you need to talk about it or simply hold me. I'd also like you to try staying in bed with me...not getting up and leaving. If, if you need time to get away and process...you can just spend the night in your ship 2 or 3 times a week. But, I think you need to break this habit of leaving me in the middle of the night when the memories or emotions are too strong.

"Why?" So far this was an odd request and Killian scowled a little bit. "I purposefully try not to wake you up."

"Because, every time I wake up and your not there, I'm worrying that you're going to do the same thing to me that you did a month back and I'm not going to see you again for several weeks." She looked up at him with pleading eyes. "I need you...and you need me. Use me as your comfort. Wake me...its alright. I want you too. But don't run or hide. I'm your better half for a reason." She smirks lightly.

Killian almost got a look of relief. It was reasonable and it made sense. Nodding a little he stepped closer and pulled her into a hug. "Then how about I stay with you tonight." Maybe it would help with the needy feeling.

"I'd like that." She smiles, tilting her head up and kissing him softly. Thank you, Lisa. Silently she added the note for herself.

With permission it felt a little easier to talk with her. Killian kissed her back and stared into her eyes. "Can we sit together for just a little bit tonight?"

"Whatever you need."

There was nothing more comforting than to know that she was ok with him waking her up by accident. She wanted him to stay in bed and all this hadn't been just a show to pretend that she was ok with him. Star didn't even mind if he wanted a little time with her in the evening. It had Killian wondering what he wanted to do now that he had her all to himself for a few hours or even a few minutes. She still wanted him and he needed to make it special.

Letting go of her hand he raced back over to the door. "I got a few more things to do before we get together tonight." Killian knew she had been watching the progress from the window for a while so he waited till he could't see her to sneak off. "Hey Mike." Walking up behind the engineer he called to him. The man was working on a heater for one of the shelters. "I got a question for you."

****************************************************************

When Killian got back to the house he was a little late for dinner and he knew that. "I'm home." Giving his usual greeting he stepped into the door and set the little bouquet of wild flowers he'd gathered outside on the bench. Leaning against the door he slipped his boots off and wandered into the kitchen with the bouquet in one hand behind his back. "I got a surprise for you." Smirking a little bit pulled her in for a kiss and he felt her hand sneak around his back. Moving his hand away from hers he brought the flowers up on the side. "Thought you deserved a few flowers in advance. Just in case I accidentally wake you up."

Killian waited till after dinner and Claire was in bed to make his little proposition. "How about I give you a massage." At first the look on her face seemed to indicate she was thinking of something else. "No, seriously. I do want to give you a massage. Its a nice way to get my hands all over you and not have to do anything about it. Could still lead to other things, but there's no pressure. Just wanted an excuse to touch you is all."

Picking her up he chuckled a little and carried Star to the bedroom. "Now where do I start? At your feet?"
 
Star smiled as he presented the flowers to her then raised her eyebrow as he suggested a massage. "Really? A massage?"
"Seriously. I do want to give you a massage. Its a nice way to get my hands all over you and not have to do anything about it. Could still lead to other things, but there's no pressure. Just wanted an excuse to touch you is all."
"Uh, ok then." Star giggled as he scooped her up. He trotted her over the bed. "Now where do I start? At your feet?"
"Oh no...my feet are far too ticklish. Start at my shoulders. Just...be careful...your hands are really strong." She smirks, pulling off her shirt and laying on her stomach on the bed. She didn't bare her back to him very often. The ugly red scars from her time with Kafus hadn't faded as much as she would've liked but at least they didn't hurt anymore. And most of the time she forgot they were there. She giggled lightly as he started. It tickled he was so light with the pressure. "You don't have to be that careful..." She chuckled. "Go ahead and put some more pressure...little more...ok...that's good." Star closes her eyes and relaxes in the pillow. "You've never offered me a massage in all the time we've been together. What brought this about?" She asks curiously.
Killian sat back on the bed and waited for Star to get settled before he began to lightly rub on her shoulders. Gradually he increased the pressure till he got the satisfied half groan out of her. Slowly he rubbed his thumbs in half circles near the spine. "I needed to hold you maybe." A grin came to his face. "Might have wanted a good excuse to get handsy."
"You rarely need an excuse for that with me." She smirks. Her body relaxes as he works out some tight knots in her muscles. "Everything good with the colony? Aside from that bear thing? Have you felt more comfortable around the colonists?"
"So many questions." Mumbling he pushed on the knot he could feel. "I think the bear has cubs. Makes her a mean one." Moving a little further down her back he continued working on it. He didn't want to stay on one place too long for fear of making her sore. "Getting used to being around them. Frank's not so hard to get along with as the others. He's quiet."
"Yeah he is. But he's a good guy. Treats Lisa really well. Eric and Kim and Lanna and Toby are all incredible couples as well. They seem really happy." She opens her eyes and looks over at him. "You made that happen. There are a lot of people who are living great lives now thanks to you." She winces as he touches a sore spot on her lower back. "Ooh, less pressure there...I must've strained a muscle picking up Claire. She's getting heavy...I can only imagine how heavy she'd be without my new muscles."
Frowning he couldn't help the skepticism when Star wanted to tell him what a nice thing he'd done. For the time it was easiest to ignore it and he let up as soon as he saw the wince. "You didn't grow any new muscles they just got stronger that's all." Rolling his eyes a little he chuckled. "I got the same amount of muscles as any human. I think..."
"Maybe...if you compare yourself to a bodybuilder." She chuckles lightly and relaxes again as he moved on. "Do you want more kids, Killian?" She didn't at the moment, but...it was something to consider for their future.
"I don't look like a bodybuilder. They're just ridiculous." He thought they were anyway. For the most part Killian considered himself toned. Not particularly heavy muscled though he was a bit bulkier than the average fellow. Then Star asked a very odd question. "I guess. More kids would be nice. Claire might like to have a brother or sister or not."
Star smiled. "I thought so too."

**********************************************************************************

"I have missed eggs...so much." Star exclaims as she breaks a fresh chicken egg over the sizzling pan. "Like real eggs, not the dehydrated powder stuff. She looks over a Killian as he comes up behind her. She tilts her head up at him. "Like my hair?" She'd dyed it a dark purple earlier that morning while he'd been out checking on things around the colony. "Sorry about the bathtub...the color should fade after a few weeks." She smirks. There were dark purple splotches all over the tub. At least it was colorful now.

They sit to eat and she grabs some to toast to make an egg sandwich. "You haven't mentioned the chippequoti at all these last few weeks. Are you...are you still going after them?" She asks almost hesitantly. She didn't want to ruin the moment, but the question had been weighing heavily on her mind for several days now.
"Yes." Killian stared at the counter where his hand rested. With the hours in the sun he had gotten a bit darker. "You never agreed to any of my plans and we still need Timo here."
"I said I'd agree to the gas one if we couldn't come up with anything better. And we haven't. I can talk to Timo."
This was almost making him nervous. Star he had expected would be the last one to talk about this. "Why are you in such a hurry suddenly? I thought I would have to ask you."
Star looks down at her food for a moment. "We need them." She looks up at Killian. "I want to destroy the arena...but...we need an army if we're going to do it right."
"Why didn't you listen to me the first time I said we wanted to destroy the arena? Its going to be a lot harder this time. How do I even know if they'll take part?" Killian looked at her. "I don't own them because we rescue them. Got a good idea that they would want their revenge, but they'll want a hand in planning."
"Cause the first time you wanted to destroy everyone in it...the innocents included. And the first time..." She looked away. "I didn't realize just how horrible it really was." She looks back at him. "Now I do...and I want to destroy that whole damn place. But I want to do it right. I want as few casualties as possible. That includes the fighters themselves and the slaves of the nobles on the station."
Killian shook his head. "You can't have both. Maybe we could get a few players out, but you would risk us if you wanted to rescue that many people. Either you blow it up or you don't."
She frowns softly. "Then I guess we don't. Forget I mentioned it." She returns to eating.
Star brought it up and Killian wanted to finish the job. "Then how would you do it?"

She sighs and set her fork down. "I'd gas the place. Knock everyone out. Noble, fighter, slave. We set a virus in the system. Get information on thousands of different nobles and syphon the game's funding into our pockets. Then, after we've gotten the innocents out and dealt with any remaining security we blow it from orbit. Send a strong message that we're not putting up with the crap anymore. I'd think that much money would be plenty of an incentive to any Chippequoti to follow our plan."
"How do you gas an open arena?" Killian was intrigued by the idea. "It would be incentive enough I think and I'd like to see the arena destroyed."
"We get some good ships and fighters, deal with any security in orbit around the station itself then have a shuttle drop canisters on a fly by over the arena."
"Its big." Killian shook his head. "We need more than an army to clean out the slaves from their masters and then what do we do with the slaves that have the problems you did?"
"We help them." She says determined. "With that many credits we could hire several psychiatrists or simply pay for them to be institutionalized and cared for. And with the information we'll have on the nobles...we could hit them hard and get even more credits to fund the war. I'm pretty sure Sasha would have some good ideas of where we can find people to add to our army."
"I wouldn't deal with her." Looking over at Star he shrugged slightly. "Said I didn't blame her for the past. I don't trust her and I don't like her."
"Neither do I, but she has connections that we don't." Star taps the table. "Or we could just hire human mercenaries and other such people. But...Sasha's contacts could be more reliable."

"I also have to believe that not all gillicks are like the nobles we've run into. Maybe we can find a way to get them involved as well."
Sighing he nodded. "Alright. Just so you know. She was allowed here that one time because I owed her that much and now we're even and I won't have that woman here ever again." Then he tensed when Star mentioned the Gillick. "I'd rather not deal with them. Personally I have a special hatred for them."
"So do I, Killian. Maybe even more than you." Her hand instinctively rubs her scarred neck. "But like you said, we need more than an army. We can't afford to say no to any potential allies in this."
"We could make an exception with the Gillicks. There are plenty of other races out there and with two of us hating them I don't see how we'd do without creating enemies in our midst." Killian tilted his head to the side and watched her rub her neck. She was still suffering from that Gillick and it made Killian angry every day that he was reminded of Kafus. If he found out he was at the arena Killian would be tempted to put on a mask and go find the creature to kill it in a painful slow way.
"I can be diplomatic with them, even if I hate them." Star says. "If it helped us destroy that place and the nobles behind it...I'd kiss the devil." She put her hands in her lap. "But right now, we have to focus on getting the Chippequoti out and helping them heal enough so that they'll be capable of battle."
A smirk came to Killian's face. "You kiss a devil everyday." He got up and walked over to where she was and kissed her. "So whenever you're ready I'll be waiting to take action."
"I know you are." She kissed him back and stroked his face. "And you're the furthest thing from a devil to me."
"Mmmm." Chuckling he pulled her up from her seat and held her close to himself. "Not quite angelic, but I'm working on it."
"Please...neither of us are angels." She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. "You know I can't go with you though."
Killian paused momentarily when she mentioned that she wouldn't come with. "Why not?"
"Claire."
"She's gonna find out eventually what we do anyway. Why don't you get on a ship and help conduct the activities?" Killian was still confused at times why a person would let a child hold them back from certain activities.
"Its not that Killian. At least not right now. I mean... I can't risk her losing both parents. Every time we go out there...there is a risk one of us will be killed. If both of us go...we risk leaving her an orphan. That's bad enough if she were human...but being a half...no one would now how to properly care for her. I can't do that to her."
"Maybe...if I was on a ship far enough away from everything...but that would mean leaving you guys a ship short."
"Damn it....When did you learn to be so logical." Growling playfully he nibbled at her earlobe. "I like it."
She giggles and playfully pulls away. "Well, I learned from the best." She tugged his hand towards the bedroom. "I was thinking of a bath. Wanna join?"
"I don't need a bath...." Killian frowned at her and then it occurred to him what might happen. "Well I might need to get washed up a little bit."
She rolls her eyes. "Sometimes, you're so slow..."
 
They were finally moving on it. Anna had been waiting for some kind of news about rescuing the Chippequoti for a while. There were a few that she could count on to get help and some that were a little less reliable than others. "Hey honey." Standing on her tip toes she kissed him. "I got a little party tonight. Sorry, it came up last minute." Originally they had planned to spend part of the night together, but she couldn't risk taking him to this meeting. She was dressed like it was a party and got into her ship. Once she was inside she slipped the ear buds in and grabbed her tactical gear.

A quick drop into the slums and she would get a few of the forces moving. They needed to be ready for the rendezvous and then Killian and Star would be picking the extra help up at a planet that was marked as a junk yard. So far that was the safest spot to put them all. By estimation the round up and preparation would be just enough time for the Chippequoti to be rescued and healed up enough to take on the fight.

Leaving her ship in flight she had it programmed to come back in 15 minutes, and then leave after a 2 minute increment. She had the little fob that would direct it drop the ladder if she was close enough. Otherwise it would fly back to the unmarked bay and sit there. Nobody kept markers on their ships around here and especially these days. It was getting too risky for nobles or anyone that wasn't noble to mark their ships. Raids and uprisings were making it difficult for anyone to consider themselves safe. Dropping out of the ship she started walking confidently along the sidewalk as if she belonged here. Usually no one paid any heed if she appeared to be one of the folk here.

Rounding the corner of the building she heard one of her contacts talking and paused. They shouldn't be talking to anyone. Not yet. She was the one they were supposed to be meeting.

"Aye...They're planning a rescue of the Chippequoti. Only 2 weeks out. Who knows what they'll do after the beast rescues his own kind. We all saw what one of the Chips could do in good health and with a little fire in him. What would 50 of them do?" The other man agreed quietly and then there was a pause. "My contact should be here anytime."

Anna backed away and started down the wrong side of the street. Pulling the hat down further on her head she figured hiding her blonde hair would at least help. They couldn't identify her easily if anything happened. What would they do to Kato? He was such a gentle man and she hated to think of what could happen if she didn't make it. Surely they would try to torture him and he knew nothing. She'd made sure of that. If only she could bring her ship back. Still she would have to wait for it to arrive and it would be at the pick up which was only a short distance away.

A sharp ping sounded behind her and she felt a splinter of wood hit her in the cheek. Turning around she saw men with guns chasing after her. Ducking behind a building she closed her eyes and waited. Then edged her way into an alley.

"I saw them. It was the contact. Someone told me this one was small. They say number 16 is a woman and I know that was her."

So that was it. There was more than one that was now spying on the group. They would have to be careful. Anna would have to contact number 2 and make sure she knew that there was trouble if she survived. No wonder a few contacts had gone missing. With the men getting closer she knew that her only hope was to race to her ship and get on it before they could catch her.

Throwing an empty trash can at the men she ran into the door of an abandoned house and through it to the street. Weaving from side to side she hoped to make herself a more difficult target. Her ship came into view and she pushed the button to open the hatch. Just a few more steps. A sudden heavy knock to her back sent her sprawling and she winced as she tried to pull herself off the ground. "No..." Whispering under her breath she drug herself a few more inches and got to her knees. She could hear them closing in and she grabbed the ladder. Pushing the button she let it pull her up and she wrapped her arms in the ropes in case she lost consciousness. Another bullet tore into her shoulder and one in the back of her leg.

It felt like forever before the ship landed and she lay inside of it with her face pressed to the cold metal floor. Even if she needed to contact number 2 and alert them she couldn't even muster the strength to untangle herself from the ropes. A gradual oozing from the wounds had soaked the floor around her and she blinked a few times and moved her fingers. Anything to stay awake for as long as possible.
 
"Another party? But this was supposed to be about us tonight. I made reservations!" Kato protested as Anna pulled away from the kiss. It didn't seem to matter. These parties meant a great deal to her for some reason, though he could never understand why. He paced that house as he waited for her to return. He held out a hand. "Will you marry me?" He asks, in a gruff voice then shakes his head and relaxes and drops to a knee. "Anna, will you marry me?" He stood and continued to pace, tapping the box in his pocket "Anna, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Would you make me the happiest man...no, no..." He groans and goes back to pacing. He was stressing out just sitting here so he changed into his best suit, grabbed his coat and hurried out into the town.

Anna usually arrived around 8 or 9 so he had 3 hours before she landed. Plenty of time to prepare his plan. In his arms a large box with another box on top. Kato had it all planned out in his head and he grinned like a boy as he rushed to the hanger. He paused he entered the hanger. The ship was here. She never arrived this early. Maybe she'd changed her mind and come back early? He sets the top box down and opens the 2nd, proceeding with his plan as quickly as possible. Maybe he could prep the area before she came out.

Kato starts at the base of the ship where the ramp would drop and starts dumping blue flower petals on the ground, making a pathway from the ship to where he would be standing. He grabs the second box and starts lining the walkway with candles, then lights them hurriedly. He kicks the boxes to the side and drops to his knee at the end of the pathway, the ring ready in his hand. Five minutes went by, then 10. He stands, getting concerned. Why hadn't she gotten out of the ship yet. Did he miss her and she wasn't even in there. Oh, that would be lame.

Kato put the ring back in his pocket and taps in the code to open the ramp. He immediately went pale as a stream of blood flowed down the ramp into the petals. "Oh my...ANNA!" He sprinted up the ramp nearly tripping over her as he reached the platform. He kneels beside her checking her pulse. "Oh my gods, gods, no. Anna! Can you hear me?" He lifts her up into his arms and rushes her to his clinic which was closer than the house.

Kato lay her on the table and started an I.V. of fluids and painkillers. By now she was unconscious and that was never a good sign. He stripped off the tactical gear and cut open her shirt, then went to work pulling the bullet carefully from her shoulder, then cleaning it and stitching it up. After that was done he moved to her back and then her leg, repeating the procedure. His implants searched for any other wounds or internal bleeding before bandaging the shoulder and leg. He got her into a medical gown and then sat by and waited with white knuckles.
 
Last edited:
Beep.....beep.......beep.......beep....blip.....beep. The sound seemed to drag on forever and Anna was finding herself increasingly annoyed by it. Then the little bit of aching had begun to seep into her consciousness. Groaning she moved one hand to brush through her hair. All she remembered was the men chasing her. They were after her! She had to get up. Instantly her eyes flew open and she winced as she tried to sit up in the bed. Her back was so sore and her shoulder almost screamed with pain. A little dizzy she laid back in the bed and looked at the face over her.

It was Kato. She had to be dreaming. He was at home waiting for her. Slowly the memory returned of her making it to the ship. Everything was blurred in her memory. Still he couldn't know. This was too dangerous. "Hey I think I got mugged."

For being drugged up she thought she was doing a good job. Never mind the tactical gear that she'd had on. Drifting off to sleep again the soft smile was replaced with a frown that stayed in place for quite some time. Anna woke again later and she noticed that Kato was looking especially worried. "What is it?"

"What is it?" Kato scoffs. He was relieved to see her awake...but that didn't change that she'd nearly died...and it wasn't cause she'd been going to a party. "Only three bullets and the combat gear glued to your body from the blood you lost." Kato rubbed his tired eyes and stared at her like she'd betrayed him. "What happened...Anna? Why were you in gear like that? Where were you that you'd get shot by armor-piercing rounds?"

Lifting her one hand to her mouth she got a shocked expression. "You didn't believe my mugging story?" Blinking stupidly a few times she frowned again and then whispered. "Shhhhhh...We need to get home. No records." Despite the drugs and the slightly dramatic expressions she still knew what needed to be done.

He was irritated by how callously she was treating this situation and his concern. "Fine. I'll take you home. Tomorrow...after I make sure no infection has set in or any other complications. And then...we will talk."

Anna pouted slightly when he said they had to wait till tomorrow. "Why don't you take me home now? Don't you like me anymore?" Combing her free hand through her blonde hair she tried to pucker her lips only she couldn't remember how and crossed her eyes in the attempts to see what she was doing.

He stood and left the room, closing the door behind him. Once there he nearly broke down. He knew she was high on drugs which was why she was acting that way, but...those bullet wounds...the tactical gear. Had she been living a double life all this time and never told him? Kato's hand clutched the ring box tightly as his head rested against the door. Anna...what have you gotten yourself into.

The next morning Anna almost beamed when Kato walked into the room. "I knew you'd come back for me." She couldn't help but smile at him. "My handsome doctor is gonna take me home today." Lulling her head to the side she tried to see what he was doing till he touched the dressing near her back. Whimpering a little she let him clean it and change the dressing before moving to her leg. By the time he was done she blinked her big brown eyes at him sadly. A few tears had rolled down her face and she wiped them away.
 
Kato knew she was trying to manipulate him with those eyes blinking. The tears may have been real from the pain but she was trying to distract him from whatever truth he was on the verge of discovering...and that just made him more frustrated. He was careful as he rolled the bed to a medical transport van and slid her inside, strapping her and bed down so that it was all secure then he drove her home.
********************************************************************************
He spent the next several days just making sure no infection was setting in or pneumonia from the bruised ribs. She kept trying to flirt but he wasn't in the mood and his solemn expression made that abundantly clear. Finally she looked healed enough to lower the pain dosage to much lower level, which he did then waited until she was awake and lucid before attempting another conversation. "Anna...Why were you in combat gear and where were you that caused you to get shot by armor-piercing rounds?"
Anna bit her lower lip and frowned a little. "It's so dangerous to tell you Kato." Her brow furrowed and she stared at him for a long moment. "I suppose after this you'd have to know anyway. Ever since I played the part to get Star out I've had to maintain that image to keep from suspicion. A contact met me one day and I...Well I wanted to do something about slaves on a larger scale. We've got trouble. Someone is working on the inside and I found out before I met with them. Barely made it out."
"You're already a noble..why would you have to play up an image? There's got to be more too this than you just getting information as a noble. People don't get shot like that over a little information." He leaned back in this chair and crossed his arms. "You better tell me everything...from the beginning. I'll know if you're lying." He nods to the heart monitor.
"I can't lie." If there was one thing she was very good at it was the games though she didn't want to play them with Kato. "Watch that monitor all you want. It won't change. Well it might if I move." It still hurt to even think about the injuries. "I play an image to help with an underground movement. We don't have names, just numbers. With some off planet help we're in the middle of an operation to save another group of slaves." Folding her one arm under the injured one she stared back at him. "My group has a mole and I found out before he killed me."

"Wait..." He shook his head. "You're telling me...you're part of a secret underground railroad...have been for over a year...and you never said anything to me!?" There was no anger on his face, just that crushing look of one who'd been betrayed. How could she keep something like this from him!? All their time together...he'd never kept any secrets. And now he was finding out she'd lived a double life all this time...an extremely dangerous one at that.
"Yes." Anna nodded her head solemnly. "Please Kato don't be upset." Leaning as best she could she winced and grabbed onto his knee with her one hand. "I wanted to tell you, but the work is so dangerous. There wasn't anyway to tell you without risking your life. If anyone knew that you were part of this they might have snatched you out of the clinic pretending to be a patient. It is so easy for them to kill a doctor."
"Yes." Anna nodded her head solemnly. "Please Kato don't be upset." Leaning as best she could she winced and grabbed onto his knee with her one hand. "I wanted to tell you, but the work is so dangerous. There wasn't anyway to tell you without risking your life. If anyone knew that you were part of this they might have snatched you out of the clinic pretending to be a patient. It is so easy for them to kill a doctor."
Kato stood suddenly putting his back to her and running his hand through his hair. "Dangerous or not...this isn't the sort of thing you keep from someone you're committed too. I could've helped. I could have been there to watch you back. So many times I wonder why you never invited me to your parties and now I know that you were off on dangerous missions. Ones you could've very well never have returned from. And I...I would've been left wondering what happened to you. How could you lie so easily to my face all this time? We...we sleep in the same bed! And you were lying to face all that time!"
"You can't even sneak up on a half deaf cat. This isn't the kind of work that I would take you to." Anna struggled to sit up in the bed. "Please." Still stretching her hand out to him she nearly begged. "I love you. It hurt to hide this from you and I had to. Forgive me, but I had to do something." Straining she managed to brush his back with her hand. "Don't leave."
"I need...I need some air." Kato hurried out, unable to look at her. The woman he'd fallen in love with. The woman he'd nearly married.

Shakily pushing herself back into the bed that she'd nearly drug herself from she covered her mouth and sobbed quietly into it. "Oh Kato...." Tear streamed openly down her cheeks and she didn't even bother to wipe them away. "So afraid that they would find you..." Nearly whispering the words she buried her face in the pillow. "Nothing......." Heaving another great sob she ignored the pain that had started in her shoulder and back again. Every spy had their breaking point and he was hers.
Kato returned a few hours later to bring her food and check on her wounds but he didn't say anything. He just wanted to make sure she was alright and leave again. He couldn't even look at her face right now.
It was obvious by the look on Kato's face that he didn't want anything to do with her for right now. Anna couldn't help, but feel that her heart was breaking. Before he could leave she placed a cool little hand on his. "Please forgive me."
He stares at the hand. The hand that had so often stroked his cheek and teased him. The hand that had waved goodbye sealing her current lie. "I'll forgive you...eventually. But trust...I'm not sure I ever can again." His voice low with grief and he turned away from her yet again.
Withdrawing her hand she nodded. For now forgiveness was all that she could ask for. Trust she would have to earn. "You will trust me again someday. Kato, I know I can't walk. My legs have had no feeling for days." It was the one thing that had stopped aching a long time ago. "Where will I go without you?" A sad smile came to her face.
He paused at that. "The paralysis...could be temporary." He says, though he knew it probably wasn't. How could he remain with the woman he'd been about ready to marry. It was too painful too even look at her.
"If it isn't?" Anna pulled herself up by her one arm. She hated that he wouldn't even look at her. "I know it was wrong. Do you know how frightening it is to consider what might have happened if they caught you? I would have betrayed anyone to get you back. They would have used us against one another. Can't you understand?"
"That should've at least been a choice we made together." Kato swiped at a tear rolling down his cheek. "You were always good at playing the game, Anna. I just never knew you were playing it on me too. I wonder...how much of our relationship too is just you playing up the game...keeping up appearances." It was unfair, and cruel to say. But it was how he felt and deep down he feared it was true. He wondered if she even knew the difference anymore. Kato pulled open the door. "I'll check on you in a few hours. You can use the button if you need something."

Blinking back tears she shook her head. "Noo no no no...Kato." He was already leaving and she couldn't say anything to change his mind for now. "I made you my reality. You're what I wanted for years before this. On board that stupid ship and I tried to take care of you and all you wanted was that other woman cause you couldn't have her."
Kato took a deep breath. "Yes. And then you captured me like she never could. I trusted you...with everything. I never held back single portion of my life. Good, bad or ugly. I've always been honest with you. How could you even consider continuing the game without saying something to me? I...I can grasp the reason behind you lying...once you got into deep...but why did you never say anything in the beginning? Do you still see me as so frail, so weak that I couldn't handle this? That I couldn't protect you?"
Still doing her best to hold back the tears she shook her head. "No. I was afraid. Kato there are hundreds maybe thousands that could die if I failed and I didn't want anyone to think that you would be that link. Think of Claire, Timo, all the others from that ship. They would die if I had ever broke. I thought to myself that it would be a far heavier burden to betray them and the slaves than it would be to lie to you. So lied and it hurt to know that you trusted me implicitly every day that I went to a real party to spy on the nobles or anytime that I went to a party to deliver information to a contact."
It made sense. It made all the sense in the world. The lies were easily justified. The 2nd life, (not even a bad one...a good one..) could even be considered noble. But it didn't change that he'd thought he knew her...and now he didn't. "You did...you did what you thought was right..." Kato sighed deeply, his heartbreaking. "I just...uh, I just don't know you like I thought I did." He still loved her...so much so it was tearing his heart apart. "I wish I could just let it all go and trust you again. But I can't....I can't be with someone I don't know...I can't trust. I uh...I'll still be your doctor...for the time being since I don't trust anyone to take care of you as I would...but for now, I can't be your boyfriend."
Anna reached for his hand. "Then marry me. You have an entire life ahead of us to get to know me. I would give anything for that chance. I would give up this second life...." A slight smirk came to her face. "Part of it anyway. You could come with me to the real parties and I won't do anymore of the other kind."
He looked over his shoulder with a bitter, betrayed look. "I was going to..." He whispered. He rushed from the room. How could she suggest such a thing as if everything was alright. How could he marry a person he didn't trust, a woman he didn't know. I was going to...I was going to give you my whole life. But you've never given me but half of yours and whole lot of lies.
"Oh my lord." Sighing she laid back in the bed and reached for her pad. Anna couldn't help the tears that had begun to run down her face again. Never had she thought that she would cry so much in a few days. Sending the message to number 2 of the betrayal from number 53 and one other she decided to make a call to Star. Maybe she would know what to do.

Star grumbled as her datapad beeped on her bedside table. She lifted it up, surprised to see that Anna was calling. She looked over her shoulder at Killian who was still sleeping and slid out of bed, wandering to the kitchen and sitting down with a yawn. "Hey, Anna...what's up?" She rubbed her eyes.
Just hearing a familiar voice had her already wanting to cry. "I broke his heart." Blubbering at the pad Anna continued. "I might as well have made a bomb, packed it in his heart, lit the fuse and watch it blow him to bits." Wiping her eyes she busted out crying again. "And I can't walk anymore."
Star blinked. "Wait? What?" She was going to need coffee for this. She stood and walked over to the coffee maker strapping the cellphone sized pad to her arm so she could make the much needed brew. "Ok, take a breath. Speak slowly. Start from the beginning. What happened?"
Having to repeat it all made Anna only cry harder. "I broke his heart. He was gonna propose."
"Kato? Are you sure? Maybe its a misunderstanding? What happened?" Star asked, still confused. It didn't seem possible that Anna could do anything to cause Kato to not propose if he was going to. He was absolutely head over heels for her.
"He found out." Sniffing a little she tried to contain the sobs though she still half blubbered at Star. "No mistakes. I need to get out of the house for a few days. Can I come there?"
"Yeah, um. Sure. But...that's a three week journey. And you just said you can't walk..." Star scratches her head. "Maybe you should stay and work things out with him. I know he loves you like crazy. Even if it doesn't seem like it right now...he's not the type to hold a grudge against you. He, he probably just needs a few days to sort things out and calm down.
Anna burst into tears all over again. "I don't think a few days will fix it." After she'd had a couple of quiet minutes she managed a very slight sniffle. "How are you and the family?"
"We're uh...ok. Me and Killian have had a really rough patch the last few months or so...but, we're working through it. Heck, if we can...you can." Star grabs the coffee and takes a sip. "Listen Anna, I don't know what happened. Far as I can tell, it sounds like you broke his trust somehow in big way. Some sort of secret that he found out about, right? Well, right now...he's feeling betrayed and hurt...obviously. You just gotta show him that you haven't been keeping other secrets or lying about other things...so if there's more to whatever secret he just found, I recommend revealing everything about it if possible. The more you share the more he'll be inclined so slowly start trusting you again. It's taken Killian and me over a month to get back to where we were...but if loves you...which I know he does...he's going to want reconciliation as much as you do."

Anna felt a little low after she had called Star to cry at her and discovered that the other woman had recently had a very rough patch. She could pretty well imagine that with Killian and yet it seemed that those two weathered almost everything together. "Ok I'll try." Dabbing at her eye she laid the pad down on her legs. "Maybe we can make a trip out there together or something." She needed some kind of excuse not to be here and she would need some story as to why she couldn't walk when callers came. It had the potential to become very dangerous if anyone visited and she was in this condition.
"Well, you haven't seen Claire in forever. And you've never had a chance to get to see our colony and work me and Killian have been doing. Timo has been helping us rescue lots of people from colonies that the Nobles have been attacking, and me and Killian are planning on making a hit on the arena soon, so you may want to hurry up and visit before that chaos ensues."
It felt like a ton of bricks hit Anna. They were the group! "Don't wait. You have to do it now!" Almost yelling at the pad she sat up in the bed. "Please do it before the date. They're already preparing for the hit. Someone found out and they'll kill you."
"What? Anna, what are you talking about? Who is they?"
"There's a mole somewhere and the nobles know about your extra soldiers at the dump. It's a trap." Anna struggled as best she could with the one useful arm she had right now. "They know about your plan and it has to be done now before they have time to react."
Star's eyes widened. "How do you know about the dump!?"
"Don't ask why. Now is not the time. You get Killian going. I will get Kato there with the ship. We should if we go top speed arrive in 12 days and that should be only 2-3 days at the max after the operation. You can't wait more than 5 days from now to do it." Anna had managed to pull herself to the edge of the bed. "You hear me? You can't wait any longer than that."
"Ok. Yeah, I hear you." Star looked a little panic. "I'll contact you as soon as we're on route. Good luck with, Kato."
"Its not luck anymore."

Hanging up on Star she pulled at the button and tapped it a few times. Of course he wasn't going to run fast enough for her lack of patience so she squirmed out of the bed and onto the floor. "Kato we need to move now!"
Kato burst into the room. "Anna! What are you doing!?" He rushes to her side to lift her up. "You'll tear your stitches!"
Grasping his arm she met his gaze. "We have to go. They have to make the run early to get the slaves. I found out it's Star and Killian. They're the ones and they will be making the run short handed we have to be there when they get back to the planet."
"What run? You're not making any sense. You need to rest before you hurt yourself more." He lifted her up.
"No!" Anna fought against him as much as she could even managing to shift her legs a little. "They're the ones rescuing the slaves and then they're gonna destroy the arena. The nobles heard about it from a mole the night I was shot. We need to go now!" She didn't care if it looked like an adult sized fit.
"Stop struggling, you'll make me drop you." Kato grunts. He did drop her, thankfully it was merely a few inches to the bed. "Anna you're in no condition to be going anywhere or moving. Its a three week journey to their planet. How is us going there going to help?"
Wincing when she hit the bed she still fought to sit up again. "They will need all the doctors they can get and I can still access the internal workings of the group so I know what's going on." Gripping Kato's arm harder than she ever had before she stared him in the eyes. "This is me and this is what I will do for the ones I care about. You can be part of this or sit it out."
He stares at her a long moment, wondering how it was possible for a woman who'd broken his heart so deeply, to still have such a tight hold upon it. "Alright. I'll pack for both of us and get us to the ship. Just...sit still before you tear your stitches and I have to redo them."
 
Anna could barely hold still as she waited for Kato to pack. She couldn't see most of what he was doing from her place and her back was beginning to hurt extraordinarily bad. Holding her breath off and on she did her best to see to it that she didn't cry in front of him. Finally he had a bag packed with some of her clothes and she beckoned for him to put it on the bed so she could peer inside of it. "What happened to my yellow skirt?" That went everywhere with her and she dug around with her one hand. "Oh it won't matter if the clothes are wrinkled or not. I have a few little perks in the machine. All those activities have.....Oh nevermind. I know where the yellow skirt is. In the closet on the ship. We better get going now."

Biting her lower lip she winced when Kato moved her to the wheel chair. It hurt, almost every single bump until they reached the ship. That was a different kind of pain. Silent tears rand down her face when she saw the dried crumpled flower petals that had been stained with blood. She was so scared that night and did everything she could to get back to him and he was waiting for her. "You were going to propose that night?" Looking up at him with her teary eyes she lowered her head again and buried her tears and eyes into the one hand.

*************************************************************************

"Change of plans we're moving now." Killian hadn't really got much of a chance to get an immunity to the gas so he wasn't going to be the pilot of his ship. Grabbing Timo by the shoulders he looked him in the eyes. "I need you for this. There isn't time left. We got news that there is a mole and we need to make the move now. You'll have to be the pilot and we'll be flying straight from there to bomb the arena."

The young lad looked a little scared but he nodded. "Ok. I can do it."

An approving growl sounded deep in Killian's throat. "That's how you change the world." It would only give them a short time in which to pick up the men from the dump and then immediately take to the arena. Potentially it could be suicide depending on the shape the Chippequoti would be in when they rescued them.

"Heh, in this case....many worlds." Timo chuckled weakily. "I'll get the crew ready. Am I carrying anyone else to the dump?"

Killian shook his head. "We can only make on pass at the dump if it fails we leave them there."

"Why only one pass?" Timo questioned

"Because it might be rigged with traps." Killian stared him in the eyes. "Do you understand? This is the only chance you get and if you get it wrong its not only you that dies. A lot more people. There are times to be a hero and times to do the math."

Timo paled a little and swallowed hard. "Ok. Anything else?"

"You drop myself and the other Chippequoti on the ground to get out as many of the men from the games as possible. Then you land and if we're not out when Star gives you the word you leave us." Killian held the boy's gaze. "I know what the time is and so will the others. Not one minute longer."

"What if...what if you get stuck. Star would never forgive me if I left you behind." Timo stammers.

"Forget about forgiveness. If you stay we would all die and then she wouldn't have you either." The boy was still soft and it scared Killian in some ways. "You have to grow up and stop thinking with your feelings. Its not about how you feel or she feels. This is a war and people might die."

I know that..." Timo's eyes narrowed. "but if we let our friends die then how are we any better than the nobles we're fighting against?"

Putting a firm hand on the boy's shoulder he looked down into his eyes. "Motive. Its what they ask about when a murder occurs. We had a reason when we went into war. If you have the right motive then whatever you do even if you leave some of us behind will be justified. How do you think we learn to live with ourselves?"

Timo didn't think it could ever be as simple as that in his mind...but he nods anyway. "Guess we'd best be going then."

Nervously Killian watched the boy. He still had too much of a bleeding heart for this kind of work. That boy thought too much with his feelings and Killian prayed that it wouldn't get them killed. Walking into the house he looked at Star though it was difficult to do so knowing that he was probably walking into traps that were currently in the making. If they were going to make the move it had to be now. She was staying here this time and couldn't help thinking it was better just as she had suggested. With their own house she could stay by herself and he was still nervous about leaving her behind. Pulling her a little closer to himself he kissed her. "How about I bring back some real chocolate for you? Make sure you send a reminder in case I get too crazy with everything else and please keep an eye on the ships with the pad. You know I don't trust Timo. He's a good boy, but he doesn't think with his head."

*************************************************************************************

Killian stared at the planet from his place on board the ship. Momentarily he closed his eyes and had to think. Get the guards cleared out and get into the mines to find the different cells. "Alright I'm ready for the drop. Send the message to Star. She needs to know as soon as I hit the ground so you know when to start giving me the countdown."

Raising the gun he peered through the scope and shot the first man then as the second appeared he shot that one. A few more of the men dropped out of the ships that landed behind Timo's. Spreading out they advanced slowly in a reverse v position. At the head of the tunnel there was a stench that was almost unbelievable. Though not entirely unfamiliar. At first Killian couldn't place the memory and then it struck. It was the smell of death. Picking his pace up a little faster he noticed that most of the people in the first several cells were dead, rotting and some cells had mounds of bodies. "They're dead." Muttering into the mouthpiece he almost blindly continued through the tunnels till he came to an odd door and he pushed it open.

Inside there were more than the 50 Chippequoti that had been estimated. "Get ready we have at least 150 here." Everything about the operation was muddled. "Timo we got 150 live after we get past the bodies. Tell the others to get ready to take on passengers." This meant they wouldn't have enough room for those at the dumps and he didn't know what they would begin to do about that.

Opening the first cage he pulled the blindfold off the Chippeqouti and untied their hands. "Help the rest and then line up at the door." Moving through the cages he motioned for a few of the others to start helping.

At the edge of the cavern he could see that they would have problems loading onto the ships before the toxic rays hit the planet. There was no way he could gas all 150 of them and get them loaded into the ships. "Timo we got to take them on as they are. No time for extra procedures."
 
Star was watching and listening intently to everything being said and done. She had 21 data pads set up in a makeshift monitoring station. Each datapad had a stickynote on it telling her which one belonged to which ship and a map before her told her where they should be and what they should be doing and at what time. It was alot for one person to managed but Killian had memorized the whole thing already and was doing the majority of the work. However, when he got knocked out for that 3 hour window, it would be up to her.

She listened closely as Killian radioed Timo's ship. "That many!?" Her eyes widened. They weren't prepared for that many chippequoti. And taking them on without gassing them...that was horribly risky. Star knew Timo was probably terrified about taking that many chips aboard his ship especially without any safety measures. She radio's him. "Listen to Killian, Kid. He's got your back. Open your ship and turn off the gas. Everything is going to be ok."
Timo didn't respond but she knew he'd listen to her. It wasn't long before Chip's began filing past the camera's in most of the ships. "Ships 1, 2 and 3 are full and are taking off. Ships 3, 4, and 5, proceed with docking. Remember to turn off the gas and get as many chips in as you can."

Star continued to monitor the ships and direct them. "How's it looking on your end, Killian?" She asks after giving him an update on the ships on her end.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top